


Definitely Maybe

by LZSHIP



Category: One Direction, Zquad
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Bisexual, Bullying, Clubbing, Depression, Disneyland, Drinking, Drugs, Family Issues, Fluff, Gay, Hate to Love, Help, London, Los Angeles, M/M, Model Harry, Model Liam, Model Zayn, Money, New York, PA Louis, PA Niall, Pain, Paris - Freeform, Sassy Liam, Self Distructive Zayn, Smut, Success, Tattoos, Tears, Therapy, Trauma, Violence, Zoo, fashion industry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 86,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LZSHIP/pseuds/LZSHIP
Summary: The best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one.AU: Big-headed successful model Zayn Malik meets Liam Payne, who is the first person who doesn't put up with his shit and maybe that's good because Zayn isn't who he seems to be.Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLnCa4T5YY





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> General Trigger Warnings:
> 
> \- graphic descriptions/discussion of abuse/sexual abuse/rape  
> \- graphic descriptions/discussion of self-harming behavior such as self-inflicted injuries and disordered eating  
> \- discussion of eating-disordered behavior and body shaming  
> \- depictions of the mental state of someone suffering abuse  
> \- depiction or discussion of violence  
> \- mention of suicidal thoughts   
> \- mention of alcohol and drugs
> 
>  
> 
> Please note: Particular Trigger Warnings at the beginning of each chapter!

**ZAYN: Successful Male Model Or Outrageous Drunk Womanizer?!**

Article by: Emma Winter, The Daily Mail

 

Ever since Zayn Malik, who insists on only calling him ZAYN, joined the fashion modeling industry, he has gained immense success.

He is well-known for his heavily tattooed, well-sculptured body and literally flawless face. His charming smile and sexiness is the reason why he is adored by many and has made his name in the industry in the most fashionable way possible.

Discovered by no other than **Anna Wintour** herself, ZAYN is known for his luxury work with clients such as _Chanel, Fendi, Dolce & Gabbana, Michael Kors, Roberto Cavalli, DKNY_ and many more.

He has been featured in numerous major fashion campaigns including _Jil Sander_ and _Gucci_ and is currently starring in the most recent campaign for _Versace_.

As a regular face on the catwalk, ZAYN has walked for fashion brands, which range from _Yves Saint Laurent_ to _Burberry_.

The famous model has also appeared in editorials for magazines like _Interview_ and _Vogue._

But there is also another **dark** **side** to him, which showed yet again when he yesterday lashed out at an innocent father of two for no reason.

ZAYN has been spotted leaving one of the most exclusive nightclubs in Los Angeles, surrounded by several young women when it happened. Photographer Thomas Miller had taken several photos of ZAYN when he kindly asked for an autograph for his 15-year-old daughter, who happens to have a crush on the male model.

Instead of simply denying the request, the visibly drunk model insulted the photographer, called him names and flipped him the bird. He then wordlessly got into a car and left with four young women.

 

              

**We all ask ourselves, what’s coming next because you never know with this two-faced young man, ZAYN.**


	2. Mr. Perfect

“Zayn, he's handsome and you can’t deny that.” Niall said, pointing at the magazine in front of him.

"Niall, that's ridiculous! Why would they even allow someone like _him_ to be on the cover of the _GQ_? He’s literally a nobody." Zayn grumbled, rolling his eyes dramatically before adding "It's simply an evidence of incapacity. They could’ve asked me instead.”

“Oh, please! You’re not the only model on the planet, Zayn. And don’t you think it’s a huge chance for him?” Niall looked down, searching for the model's name “For Liam Payne."

“Niall, you know nothing. If you're modeling for a brand such as _Off White_ , you'll stay a nobody for the rest of your life. Not everyone is capable of being a _real_ model like _me_." Zayn countered, pushing a strand of his thick black hair behind his ear.

"You're so full of yourself, Zayn. Not everyone can be as lucky as you were!" Niall answered, sounding as composed as always.

Zayn knew exactly what his personal assistant was referring to. ”Are you talking about _Anna_ again? This story will never get old.”

"Yeah, that." Niall confirmed, consulting his watch as the perfect assistant he was. "Ten more minutes.”

“Whatever.” Zayn said, winking at Niall, who looked great, wearing a simple black _Armani_ suit. Zayn knew he looked _better_ though. The colorful _Versace_ one he was wearing for today’s meeting was stunning. He hadn't been exactly happy with his stylist’s choice at first because the suit looked horrible in the photos she’d shown him but when it had finally arrived, he knew immediately that he’d look great in it. Niall always claimed that Zayn was the only model who could literally wear a garbage bag and still look great and well, who was he to decline that? He knew he looked hot in everything he put on. Niall was right.

"Z, if I wasn't your friend, I'd probably kick your ass for being like that, but I love you." Niall mumbled, but Zayn didn’t really listen, being busy looking down at his perfectly manicured nails. He always forced himself to look as flawless as possible and, if truth be told, he didn't have to try too hard, being literally a perfect human being anyway.

He’d heard what Niall had said though. He always listened to him, contrary to what people thought. ”What for, Niall?” He couldn't control the left corner of his mouth, which slid up into a smirk.

"Your half-smile is disgusting." Niall replied and giggled while nudging him with his elbow.

"Oh shut up, Horan. You're just jealous." Zayn mocked, and they could have continued joking around for some time, but at that moment, someone interrupted them by opening the door.

"Gentlemen, what exactly are you waiting for? Mr. Jacobs is not exactly known for his patience. Please come in!” a blonde woman, wearing a gray costume and black _Louboutin_ high heels said. Zayn just shrugged, because he was just _so_ used to impatient people these days. Why couldn’t they just take a deep breath and chill for once? Nobody would kill _him_ for being late or something like that anyway.

He slowly got up and approached her, taking her hand to kiss the back of it. She blushed immediately but tried very hard to hide it. "Hello...?" Zayn mumbled, waiting for her to tell him her name so that he could greet her properly.

"S-Sarah" she stuttered, looking at the handsome model in front of her, and Niall just exhaled in a resigned sort of way, apparently knowing exactly what Zayn was about to do.

"Nice to meet you, Sarah. You’re beautiful. I love your shoes. _Louboutin_ , yes?" he asked. Women were just so easy to impress. He just had to smile and mention that he recognized a brand and that was it. Zayn was bored.

"Yeah! I actually just bought them a couple of days ago!" she answered happily and Zayn had to seriously pull himself together to not just yawn right into her face. Zayn was always shamelessly flirting with assistants or secretaries, but that didn’t mean he liked it. It was just a simple way of getting attention or making them relax for once.

"Have you quite finished? I think it's about time to go inside.” Niall interjected, pushing his way past them, rolling his eyes at Zayn. " _Marc Jacobs_ , in case you forgot, Z.”

* * *

 "Mhhm." Liam moaned, grabbing a handful of the man's hair who was kneeling in front of him, sucking him off. Liam's head banged against the bathroom stalls’ wall and he couldn't help but open his mouth wider, enjoying the feeling of the guy's lips wrapped tightly around his hard dick. "Fuck."

The brown-haired man suddenly pulled back, looking up at Liam through his lashes. "You should try to stay quiet, _Leon_.” he said, quickly adding "Since we're in the bathroom.”

"First of all, my name is Liam and second I want you to stop talking and finish what you’ve started. Thank you very much." Liam replied, grabbing the guy’s hair hinting at him that he was waiting. The guy hesitated for a second and Liam had already had enough. "Oh my god, you know what? Back the fuck off. I'll do it myself. I'll never come like that. What in the name of god are you even doing?! I didn’t say anything because I thought it’d get better but seriously, even my friend could blow me better and he's never had a dick inside his mouth in his entire life. Get out of my sight."

Liam pushed the stranger away and was glad when he left without making a scene or something like that.

Liam was sexually frustrated and he couldn't believe that he was doing such things by now. Why on earth couldn’t he find someone to fuck?! Not that he'd fuck any random guy, but a blowjob here and there would be nice.

* * *

 "No, I'm not okay with it." Zayn simply said, walking outside without even saying goodbye. Niall followed him and closed the door. ”Who does he think he is?”

"W-what?" Niall stuttered, looking completely shocked. Why did he have to be like that? Why?!

"Who does he even think that he is?” Zayn repeated himself angrily. “Just because his name is _Marc Jacobs_ doesn't mean he can treat me like that. I'd never leave _Versace_ for something like that. Why should I? Donatella loves me. Ridiculous.” 

"I can't believe you declined, Z. I don't even know what your problem is!" Niall exclaimed, still gaping at Zayn

“You don’t know?!? Are you being serious right now? Did you even listen?! Do I look like a random model to you? Do you think I want to do this? This offer was outrageous." Zayn tried to explain, but when he noticed that Niall was on his phone he knew what was coming next.

"You need to accept new offers, Zayn! You need to and you know exactly why, for god's sake!" Niall protested, but Zayn only huffed. He didn’t have to do anything!

"I do not!" he shouted, crossing his arms.

"You do. And I swear to god, if you decline the last thing I have in line for you, I'll kill you. You can't reject the last one. You can't and you won't, or I'll call Anna Wintour myself and tell her what her favorite protégé is doing at the moment." Niall threatened but Zayn just pursed his lips, got up and ditched Niall.

* * *

Debbie, I'm getting bored.” Liam announced, throwing his shoes carelessly into the room. "And those shoes are ugly as fuck. Where are mine?”

"You're unbelievable. Put these back on! They want you to wear them since they match the outfit!" Debbie urged, sounding as serious as always.

“Nope." Liam replied, emphasizing the ‘p'.

"Young man, you know perfectly well that you'll get in trouble with me if you don't!" she said laughing when she picked up his shoes. "Put them on.”

"Fine!" Liam gave in but she simply rolled her eyes. “Oh, Debs, I am so sorry. Do you still love me?”

"No." Debbie answered but Liam knew she was only joking.

"I love you too. You're my favorite!” Liam answered, smiling at her.

She just shrugged it off, laughing. "Are you ready to show them how _hot_ you are?”

"What?" he wanted to know because he hadn’t listened. Oops? She grabbed a brush and threw it at him to get his attention.

"Focus! Mr. Brown doesn’t accept that kind of behavior! Not even when it comes to you, Liam! So would you please get ready now? Andrea still has to do your hair! Poor girl.”

"Oh, well I actually think my hair looks quite good like this. I refuse." Liam announced but he knew Debbie was ignoring his comment when she just called Andrea, who arrived only two minutes later since she'd been waiting outside for Liam anyway.

"Hello, Liam." she said, winking at him. “Do you think you could sit still for once today?” Liam got the giggles, because everyone knew he wouldn’t.

"I hate getting my hair done, Andrea. Can't we just-" Liam wanted to negotiate, but two female voices shushed him in unison, telling him to shut up. "Fine, fine!”

An hour later Louis and Liam were standing in the middle of the hallway, arguing. ”I still hate you for that idea, Louis!” Maybe he should just kill his personal assistant. He couldn't believe Louis had accepted this! It's not like Louis would ever make wrong decisions for him, but still! He didn't want to be part of a _Balmain_ campaign, because he hated those stupid brands. He just despised them, even though he had to deal with them all of the time. If he had it his way, he'd only model for brands like _Adidas and Nike_ , but whenever he told Louis, his friend just tapped his forehead at him.

Hell, he'd rather model for _H &M_ if that meant he didn't have to model for _Balmain_! “No, Louis! Come on! You’re joking, aren’t you?” Liam didn't like people who insisted on wearing expensive clothes when it was possible to literally buy the same shirt for not even half of the price. Liam wasn't poor, not at all, he was actually quite wealthy, but as a matter of principle, he'd rather wear _H &M _than _Gucci_!

"Oh, you poor boy! I'll pity you later. Now pull yourself together and stop whining. You'll love it, believe me!" Louis said cheerfully, and something about his smug smile made Liam raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Why would I ever like this, Tommo?" Liam wanted to know, pursing his lips in an annoyed expression. “I fucking hate these type of brands.”

“You’ll be shooting with a, I quote, _smoking hot guy_.’” Louis stated, crossing his arms, obviously being totally smug about his announcement.

"Oh?" Liam mumbled with eyes wide open. "Who is it, then?”

“Zayn." Louis declared proudly, but Liam’s jaw just dropped, not believing what he'd just heard.

"This better be a fucking joke, Tomlinson!" Liam exclaimed, horrified. Louis couldn't have said Zayn. Misunderstanding. Definitely. 100%.

"No? He's shooting for this campaign, too." Louis answered with a confused look on his face, fixing his tie nervously.

"He's not...he can't be." Liam murmured, but, of course, Louis couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

"There are actually three shootings for the new fashion collection, including leather jackets, way too tight jeans, some coats and the ugliest sweater I've ever seen in my entire life, but I didn't say that. The last shooting will be for a new campaign I thought you would know about by now, Liam! It’s the first shooting with two men for some of the most famous fashion brands! You'll be on a lot of covers. Oh my god, I forgot about the shoes! It's part of your-" Louis explained, but Liam just wanted to run away. 

He definitely would never in a million years, be part of a photoshoot with Zayn fucking Malik. ”No." Liam simply said, grabbing his backpack, preparing to leave the huge building again. He was fuming with anger just at the thought of shooting for fucking _Balmain_ with fucking Zayn. No, just no. There was no way he'd ever do that.

"What do you mean, no?" Louis asked, running after Liam, who was clenching his fists as he hurried to get away. "Stop! Just stay put! I swear to god, I'll carry you back inside myself if you don't stop walking!”

Liam stopped and turned around immediately. “Louis, seriously. Are you fucking kidding me? I heard he's a horrible person! He’s supposed to be arrogant, egoistic, too perfect for his own good and to cap it all, a homophobic piece of shit. I won't put up with that, Louis!"

“I’m almost sure you’ve never even met him, haven’t you?” Louis wanted to know and Liam wanted to throw something right into his face.

"Of course I know who he is!" Liam yelled, and Louis only furrowed his brow. It took Louis a maximum of about 30 seconds of waiting until Liam gave in. “Yes, you’re right! That wasn’t even the answer and no, I’ve never met him.”

"I can't deny that he indeed is full of himself but I heard he can be nice as well. Niall would never lie to me." Louis replied, smiling at his friend Liam.

"And who's this Niall guy now?” Liam wanted to know.

"A friend of mine, Liam. We met each other in college. Been a while since I've last met him, but we keep in touch via phone and e-mail. He’s Zayn’s PA and best friend.” Louis countered, much to Liam’s surprise.

"Does that mean you _know_ Zayn?” Liam wanted to know, and Louis nodded without hesitation, telling him that he had met Zayn a couple of times in the past. "I swear to god I will kill him if he turns out to be the diva I think he is!" Liam told Louis, who couldn't help but chuckle.

”I'm sure you will. So can we go inside now? You have to be there in about- " Louis said, checking the time "You actually should've been in there two minutes ago. Hurry up! I hate being late and you should too!”

"Oh, it's not like I need to be on time beca-" Liam started to say, but his voice stopped working abruptly as he caught sight of a rather slim man walking into the meeting room. He couldn't see his face, only his back and the grayish dyed hair. Liam hated that trend! Gray hair. Most men looked so fucking hot when they dyed their hair like that. He had a thing for it, and he knew perfectly well that it wasn't healthy anymore.

"Earth to Liam?" Louis said, snapping his fingers in front of his friend’s face, who was staring in the direction of the meeting room.

"Fuck, sorry. I was daydreaming!" Liam said, trying not to give away what he'd just been thinking about. He definitely was sexually frustrated. "Let's meet that Zayn guy now. Come on, slowpoke!"

Liam smirked, knowing Louis desperately wanted to comment on it but, as usual, he was too professional to let it slip. Sometimes Liam just wanted to tackle him to the floor and beat the professional out of his assistant, since Louis was also his best friend. Why couldn’t he be both at the same time!? He wanted him to blurt stupid thoughts out, but no, Louis tried to stay quiet whenever they were working.

"I figured. Ready for the stress and _Mr. Perfect_?" Louis asked, and Liam rolled his eyes, not believing Louis had just called Zayn that. How flawless could one human being even be? “Don’t look like that! Are you nervous?” Liam nodded, biting his lip. “I’ll tell you about my plans for the weekend!” Liam definitely didn’t like what Louis had just said, but, being the good friend he was, he listened nevertheless. Why did Louis have to have plans? Fuck.

Liam hated when Louis was busy on the weekends since it always meant Liam would be bored beyond all reckoning. He'd stay in bed for the entire weekend and watch some stupid tv-shows he didn’t even care about in the first place, just trying to waste some time until it was finally Monday again.

Sometimes, he wished there was someone he could spend his time with because truth to be told, Liam didn't exactly have many friends because of _certain_ circumstances. In fact, Louis was Liam’s only friend. If it was for Liam to decide, he'd probably glue Louis to his side just so that he would be surrounded by him all the time.

Liam hated being alone, but by now he was used to it, which was kind of sad. He didn’t speak to his mom or sisters anymore, because one day they’d just disappeared without telling anyone. His mother had left a stupid letter, telling him that his dad would from now on take care of him, but that was about it. The worst part, however, was that his father died out of the blue only a few years later, leaving nothing but chaos, that had turned everything topsy-turvy ever since, behind.

Sometimes, when Liam couldn’t take being alone anymore, he visited his grandmother and grandfather. It had never taken longer than ten minutes for him to feel better when he was with them, not only because he adored his grandparents, but because of the special bond they shared ever since.

In secret, Liam had always hoped he'd someday find his other half, but after countless one-night-stands, he eventually had given up on it, which was probably quite stupid. He just didn't believe there would be someone out there waiting for him. The same thing applied to finding friends. Liam didn’t think that he’d ever be friends with anybody else than Louis again, cause people had hurt him like crazy in the past.

"Okay, Liam, please pull yourself together, alright? There'll be a lot of people you know, but also some men you've never seen before. It's important to convince them that you're the right guy for this campaign!” Louis briefed him shortly. Liam just nodded aimlessly, and Louis opened the door for him. They went inside. He immediately spotted some well-known faces: Jenna, Elise, Mary, and his favorite Chinese photographer, Lee. All of them had already worked with him and he was glad that they apparently were a part of this. When he looked around, he also spotted two blonde women who didn't look very amused.

Liam had an urge to go over there and ask them what their issue was, but he didn’t, because Louis would probably murder him if he messed this up. The woman on the left side obviously was as stiff as a poker, wearing a patterned _Gucci_ costume and fitting _Manolo Blahnik_ high heels. Liam also noticed the scarf around her neck and had to roll his eyes. She did not seriously pick a _Burberry_ scarf to match her outfit when she'd already overstepped the mark by holding a black _Michael Kors_ clutch bag. That simply didn't do! The bun completed the picture of her.

Yes, he knew everything about fashion, even if he hated pricey fashion brands! Maybe because he had to, but mostly because he simply was interested in the fashion business. However, she was about 45 years old and either a desperate old damsel or an ice-cold businesswoman. Liam hoped for the first option since he could twist those ladies around his little finger in seconds.

The other woman’s outfit was more to Liam’s liking. He preferred a subtle kind of dressing, but someone who was in style. The look on her face was rather vacant, but her outfit was on point. He couldn't help but notice that she'd combined everything like a pro. He definitely liked the white _Chanel_ dress, even if she could've probably bought a similar dress on _ASOS.com_ for a third of the price. Liam recognized the nude colored _Jimmy Choo_ prêt-à-porter pumps from the latest collection immediately, and when he noticed the _Miu Miu_ bag on the floor, he knew she'd be the one to talk to later.

That said, Liam suddenly got a little bit nervous, looking into the faces of the three men sitting next to the two ladies. They kind of looked intimidating for a second until Liam reminded himself who he was, and that he could literally do whatever the fuck he wanted, so he just shrugged it off, smiling.

One of them returned the smile and already seemed to like him but Liam knew he couldn't care less. He didn't want to be here, and he wasn't here to make friends! This was Louis' fucking fault.

"Sit down, Liam. What are you doing?" Louis whispered, grimacing at his friend, who had completely forgotten that he was literally standing in front of all of these people, just staring at them like an idiot. When Louis pulled out a chair for him, Liam just sat down, still trying to find Zayn, but there was no other model to be seen!

"Where the fuck is Zayn?" Liam whispered, but at that very moment, the door flew open.

"Welcome back, Zayn." the well dressed blonde woman said, and Liam’s head snapped around to look at the door.

"Thanks, love. Nice to see you here, Caroline." he said, and only then did Liam dare to look into his face. Well, fuck his life, this guy had to be the most attractive man Liam had ever seen. He couldn't help but check Zayn out. He had already seen his hair, which made Liam cringe, considering the fact that he'd imagined pulling on it while fucking the man’s brains out. Amazing. Fuck. 

But seeing them in combination with his face was too much. How could one person be so beautiful? Zayn’s brownish eyes were sparkling, and they stood out spectacularly against his heavily tattoed skin. His eyebrows were perfectly trimmed and his beard… Liam had to get it together, fuck. In comparison to that guy, he looked like a caveman! When Liam gazed at Zayn’s pink plump lips (that he could totally picture wrapped around his dick) in abstraction, Louis elbowed him, trying to bring him back down to earth, but Liam was literally glued to the spot, frozen and gaping at the model standing there. 

When Liam was done creepily imagining Zayn’s lips doing heaven knows what to his body, he noticed his jawline and decided that jumping off a cliff would be the best thing for him. He'd never seen a jawline like that, and he wanted to lick it, seriously. He wanted to...wow, he needed to stop being a fucking creep. Hell, what was he even thinking about?

His resolution to no longer check Zayn out didn't last any longer than five seconds, because Zayn had caught sight of Louis, who was sitting next to Liam, and smiled. Right. They’d met before.

Liam was sure he'd never seen teeth as perfect as Zayn’s. Liam knew he was fucked when, to top it all, he realized how fucking hot Zayn’s legs, which were encased in the tightest pair of black skinnies Liam had ever seen, were.

He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry when he noticed that Zayn was indeed wearing jeans from the women's section. Mr. Fucking Perfect. Why did Louis have to be right?! Continuing to stare, Liam almost missed it when a way too smooth voice said his name, a pair of beautiful brown eyes looking directly into his.

"Payne" he said, and it didn't sound delighted at all, more like bitter and kind of harsh. He definitely looked down at Liam, and Liam didn't like it.

"Malik" Liam answered, and he was sure that the whole experience of shooting for _Balmain_ with none other than him would definitely be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

“Just fucking Zayn.” the other man said and Liam realized that yes, this wouldn’t be fun at all.


	3. Puppy Face

"You're doing such an _amazing_ job, Zayn. Couldn't do it _any_ better!" Liam said, rolling his eyes as he watched Zayn posing in front of the camera, looking like a Greek god. He was wearing the _ugliest_ piece of fabric Liam had ever seen. He remembered how Louis had called it _the ugliest sweater he’d ever seen_ and damn his friend had been right. It wasn’t only ugly, but simply hideous!

The ugliest piece of fabric in the history of fashion. Liam wanted to vomit on top of it, seriously.

He’d never, not once in his life, seen a piece of clothing like _that._ He didn't even know how to describe it! It was truly a hideous piece of shit. Jesus Christ. He couldn’t even figure out what the designer’s inspiration could have been. Stripes? Okay. Black and white stripes? Good. Black and white stripes in combination with embroidered golden flowers? Bad idea! Black and white stripes in combination with embroidered golden flowers and metallic pink sequins? Horrible idea! Black and white stripes in combination with embroidered golden flowers, metallic pink sequins and random holes in the pullover as a fashion statement? The fucking worst.

What in the name of God had come over that designer? Liam couldn't decide if he wanted to scream, because he sure as hell couldn't stand looking at this dreadful _thing_ any longer, or if he simply should rip it right off Zayn and ask someone to just burn it. Zayn looked like mentioned greek god, but not even Greek gods would be able to pull something like _that_ off.

He was just glad Zayn didn't have to wear some matching pants because if that had been the case, Liam would have probably bought some bleach to make himself go blind.

"Are you talking to me?" Zayn asked, waving his hand in a disparaging kind of way, hinting at the photographer to stop taking photos of him. "I can't remember allowing you to talk to me."

"Ex-fucking-cuse me?" Liam shrieked, raising his eyebrows in the most bitchy way possible.

"Let's continue, _Jacques_." Zayn commanded, snapping his fingers. Not only did he sound very rude, but also made the poor black haired Frenchman, who was wearing a striped _Ralph Lauren_ shirt (hello cliché!) flinch. He nervously fiddled around with his camera trying to make the damn thing work again as fast as possible, but it didn’t work immediately. Jacques dropped a lens, apologized at least five times because he obviously didn’t want to possibly disgruntle Mr. Big-Headed again but Zayn just patronizingly arched his eyebrows.

"Don't you dare take a single photo of him, Jacques.” Liam interrupted them. Jacques froze immediately and helplessly stared at Liam. Liam felt horrible for talking to him like that so he decided to get him out of this tense situation as fast as possible. He gave him a warm-hearted smile. ”Why don’t you just take a short coffee-break and grab yourself a snack, yeah?”

The photographer gaped at him in disbelief but when Liam nodded to make it clear that he wasn’t just joking around, Jacques quickly left the room without looking back at a fuming Zayn.

"Who do you think you are?" Zayn snapped at Liam, crossing his arms like a pouty child.

"Your worst nightmare." Liam replied, returning that patronizing look on Zayn’s face. If Zayn thought acting like this would be okay, Liam would show him how it felt like. He wanted to be an asshole? Then Liam would treat him just the fucking same. Zayn flipped his hair in a dramatic way and stomped out of the studio. "What a diva.”

"I heard that." Mr. Arrogant yelled, apparently just waiting outside, right in front of the studio's door.

"You did? What a shame! I'm _so_ sorry." Liam countered, deciding to just join Zayn outside. Seeing Zayn casually leaning against the wall usually would’ve caused Liam's jaw to drop because he couldn’t deny that Zayn was hot, but given Zayn’s behavior, Liam would rather choke than drool over him. He'd never admit that he, Liam Payne, thought Zayn Malik was attractive. Never.

"Why am I even talking to you?" Zayn mumbled, apparently searching for his cell phone.

"You left it inside the fitting room, silly." Liam pointed out, earning an ignorant glare from the other man.

"Wow, we've got a clever one over here. Who are you? Mr. Smartypants?" Zayn replied, slowly sliding down the wall until he was comfortably sitting on the floor.

"You're an awful person." Liam stated, deciding to sit down across from Zayn because looking down at him like that didn’t feel right at all. Since Zayn didn’t say anything anymore, Liam once again realized how much he hated the hallway’s red walls. He couldn’t stand that shade of red, didn't like the golden stucco and especially hated the expensive looking dark brown wooden floor.

This hallway reminded him of rich people, who only chose what they chose because it screamed _I got money and you don’t!_ Liam couldn't stand them at all, even though some people claimed he was one of them, which he definitely _wasn't_. But whatever.

"Maybe, but I'm rich and pretty so it doesn't matter." Zayn answered, and Liam’s jaw actually dropped, because he’d never ever met a person who thought about themselves like _that_. He couldn't believe that _puppy face_ could genuinely mean it.

"That was supposed to be a joke, right?" Liam wanted to know, and Zayn furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Why would I crack some jokes right now? Why would I even try to be funny around you?" Zayn retorted before he started biting his lip.

"Fuck my life, you _did_ mean it." Liam murmured, trying not to sound way too shocked. Why would a person ever degrade themselves like that?! This really existed!? What a poor man.

Liam noticed once again that he was just _so_ different. He was surrounded by people who only cared about being rich and beautiful no matter what. Treating other people like shit? Accepted! Sell your own grandmother? Accepted! Getting treated like shit? Accepted. Yadda yadda.

Liam hated, that people thought he was just like them. So what if he looked good? What if he had some money? Liam would rather be broke and ugly but truly loved, seriously. "I'm truly sorry for you.”

"What are you even talking about?" Zayn asked, looking at the floor. "You make no sense, honey." They kept quiet for a few seconds until Zayn looked directly into Liam’s eyes, waiting for a response. Was this some kind of challenge? Zayn would surely come off second best if that was the case.

"About you, I guess. You're so full of yourself, it’s disgusting. And why’s that? Because you got the looks and the money? Oh, wait! Yes, that’s it! You _are_ quite pretty, but that doesn't even matter when you're _so ugly_ on the inside.” Liam couldn’t believe he’d just said that, but since all people were like that he could at least say it to someone’s face for once. “Hey, Zayn? You know what you can’t buy with all of your money?” Why couldn’t he stop!? “Happiness. You can’t buy happiness.” What was wrong with him!?

With a weird look on his face, Zayn wordlessly got up and disappeared. He returned seconds later, holding his iPhone to his ear, apparently waiting for someone to answer. Without even paying attention to Liam, he left the building.

* * *

"I won't do it." Zayn told Niall through the phone. “I won’t.”

"Oh yes, Z, you will!" Niall replied, sounding very annoyed. The thing was, Zayn understood. It wasn’t that hard to be part of a _Balmain_ campaign. Take some photos here and there, smile into the camera, look pretty…He knew he had to do this job but he couldn’t. Not this time.

"I can't fucking do this, Niall. Please.” Zayn repeated himself, noticing that he sounded as if he was begging. Ugh.

Niall apparently noticed immediately that something was wrong because Zayn tried his best to never sound that way. It had been ages since Niall had heard him like that and Zayn wanted it to stay that way. Why couldn’t he pull himself together!?

"Zayn, what's wrong? Why don't you want to do this?" Niall asked and Zayn knew he should have a good explanation for him. He just couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t.

"I don't like that Payne guy.” Zayn replied, well aware of the fact that Niall would probably tell him to fuck off within the next two seconds.

"Are you for real?” Niall shrieked. Then it got quiet. “Fuck off.” Zayn was a fortune teller.

“Yes!" Zayn mumbled, waiting for Niall to respond.

“Listen, Malik. I’m on my way to a café nearby where my friend Louis is waiting for me. I just stopped dead in my tracks considering to turn around and whoop your ass for that explanation but I’m not going to let you ruin this. I haven’t seen him in ages.” Zayn knew Niall would kill him later. “And I think I really don’t have to remind you, that I'm not only hanging out with a friend because Louis is also Liam’s assistant, which means business, bro. Now get your shit together and stop calling me over nonsense!” He hung up. Great. Why did nobody ever listen to him!?

* * *

"Where did he go?" Jacques asked Liam when he returned. Liam just shrugged, because he couldn't tell Jacques what had just happened even if he wanted to. He’d genuinely treated Zayn like shit and his guilty conscience was about to kill him.

"Don't know, dear Jacques." Liam replied, patting the Frenchman's shoulder. "He just disappeared. And I thought he was known for being a professional model. I can't see that.” That was clever. Sounded good, didn’t it?!

"Oh la la. La concurrence, eh?" Jacques said, giggling to himself, and Liam just smiled at him.

"Oui, oui." he mumbled, and it was the first time he ever regretted not being able to speak French. He’d refused to learn it simply because his father had literally forced him to do so. Instead of learning, he’d always spent his time drawing or watching TV but nobody had to know. It’s not like his father had ever asked him to prove that he could speak French. Nobody had truly cared. By now Liam could understand French due to his job but he just couldn’t reply. Understanding French was one thing, speaking French another. Fortunately, 95% of the time saying _Oui, oui_ , which simply meant _Yes, yes_ worked. Until now, nobody had ever really noticed that his speaking skills simply didn't exist. Thank fuck.

It was just that Liam _really_ liked Jacques and his family. He’d love to talk to them, would love to compliment Jacques' lovely wife Céline or talk to his daughter Giselle (yes, named after model Giselle Bündchen) but he couldn’t. They only spoke French.

"So, what now?" the photographer wanted to know. "I was supposed to take photos of Zayn, but he's gone!”

"Yeah...uh. I honestly don't know?" Liam mumbled, scratching his head. "Shall we take a break again? Up for it?" Jacques got the giggles.

"We shall, mister...uh...Liam." the black haired man said, obviously remembering that Liam wanted everyone to strictly call him by his first name only. Wow, he hadn’t realized he sounded just like Zayn, even though he’d asked people to only call him Liam for a different reason.

"I love how you say my name. I mean it just sounds…Sorry, that makes no sense." Liam stuttered, laughing at himself. “My name sounds amazing when you say it.” Jacques laughed. “Lia _m_ ”

"Mon dieu." The Frenchman cleared his throat just to repeat himself, this time in English. "Oh my god!"

"What? What is it?" Liam wanted to know, not understanding what had just happened.

"Why are you so nice to me? I mean you’re literally m-“ Jacques wanted to say, but couldn't finish his sentence, because a heavily breathing Zayn came running into the hallway.

"Sorry. Sorry, I completely lost track of time!" he panted. Liam made a face and suddenly both of them burst out laughing for no apparent reason.

"What's so funny? Is there something on my face?” Zayn wanted to know immediately.

“Yeah, Zayn. Your penis-shaped nose!" Liam replied, guffawing and high-fiving Jacques, who couldn't stop laughing no matter how hard he tried.

Zayn wasn’t amused at all which was just _so boring._ But before Liam could say anything else, Zayn apparently went with it and gave Liam a quick-witted answer. "Oh, now that can't be that bad, since you like dick, Liam.”

* * *

"Hello, Niall." Zayn welcomed a very well dressed Niall. He was wearing some super skinny light blue jeans, a dark gray shirt, and a black cardigan. Niall had totally laughed at Zayn when he had first told him about wearing jeans from the women section, but when Zayn had forced him to at least try them on for once, everything had changed within days. While Zayn had stopped wearing them, Niall didn’t wear anything else anymore. The tighter the better, just like the jeans he was wearing right now. Niall’s outfit was nothing but perfect today, even though Zayn despised the white _Converse_ shoes he was wearing, so he decided not to comment on them for once in his life.

"Don't be too nice, Zayn. I’m really annoyed, so get out of my way and let me inside!" Niall yelled, pushing past through Zayn, leaving him standing in the entrance, completely dumbfounded. He closed the door and followed Niall, who had already made himself home on Zayn’s cozy white couch.

"What exactly is your problem, Ni?" Zayn wanted to know, plopping down next to his friend, waiting for an answer.

“You little fucker told me you didn't want to work for _Balmain_ anymore. That's not exactly _my_ problem, but _your_ fucking problem, you huge idiot!" Niall ranted, throwing one of the dark gray pillows at Zayn. He caught it and placed it back where it belonged. Niall just rolled his eyes at him, pursing his lips in anger. "Don't you have anything to say, Zayn?”

“I'm doing it.” Zayn announced, and Niall raised an eyebrow, clearly not having expected this answer.

"What do you mean, you're doing it? You told me you were done with them cause you, I may remind you, don’t like Liam!" Niall grumbled, looking straight into his friend’s eyes.

Zayn leaned back and closed his eyes "Maybe he's not _that_ bad, just a little bit too sassy for his own good. I can ignore him.”

"You're so full of shit." Niall murmured, knowing something was up. "What happened?”

"Nothing. He just told me what I already knew. No big deal. We'll be shooting again tomorrow. Today didn't exactly work as planned." Zayn said, pushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “Do you want to go out for dinner or something? Don't exactly feel like cooking today.”

"You're so damn weird, Zayn. But yeah, whatever. Pizza! I’m in the mood for pizza!” Niall suggested and Zayn couldn't help but laugh at his best friend since he was obsessed with pizza. The Italian restaurant just around the corner was basically Niall's second home.

"Can we please not talk about business tonight, Niall?" Zayn requested, and Niall just furrowed his brow, apparently trying to figure out what the hell could have happened to make Zayn not want to talk about himself being successful for once.

"Sure thing." Niall replied, smiling happily. ”You know what? Louis hasn't changed at all. I think Liam must be quite a nice boss.”

"I just asked you not to talk about work, yet you bring up Louis and Payne." Zayn snapped, jumping to his feet, glaring at a very surprised Niall.

"So he still _is_ the problem. I knew it." Niall muttered rolling his eyes as dramatically as possible.

By now, Zayn should've probably figured out that Niall knew him by heart and that lying wouldn’t do shit, but Zayn just didn’t like talking about his problems. Even though Niall wanted to slap his face sometimes Zayn knew Niall would always be his friend, which was nice. Best friend to be exact. But ever since…Whatever.

"Yeah, he is. I can't stand him. Satisfied?" Zayn growled, throwing his hands up in the air. "He thinks he's funny and he's...he's not!”

"The fuck is your problem with him? Is it rivalry or what? Oh god, you said that he's a nobody only days ago, yet you're behaving like this now. I thought there was nothing to fear?" Niall teased, but Zayn was already walking away to grab his coat.

"Whatever. I don't want to talk about that loser." Zayn announced, gesturing for Niall to hurry up. "Which car?”

"Yours, I suppose." Niall answered. Of course. Who would want to drive Niall's _BMW_ when they could choose Zayn’s _Porsche_ instead?

"Yeah, you _can_ drive." Zayn muttered, and Niall, full of joy, jumped up and down before he took the keys out of his friend’s hand, literally running outside to get to the car.

"What a child." Zayn mumbled to himself, closing the front door behind him, getting in the car only a few seconds later.

"Where are we going?" Niall wanted to know, sitting in the driver's seat like a proud young man who was allowed to drive for the first time.

"That's a joke, right?" Zayn asked, looking at Niall in confusion. Zayn facepalmed before he muttered “Pizza.”

* * *

"Hello there, handsome." Liam said when Louis sat down next to him. "Looking hot as always, I see.”

"Oh shut it, Liam. I wouldn't even do you if I liked guys." Louis countered, laughing.

“Oh please, you totally would, Tommo. Nobody can resist me." Liam announced, but no matter how hard he tried to contain his laughter he failed. "All jokes aside, how was the rest of your day?"

"It was alright, I guess. I met Niall! It's been ages, but he's still the same weirdo as he used to be." Louis announced excitedly “We used to have so much fun when we were younger, even if I could never drink as much as him! Once I almost died trying to keep up with him!"

"Oh, you poor boy!" Liam said in a mocking voice towards Louis, who was currently reading the menu.

"I already ordered. Too bad." Liam announced, and Louis just gaped at him, throwing the menu in his direction.

"I can't believe you did it again! You don’t even know what I like to eat!” Louis complained, still giggling. Liam knew exactly what Louis would've ordered though. Louis always chose the same pizza over and over again. So boring! So predictable!

Sometimes Liam asked himself if he and Louis would be dating if his best friend would be into men too, but since he wasn't, it didn't really matter anyway.

"Oi, look who just came in. Now if that's not fate, I don't know what is. Get your Niall, tiger!" Liam whispered cheekily and Louis just shrugged it off, laughing.

"You're such an oaf. I don't like dick and I never will!" Louis said, waving at Niall who just came inside, grinning, followed by none other than Zayn himself. Amazing. Evening canceled.

"Oh great, if that's not _Mister-I-Only-Love-Myself._ What did I do to deserve this?" Liam grumbled when Niall approached them with an obviously not very amused Zayn in tow.

"Evening." Zayn mumbled, looking at Louis first before glancing at Liam. Liam would ignore Zayn. Liam would ignore Zayn. He would totally and definitely ignore fucking Zayn because he didn't want his company. Not at all. _Fuck, he looked so fucking hot._

"Hello." Liam said, smiling politely as Niall sat down across from Louis. Thanks for nothing! Zayn now had to sit down across from Liam. Why!? How was he supposed to ignore him now?! Liam had to look into his stupid pretty face the whole evening now. Fucking Louis.

“I can’t believe you’re here, Niall.” Louis said, while Liam nervously tapped his finger on the tabletop.

"He's obsessed with this restaurant.” Zayn answered for his friend.

"Excuse me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure your friend can talk for himself." Liam interjected because he just couldn't help it. He despised Zayn’s behavior just so much. In fact, he didn't like _puppy face_ at all. Not one bit.

"Excuse me if _I am_ wrong, but who are _you_ to tell me what to do?" Zayn countered, and Niall awkwardly cleared his throat. Liam couldn't care less, being completely focused on Zayn.

"I already told you that I'm your worst nightmare. You better learn how to behave." Liam reminded him, and Zayn bubbled over with laughter.

"As if I'd care what _you_ think about me." Zayn said patronizingly, furrowing his brow.

"I don't give a flying fuck. I don't like how you treat your assistant and friend, though. God knows why he even likes you, Zac." Liam replied while Zayn crossed his arms.

“It's Zayn." he simply said. He obviously didn’t like that. Noted! Next time he’d call him Zac again.

"I don't know what your problem is, Payne, but guess who doesn't care? Right, me.” Zayn countered.

 "Cheeky." Liam said quietly, halfway smiling because he hadn’t expected _that_.

"Yeah...uh...we're still here." Louis interrupted them awkwardly, but Liam and Zayn didn't even seem to notice being all caught up in their weird kind of conversation. Zayn didn’t even notice when Niall ordered for him.

"I don't like you, Payne." Zayn whispered, smiling through gritted teeth so that Niall and Louis wouldn't hear or notice.

"Oh, believe me, the feeling is mutual. I already told you what I think about a bighead like you." Liam said, not bothering to whisper his response. Niall groaned, smacking his forehead.

Niall took a deep breath. ”Can't you two just...I don't know? Fuck to make up or something?" Zayn’s eyes widened for an unknown reason.

"What?" Louis asked, laughing, while Liam just continued glaring at Zayn.

* * *

About an hour later Zayn had paid for all of them (even though Liam had protested), glad he was finally being able to go home. Usually, he would’ve gotten drunk but he totally didn’t feel like it today. He had no idea why, because getting drunk always helped but for some reason, he couldn’t wait to go home for once.

Zayn wanted nothing more than to bury himself in a good book and drink a nice cup of tea while being wrapped into his favorite cozy blanket on his couch. Even though he had no clue why he mainly wanted to get away from Liam already.

He just couldn't stand his cute face, those big brown eyes, that beard and stupid birthmark! Why did he have a fucking birthmark on his neck? This shit should be illegal!!!

"I just got an idea! We should totally go for a drink." Niall suggested, and, of course, Louis immediately agreed. Liam, however, let out a squeaking noise.

"We should what?" Zayn went into it, realizing what Niall had just suggested. "Go for a drink, you deaf nut." Louis interjected and Zayn just huffed.

"No, really? I thought he said to go to the zoo!" Zayn countered, noticing immediately that Liam bit his stupid soft looking lip. He stared at Liam biting his lip. The fuck was wrong with him!? "Definitely not. I already have…plans.”

"Plans? Oh someone chickens out! What did you want to do? Look at yourself in the mirror while being naked and tell yourself how perfect you are?" Liam asked, sounding very rude. Zayn opened his mouth to answer, but before he even got the chance to say something Liam already spoke up again. "Or did you want to go out and search for someone to fuck? I'm sure that's not exactly a problem. We all know you’re said to be a womanizer, Malik." Liam smirked. Wow. That was just…Zayn hadn’t expected that.

"Fuck you." Zayn whispered, turning on his heel, ditching the others immediately. Why did Liam have to say things like that? He didn’t even know him in the first place.

Surprisingly Liam eventually caught up with him and tried to stop Zayn by grabbing his shoulders "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm really sorry. That was just mean and I didn't have the right to say something like that.”

Zayn ignored him and hurried up. There was no way he was going to let Liam see him like this. Liam would make fun of him and he’d already had enough for today.

“Zayn, really. I’m sorry.” Liam repeated himself, blocking Zayn’s way. Fuck. Liam looked at him. _Shit, shit, shit._ "Shit, fuck. I really am sorry! I'm an idiot.” Liam mumbled, while Zayn desperately tried to wipe his tears away. He was so ashamed.

"Leave me alone." Zayn whispered, wanting Liam to just fuck off but how could it be otherwise, Liam obviously didn't even think about it. He had caused this mess. Zayn didn’t want to see him ever again. Why couldn’t he just hit the fucking road!? Why did his stupid legs not move?!

“Zayn.” Liam said again, but Zayn just shook his head, because he was just so angry. He hated crying so much. He wasn’t that weak. He wasn’t! Zayn wanted to vanish into thin air. He hated people seeing him cry. He especially hated Liam seeing him like that.

“Look, Liam. I get it. I'm an arrogant asshole. Are you satisfied now? Can't you just leave me the fuck alone now and go back to wherever the hell you came from?" Zayn ranted, and for some reason, Liam seemingly felt so bad that he placed his hand on Zayn's chest in a gesture of comfort. “Don’t touch me!”

"No I won't go." Liam suddenly announced, which caught Zayn so off-guard he didn’t know what to say anymore.

An hour later they were still sitting on a bench, barely speaking. Liam had apologized for calling Zayn a womanizer over and over again but Zayn simply couldn’t get it off his mind. He just hated when people assumed he was one. He had only ever had sex with one person and he wished it had never happened, to be quite honest. Whatever.

“I think it’s time to go home. Good night, Liam.” Zayn said quietly, jumping to his feet, ready to leave.

"You just called me Liam." Liam said just as quietly.

"That's your name, isn't it?" Zayn replied, looking at the other man in mild confusion.

"Yeah...just...uh forget it." Liam murmured, but Zayn furrowed his brow wondering what was so special about him calling Liam by his name.

Liam noticed the look on his face and sighed. "You've just never said it before. You always called me by my surname. That's all.”

"Oh." Zayn said, giving Liam a small smile. "Good night then, Payne.”

Zayn didn't know why he tried to be nicer all of a sudden, and he also had no fucking clue why Liam seemed to care about him calling him Liam instead of Payne, but whatever. Maybe he was just being nice. And perhaps Zayn wasn’t in the mood to be a bitch at the moment. He just knew that he definitely shouldn't even care.

“Hey, Zayn?" Liam called after Zayn. What now?!"See you tomorrow, _puppy face_." Zayn nodded and got into his car. Why on earth was he smiling!?

* * *

"Yeah, now could you lift your arm and make it look as if you want to wrap it around Liam? But don't hug. You know what I mean?" Lee the photographer asked as Liam and Zayn posed together.

Zayn apparently didn't feel comfortable at all and Liam noticed straight away. He was wearing some random clothes the stylist had told him to wear and Liam knew that Zayn usually didn't give a fuck about what they wanted him to wear, but today, he simply didn't seem to feel well.

He obviously hated the scratchy material of the brown-red patterned blazer, disliked the tight black shoes, and he sure as hell hated wearing those pants. Liam didn’t even have to ask Zayn. He felt the exact same way.

Liam just knew how to be professional, though. He knew he had to do what he was being told to do unless he wanted to get fired.

Zayn however obviously hated being forced to dress up like a doll today, which actually surprised Liam.

"Hey, Lee?" Liam suddenly spoke up, and the photographer stopped. "Can we please take a quick break? I feel kinda dizzy."

"Oh sure, Liam. Just take your time! I can continue taking photos of Zayn while you're taking a break." Lee announced, but Liam scratched the back of his head, because he just didn’t know how to say it.

"Actually I think he should take a quick break too. We can sure continue in...let's say 20 minutes?" Liam suggested. Of course, Lee didn't complain, when Liam asked him to stop taking pictures. He just nodded, and before Zayn could even realize what was going on, Liam confronted him. "Talk, diva."

"What?" Zayn stuttered, apparently caught completely off-guard. Lee left the room. “What did I do now?”

“Just spill the beans. What’s your problem this time? Do you hate Lee's face? Do you need more attention? Do you want me to disappear? What's the princess' problem?" Liam went into it. He didn’t even know why he kind of attacked Zayn, but he simply wasn’t in the mood to stay longer than necessary today. He didn’t feel that great.

"What the fuck are you even talking about? I'm good." Zayn countered, glaring at Liam.

"Sure, and I'm the queen of England!" Liam replied cheekily, rolling his eyes.

"Well hello, Elizabeth." Zayn sassed, and Liam had to pull himself together not to laugh about that response. Maybe he shouldn’t talk to Zayn like that anymore. Maybe Zayn wasn’t that bad after all. Maybe it was Liam who just had a bad day. He definitely shouldn’t punish Zayn for that.

"You want to stop taking photos for today, _puppy face_?" Liam asked, sounding very serious. Zayn obviously didn’t feel that comfortable either, so he could just ask, couldn’t he?

"No, it's okay. I just don't feel very well." Zayn admitted, much to Liam’s surprise.

"What's wrong?" Liam wanted to know, wondering why he even cared about this stubborn arrogant idiot.

"Don't know.” Zayn whispered and suddenly Liam thought Zayn was talking shit and just wanted to take the piss out of him again. 

"Don't be so pathetic." Liam announced and Zayn's head snapped up, looking somewhat hurt. His own fucking fault. Why did Zayn have to be such a diva? He didn’t like the clothes? Fine! Liam couldn’t stand them either but he still managed to do the job! Why did Zayn have to be so _extra_?!

"Says the loser out of us two." Zayn murmured, getting up. "You didn't even feel dizzy. You just wanted to mock me. Now can we go back inside and get over with this? I'm not exactly keen on seeing you any longer.”

"Oh wow. And here we go again." Liam groaned, seeing red. How could one man be so fucking full of himself?

"Now hold the bag like this and smile into the camera" Lee commanded after they got back from the break and Zayn followed the instructions. “Liam, please touch Zayn’s back."

Zayn had ignored him for the last 10 minutes, but when Liam’s cold hand touched Zayn’s bare back, he flinched.

“Sorry." Liam whispered, and Zayn just nodded, shrugging it off.

"No, I don't like this! It's not...just no!" a brown haired guy wearing a _Hugo Boss_ suit screamed, waving his arms in front of his face. "Delete all of this shit. That's not it. Not at all. You two are...what even is this?!”

"Excuse me?" Zayn asked, sounding bitchy and this time Liam could somehow understand him. They had been taking photos for over three hours now, presenting loads of the brand's products and all of a sudden that guy wanted Lee to delete everything?

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Liam asked, looking daggers at the man. Out of the corner of his eye, Liam noticed that Zayn was smirking.

"No. You're supposed to look like a _couple_ , not like two strangers that have just met! And even though Zayn is shirtless, it doesn't help matters!" he ranted, pointing at Zayn. "His body isn't good enough for this. Maybe we need to find someone else!” What the fuck!?

"Oh, you did not just say that, did you? Who do you even think you are? Have you seen his body?" Liam tried to remember his name. ”Mr. Arthur, do you even have eyes? You're talking about Zayn Malik, yeah?” Liam took a deep breath. “I think it'd be better for you to rethink what you've just said and come back later with a different opinion. That was just unnecessary and simply outrageous." Yes, Liam had just defended Zayn. The guy looked like he was absolutely fuming but simply turned on his heel and walked out, shaking his head.

"Th-thanks." Zayn stuttered, apparently at a loss for words. Liam just smiled at him, crinkles forming by his eyes.

"No need to thank me, Zayn. It's the truth. I guess Mr. Arthur just overreacted or something. Let's continue?" Liam suggested, smiling even wider.

"Uh...yeah." Zayn answered and Liam knew something was off. Zayn never just blushed.

They’d taken several new photos when about 30 minutes later, Zayn suddenly freaked out. "I'm not doing this anymore. What is this? Soft porn? I won't touch Liam's ass for this shooting. I'm not even gay! What the hell is this!?" he yelled, while reaching for his coat. When he rushed outside he was still wearing the expensive _Balmain_ clothes.

"Zayn, you're still weari-" Lee shouted, but Liam cut him off.

"I'll run after him. Fuck the clothes. I'll bring them back, don't worry." Liam announced, chasing after Zayn.

"I won't do this shit anymore." Zayn was yelling into his phone when Liam sat down next to him. "No, Niall. I'm not kidding. I'm sick and tired of it.”

Liam wasn't sure if Zayn was talking about the campaign, but he thought so, so he decided to keep his mouth shut and let Zayn end his conversation with Niall first.

"You know what, fuck you!" Zayn grumbled before he hung up and turned to Liam "What on earth are you doing here? Get out off my sight.”

"Calm the fuck down. I didn't even say anything yet!" Liam replied waiting for Zayn to insult him yet again. It usually went down like that when they were alone, didn’t it?

"Who are you, seriously? Do you think I like you? Do you think I need you to run after me just because I was losing it in there? I can't stand the photographer and I hate everything about this goddamn shooting!" Zayn ranted, clenching his fists tightly.

"Anything else?" Liam wanted to know, smiling slightly. Zayn couldn't be serious. It was just a job.

"Yeah, I hate that you touch me and I hate that I have to touch you." Zayn added, which caused Liam to gape at him in disbelief. "Why would I allow you to touch me, seriously? I don't need this in my life.”

"Oh, wow, scared I could leave marks or what? Oh wait, you must be scared that I'm sick. Be aware, I could infect you with the plague!" Liam tried to make a joke but and Zayn didn't find it funny at all.

"Shut up. It's not funny. I don't want to be touched." Zayn whispered scarcely audible. Liam took a deep breath. He would not insult him. He would not.

“I’m sorry that I'm not one of those super hot girls that usually surround you. I'm only a man who’s usually modeling for brands that you possibly don't even know since you don't have to pay a fortune for one of their shirts, princess!" Liam countered, biting down on his knuckle to keep from saying any more. He really had to stay calm, otherwise, he'd say worse things.

"Yeah, exactly. You're not one of them. You're no one." Zayn replied and Liam couldn’t believe he’d just said that.

"Wow, you're even worse than I thought you were. And I thought there was more to you, since you seemed to...you know what? Fuck you! You're being ridiculous. Afraid you could catch _The Gay_ , or what? Now excuse me, you little fuck. Unlike you, I'm okay with who I am. Fucking pathetic." Liam yelled, when he got up to ditch Zayn.


	4. France

Are you fucking kidding me right now, Niall?" Zayn yelled, but Niall didn't even flinch. Of course, he didn’t! He had apparently already expected Zayn to snap the moment he would tell him about having to fly to France, Paris to be exact. Great!

“I’d suggest you pack your bags right now. We’re going to Paris tonight." Niall announced, making Zayn want to punch him in the face. Tonight? In a few hours?!

Zayn didn’t know what to do, so he just reached for a pillow and threw it at Niall. The blonde man only laughed because as always he didn’t take Zayn being angry very seriously. “You look like a cute angry kitten again.” He knew that himself but he _wanted_ to be angry right now, okay? Of course, Niall knew that a kitten was more dangerous than Zayn could ever be unless it came to protecting someone so he just laughed even harder. Unfair!

"Tonight? How the fuck am I supposed to get ready in like five fucking hours?! Niall, why didn't you tell me earlier, you dick?” Zayn ranted, thinking about packing. He hated it.

"Because I know you, Zayn!" Niall retorted as Zayn nervously jumped to his feet, running around like a headless chicken trying to find all the things he needed.

"How long will we stay there? Wait, will you even be coming with me?" Zayn squeaked as he tossed the most random things onto his bed in no particular order.

"Only for a few days, and of course I'm coming with you. You'd be screwed without me, Zayn! I'm your second brain and your right-hand-man!" Niall replied, sitting down in the armchair on the left side of Zayn's bed. "You'll need something nice to wear. And maybe some swimming trunks, I guess. There's a Jacuzzi!”

"Ni, do I ever wear something that’s ugly?" Zayn asked, a deep chuckle escaping him and his friend Niall facepalmed. He ran his hand down his face, looked up at Zayn and took a deep breath. Zayn knew Niall by heart so he immediately noticed there was something his friend wasn’t telling him.

"The four of us will stay at the _Four Seasons Hotel._ I guess you'll love it. It's _luxurious_ and shit," Niall mumbled, obviously hoping Zayn wouldn't catch on. _Luxurious and shit._ Maybe Zayn wanted to insult Niall. Just a little bit.

"Four? Hold on! What do you mean _four_? Four as in what? You, me and two girls, or what?" Zayn shrieked when he realized what his friend had just announced. “Niall!?”

" _YouLiamLouisandI_ " Niall said as fast as possible, biting his lip anxiously. He had about three seconds…3...2...1

"Oh, that's fucking _perfect_. Great. Bloody fantastic! I have to spend my precious time with an idiot and his assistant-best friend. Couldn't wish for anything else. Sounds like a dream.” Zayn complained, crossing his arms. Niall raised an eyebrow, clearly being confused. "What? Did you expect me to jump for joy?"

“That’s it? That’s all you got to say? I’d expected much worse of an outburst.” Niall mumbled, starting to help Zayn fold his clothes, putting them in a brown _Louis Vuitton_ suitcase. "It'll be fun, I promise." Niall suddenly stopped and suspiciously eyed Zayn’s bag. “I thought you hated _Louis Vuitton_ bags? Why exactly is all of your luggage-“

"It was a present. We're not going to talk about _him_. Just shut up. I would've thrown all of it away a long time ago, but I don't like wasting money for things like that. I own suitcases and bags and I don’t...oh, whatever." Zayn looked down at the floor, trying to push the thoughts of _him_ away. He exhaled slowly before he continued packing. Maybe he needed a drink. Or two.

* * *

"Hi, Liam." Zayn mumbled a couple of hours later when they took their seats next to each other on the plane. While Liam tried to get as comfortable as possible, Zayn sat there like the freaking model he was, wearing the tightest black jeans Liam had ever seen.

Apart from this, Liam couldn't stop staring at Zayn’s chest. Why on earth would he not button up his sheer white _Versace_ shirt? No, as the tease he was, he had to show off his stupid tattoos, not to mention that Liam could see his left nipple. Fucking hell. How was he supposed to not stare at him!?

"Hey, Zayn." Liam mumbled nervously, fiddling with his fingers. He felt sick. He hated planes and he hated flying and sitting next to a guy that he couldn't stand didn't exactly help. It especially didn't help that Liam felt like a hobo, wearing sweatpants and a simple _Supreme_ shirt, next to _Adonis_! Maybe he should jump off the plane? Sounded tempting!

"You okay?" Zayn suddenly asked, which caught Liam by surprise. Was Zayn just being polite, or did he really notice that Liam felt like shit? Was he mocking him?

"No." Liam grumbled, trying to be honest. Zayn just looked at him waiting for an explanation or something like that. He wouldn’t tell him. Never in a million years. Why did _puppy face_ almost look worried!? Liam was for sure going nuts.

There was no way that this arrogant asshole would have a soft side, a caring side. No, just nope. Zayn carefully touched Liam's upper arm, looking him straight into the eyes. Liam froze. Reality check, please!? Had Zayn just touched him voluntarily? Was he dreaming? He sure as hell must have fallen asleep.

"You don't like flying, do you? Are you afraid?" Zayn leaned closer, whispering into Liam’s ears to make sure nobody else would hear. Liam didn’t know if he was about to get sexually frustrated again, because Zayn whispering was the hottest thing on earth, or if he was about to faint because Zayn was actually being nice to him. "It's okay. You're not alone in here and nothing will happen. I fly all the time and it's only a two-hour flight, hm? Do you wanna talk about something? Get your mind off it?”

This wasn't happening. There was no way in hell Zayn Malik wanted to talk to him like a normal human being! There was no fucking way the smaller man cared about Liam being an anxious little baby, just because of flying. Who was he? Where was the real Zayn? “Uh...um... _Who_ are you?”

"Did you swallow some pills to calm down or something? You shouldn't do that, Li. Come on, let's just talk about...um...do you have siblings?”

 _Li. Li? Li!_ Zayn had just called him Li. Had he taken some pills and forgot about it? Had he? No, definitely not. ”Yeah um...I'm not an only child.”

"Me neither. I got three sisters, Doniya, Safaa and Waliyha! They’re all really nice and kind of cheeky, just like you are. You’d like them, I guess.” Zayn casually told him, and Liam suddenly didn’t remember his sisters’ names because he just couldn’t believe that he was actually having a casual conversation with Zayn.

“Uh…Ruth and uh…Nicola?” he stuttered. Why did he have to sound like that!? Embarrassing. “We call her Roo…but…yeah.”

"You don't see them very often, do you? I know that feeling. Haven't seen my sisters in months," Zayn mumbled, patting Liam’s knee absentmindedly. "You should visit them as often as possible before they got their own kids and then-"

"Can we change the topic, Zayn? Please?" Liam whispered and he was grateful when Zayn seemed to get it straight away, that Liam really didn’t want to talk about them. They kept on talking about the most random things ever instead. Zayn told Liam about modeling for his favorite brand _Versace_ and about drawing and Liam simply listened, enjoying that someone was distracting him.

They had been so deep in conversation that Liam had not once noticed Zayn’s hand on top of his knee, nor that they’d already landed again.

"What do you mean something went wrong?” Liam and Zayn asked in unison when Niall announced that instead of four separate rooms (or suite in Liam’s case), they now had one room and one suite to share. They’d just arrived at the hotel and now this?!

"That's a joke, right?" Zayn wanted to know, huffing,while Liam nodded in agreement. "There's no way in hell I'm staying with Niall in a room. You snore, you're messy, and no matter how much I love you...just no.”

"You can _love_ someone?" Liam asked but covered his mouth almost immediately. It just fucking slipped, okay? Zayn didn't react, just ignored Liam’s comment. Liam desperately hoped that he hadn't even heard it.

"I thought it'd be clever to share with Niall anyway since we have to get up earlier and all. And we haven't lived together in ages, Niall! Would be like back then!" Louis said cheerily. Only then Liam seemed to realize what Louis had indirectly just suggested.

"No." Liam stated, and Zayn added, "We would murder each other.”

"So now that it's settled, you two share." Niall said, smirking smugly. "You two should try to get along better, anyway. I'm glad we didn't fly first class with the two of you! I bet you were at each other's throats the entire time.”

"I hate you, Niall ." Zayn grumbled, wrapped his hand around the suitcase's handle and dragged it along. He suddenly stopped because he definitely had no fucking clue where to go. Liam laughed. "Liam, come on! Leave those traitors behind!" Liam didn't even hesitate, grabbed his bag and followed. They looked at each other for a brief moment, but Zayn quickly turned his head away again.

"Eighth floor," Liam told him, sounding a bit bossy. He noticed that Zayn definitely and more than obviously wanted to roll his eyes, maybe even say something snarky pertaining to Liam’s tone, but he didn’t. 

When Liam opened the suite's door, holding it open for the other man, Zayn’seyes widened and he gaped at the huge suite in front of him. "This is a joke, right?”

Liam rolled his eyes, went inside and put his bag down on the sofa, looking at Zayn, who seemed to be shocked. "Oh, please don't act like you're not used to a little bit of luxury, Malik. I'm sure it's nothing compared to your usual suites. I bet it's not even big enough for you, princess.”

"Did Louis book this for you or did Niall book _this_ for _me_?" Zayn suddenly wanted to know, looking at Liam with a weird look on his face that he definitely couldn't place. Of course, Louis had booked _The Penthouse_ for him. He always did. Liam hated expensive fashion brands, but he loved a luxurious way of living. He liked having enough space, liked not feeling trapped and he especially appreciated as much privacy as possible. Liam had never really given it second thoughts. There had never been a reason for him to not live like that. He could easily afford all of it.

"Louis booked it for me. I have no idea what Niall booked for you though, Zac.” Liam said, giggling. He just had to call him Zac again. At least one more time.

Zayn rolled his eyes at Liam. “It’s still Zayn. You’re doing this on purpose. Don’t think I’m stupid, Leroy!” Liam gaped at him. Had he just called him _Leroy_!? “Niall definitely didn’t book _this_ for me.” Zayn mumbled to himself, but Liam decided to ignore his comment and just smile at him broadly. He didn’t know why though. ”There's only one bed, Zayn. You okay with it? I won't touch you. We can put pillows between us if that makes you feel better. Promise."

"Wow, this comment was _so_ unnecessary, Liam." Zayn snarled. Liam got the giggles, trying to make it clear that he’d been joking around. "Show me this giant room, suite or whatever the hell you want to call it." Liam linked arms with Zayn to show him around. He noticed that Zayn hadn’t expected him to do that, but before Zayn even got the chance to complain about Liam touching him, he showed him the living room. 

The room offered thoughtful touches such as _Baccarat_ crystal glassware, a plasma-screen television hidden behind a black mirror, a bookcase with a wide range of intriguing antique books, a refrigerated private bar, and window coverings operated by remote control. The adjacent conservatory had a marble mosaic floor and walls clad in luxury fabric by _Lelièvre_. There was a huge pedestal table and you could relax in white _Knoll_ armchairs while savoring incredible views.

Everything was decorated light, airy, and supremely inviting. The suite featured travertine flooring and walls accented with majilite and sycamore. A romantic inner garden added to the feeling of retreating to a restful haven.

They could also take in sweeping views of Paris' architectural icons, including the _Eiffel Tower_ , the _American Cathedral_ , the _Sacré-Coeur Basilica_ and the roofs of the _Opéra_ , the _Madeleine_ , the _Pantheon_ and _Les Invalides_. To sum it up, the view was breathtakingly beautiful.

But this wasn't enough! The main terrace, reminiscent of the prow of a ship, was accented with manicured box trees and offered remarkable views of the vibrant cityscape. The bedroom's private terrace led to another, more intimate balcony.

At this point, Liam wished he and Zayn would be friends to enjoy all of it together. He had no idea where this idea suddenly came from, but it was just there.

“And here we have the master bedroom.” It was designed to be a tranquil haven, featuring pastel blinds, lush white orchids, a soft wool carpet, walls covered in gold-toned silk. It even had its own private terrace with a romantic four-poster daybed. There was also a spacious dressing room flooded with natural light and Zayn seemed to just be overwhelmed, which was kind of cute. Liam was just used to this suite so it wasn’t a big deal for him whereas when Zayn spotted something that he apparently liked, he giggled. Liam wasn’t sure Zayn knew he sounded like an excited little boy, but he wouldn’t mention it. He didn’t want Zayn to stop.

Liam then showed Zayn the stunning bathroom, separated from the bedroom by a sliding glass door, clad in soothing beige marble, last. It was fully equipped with an extra-large walk-in shower and an impressive infinity bath fitted with jets and a relaxing chromotherapy system.

Liam was smiling like an idiot and for the first time, he thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , this trip wouldn't be _that_ bad.

"Would you like a glass of champagne, Zayn? We've got...uh...I have no idea how to pronounce it." Liam said half an hour later and blushed. Once again there was that nagging embarrassment that he could not speak French. Maybe he should learn how to speak French after all. Nobody forced him to do so anymore, right?

Liam had no idea why he all of a sudden wanted to impress Zayn. This was so awkward, but Zayn, the cheeky bastard, only smirked at him. Why did he...how very dare he look so smug!

"Try it, Payne" he said and Liam furrowed his brow. There was no way in hell he'd embarrass himself in front of this man. "Come on, it's not that hard to pronounce." Liam glared at him. He took the bottle of champagne out of the bottle cooler and looked at the tag. He could do this. He could totally try. He wasn't stupid, thank you very much.

_Fuck, he couldn't do this._

"Can _you_ even speak French, _Zac_? I bet you can't even say it yourself and you just want me to make a fool out of myself. Cheeky!" Liam answered. He was sure that this was probably the best way out.

"It's _Dom Perignon_ _White Gold Jeroboam_ , one of the most expensive brands of champagne ever, _Leroy_." Zayn replied and carefully poured them each a glass of it. There it was again! Liam was so sexually frustrated he imagined Zayn speaking French while… No. Hot wasn't cute, and Zayn would never in a million years be boyfriend material. _Hold the fuck on, what?_

"You can speak French?" Liam wanted to know, trying to ignore his last thoughts. He just couldn't control the blush creeping up his cheeks. What the hell? He did not blush! Liam bit his lip, looking at Zayn, who sat there across from him, looking calmly in the direction of the _Eiffel Tower_. The wind blew his hair. Was this some sort of stupid movie scene?! He couldn’t stand Zayn! What kind of parallel universe shit was going on!?

Liam checked Zayn out. _Again_. He needed to get it together! While he was still wearing his, as he called it, _hobo-outfit_ from earlier, Zayn had already changed into a simple paneled cotton jersey t-shirt by _Lanvin_. He was still wearing his skinny jeans though, and Liam couldn't help but ask himself how his dick even-

"Oui, Liam. Je m'appelle Zayn Malik et je suis Anglais et ça me rend folle quand tu me regardes comme ça." Zayn said and Liam’s eyes widened. He couldn't speak French, but hell, had Zayn just said that he got nervous when Liam looked at him like that? Maybe his French wasn't that good? Maybe he didn’t understand anything after all. There was simply no way Zayn could've just said this.

"Whatever you say." Liam retorted, lifting the expensive glass of champagne, taking a sip. He didn't know why, but he didn’t allow himself to look away. Were they flirting or? No, definitely not. Liam was sure he was losing his mind. Zayn was straight. Straight as a ruler. He liked women. There was no such thing as flirting. Besides, he didn't even _like_ Zayn!

"I think I'm going to bed now, Liam." Zayn said a little bit later to which Liam just nodded because whatever the hell all of this had just been, he should probably simply forget about it. Zayn definitely would be back to being a dick tomorrow anyway.

Zayn stood up, playing with a loose strand of his hair and then turned around, ready to go inside. Liam totally did not stare at his perfectly shaped little butt. He did not.

Inside Zayn just stripped down to his way too tight black _Calvin Klein_ briefs right in front of Liam, ready to go to bed. Holy fuck, Liam didn’t know what to look at first. Dozens of tattoos, cute little tummy, abs…Liam wanted to lick down Zayn’s chest. God, why did Zayn have to look exactly like the man Liam had been looking for his entire life? 

"Like what you see?" Zayn suddenly asked and Liam just shamelessly continued checking Zayn out. He literally scanned his body and when he looked down further, noticing the outline of...right. They'd have to sleep in the same bed. Liam was fucked.

"Uh...I...uh...gotta use the bathroom. Good night, Z.” Liam stuttered, feeling something down there. _Shit. shit shit._ He rushed into the bathroom, stopped in front of the mirror, steadying himself with his arms on the sink. He took a deep breath, looked into the mirror, and then smacked his own forehead. “What the hell is wrong with you?” That’s _Zayn-Arrogant-Malik,_ he’s into women and you're stupid, Payne. Get your shit together.” Now he was even talking to himself, great.

He did _not_ get his shit together, and instead had a furious fap session to the image of a nearly naked Zayn in the shower only ten minutes later.

Zayn entered the living room the next morning, finding Liam on the sofa, curled up into a tiny little ball. Liam had wanted to sleep next to Zayn but he felt horrible for…things. ”Get up, Payne. It's late. We'll have to go without breakfast since we are already late. Wake up, sleepyhead!" Liam groaned and buried his face in his pillow. "Liam, I'm being serious. It's your own fault that you apparently couldn't sleep! You could've just slept next to me, but no, you decided to sleep here for god knows why. Get up!”

"Only five more minutes. Shut up." Liam grumbled, but Zayn didn't even think about leaving him alone, grabbed the creamy colored duvet that was covering Liam’s body and pulled it away forcefully. "You're dead!” Liam jumped to his feet, ready to attack Zayn, but _puppy face_ just ran away, shrieking. Zayn sounded cute. _Not cute. Not cute. Not fucking cute, Payne._ Why was he chasing him through the room? He was a horrible person! 

They accidentally bumped into each other when Zayn stopped running abruptly. Liam tripped and they both fell over, Liam landing on top of Zayn. Liam could feel Zayn’s body heat radiating off of him and Zayn’s bare chest touching his own. When Liam realized that both of them were nearly naked he jumped to his feet like a scalded cat. Nevertheless he still politely offered Zayn a hand, helping him up.

"Keep your distance, Liam. Watch your step, you clumsy...you...ugh!" Zayn grumbled, stomped his foot like a pouty child and quickly left the room while mumbling the most random things to himself.

Twenty minutes later and all dressed up for the shooting, the next argument already approached. "I am hungry and we’re gonna have breakfast now, no matter if you want to or not, _Zac_!" Liam announced but Zayn just huffed. "Don't look at me like that! You gotta eat, Zayn. That body of yours needs food, too!”

"I don't even care right now. The shooting is important and Niall will probably kill me if I don't make it in time!" At that very moment, Niall entered the suite. "Speaking of the devil...why don't you just ask him what he thinks about me possibly being late?”

"I won’t ask Niall anything. You gotta eat and we won't leave this freaking room until you’ve swallowed something!" Had Liam just said that? He didn’t have a dirty mind. He did _not_.

"I'll swallow absolutely nothing. Get that big butt of yours going, Payne!” Zayn retorted and Liam just gaped at him. Did Zayn just call his ass _big_?

"My ass is bigger than the future you'll have if you don't eat something!!!" Liam grumbled, and suddenly Zayn burst out laughing. It wasn't even _that_ funny! The fuck?

"Your ass really is kind of big...and round." Zayn mumbled while Niall just watched them teasing each other. “But you really are a _Payne_ in the ass.” He wasn't sure if it was playful banter or not, but Liam kind of enjoyed whatever this was.

”Yeah _my_ ass is perfect, I know.” Maybe your flat ass will get bigger too if you’re gonna have breakfast with me now!” Liam touched Zayn’s ass to emphasize what he’d just said without even thinking about it twice.

Zayn stopped everything the moment he felt Liam’s hand there. He simply gaped at Liam in disbelief. Shit, what had Liam just done!? Fuck he had touched Zayn, even though he’d made it clear that he didn’t want to be touched. ”Shit, sorry."

"Aaaand I think it's time for me to leave you two alone!" Niall interrupted but Liam and Zayn yelled "No!" at the same time. Niall didn’t move.

Zayn and Liam stared at each other. Niall awkwardly looked at them.

__

"Come on, let's have some fun tonight!" Niall suggested and Louis immediately high-fived him nodding excitedly. They had made fast work of the meeting and the first set of photos, so by 11 pm, they were free to do whatever they wanted. "I might even have a little surprise for you guys.”

"I love surprises!” Zayn suddenly blurted, looking like an excited teenager, jumping around impatiently. 

“Tell him already.” Liam couldn't help but notice the way Zayn’s nose crinkled when he smiled like that. _Not cute. Not cute. Not cute._ Zayn absentmindedly bit his lip, waiting for Niall’s answer, and when he fidgeted around Liam just smiled to himself watching Zayn. Louis cleared his throat awkwardly and only then did Liam notice that he was _staring_. Shit. Why was he even looking at that person again in the first place? Ugh. Liam decided to say it. He knew anyway. "I think you all know _VIPRM PARIS_ , don't you?" Liam asked, and Louis’ jaw dropped. Of course, they all knew it! It was only accessible for exclusive guests. The members' only club was located in the heart of the famous and most beautiful avenue in the world, the _Rue De Rivoli_.

"We're seriously going there?" Louis asked again. Zayn giggled. Zayn was _so_ weird. Sometimes he was that ice-cold and arrogant model and then other times he acted like a completely different person, which was _very_ strange. Liam didn’t want to think he was bipolar or anything like it, because he had no clue when it came to mental illnesses but he simply didn’t know how to act around him anymore. He was _so_ confused. ”Let's go then, huh?”

When they arrived, it didn't take long for them to be allowed inside because their names were on top of the list. Of course, they were. It had apparently taken Zayn completely off guard to be on that list for whatever reason but Liam decided not to ask and just drag him inside instead. Zayn didn't complain.

Inside, rich colors and textures surrounded the space, with stunning examples of French Rococo furniture and Baroque styling. Liam once again fell in love with this really stylish place. Niall and Louis immediately ordered drinks but Liam felt the need to yell "Let the fun begin!”

During a conversation with some black haired man, Liam learned that the club’s unique reputation ensured that anyone who chose the venue for business or pleasure was guaranteed to convey sophistication, charm, and elegance to their guests. The club even offered a variety of quality menus and the Chef worked closely with the client to select a perfect menu for the occasion. Everything was designed with the client in mind and fuck. Every time he was here, he was reminded why it was just so special to be on that guest list.

At three in the morning, the four of them eventually called a cab that drove them back to their hotel, because they’d had managed to get way too drunk within a few hours.

Niall and Louis disappeared quickly, and to Liam’s surprise, he and Zayn also made it to their suite without too much trouble a few minutes later.

"Will you sleep on the couch again, Li-Li?” Zayn slurred and Liam had to suppress a laugh when he noticed that Zayn couldn’t even take off his shoes anymore. He just collapsed into bed, star-fished out and sighed happily. Zayn was so much more drunk than Liam, Jesus. "So comfy." Liam let his laugh be heard when Zayn rolled his head from side to side "Big, comfy, and cozy" Zayn sighed again. "Fluffy and soft just like your hair, Liam."

Liam snorted with laughter, too drunk to question what Zayn had just said to him. "Oh shut up, Zaynie.” Zayn made a whiny noise and Liam didn't know why. He waited for him to speak up, just to make sure he was okay but Zayn stayed quiet. ”Zayn, you still awake?”

"Uh-huh... My shoes...hurt...not comfy," he mumbled, and Liam rolled his eyes. He tripped over his own feet but somehow still made it to Zayn, knelt down in front of the bed and took off his brown boots. He threw them carelessly into the room and Zayn exhaled, clearly relieved that his shoes were gone. "Sleep here?"

Liam was too drunk to argue, so he just got up, sat down on the bed next to him and let himself fall back onto the soft mattress. His head collided with Zayn's arm, and he wanted to apologize, but Zayn was already asleep.

In the morning, Liam was sure about one thing only anymore and that was that he was _very_ confused. And fucked. Or both. Liam was spooning Zayn (when did this happen?!) and he had been listening to the small snoring sounds coming from Zayn for over an hour now. He found them cute. Cute! Jesus Christ! Zayn was not even his friend, for fuck's sake!

Liam was not supposed to find anything about him cute, especially since Zayn was actually an annoying little shit and Liam _definitely_ did not like him. At all. Well, maybe he was a cute little shit, though. _Fuck._

"Zayn?" Liam whispered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes blinking several times before deciding to turn over and lay on his back. Zayn slowly turned around, wrapped his left arm around Liam's waist and placed his head on Liam’s chest, eyes still closed. Why did Zayn smell so good? Wait, wait wait...did Liam now think he _smelled_ good? The heck? Liam pulled the duvet over them and sighed.

"Slept well?" Liam wanted to know, slowly starting to massage Zayn’ scalp. Why was he doing that now?! He had no freaking clue. It just came naturally, _really_!

"Uh-huh," Zayn mumbled and opened his eyes to look straight up into Liam’s. It took Zayn about two seconds until he apparently realized what was going on. He quickly scooched over to his side of the bed. "What the fuck did you just.. Did we cuddle?!”

"Uh...I...sorry...It just kinda happened, I think?” Liam mumbled, scratching his head.

”Did you like it, because a nobody like you got to touch me?!” Zayn said and Liam immediately opened his mouth to protest.

"Excuse me, _Zac_ , but that’s just rude!” Zayn fish-mouthed at him and only then did Liam noticed Zayn’s nearly naked body. He silently prayed that he wouldn't get hard again. Why did Zayn…Liam would definitely without any debate sleep on the fucking couch again. Why couldn’t he control himself!? Liam quickly pulled the duvet over him.

Zayn rolled his eyes. ”Oh, calm down, it's not like you haven't seen me in boxers before.” Liam decided that enough was enough, reached for Zayn's arm and tried to pull him back into bed. Or something. Zayn, however, didn't react the way Liam expected, and just slapped his hand away.

"I thought I made it clear, Payne. Don't touch me and keep your distance!" Zayn yelled all of a sudden and reminded Liam once again why he used to hate him. Zayn was after all, still an arrogant idiot.

* * *

"Well, Zayn, are you ready for the shooting?" Niall wanted to know, sipping his tea. Zayn wasn't ready at all. He only wanted to be alone! He wanted to hide somewhere and think. Was that too much to ask for? He was angry, sad, nervous, insecure and happy all at the same time. That weird mix of feelings confused him and he couldn’t figure out what caused it. He needed to sort it out for himself.

Niall furrowed his brow. “Zayn, you okay over there, bro? You're as white as a sheet. Did something happen?”

"I fucking hate him, seriously." Zayn snapped and Niall turned to him immediately.

“Zayn, we’ve already had this conversation! You can’t stand Liam, okay. Not again, please.” Niall whined. “You don’t have to see him ever again. Just this one job!”

Zayn didn’t even listen.”He ruined everything, Niall. I can't even joke around properly without feeling like shit! I want it to go away!”

Niall scrunched his nose. “Wait, wait, wait." Zayn froze and stopped talking. In fact, Zayn only now seemed to realize he had said that out loud. Shit. "We aren't even talking about Liam, are we? Are we talking about _him_?" 

Zayn looked down at the floor and slightly shook his head. They were so talking about _him_. Zayn never talked much about _him_. He only ever mentioned a few ugly things that had happened, and then mostly got drunk afterward. Niall had never asked many questions. Zayn knew that his friend probably thought Zayn would open up when it was the right time for him, but he never had. Not even after all this time of silently suffering. "Do you want to talk about it, Z?" Zayn shook his head again, biting his lip hard. "Zayn, don't hurt yourself. Stop this.”

“What time? When do I have to be there? Can I...I need some alone time.” Zayn whispered and Niall obviously didn't know what to do. "I'll be back in time, promise.”

“Shooting starts in about two hours, Zayn." Niall announced, and the moment he had finished his sentence Zayn got up, left the café.

___

"Oh yes, just like that!" the photographer cheered with his thick French accent as Zayn bit his lip seductively, looking into the camera. He was wearing a shiny black suit by _Ermenegildo Zegna_.

Zayn liked that the campaign was a huge collaboration between different brands. _Balmain_ was the main one though.

"You're doing great, Zayn!" Liam said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Zayn here, Zayn there! Does anyone even take notice of me too? I have to pose on this ugly ass brown sofa like a freaking porn star, sitting here legs spread, fingers in my gelled back hair while only wearing _Levi's_ jeans and nothing else. I feel fucking uncomfortable right now, but of course, nobody focuses on me, cause all of you guys assume I'd complain, which I'm by the way doing right now, you fuckers. I'm done." Liam announced, got up and grabbed a random heavily patterned _Balmain_ shirt to quickly pull over his head. Louis’ jaw dropped and Niall just shrugged at him, not knowing what had just happened. Liam flipped both of them off before he left.

"What the fuck?" Zayn asked and the photographer, called Pierre, pouted. "Who the hell does he think he is? He did not just leave the room, did he? I'll murder him! He's the most unprofessional fuck ever. Why am I even working with someone like him?! Can't I just work with someone else?”

"There's a replacement, sure." Pierre said and Zayn’s head snapped up, hearing the news. "His name is Harry Styles, but _Balmain_ said they would just want him in cas-“

"Call him! I refuse to shoot with Payne anymore. He's such a pain in the ass. Maybe this Harry guy will be a little bit more professional!" Zayn demanded and Niall just gaped at him. "What are you all waiting for? I'm done with this if Styles isn't here in 10 minutes. He is in Paris after all, isn't he?" Pierre nodded, looking scared because everyone in the room knew that Zayn didn’t fuck around when he got angry.

Not even five minutes later, a curly haired tattooed man entered the room. He was very tall and extremely good-looking. "Hello." It didn't take Zayn long to realize that the beautiful creature in front of him had to be a rather quiet person. "I'm Harry." Zayn only nodded, since he was sure Harry knew who he was anyway. "And you are?”

He _didn't_ know who Zayn was?! What? Seriously now? All of a sudden someone in the room giggled, trying to cover it up with coughing. Louis. Well, great. Whatever!

Could he have Liam back, please? _Wait, what?_

"Excuse me, _Henry Style_ , or whatever the hell your name is, I'm going to search for Liam now. I'm sorry for the mistake. No idea why they called you to do this shooting with me. You don't even look like Liam. You definitely aren't adapted for this job. Bye!" Zayn said, actually flipping his hair. He needed to find Liam because he could not do this. Who the hell did Harry even think he was?

Zayn didn't have to search for Liam though, because just at this moment, Liam re-entered the room. Harry opened his mouth to protest.

"Oh hey, Harry!" Liam said, approaching the mysterious curly haired dude. Oh great, they knew each other! _What a joy!_

Zayn didn't know what was worse, Liam hugging a very good looking guy in front of him and the weird feeling of jealousy inside of him, or the fact that they generally knew each other. "Long time, no see." Harry nodded.

"Anyway. Liam, hi! Harry, bye!” Zayn interrupted, wanting to get rid of this _photoshop-face_ called Harry Styles.

"Whoa, rude, Zayn! That’s just Harry. He worked for us… _Balmain…_ Before, I mean." Why was Liam stuttering? And why didn’t Zayn know that Liam had apparently already worked with _Balmain_!? "He left for _Gucci_ a couple of months ago, though." Harry nodded again. Liam smiled and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders.

Zayn didn't like Harry. At all.

“Where is Louis?!” Liam suddenly asked. “Louis where are you?”

"He's over here." Niall interjected but instead of saying anything, Louis just awkwardly stood next to him. He didn’t even move. "And apparently not very talkative today.”

"Shut up, Niall. I was just thinking about something, yeah? I was deep in thoughts and you ruined it! I just had a brilliant idea!" Louis defended himself. Harry waved. "Hey, Harry!”

“Hi, Louis” Harry shouted, smiling like the sun. “Hey, Niall!” He turned on his heel, ditching Liam and Zayn. He then jumped into Louis’ arms and Zayn just groaned. Could they be flirting elsewhere, please? Zayn and Liam had a job to do!

"Yeah, now that you two are happily married, would you shut up, make out quietly or just leave?" Zayn suggested, and suddenly, he (for heaven knows why) had Louis, Liam, Niall _and_ Harry's attention. "What? What is it? Aren't you two like...a thing?”

"No!" Harry and Louis shouted in unison, while Liam and Niall just facepalmed at the same time. Zayn didn't understand what the fuck was wrong with all of them, but at this point, he didn't even care.

“Whatever! Liam, we've got a job to do! Hurry the fuck up and get that nice butt of yours over here." Zayn commanded, not even realizing what he’d just said until after the words were out of his mouth.

"Can you jump?" Pierre asked five minutes later and Zayn raised an eyebrow. Liam burst out laughing for god knows why and so did Pierre. Zayn had by now figured out that they must have known each other before the shooting or that they even were friends because they got along very well. In general, Liam seemed to get along with everyone, which was weird. Zayn didn't care, though, because it was Liam, and he didn't give a fuck about this feathery haired asshole who touched him all of the time even if he didn't like it.

He knew that Liam had to do it while working and usually Zayn managed to not feel anything when other models touched him but with Liam it was different. He _hated_ it. In fact, he didn't like anything about this shooting at all.

He hated that Harry had been staring at Liam. He hated that Niall and Louis were distracting him, giggling like the stupid idiots they were, but most of all, he hated Harry. _Harry_! What a stupid fucking name for a stupid fucking _photoshop-face_ who was fucking staring at stupid Liam as if he wanted to fucking lick down his stupid perfect caramel-colored stupid fucking chest. Zayn wanted to throw Harry out! Fucking Harry!

“Wow, Liam! I didn't know you worked out that much since I left _Balmain_. Nice abs." Harry commented to cap it all. Zayn wanted Harry to choke painfully slow. He had no idea why, but he just didn't like Harry. At all. "You should push your jeans down a little bit more, Liam. Would show off your _V_   better. I think it'd look good on the photos. Don't you think so, Pierre?”

Liam shrugged and quickly pushed his jeans lower without any protest. Zayn didn't know what to do, strangle Harry or stare at Liam’s body. Maybe both? But he definitely wanted to kill Harry first. 100%. _Now_. Or just kill them at the same time? Killing two birds with one stone!

"Maybe you should get naked so that Harry can see everything." Zayn grumbled, which caused Niall to hurry outside, Louis in tow. Niall could’ve said he was a right bitch or jealous or whatever the hell, but he didn't have to _leave_. Traitor of a best friend, the Irish one! "You two look at each other as if you’ve already fucked, seriously."

Harry laughed, rolling his eyes. ”Oh we have, darling. Not a secret.” Zayn’s jaw dropped. Liam and Harry?! They had sex?! Harry was into guys?!

Zayn hated Harry even more now because while Zayn was stuck in that goddamn closet, Harry had gotten the chance to touch Liam’s body. How very unfair. And to make it worse, Zayn couldn’t even have any sex in the first place. He hated everything and everyone.

Zayn was jealous because Liam had flirted with _him_ , okay? Not with Harry. With _him_ , thank you very much. And even if Zayn had pretended to hate it, he hadn’t. And now there was Harry, who was fucking flawless which Zayn would never in a million years be. Zayn couldn’t believe that this curly fucker just took Liam away from him. Liam had been the only person who had ever bothered talking to him no matter how disgusting Zayn decided to treat him like.

But one thing was for sure. Zayn hated Harry more than his own life could ever hate Zayn!

"Okay, then you better leave and fuck in the bathroom or shit so that this tension will be gone. We don't need this here, seriously. Or maybe you should shoot with Liam instead, Harry? There would definitely be more chemistry since you're both gay or whatever. You’re obviously attracted to each other. I think I'm done with this. See you all tomorrow...or not. I don't even care. Have fun with whatever." Zayn ranted. He didn’t know why, but when he looked at Liam he disappointedly shook his head.

Zayn rushed outside. Who even needed Liam? Nobody did. God, he was fuming with anger when he arrived at the hotel. He was really fucking angry and really fucking _horny_. Just because he wasn’t meant for sex, didn’t mean he didn’t get aroused sometimes. But the thing was, Liam caused this shit which pissed Zayn off. Liam with his soft skin, that stupid birthmark, round and firm butt, abs and his stupid _V._

He couldn’t get him off his mind. _LiamLiamLiam_. Always fucking Liam.

And the worst thing was that Zayn suddenly wanted, yes he wanted, which was completely new to him, Liam to _touch_ him. TOUCH.

He even _wanted_ Liam to cuddle him again, even if he was so freaking scared of it. Every little touch felt like fire on his skin but Liam with his stupid smile made Zayn want to deal with it.

He didn’t want to acknowledge it to himself but he’d been wide awake this morning when he’d snuggled up against Liam. He still didn’t know why he’d felt like it, for fuck’s sake.

Zayn sat down on the bed with his _Apple_ MacBook Air and opened a website he'd been avoiding for quite some time now. He typed in _blowjob_ and started the video. He hated porn, but he would definitely not jerk off to the imagination of Liam. He simply refused to! He didn't like Liam and just because of his body... He could totally get himself off to a random dude receiving a blowjob. He’d just imagine it was him who had Liam’s' dick…Shit, no! He needed help.

After two minutes of silently judging himself for doing _this_ in the first place, Zayn eventually decided that his hard-on wouldn't just disappear. He needed to touch himself, even if he didn't like it, yeah? It had to sound weird, but he really, really didn't like to touch himself. He avoided it at all costs.

Zayn pressed play and shoved his hand inside of his boxers, touching himself. He didn't wrap his hand around his dick just yet, but tried to get used to the feeling again, desperately hoping he wouldn't remember _things_.

He would just get over with it. It probably wouldn't take long anyway, would it? He needed to fucking come or he'd explode, that was for sure. Stupid fucking Liam.

Zayn slowly wrapped his left hand around himself, the moaning noises of the guy in the video in the background, and he started to slowly move his hand. At first, he decided to only let his thumb slowly glide over his head, but that wasn't enough so he continued to jerk himself off. Whatever!

Zayn closed his eyes, his hand steadily moving when his mind somehow drifted off, imagining his lips on Liam’s body. He bit his lip. He sighed and imagined the moans coming from the video he was supposed to actually watch to be noises Liam would make.

He had to be a proper creep, seriously. Thinking about Liam definitely worked. Great. He decided to keep on going and let himself collapse on the bed so that he was lying there. After a while, he was so caught up imagining Liam's touch instead of his own that he didn't even notice when the door flew open.

"Is that _gay_ porn?" someone shrieked. Zayn’s eyes flew open, remembering that he shared the suite with a certain someone. He hoped this was all just a bad dream, but then again, when was he ever lucky?


	5. Nick

Zayn wanted to die. How embarrassing could a situation even get?! He’d imagined Liam while… and then… ”No, it's not!” He had definitely not thought about Liam while touching himself. He had not!

Liam just stood there in the doorway, gaping at Zayn, and then, much to Zayn’s dismay bubbled over with laughter. Fucking Liam.

"It is _definitely_ gay porn! I've seen the same video before! You're getting off to fucking gay porn, Zayn?!” Liam asked, still laughing. Liam didn’t even bother turning around. Zayn didn’t know if he couldn’t or didn’t want to. Ugh.

The worst thing, however, was, that Zayn hadn’t even noticed that he still had his hand wrapped around his dick until now. He reached for the blanket next to him and pulled it over his crotch but made the situation even worse, when the laptop fell off the bed. Instead of just ignoring it he instinctively bent over to pick it up, offering Liam an even _better_ view. But that wasn’t the worst! The video started playing again, showing the taller man coming hard into the mouth of the other one, screaming his name. Zayn wished the ground would open and swallow him up. He also wondered who in the name of god screamed like that during sex. How very unrealistic.

"I've already seen your dick, Zayn, don't bother covering up. Nice size, though, I must say." Liam added, smirking. Zayn could hardly believe this was happening. He was dreaming. Fast asleep. 100% a dream!

A fucking nightmare! Why did Liam not only have to walk in on him jerking off, no he had to see him watching _gay_ porn! And to make it even worse he had to fucking comment on his penis, which was still painfully hard. _Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare_.

"You've got some explaining to do, don't you?” Liam asked, but laughed. Nope, Zayn didn't have to do shit. He would never in a million years tell Liam about his sexuality and he especially wouldn’t tell Liam that he was somehow attracted to him for heaven knows why. Liam wasn’t even nice to him in the first place!

"How about you fuck off and leave me alone?" Zayn replied and, for some reason, added "Please!" which apparently caught Liam off-guard, as his eyebrows shot up at the last word. Liam blushed and wordlessly left the room. Thank god.

Zayn let out a breath, trying his best to ignore Liam's laughter coming through the door. What an asshole! Zayn wrapped his hand around his hard-on again and started pumping it, his mind involuntarily drifting to Liam, whose laughter had by now died down. Liam was still waiting outside. He couldn’t do that, could he? No, he couldn't do that! He tried to force his mind onto something else, but the moment, he heard Liam giggling outside again his mind went straight back to him. Within seconds he was coming all over his hand, not doing such a good job at keeping quiet. What the actual fuck!?

How was he supposed to face Liam now!? How!? He probably had to talk about what had just happened but he couldn’t tell Liam that he was into men. He couldn’t! He wasn't out to anyone, except Niall. Why couldn’t Zayn think of any way to get around this?! He cleaned himself up and took a deep breath. He could that.

He was officially shit out of luck when he realized that he couldn’t text Niall first because he couldn't find his phone. Niall, who’d always helped him covering everything up no matter what. How was Zayn supposed to talk to Liam without talking to Niall first?! Shit.

"Okay, you can do this. You can get outside and talk to him, Zayn. You can totally do this. He's a nobody!" Zayn mumbled to himself, trying to get it together. He was just about to open the door when his knees got weak. He couldn’t do this at all! Everyone thought he was a womanizer and even if he hated that image, he knew that outing himself would change everything. Why did he have to be attracted to men!? Men only. Men like Liam. Men like...what the fuck? No, definitely not Liam!

“Zayn, have you quite finished?" Liam interrupted his inner conflict, slowly opening the door, peering into the room. “Can we talk?” They were looking straight into each other’s eyes when Liam opened his mouth again."It's no big deal if you get off to-" Zayn was not about to let Liam finish that sentence, so he pressed his hand over Liam’s mouth to prevent him from talking.

"Shut up." Zayn growled but Liam just licked the inside of Zayn’s hand, making Zayn jump and tear his hand away. “Ewww!” Liam just smiled, pushed past him and sat down on the bed before Zayn even got the chance to protest. Zayn expected Liam to say something cheeky or even rude, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached for the laptop, turned it off, put it aside and hinted at Zayn to sit down next to him. Zayn wasn’t six years old! He would never sit down next to him just because… Liam smiled at him, crinkles forming by his eyes. Zayn approached him and plopped down next to him. Amazing. Maybe he was six years old after all. Fucking Liam and his stupid smile.

“So as I was trying to say, it's no big deal that you get off to gay porn.” Liam said, using a soft voice that he had never directed at Zayn before.

Zayn squirmed uncomfortably, looking at the floor, not saying anything. "I mean I never thought gay porn could be hot for straight guys, but apparently it is? I could never get off to…like…you know.” Liam giggled at himself, and Zayn couldn't help but let out a small chuckle as well. "That's not the point. What I'm trying to say is that you get off to…uh…it’s okay? I wouldn't judge you for that?” Zayn buried his red face into his hands. He was _so_ embarrassed. “Someone needs to change the sheets though! I refuse to sleep in a cum-stained bed if it's not my own cum. I, even more, refuse to sleep on that god awful couch again!” Had Liam just said that? Zayn burst out laughing, looking at Liam. ”See you're laughing, Zayn. Not that bad, eh?”

At that point, Zayn’s brain apparently decided that it was done functioning for the day. He blurted it out before he could even think twice about it. "I'm not straight.”

Liam’s head shot up, his mouth fell open and he just gaped at Zayn in disbelief. Zayn felt strangely calm. "I'm pretty much gay, myself." Had he just said that out loud?! Liam and he weren't even friends! They just worked together, so he was basically a _stranger_ , wasn't he? He’d just outed himself to a fucking stranger! His brain clearly wasn't working at all anymore or was rather busy with thinking about nothing else anymore but _LiamLiamLiam_.

That could not happen, it couldn’t. Zayn had promised himself that he'd never let someone come close to him in any way ever again. Not after what had happened last time. Just no. Zayn couldn't deal with that again. Why did this even happen in the first place?! Liam wasn’t even nice to him. Why Liam? Why?

"Not straight. Gay." Liam repeated slowly, his eyes widening when Zayn nodded. “You're kidding, aren't you?" Zayn wasn’t joking around at all, but he suddenly got scared shitless.

"Yeah gay, but I'm also taken.” Zayn blurted out. What the fuck was wrong with him!? Why did he say that!? Liam’s jaw dropped again. Zayn considered taking it back but it somehow made him feel protected, knowing Liam now thought he wasn’t single. Maybe Liam would back off? Wouldn’t that be easier for Zayn? He wouldn’t have to be scared anymore, right?

"You're gay and in a relationship with a dude." Liam said again, apparently trying to convince himself that he wasn't hearing things. Zayn nodded, even though he wasn't in a relationship at all. As if he could even handle being in a relationship. Who on earth would even want a failure like him? Eww, god no. Zayn wouldn't even want to date himself. "And who's your boyfriend then?" Zayn suddenly panicked. Of course, Liam just had to go there. Nosy jerk!

"Niall!" Zayn said without even thinking about the consequences. He could have done so much better, but of course, he had to blurt out the first name that had come to his mind. Of fucking course. He could’ve just mentioned a random name like _Chris_ , but no, he had to say _Niall_ as in Niall fucking Horan, his assistant and best friend. Hell, Niall would decapitate him when he found out about this.

"Niall?!" Liam practically yelled, obviously not believing his ears. "You're dating Niall, as in Louis’ friend Niall, as in your assistant Niall, as in your best friend Horan. Fuck, I mean Niall is your _boyfriend_!?”

Zayn wanted to jump off a cliff. He had just told Liam Payne that Niall, the straightest guy who had ever existed on this earth, was his other half, his fucking boyfriend. Zayn nodded. He had to. Niall. _Happy Birthday. Merry Christmas. A Happy New Year!_ What had he just done!? Why did he have to be that stupid!? "But all of those girls and you…and…  not touching and…homophobic…flirting…what?" Liam sounded very confused and Zayn suddenly felt sorry for him. He really did. "Why did Niall let me flirt with you?!”

"Let you what?!" Zayn couldn't believe what Liam had just said. Had he really flirted with him? Zayn hadn't imagined that? Liam had wanted to flirt with him? Why the…what?! "Why the fuck would you flirt with someone like me? I've been nothing but horrible to you. I'm disgusting. You should hate me, for god's sake? Liam, what's wrong with you?”

“No, you're not. I am the horrible one. Whatever, it doesn't matter." Liam whispered, suddenly looking a little bit downcast. Zayn didn't understand anything anymore, so he did what he always did when he felt awkward. He went to push a loose strand of hair behind his ear, only this time Liam was quicker than Zayn and gently did it for him.

"You always do this." Liam noted, moving his hand away slowly. “Sorry.” Liam observed him enough to know that Zayn did this all the time? Yeah. No. This had to be a coincidence. “I…uh…yeah. I just…yeah."

"Why are you rambling?" Zayn wanted to know. Liam awkwardly bit his lip. Zayn didn’t think this looked hot. He didn’t. Nope. Not at all.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was gay…I mean…uh…nobody knows, and I want to keep it that way if that's okay? I…it's not really good for my image, I guess?" Zayn mumbled. Liam nodded, fiddling around with his fingers.

"Won't tell anyone, promise. Before I forget, I just wanted to let you know we'll be staying in Paris for a little longer now. Until the shooting is done, whenever that is? They changed plans when Harry showed up. As far as I know, they want to add some models now. You and I will still be on the covers and all, but they obviously want some people in the background. We have tomorrow off until everyone gets to Paris. We have to stay here, in this hotel and in this-“

"I'm okay with sharing the suite with you, Liam. It's nice here." Zayn interrupted and smiled at Liam, who immediately smiled back.

"Don't you want to share with Niall then? Why don’t we just swap? I’ll share a room with Louis and you two take the suite, yeah?” Liam suggested and for whatever reason Zayn leaned in. Liam didn’t move. Fuck. Thankfully his brain kicked back into action, and his lips landed on Liam’s left cheek instead. #

Zayn needed to talk to Niall, shit!

* * *

"Okay, so we thought that Liam and Zayn could do this, you know?” the main photographer Lee repeated himself. Liam just gave him a thumbs up, reassuring him that both of them had understood the whole idea already. 

Liam knew Zayn didn't really like to be touched and he really wanted to not make him feel uncomfortable ever again. He should get his shit together. Why did he always behave like a fucking asshole himself when he was surrounded by… whatever. Liam had to apologize to Zayn. He was really nice after all, right? Maybe acting like an arrogant piece of shit was just some kind of facade? Liam needed to talk to Louis as soon as possible, for goodness sake.

Liam would be lying if he claimed that Zayn's confession of being gay hadn't shocked him, but the fact that Niall and Zayn were dating had almost made him keel over. Why hadn’t he noticed anything?! He never thought he’d one day think something like this, but Niall came across as being straight as a ruler. On the other hand, he’d also thought Zayn was. Jesus, maybe his gay-dar was broken! No wonder he was sexually frustrated! Maybe he could get involved with Harry again because he’d been a good fuck. Who was he even kidding? He never did the same guy twice and to be honest, the only guy who Liam was interested in at the moment was the one he couldn’t have and the one he’d treated like shit. Why did Liam have to be such a dickhead, seriously.

"Welcome, Harry!" Lee cheered when Harry entered the room. No Liam would definitely not get involved with him ever again. ”I'm glad you agreed to work with us again! It's fantastic, love! I missed taking photos of that fabulous face of yours!" Harry rolled his eyes but smiled at Lee nevertheless. Suddenly he stood in front of Liam though and casually kissed his cheek. He even winked. What the fuck?

"There's so much gay in here!" Niall announced. Liam turned around and once again tried to figure out why he hadn’t noticed anything. Zayn suddenly reached for Niall’s hand and dragged him out of the room, not saying a word. The fuck? 

Liam looked at Louis, silently asking for an explanation, but he just shrugged. So he didn’t know either. Interesting. Instead of saying anything Louis immediately focused on Harry and waved, making Harry, who was standing next to Liam blush crimson. Liam knew for a fact that Harry had been in love with Louis for quite some time now, which was actually sad since Louis, unfortunately, didn’t feel the same at all. Harry had been pining for Louis for quite some time until he’d given up eventually. Back then, Harry had even quit working for _Balmain_ because of him. One night he’d stood in front of Liam’s house crying and they’d both ended up being drunk, claiming they’d never find love. They’d also ended up fucking, but that was beside the point.

Liam was deep in thoughts when Zayn and Niall returned. Niall's face was bright red and Zayn’s lip was bleeding. Liam gulped. Had they made out? Liam tried to push these thoughts away because he didn’t want to imagine them making out. It just seemed so wrong to him and not because he had grown fond of Zayn. He hadn’t.

"Sorry, we had to...uh, talk?" Zayn apologized, and Liam’s eyebrows shot up. Why hadn’t he just made a snarky comment? Had he really just apologized? Was Liam still asleep and this was some random dream where he ended up fucking Zayn and Harry or...what? No, no, no. He was going insane. He needed more sleep or something.

"Whatever." Liam snapped. "Can we start then, or is there some unfinished business left, Zayn?” Liam wanted to throw up. Why did he find it disgusting when he imagined Zayn making out, no, even kissing Niall? Ugh, what was wrong with him? He was gay, for fuck's sake. Wasn't he supposed to find the imagination of two dudes kissing hot? Two guys, who looked good? Zayn looked amazing with his defined jawline and those legs and.... and Niall was...fuck. Liam needed to stop. He should probably reconsider his rule of not fucking the same guy twice. “Sorry, I forgot something. Louis, can I talk to you for a second?” Louis scratched his head in confusion but nodded.

They went outside and before Louis got the chance to ask his friend what he wanted to talk about Liam already blurted it out. “Louis, I’m fucked. Don’t even ask me why, but I like Zayn way too much for my own good even though I have no idea why. Instead of being nice to him I treat him like shit because you know that I can’t deal with liking people. He’s arrogant and comes across as a fucking idiot but I’m the idiot! Whenever I’m around _certain_ people, and you know who I’m talking about, I become a fucking jerk even though I try to be myself! It was the worst idea ever to model for _Balmain_!”

“I noticed.” Louis just answered, patting Liam’s shoulder. “Liam, just be yourself. You’re such an amazing person.” Liam teared up. “Just because some people in this business treated you like shit in your past, doesn’t mean all of them are the same. Don’t you think people like Jacques would hate you if you were an asshole? All of them like you. You just still don’t know how to deal with… _both sides_. You can’t ignore it any longer, Liam.”

“I fucking know.” Liam answered, rolling his eyes. “I know, okay?”

“Look, it’s not easy. I know it isn’t. But I also know _you_ , Liam. My advice is to always remember who you really are. You’re not just a random model. That was _your_ decision.” Louis said, smiling. “Sometimes it shows, because deep down you know you should get your shit together already. I know you never wanted all of this, but it’s not just a burden.”

“I know.” Liam mumbled. “What about Zayn though?”

“Just apologize, you oaf.” Louis suggested and giggled. “I’m pretty sure both of you are going through the same thing. You’re both hiding something big. I don’t know what Zayn is hiding but it’s obvious that he’s actually quite nice. Niall would never like him if he really was an asshole.”

Liam nodded, looking at the door. “Okay.”

“Now go back inside and just be Liam, yeah?” Louis replied before they went back inside.

Nick, Matt and Jordan entered the studio just seconds later, making Liam want to throw a fit. He knew this was supposed to be an LGBT fashion campaign which involved dozens of well-known brands but why hadn’t Louis told him that these three men would be involved now?! Maybe Louis _was_ right. Maybe he should get his shit together already. He would’ve known then after all, damn.

Now that Liam knew that Zayn was into men, he didn't like the thought of hot guys being around him at all. He was taken and probably didn’t even care but it bothered Liam a lot.

"Hey, Nick!" Zayn said cheerfully, waving at him. "Nice to see you again." Nick only nodded but rolled his eyes, whereas Matt and Jordan approached him to exchange some words. Out of all people, Jordan smiled a bit too much at Zayn for Liam’s taste. Fucking Jordan.

Why did Zayn look like as if he was flirting with Jordan? And why did Jordan smile even more when he noticed that Liam was watching them? Had he still not gotten over Liam?! How many times did Liam have to tell him, that he wasn’t interested anymore? Jordan had been a good fuck, yes but Liam never broke his own rules. Trying to make Liam jealous only made Liam want to kill him but definitely for another reason. Flirting with Zayn?! Could he keep his distance from his boy, please? Fuck. From Niall’s boyfriend. From Niall’s boy.

Liam turned at Niall and seriously quickly wondered if Niall didn’t care of if he was blind. Someone was obviously flirting with his other half, but he didn’t seem to get jealous at all.

Maybe he didn't even deserve Zayn after all. Maybe Zayn deserved better as well. Since when did Liam even care?! Zayn is arrogant, obnoxious and cute. Cute?! No, no! Not cute.

Fuck, yes. Zayn was cute. And he wasn’t an arrogant piece of shit at all. Trying to make himself believe that Zayn was didn’t help Liam out at all. He _liked_ him and he didn’t even have the right to do so, because Zayn was taken and most definitely not even interested in Liam because Liam had behaved like a fucking pig.

“Off we go!” the photographer shouted, showing off his perfectly shaped white teeth that were literally glowing in contrast to his neon pink, hair. Liam liked that Lee didn’t give a fuck about what people expected him to look like. Liam loved Lee's pink hair, his colorful clothes and even his ridiculous looking shoes that Zayn was currently eyeing with intense curiosity.

“Okay,Liam and Zayn I want you to make yourself comfortable on the sofa, please? Sit down next to each other.” They followed the instructions. “And can you look at each other? Liam, can you touch Zayn’s upper arm? Zayn bite your lip, yeah? I know exactly how this is supposed to look like."

“Yes?” Liam whispered and Zayn nodded. He would from now on ask to touch Zayn. He would.

“Jordan, Matt and Nick, I want you to just sit in front of the sofa and look straight into the camera as well. Don't pull the focus away from those two, though! They should be at the center of attention, yeah?” Lee instructed.

Liam was glad he was the only one really allowed to look at Zayn, which probably sounded weird. Liam couldn’t help it. Zayn was simply _beautiful_. His black, partly grayish dyed hair, his cute little nose…Liam even found his ears attractive, and he most definitely wasn't into freaking ears. He wanted to nibble on his earlobe, fuck. Why couldn’t he stop thinking such things!?

Liam stopped when he looked straight into Zayn’s breathtakingly beautiful eyes. Had Liam already mentioned he needed help? He needed to go out tonight and find someone to fuck to get his mind of Zayn, otherwise, he’d lose it anytime soon. He was sure being sexually frustrated had to be the whole issue. 

Someone cleared their throat, but Liam ignored it being way too focused on that goddamn strand of hair, always falling right into Zayn’s face. This should be illegal. Liam wanted to strangle himself with that loose strand of hair! He’d give that stupid strand of hair a name. Maybe he’d call it _Mr. Flawless_ because every part of Zayn was fla-

"Um...Liam...we...uh..." Lee stuttered, making Liam snap out of his thoughts. He turned red when he realized he had been daydreaming. Zayn pressed his lips together but he couldn’t hide that he was smiling. What a cutie. What the fuck?

“Could you wrap your arms around Zayn? Zayn, bury your face in Liam’s neck? Or at least make it look like it.” Lee said. His face. In Liam’s neck? Liam was going to die.

“Yeah, okay.” Zayn mumbled, and Liam’s jaw almost hit the floor. Did he just really agree to this? Liam didn’t know what was happening but he needed to fucking chill and stop his freaking heart from racing just from imagining Zayn’s face in the crook of his damn neck. He was sensitive there, okay? That was the whole issue! Him being sensitive, not Zayn!

Zayn looked at Liam and nodded. This was officially the moment Liam would feel Zayn’s breath against his neck. He already prepared a farewell speech for himself, because he most definitely wouldn't survive this. Zayn winked and canceled Liam’s plans immediately. He now didn't need a farewell speech anymore, because he’d already died.

And then Zayn did it. He didn’t just pretend to do it, he fucking buried his face in the crook of Liam’s neck. Liam couldn’t focus on anything anymore. Zayn’s hair, which smelled of vanilla, tickled his chin. Zayn’s nose touched Liam’s skin. _ZaynZaynZayn._ Did Zayn smell Liam’s cologne? Did he like it? Was Zayn okay? Did he feel comfortable?

It got even worse when he noticed that Zayn followed some of Lee's further instructions, which he hadn’t even heard. Suddenly Zayn leaned a bit over him, touched Liam’s face and made them look at each other. Liam’s heart was racing. Why the fuck did Zayn have to be so perfect? _ZaynZaynZayn._

”Have you quite finished?" Nick interrupted, causing Zayn to flinch and jump to his feet.

"Yeah, that's a little bit too much, maybe?” Jordan added, smirking. Zayn blushed. 

"Uh, sorry." Zayn mumbled, looking at the other men before sitting down next to Liam again. "Can we like...um...take a quick break?”

"That's what you're always asking for, Zayn. A break." Nick snarled, rolling his eyes. Liam furrowed his brow. Who the fuck did Nick think he was to talk to Zayn like that? "Can we take a quick break? I can't do this. Blah. Blah. It's getting old, Malik." Zayn stayed silent. Liam looked daggers at Nick because even though it wasn't his place to say anything, he really wanted to defend Zayn right now. The fact that Zayn didn’t respond at all, was the strangest thing ever. He always had something to say, especially when someone wasn’t nice to him. Liam knew because he’d experienced it himself. What the fuck was going on?

"A break sounds fabulous, though." Liam announced, smiling at Lee. "Is that okay with you too?" Lee nodded. Of course, he did. He really liked Liam, always had.

Niall stood in the corner of the room, watching Zayn with a rather angry look on his face. Fuck, what if Niall was jealous after all? Liam needed to be more subtle about his, he didn't even know if he wanted to call it a crush yet, but yeah, about whatever it was. Niall crossed his arms, biting his lips and eyeing Zayn more than just observantly. Shit.

___

“Zayn, what the fuck was that? Since when exactly is anyone in the world allowed to talk to you like Nick just did?!" Liam wanted to know the moment he joined Niall and Zayn. Niall’s arm was wrapped around Zayn’s shoulders, but Liam tried to ignore it. He was really worried and somehow even confused as to why Zayn seemed to put up with Nick's shit.

It's been a while since Nick had sucked Liam off in that office and they met from time to time because of their jobs, but he’d never, not once been that rude ever before. What Nick had just said to Zayn definitely changed Liam’s perspective on him though.

"That's none of your fucking business, Payne. Get the fuck away from me and leave me alone. You're annoying, seriously. Why would you even care? We're not even friends. What do you even want?" Zayn snapped and Liam was so shocked he didn’t even know how to react.

"Oh yeah? Well then apparently you like to be treated like shit, eh? Have fun, babe!" Liam retorted, regretting it the second the words came out. Zayn shook his head and Liam couldn't make out what it was at first, but when he looked into Zayn's eyes, he noticed immediately. Zayn's eyes suddenly looked very empty. Fuck.

"We better leave now." Niall interjected, wrapping his arm around Zayn’s waist “Come on, Zayn.” Zayn didn’t move though. He was frozen to the spot when he spotted Nick entering the room again, holding Harry’s hand. They approached them and kissed right in front of them.

Niall was the first one to speak up. "What the fuck? Are you two dating now?

"Looks like it, _Neil_." Nick announced wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist. "He's flawless, isn't he, Zayn?" Nick looked Zayn dead in the eye. “Isn't Harry perfect?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Zayn there's a fuzz on your forehead. Doesn't look very pretty."

Zayn flinched, hastily trying to remove it. He didn’t succeed and suddenly looked nervous? Scared? Embarrassed? Liam couldn't really pinpoint it, but Zayn definitely looked uncomfortable.

"Hold on, I'll help you, Z." Niall said, removing it carefully while glaring at Nick. Liam didn't understand what the fuck was going on, but the tension in the room was horrible. Whatever this was, Liam needed to get Zayn out of this situation. He looked horrified.

“Zayn, do you want to leave? I'm sure we can finish this shooting tomorrow, can't we?” Liam said, looking at Lee. Liam didn’t even know why he asked in the first place. Lee wouldn’t say no.

“Yeah sure, there’s absolutely no pressure.” Lee replied and Liam nodded. Good.

Even though Zayn tried his best covering up that he didn’t feel good, Liam noticed that he was biting the inside of his cheek. His whole body was stiff and he clenched his left fist. Liam didn’t like seeing him like that. Something was off. “Let’s go, Zayn.”

"Shut the fuck up, Payne. Who do you even think you are, telling me what to do? You're a nobody. Why would I cancel this? I’m good. Maybe it’s just you that’s searching for an excuse!“ Zayn all of a sudden attacked Liam. Louis, who’d just appeared next to Liam patted Liam’s shoulder. He couldn’t even cover up looking hurt, shit.

"Oh wow, Malik has discovered how to be a little bit angry. That's so cute. Doesn't change that you're a little weak ass. I can see it. You can't cover up that you feel bad. What is it this time? A tiny little headache? Your man-period again?” Nick hissed. “By the way, now the fuzz is in your hair. Do I see split ends there? Look how healthy Harry’s hair is in comparison. Oh, oh, oh. I also see that you’ve gained some weight. Oh boy. See you after the break, Malik." Nick gave Zayn a once over, rolled his eyes, grabbed Harry’s hand and left the room.

"Liam?" Zayn suddenly whispered, sounding kind of young. He tried to fix his hair but gave up before adding “Is it really okay if we continue tomorrow?" Zayn was looking at the floor with slumped shoulders.

"Of course, Zayn" Liam said quietly, wanting to touch Zayn’s arm in comfort but pulled back when he remembered that he shouldn’t do that. 

Zayn ditched all of them and rushed outside but Liam had still seen Zayn tearing up. 

* * *

Zayn opened the door and didn’t even care about his swollen eyes anymore. He’d been crying way too much to care about anything anymore. Zayn had almost forgotten how it felt like to be treated like shit and he hated that Nick had managed to make him feel small and weak again. So what if he looked like shit? ”Are you Mr. Malik?” The young woman in front of him eyed him suspiciously, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, that's me," Zayn mumbled, not knowing what to expect. What did she want?

"Oh, well great!" she replied before thrusting a bouquet of sunflowers into Zayn’s hands. "These are for you. Card attached. Have a nice day."

He blinked and before he could even say thank you, she had already left again. Zayn looked down at the flowers in his hands. He'd never seen sunflowers as gorgeous as these. The bouquet also included some blue irises, purple monte casino asters, yellow button poms, and Queen Anne's Lace no matter how bad Zayn had felt moments ago, he couldn't help but smile. The sunflowers' extremely large and vividly yellow blooms were literally shining into his face.

“Zayn, who was i-" Niall called, approaching his friend, but the moment Zayn turned around and Niall caught sight of the flowers, he cut himself off. "Whoa...these are quite nice, I have to say. I'm not really into flowers, but those are fucking beautiful. Are they for you?" Zayn nodded, still not sure what to say. "Have you read the card already, Z? You should!"

Why would someone send him flowers? _Who_ would send him flowers? He had never told anyone that he loved flowers. He loved how beautiful and flawless they were and how they made people happy. They represented everything Zayn would never be.

Niall waited for Zayn to speak up, but he didn’t ”Oh come on! Let's go back to the living room and then you'll read the card, Zayn.”

Niall made himself comfortable on the sofa seconds later while Zayn carefully put the flowers in a vase. He then reached for the card.

_'A single sunbeam is enough to drive away shadows' - someone who cares x_

Zayn stared at the card and Niall stared at him, waiting for a response. Zayn took a deep breath. "I have no idea who sent it. It has to be a mistake."

Before Zayn could even react, Niall literally jumped forward and tore the card from Zayn's hand. He quickly opened it, scanned the text, and then giggled to himself. Zayn groaned and held out his hand for the card. “Give it back!”

"No, you dickhead. The courier said it was for you, so it _is_ for you. Now shush! Seems like someone's got a secret admirer! I bet it's the photographer. He's totally crushing on you, I swear. That’s so sweet! Too bad you're in a _relationship_ with _me_ now, Zayn. Going to be a very frustrating one, because there's no way in hell I'm gonna touch your dick. I don’t even want to _see_ it!”

"Oh god, stop, Niall! I already told you I panicked, okay? I didn’t have a choice! And what the fuck? Are you talking about Lee? Never in a million years! Oh god, he's not even my type.” Zayn mumbled. “What if it's really him? Shit.” Zayn didn't want people to like him. Especially not now when Nick had appeared out of nowhere causing him to fall back into old patterns, which he was equally pissed and scared about.

“I can’t and I don’t…uh…” Zayn wanted to explain why he hoped Lee didn’t like him but he couldn’t finish his sentence, because Liam entered the room. He’d completely forgotten that they were sharing a suite. “Hi” Why did he want to be nice all of a sudden? Must have been the flowers. Stupid flowers.

“Hey, Zayn. I'll just, um...leave you two alone. I only needed some different clothes. Niall, you can sleep here tonight if you want. I mean uh...I'll...you know?" Liam stuttered, sounding a bit off. Niall raised an eyebrow.

Liam nervously shifted from one foot to another. ”I know about you two being a thing and uh…cause Zayn...it looked like...uh...you didn't feel very well, Zayn, so I thought…"

Zayn weakly smiled at Liam, trying to cover up that he'd been crying. Liam had probably noticed anyway already. "Not necessary. I'm okay. Thank you though, yeah?" Liam nodded and left the living room without another word. "Ugh, I totally forgot we’re sharing. Niall, why did you even book this abnormally huge and luxurious suite anyway? It's ridiculous!”

“How many times do I have to repeat myself!? Even Liam has told you Louis booked this suite for him! This shit costs a fortune, hello? The room I’ve booked for you was much more to your liking, I swear. I've already told you that 100 times!” Niall complained. “Is it really okay for you that you’re staying with Liam? Given the situation, I’m sure I can manage-“

"No, it's okay, really." Zayn reassured Niall. “This suite is large enough for two. I’m sure we’ll manage to not kill each other.”

Liam now awkwardly stood in the doorway and cleared his throat. "Nice flowers" He plopped down on the couch, looking at Zayn. “Part of the room service?" Why on earth would a hotel do this? Why did Liam always have to say such weird things?! Zayn just wanted to grab a pillow and throw it into his stupid perfect face.

Zayn hated that he looked awful with his puffy eyes and runny nose. He knew his cheeks were red and he hated it. He couldn’t stand when people saw him like that. The only person who was allowed to see Zayn looking like shit was Niall. Niall had always been an exception because he’d seen Zayn at his worst.

Niall had seen him throwing up several times, had seen him bruised all over, had seen him with a broken leg, had seen him with dyed hair (Zayn didn't want to think about the _Shrek Incident_ , thank you very much), had seen him naked, had seen him bleeding yadda yadda.

There were absolutely no boundaries left between them. But looking like this in front of Liam? No thanks.

"Um, Louis and I wanted to go for dinner and yeah...do you two maybe want to join?" Liam asked but Zayn didn’t want to do shit. There was no way in hell he would want to spend time with Liam right now.

He still felt horrible for having snapped at him earlier and, if truth be told, it confused the hell out of him because he usually didn't give a flying fuck about people he'd been rude to. But with Liam it was different and Zayn wanted nothing but to get away from him. 

“No, I wanted to stay in, watch a movie and maybe get drunk.” Zayn announced and wanted to punch himself in the face when he realized that he’d said it out loud. He’d intentionally not even told Niall because he wanted to be alone, wanted to get drunk and _forget_. Why had he just opened his big mouth? Why!?

"You little fucker didn't tell me! You know I can't stay because I have to work, for fuck's sake!" Niall ranted. Zayn knew Niall was already worried sick, but he couldn’t help him anyway. Alcohol could, though. Maybe he’d even…no. ”Can you not?”

"I'll stay." Liam announced and Zayn wanted to scream. Why was it so hard to understand that Zayn wanted to be left the fuck alone! He wanted to drown himself in fucking alcohol, smoke and take some fucking pills and then just…Shit. "I mean, why not?” Why not?! Maybe because Zayn would murder him. He wanted to be **alone**. Of course, Liam had to ruin his plan. Why did Liam have to ruin everything? Why!? “That okay?”

“Yes, sure.” Zayn answered. Why on earth had he said that!? Why had he promised Niall to never…why!? Why couldn’t he just give a fuck about his promise!?

Zayn stared at the sunflowers, trying to distract himself, but it didn't work very well. He couldn’t believe he’d thought about fucking drugs again. Last time Niall had called the ambulance. Why did Nick have to appear out of nowhere again? What had Zayn done to deserve this?!

Liam smiled at Zayn. He wanted him to stop. Why did he look like the fucking sunflowers standing on the table?! Fuck these flowers. Fuck Liam. Fuck everything. Zayn fucking hates sunflowers.

Liam and Niall looked at him in surprise. Had he just said that out loud? Wow, just fucking great! That was exactly why he simply should get drunk tonight. ALONE!

"I think it's a great idea, Liam. Zayn won't be alone and maybe you two can like...you know, bond a little bit since you're working together and all." Niall checked his phone, hectically jumped to his feet, and then stormed out of the room, screaming "Fuck, it's already so fucking late! I forgot the stupid appointment. Have fun guys!" Fun killing each other or what!?

"Why do you hate sunflowers, Zayn?" Liam suddenly wanted to know. "I think they're pretty.” Of course, those stupid flowers were amazing, but the problem wasn't the freaking bouquet of flowers, the problem was sitting right next to him. “Do you already know what you want to drink or eat? Do you want to watch a movie?” Zayn shook his head.

"You know there's an excellent room-service” Liam mumbled but Zayn just shrugged, still not knowing what he could possibly say to Liam "I could order something if you want?" Zayn shrugged again, and Liam sighed in exasperation. "I get it. You don’t want me to be here, but I didn't like the idea of you being alone since you...sorry, none of my business. I can just stay in the bedroom and you can watch a movie or something by yourself if you want to be alone. Does this sound like a plan?"

Zayn didn't know if he should cry or laugh now. Liam didn't want him to be alone when getting drunk? Who even was he? Why did he care?! Why, why, why!? Zayn felt so bad for treating Liam like that. He didn’t deserve it but Zayn just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t control it. 

“Zayn, I also wanted to tell you something.” Liam suddenly said. “I think I need to apologize. Sometimes I’m not very nice, sometimes I say things I don’t want to say and sometimes I even…I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’d love to explain why I’m…I…Can we please start all over again?” 

"As long as you keep your mouth shut, let me eat unhealthy shit for once, and drink as much as I want to, you can stay.” He’d just apologized and Zayn still treated him like shit. "Now order something before I change my mind. And by the way, Liam, you're not the type to wear _Adidas_. That _Off-White_ shirt looked good though..”

“Okay? I gotta call Louis first and cancel our date real quick, yeah?" Liam told Zayn, but the only word Zayn heard was _date_. Date what? Did he just ruin Louis and Liam's date? Wait, was Louis interested in Liam? Holy fuck, what?

“Didn’t know you liked Louis like that?” Zayn mumbled trying to sound as casual as possible. Zayn wasn't jealous, but it a hell of lot felt like it. Shit. He bit his inner cheek. He was going nuts. Jealously…ridiculous.

"Yeah, totally. I'd fuck him without any second thoughts, Zayn. He's hot, isn't he?" Liam replied cheekily. Zayn just stupidly nodded, making Liam burst out laughing. "Of course not, Zayn. He's my best friend, not to mention that he’s _super_ straight. And he's not really my type, I guess. Let me cancel real quick! Choose a movie already, and please don't make me watch rom-com!” What was Liam’s type?!

Zayn would totally make him watch a rom-com, now more than ever. Hell, Zayn would even watch alien movies if Liam told him he didn't like them. He just meant it, when he’d said that he had the say tonight. It was his goddamn self-pity-party and there was no way in hell he'd let some random good looking man ruin it.

Zayn crossed his arms. ”Well, what are you waiting for? Go call him, Payne."

Liam cleared his throat, got up and left the room to call Louis, room service or whatever.

Twenty minutes later he got annoyed. What on earth would take that long!? He was about to randomly text Niall when someone knocked on the door. Great. Liam had apparently already ordered food and now he wasn’t here to open the door. Zayn hated him. He got up nevertheless and opened the door. "You again?"

"Yeah, me again. Since I already know you're Mr. Malik, I gotta tell you someone sent you flowers again. That person must like you. First sunflowers and now a bouquet of the most beautiful Gardenias I've ever seen, and believe me, I see my fair share of beautiful flowers every day. These cost a fortune. I was told the meaning of these flowers is secret admiration? Anyway. These are for you. See you soon, I guess." The courier thrust them into Zayn’s hands again and smiled. This time Zayn could thank her.

He'd never received flowers by anyone, let alone twice a day.

_'You're like a butterfly. Pretty to see and hard to catch.' - someone who cares x_

Oh god. He read it over and over again. Why did he blush? What the fuck? This was sappy as fuck and wait, what the hell did it even mean? Why did those things have to happen today? Zayn wanted to feel _bad_ today! He kind of _should_ feel bad today! He had every right to feel bad after meeting Nick again.

Nick had…Not today, but when he and Nick....no.

Instead of drowning in tears, he was now smiling because of flowers. Wow, that was so strange.

"Zayn! Sorry, it took me...flowers again?!" And there he was again. Zayn had to act as if he didn't care. There was no way he'd show Liam that his mood had changed.

Zayn decided to ignore Liam but it wasn’t very easy when he noticed that Liam had changed his clothes. Was he seriously wearing _Off White_ now? 

“Why are you smiling?” Liam wanted to know. Fuck. “You’re pretty when you smile.”

He wasn’t pretty. Especially not today. Why was Liam lying?” “Whatever.” he mumbled, turning on his heel and leaving Liam standing there.

Someone knocked on the door for the third time. Room-service. Whatever. Zayn didn't pay attention to the people who served the food. He didn't care.

“Are you hungry?” Liam wanted to know. Zayn shook his head. He wasn’t. “Can I ask you something?” No, he couldn’t but since Zayn knew he’d ask anyway he nodded. “I know I probably shouldn’t ask, but I never see you eat. Like ever.”

“I eat.” Zayn replied, reaching for a glass of water. “Not my fault that you don’t see.”

Liam smiled but Zayn noticed that he didn’t even feel like it “I’m just worried, that’s all.”

“Fine. Let’s eat.” Zayn suddenly said. He wasn’t hungry at all but he didn’t want Liam to look at him like _that all_ night long. “And then we’ll get drunk because I really feel like it.”

"You could try the duck. Tastes great? Maybe with some of the vegetables?" Zayn nodded. And right after the first bite, Zayn knew why Liam had told him the food tasted amazing. It was delicious! So amazing, in fact, that he ate more than he had planned to. Whatever.

"Let's do shots? " Liam suggested later, surprising Zayn with a few bottles of cheap alcohol. They at least agreed on that.

”One more cause some people are assholes, like Nick!" Liam shouted an hour later, already very drunk. He couldn't even walk anymore so he mostly laid on the couch, his shoulders touching Zayn’s.

"Yeah, he is. He's actually the worst." Zayn added, feeling suddenly sick to his stomach, cause he wasn't even lying. Nick _was_ the worst.

Who’d made him feel like shit? Nick. Who’d shown him how it was like being treated worse than trash? Nick. Who had hurt Zayn so bad, that Niall had to take him to a hospital? Nick. Who still controlled Zayn’s life? Nick. Whose fault was it that Zayn was getting drunk right now? Nick’s!

_Always fucking Nick._

Zayn had closed his eyes but when he opened them again, he noticed that Liam was smiling at him. Liam had no idea what was going through Zayn’s mind. The crinkles by his eyes formed and Zayn all of a sudden realized why he couldn’t control himself around Liam. Liam was different. He cared.

And it was Nick’s fault that Zayn couldn't kiss Liam right now.


	6. Cuddles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> \- discussion of body shaming  
> \- bullying

"Can you...um...like...hug me?" Zayn all of a sudden asked, being totally wasted by now. He had just had another shot of whatever the hell it was and he definitely couldn't even think straight anymore but that was exactly what felt right just this moment.

They had been laughing for over 20 minutes now just because Liam had cracked a really stupid joke. The fact that Liam could make him _genuinely_ laugh about something and made him feel somewhat carefree for a while threw Zayn off track. Something like this never happened and even though he was clearly drunk, he noticed that he wasn’t just feeling somewhat good because of being intoxicated. He felt that way because of Liam and he hadn’t felt carefree in ages. He just wanted Liam to hug him. Fuck that _Don’t Touch Me_ \- rule.

When Liam didn’t react, Zayn considered asking him again. Zayn wasn’t sure why he all of a sudden wanted to be hugged, he really didn’t. Zayn had prohibited himself from feeling the need of being touched ages ago. He’d let people touch him when necessary, let Niall sometimes comfort him but he never, not once had asked someone to touch him because he’d felt like it. He had no idea how Liam had managed to make Zayn reconsider everything but it scared the shit out of him. He also wasn’t sure if Liam was even willing to give him a hug. What if Zayn misinterpreted it? What if Liam was just being friendly? What if they weren’t even friends or something like that in the first place? What if Liam said no? What if Zayn regretted asking this? What if Zayn didn’t like it? _What if, what if, what if!_

Fuck it. He’d just go with his gut for once. He could. If Liam declined, he could still blame it on the alcohol in his system, couldn't he? Definitely. "Hug me, please?"

“And I read that when you see a-“ Liam babbled but interrupted himself when he heard what Zayn had just said."What did you just say?" He could still back out, right? Maybe this wasn’t a good idea! Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. Oh my god, he wanted to vanish into thin air. Zayn had been drinking too much! Shit. Nick's fucking fault. Why the fuck couldn’t he think about nothing else but kissing Liam anymore but couldn’t even accept the fact that he’d just asked for a hug at the same time?! Nothing made sense anymore.

"Sorry...maybe it was a stupid idea.” Zayn mumbled, looking down at the carpeted floor. "I just thought you'd hug me. Don't know why.” He was such an idiot. Of course, Liam didn’t want to hug him. Why would he in the first place!? Liam gaped at him, not saying anything. Fuck, yes, he definitely wanted to be hugged. Touched. Anything. Please, Liam. Please.

"Zayn, you don't like to be touched." Wow, okay, that was even more of a rejection that he would've expected, but at least it was the truth. Of course, Liam had accepted it. He’d told him several times that he didn’t want to be touched. Of course, Liam _cared_. The fact that Liam cared about him made Zayn like him in the first place. Somehow. A little bit, yeah? Maybe he didn't hate him anymore. Yeah, sounded like a good compromise.

And now he _wanted_ to be touched. Maybe Liam thought this was a test or shit. Why did he have to be so complicated?! Why?

Zayn didn’t have to tell him why he didn’t want to be touched, did he? It would make it so much easier, but he didn’t have to let Liam know that he was scared, right? No, god, he couldn't let Liam touch him. Zayn would break down, he would. Fuck.

His thoughts made no fucking sense. Did he want to be touched now or not!? Oh boy, he was so drunk. That had to be it.

Liam stared at him, nervously fidgeting around with his fingers, apparently deep in thoughts when he suddenly opened his arms and smiled.

_Now or never. Now or never. Now or never._

Zayn took a deep breath and flung his arms around Liam. They fell over because Liam hadn’t expected Zayn to be that excited and Zayn just landed on top of him. He wouldn’t freak out. He wouldn’t. They were just cuddling on the sofa. This was normal. Nothing weird about it. Fuck this was so scary.

“Are you okay?” Liam whispered, not moving at all. He just let Zayn lay on top of him, head on his chest and Zayn was glad, because he couldn’t answer. He was freaking out on the inside, but when he heard Liam’s heartbeat he told himself that Liam wouldn’t hurt him. He wouldn’t. This was Liam. _LiamLiamLiam_.

Zayn could feel that Liam was looking at him. He’d usually panic but he was way too focused on hearing Liam’s heartbeat. He'd never listened to anyone's heartbeat in his life before, and he found it very calming.

"If I'm doing anything wrong…just…I know you don’t like to be touched and I don’t know…Just tell me, yeah?” Liam whispered again.

"It's perfect." Zayn replied, just as quiet, closing his eyes. Despite telling himself that he didn’t like Liam, he knew that he actually did. At least a little bit. And that tiny little bit scared the shit out of him. He was afraid because he didn't like _feelings_. Why did Liam have to make him feel such things and why did Zayn automatically think of _Nick_? Why could he never get him off his mind?! Not even after all this time!? And that right there was the problem. How was he supposed to handle this when he instinctively connected everything to his past? Zayn really didn’t want to pity himself but he just wanted and needed to be as realistic as possible. This wouldn’t work, no matter if he liked Liam or not.

“Liam, you smell so good and…maybe…I think…“ Zayn fell asleep deep in thoughts, snuggled up against Liam.

When Zayn woke up again, something was off. Something felt really, really wrong. A sudden realization hit him. He was cuddling with Liam on the couch. He looked at Liam but he was snoring lightly with a smile playing around his lips while his arms were wrapped around Zayn, holding him to his chest. No, no, no. This wasn’t happening. No!

His skin started to burn, his chest tightened, his heart started to race and he couldn’t breathe anymore. His eyes teared up within seconds and his head suddenly was spinning. Zayn was sure he was about to die, right here and right now. His whole body stiffened and when he started gasping for air, Liam woke up.

“Zayn? Zayn! What’s wrong? Zayn!!!” Liam panicked. He immediately sat up and pulled Zayn into a sitting position next to him. Zayn couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't do anything, and Liam seemed scared out of his mind. He took a very deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself down, before he pulled Zayn into his lap without even asking for permission. He didn’t have a single clue that Zayn was having a panic attack _because_ of physical contact! Zayn wouldn’t survive this. He couldn’t do that. He wanted to die.

"Shh, Zayn. Shh." Liam spoke in a calming voice, trying to get Zayn to relax but he just couldn’t wrap his head around the current situation. Why would Liam try to calm him down?“Zayn, can you look at me? In my eyes? I know you can." No, he fucking couldn't! He squeezed his eyes shut, not because he wanted to, but because his freaking body told him to. "Zayn, you're having a panic attack. You'll be okay. I promise you'll be okay. Just try to open your eyes for me, please.”

Did he look like he could do that!? Oh god, Zayn couldn't breathe. It got worse and worse. He couldn't control it and he was scared, and all of a sudden he felt something on his hair. Lips.

Liam was kissing his hair over and over again. He needed to stop. Zayn wanted him to stop. God, please. Zayn wanted to die. He couldn't deal with it. He couldn't! He needed to push Liam away, needed to get away but he couldn’t. Liam did it again and Zayn opened his eyes. Stop, stop, stop.

"There you are.” Liam whispered. He had to be kidding! "You have beautiful eyes, Zayn." Did he just say Zayn had beautiful eyes? What the fuck was happening? "I'll stroke your hair now, okay? Don't look away from me. I want to see your beautiful eyes.” What!? “Don't cry, love. You'll be okay. It's just a panic attack. Just that, yeah? I'm here.”

He ran his hand through Zayn’s hair in a slow rhythm, not looking away for one second. "You know, some years ago, I sometimes had to deal with panic attacks as well because I couldn’t deal with some things. My life had changed drastically and there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to accept what was happening. I know you feel horrible right now but I promise it’s getting better in a few minutes. It will be over soon. I know you can do this, love."

Liam had called Zayn _love_ twice now. He had. Zayn didn’t know what to do. Liam thought his eyes were beautiful and he’d called him that. Zayn looked away.

"Hey, don't look away! What am I supposed to look at? There’s nothing in this room that’s more interesting than you. Please be a nice boy and let me admire something beautiful. I’m talking about you, in case you didn’t get it.” Liam said, smiling broadly. _What?!_

“That’s ri-ridiculous.” Zayn stuttered because he didn't think he was beautiful at all. He never understood why people told him he was all the time. He simply couldn't fucking see it. Designers all over the world, photographers, and magazines always told him, but in all honesty, no matter how hard Zayn tried to _see_ , he couldn’t. He always claimed that he was beautiful to come across as very self-confident and all but really didn’t think he was. There had been days where he stood in front of a mirror for hours, being completely naked, trying to find at least three things that he truly liked about himself but he’d failed. His legs were too thin, his tummy wasn’t cute, his butt too flat, his hair too messy and not soft enough, his nose too big and his lips not plump enough.

The only thing he’d never paid attention to before were his eyes. Nobody had ever commented on his eyes, not even Nick.

"Nope, I'm not joking around, Zayn. I can't say that your eyes were the first thing I noticed about you because that would be a lie since I noticed your hair first, but when I saw your eyes I just…I mean…shit…I’m sorry.” Liam said, interrupting himself. “I didn’t…uh…sorry. Yeah.” Hearing Liam ramble like that was adorable and for some reason calmed Zayn down. "I just…Fuck it. Yes, your eyes are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Nothing can compare to it. There. I said it.”

Why did Zayn feel so weird all of a sudden? Why did Liam say that? Did he just want to calm him down, or did he really mean it? That wasn't possible, was it? But on the other hand, people had always told him about his great appearance, so why would Liam think he was ugly?

“Hey, you're breathing like a normal human being again." Liam smiled down at Zayn, still stroking his hair. Zayn hadn't even noticed. What the fuck was going on? "And you're not that pale anymore, love." He’d said it again! _Love._ Zayn wanted to squeak for no reason. Who the fuck was he? A little girl? He had to pull himself together. He looked up at Liam and smiled. Fuck.

Zayn scanned Liam’s whole face, his warm brown and unfortunately concerned eyes, his eyebrows, the beard, his cute cheeks, his adorable nose and his small but perfectly formed lips.

Zayn bit his lip and smiled, a weird feeling filling him. Liam was handsome. He was. Zayn could stay here for…

When he realized what was actually going on, he tore himself away from Liam and jumped to his feet.

"I feel better. I mean..,.what are you even doing, what the fuck? Why are you touching me like that? We are...we aren't even friends! You're not...not supposed to do that! I...I...I hate it! I hate you!” Zayn screamed, eyes welling up with tears.

The only one Zayn really hated was himself but he couldn't help it. This was for the best. He needed Liam to keep his distance. He needed to forget him. This couldn’t happen. He couldn't feel _this._ Not for Liam. No.

He rushed out of the room, but couldn’t help and look back at Liam.

__

"Niall! Niall, open the door, fuck, please!!" Zayn begged, desperately knocking on his best friends' door. Zayn needed someone to talk to and if there was one person in the entire world that he would even consider telling about whatever he was feeling right now, it was Niall.

"Jesus, what’s going on? It's only nine in the morning! Who's knocking on our goddamn door!?" he heard Niall yell inside before the door was yanked open. Zayn didn't waste any time, just jumped into Niall's arms and started crying. He really couldn’t stand that he was clinging to him like this right now, but he knew Niall wouldn’t push him away no matter what.

"Zayn? What's going on? Holy shit, it's so damn early in the morning. What happened? Come inside, Jesus Christ” Niall mumbled before they both stumbled inside.

Niall and Louis' room was much smaller than the suite they were staying at. It was a pretty standard sized posh hotel room and something Zayn would usually like. He liked that it was luxurious, sumptuously decorated and generously proportioned but still simple. Zayn noticed two twin beds, a large mahogany desk, a large crystal-chandelier, a comfortable golden (oh yes, golden) armchair, a white flat-screen TV, a DVD player and a stereo player and Niall's PlayStation. Niall couldn't go anywhere without that thing, seriously. The view was rather peaceful, and you could see the Hotel's garden, the bustling _Avenue George V_ and _Avenue Pierre 1er de Serbie_ , but as beautiful as it was, Zayn needed to talk.

He collapsed on the bed he assumed was Niall’s considering that it was strewn with clothes and buried his face in the pillow, groaning. Niall sat down next to him and just waited as he always did.

“Has to do with  _him_ , hasn't it?” Niall asked carefully. _No._ He groaned again, knowing that he was acting like a child, but he couldn’t help it. He hated the situation he was currently in so much. He needed to talk about it, so he just opened his mouth and rambled, not even aware of the fact that Niall couldn't make out a single word.

Niall waited until Zayn was done. "Yeah, Z, I could totally understand you. Now that my pillow knows, would you mind turning around telling _me_ the whole story?” He didn’t want to look at Niall. He couldn’t! What if Niall would judge him!? He’d call him dumb! "Turn the fuck around!” He knew that Niall, as always, didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t even angry at him. Zayn wouldn’t know what to do if he was Niall either. ”Zayn, do I have to tickle you?”

“Don’t you dare, you dickface!" Zayn said, frowning. ”No touchy touchy!” He probably sounded stupid but he seriousy had to deal with other problems right now. Or more precisely _one_ problem, Liam Payne. Niall rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay! It’s about Liam then, am I right?”

Why did he know Zayn that well? ”Okay so...uh...I like Liam? As in like-like, but not like _like_ -like. Did you get it?” Zayn didn’t even understand himself and he knew that it was exhausting to listen to him rambling but talking about such things simply wasn’t his thing. “He's an annoying piece of shit and I want to slap his pretty face every time I see it, but he's also kinda nice and I know this makes no sense but it does for me! And that’s the problem because I don't want to be friends with him.And I don’t even know if I mean friends as in friends-friends or _friends_ -friend, you know? Oh, fuck it.” Zayn knew he had to admit it. “Long story short, I'm afraid, okay? I don't...he...when he touches me I freak out and I can't deal with it. I am scared shitless. I can't be friends with him! I don't want to be f _riends_! Do something? Can't you like do _something_? Niall, please? And can you tell me why the fuck my brain is so weird and kind of thinks Liam is lovely but not like _that_ more like... _lovely_. Shit, I'm rambling and it doesn't even make sense...Niall, I want to go home!”

"I have no idea what you’ve just said. I’m so confused. Let's try this, I’ll ask you questions and you answer me saying _yes_ or _no_ , so that we can actually sort this out.” Niall suggessted, which Zayn thought was a brilliant idea. He really didn't want to be friends with Liam, let alone more. More? Wait, what? Oh, god, he really was going crazy. He prayed that Niall could fix this.

”Did you and Liam spent the night together?” Niall wanted to know but it sounded so fucking wrong. Zayn had to tell him that they hadn’t even though they had. Nothing made sense anymore!

"No. Not like _that_. Just as friends, drinking and stuff." Zayn tried to explain.

Niall continued. ”Did you get drunk?” Zayn nodded, cause fuck yes, he must have been super drunk when he’d asked Liam to hug him.

"Did you two make out or something?” Niall questioned, making Zayn throw a pillow into Niall's face, clearly denying. "Okay, sorry, I forgot. He _touched_ you though, didn't he?" And fuck. Niall knew Zayn so well. Or did he just know that because Zayn had mentioned it before when he’d been rambling?

“Yeah, he did! We ended up cuddling, Niall! Cuddling!” Zayn whispered, trying to emphasize that he was shocked. ”And I had a panic attack. A pretty bad one. One of the worst since like, you know...back then."

Niall bit his lip, obviously knowing that Zayn had to say something else. “But I don't want to be touched.”

"Did you tell him that? Did he force himself onto you?!” Niall wanted to know, while Zayn really thought about how to explain this whole mess of a situation so that it’d make sense.

“Yes I did and no he didn’t!” he shrieked. Yes, he had told Liam more than once that he hated being touched, but he had also asked for it, which made no sense at all. And Liam had done exactly what Zayn had been asking for, hadn’t he? And hadn’t he calmed him down in the sweetest way possible? Why on earth did everything have to be so confusing? While Liam had been nothing but nice, Zayn had just left, treating him like shit _again_. Zayn didn’t know if he should even mention how Liam had calmed him down! Shit, why was he even here in first place? He shouldn't annoy Niall! He needed to go. Now. 

"Maybe it wasn't even _that_ bad. I think I overreacted." Zayn lied. He needed to apologize to Liam.

"Are you sure, Zayn? You're really pale. I mean, I'm your best friend, basically your brother.” Yeah, Zayn knew, but he should just deal with it by his own. “Where's Louis, though?" That was a good distraction, definitely.

"He's already left an hour ago, said he had to organize some things, flights back and stuff. You know, since me and Louis will be leaving tomorrow? We still have to do so much before you and Liam fly back." Niall said, gesticulating like crazy. Zayn wasn't even listening anymore, his mind drifting to Liam once again. He just didn't understand why Liam thought he was pretty. What could he possibly like about him?! "And today you'll have to see Nick one last time, promise. You think you can handle that?" No, Zayn couldn't but he had to. At least Liam would be there.

What was wrong with him? He needed to get his shit together. Did he like Liam now or not!? He needed to figure it out before spending more time with Nick and his _perfect_ boyfriend Harry.

___

"Oh look, there's our little supermodel again!" Nick called and wolf-whistled him like the asshole he was. Zayn had just managed to convince himself that he wouldn’t let Nick hurt him again today and now _that_. No. He was strong. He could do this. "Come in, _beautiful_ , come in!”

"Hey, guys." Zayn mumbled, entering the studio. He wouldn't show Nick that he still had an influence on him. He wouldn’t. He could talk to Jordan and Matt until Liam got there, right? He didn’t even have to pay attention to Nick. He wished Niall was here. "Thanks, Nick. I know I'm more successful than you are. No need to remind me." Well, that was a good come back, wasn't it? Maybe he could do this after all. 

Nick looked him dead in the eye and no matter how self confident Zayn had just felt, he suddenly felt very small. Invisible even. He wanted to disappear. It got even worse, when Harry arrived. Harry, who was everything Zayn wanted to be. He was super tall, had long legs, had beautfiul hair and stunning green eyes. His skin was flawless.

Zayn kept his eyes on the floor, hating that he couldn’t act like the untouchable arrogant asshole when Nick was around. He always managed to protect himself with that facade but whenever he saw Nick, he felt nothing but weak. His real self wasn’t arrogant, didn’t treat people like shit, didn’t behave like a diva but it had always worked. He’d only managed to be this successful because of _Rodger,_ his _evil twin._ He knew that he could never tell anyone about _Rodger_ , simply because people would think he was crazy. But was he? Was it that insane to create some untouchable character if in reality one was nothing but broken on the inside? Zayn hated Nick so much. Maybe he should just hide inside the bathroom until Liam got here? It wouldn’t be too obvious, would it?

“Hi, Zayn" someone chirped from behind him, and it didn't even take him a second to figure out who that voice belonged to. Zayn would always recgonize his voice. Liam had a beautiful voice, a voice of an angel.Eww, Zayn needed to chill. "You okay?" Zayn nodded, because what was he supposed to say? _No, I'm not cause of fucking Nick?_ Nick who...Nick who.. He would _not_ think about it. He didn’t allow himself to do so.

Someone else entered the room and Zayn turned around by instinct, just tobe faced by a way too familiar face, the courier. Again? This had to be a joke! She was holding a bouquet of daisies and smirked at Zayn. He suddenly got excited, when she approached him, not even caring about the other people in the room. "I'm Céline by the way." She laughed and reached him the flowers. "Figured I'd introduce myself this time, since this seems to be a regular thing. These are for you. I don't need you to tell me who you are because I already know. Card attached as always. Have fun. See you soon, I guess?"

Why did someone have to send him flowers to the fucking studio? Who even knew he'd be here? Zayn blushed and went back to Liam, who stood in the corner of the room, already waiting for him.

"These are nice." Liam commented and Zayn smiled shyly, pulling the card out of the flowers. "Let me hold them while you're reading it?" Zayn nodded, as Liam took the flowers carefully.

_`Don't you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine.' - someone who cares x_

"Ready for the last photos? Time flew by, right?" Liam said, but Zayn couldn't concentrate. He needed to know who kept sending him flowers. It was such a sweet thing to do and it made him feel better all the time! "Zayn...um...come with me?”

"What?" Zayn asked, with big eyes. Where did he want to go? What was going on? God, why couldn't Zayn just finally go home again, crawl in bed, and draw something? He needed a cup of tea and his cozy blanket!

Liam didn't even wait, just gently put his hand on Zayn’s back, guiding him outside. As always Zayn got tense but because it was Liam he didn't protest. Whatever Liam had to tell him, Zayn at least could avoid Nick for a little longer, right? If he had to choose between being touched by Liam and seeing Nick, he would definitely choose getting touched by Liam.

"Where are we going?" Zayn asked, but Liam didn’t answer until he stopped in front of a door. He opened it and gestured for Zayn to go inside, which he did. Liam followed.

"I just wanted to talk to you real quick, if that's okay?" Liam asked quietly. Wasn’t this a good opportunity for Zayn to apologize as well? He had been so rude. "I just wanted to...like...I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, Zayn. It wasn't my intention, really. I forgot that you don't like to be touched but I did it anyway and I just...I'm sorry. I should respect what you want and don't want and I'm rambling and... you know. It just felt right at that moment. I’m so sorry.”

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't want to be so rude, Li. Liam, I mean. Like uh... just, I just...fuck it. Can we be friends? I don't want to keep treating you like dirt...I want to get along. I warn you, I'll be the worst friend ever but…uh…yeah?" Zayn rambled but he genuinely meant it.

Liam looked at him for a second and then pulled Zayn into a hug, seeming to forget everything yet again. For some reason, Zayn tried his best to properly hug him back though.

* * *

"Okay listen here, _new friend_ ," Liam said, winking at Zayn. "If it all works out, this will be the last day of the shooting for the campaign. So, if we're lucky, we'll have three days off to explore Paris a bit. I know this day will probably be hell and super exhausting but we can do this, I promise.” Three days off!? “You look a bit stressed, though. Promise me, that if you need a break or something just give me a signal. You know I'm quite good at convincing the team to take breaks, and I know this morning was a bit _eventful_ , to say the least. I just want to make sure you're okay. Your health is more important than any shooting in the world or days off!" Zayn looked at Liam with a weird look on his face. Liam couldn’t figure out if it was a surprised or shocked one. Maybe both?

"O-okay." Zayn stuttered eventually, and Liam decided to give him a smile, hoping it would help Zayn to relax. He was just _so_ tense. Liam could see it simply because of his body language.

"I think...I think we can manage that. Um, there's only one more thing I'd like to say? I mean...uh...like, about the touching thing? It's okay if you touch me when Lee is taking photos. I mean, we can be professionals. Just know that when I come across as tense it's not because of you, okay? Just a general thing. Don’t think it's _you_. I mean...yeah. As long as it's you, who is touching me and not...them, it's okay. It’s...yeah."

His voice trailed off and he looked, if anything, even more tense than before. Liam really wanted to know if the no touching thing had to do with the type of person he was or if something had happened to him in the past to make him that way.

Deep down, Liam kind of already knew it had to be the second one and the sole imagination made him want to cry. After having known Zayn for a bit now, he was sure there was much more to him than he was letting on.

Since Liam hid something himself he was almost sure Zayn was too. Playing the bad guy seemed like some type of self-protection. Liam would some day know, he was sure. And maybe he’d even tell Zayn about his secret, too? Liam hadn’t expected to _like_ Zayn.

"Hey, Liam?” Zayn’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Liam didn’t want to admit it but Zayn’s voice was what he wanted to listen to forever, which sounded so creepy.

”Yes, Zayn?” Liam replied, waiting for an answer.

Zayn hesitated but eventually told him. "Someone keeps sending me flowers. Don't know why I'm telling you this, but I thought friends tell each other such things. And they always send me a card. They’re cute but a little bit cheesy, but I kind of like them? Niall thinks it’s the photographer. Lee seems to be a funny guy, but that's so weird. I don’t know what to do if it’s him.” Zayn actually giggled and his face lit up a bit. “It would be really sweet but how am I supposed to tell him that he’s not my type? I love that he’s expressing himself with his pink hair and colorful clothes and I don’t want to sound like a jerk but he’s just… you know. It’s too much. I love his shoes though. They’re amazing! Anyway, so you know a little secret of mine now? It’s not really a secret since you stood right next to me when I got the flowers, and you even held them but you know what I mean?” Zayn bit his lip in an effort to stop talking, shuffling his feet so that his toes were pointing inwards. Liam wanted to die. Zayn was so sweet.

"Sounds like you really like flowers, huh? The daisies you got today were beautiful. Did you like them? And by the way, you can ramble as much as you want. I like listening to your voice," Liam admitted, even though he wanted to punch himself in the face for doing so. He just couldn’t control himself around him. Not once in his entire life had he had to deal with problems like that. He didn’t know if it was because he kind of had a crush on Zayn. He’d never experienced being attracted to someone on that level before and never thought it would ever happen to him but it had and he couldn’t deny it anymore. He just had to remind himself all the time, that Niall existed. Niall who probably would punch him in the face if he knew that they’d cuddled and that Liam had even kissed Zayn’s hair. Shit.

"I liked the sunflowers the best," Zayn mumbled, much to Liam's surprise. Hadn't he emphasized how much he hated sunflowers?! Why did he have to be so confusing?! Liam could always figure out what people liked or what kind of person they were, but Zayn? Zayn was like a fucking riddle, which Liam wanted to solve so bad! He knew that Zayn not being like everybody else was the main reason for Liam to be _that_ interested in him. Maybe it was weird but most people simply bored him after a while. "They brightened my mood.”

“Good to know. Sounds amazing. I’m afraid we have to go back inside though.” Liam announced,. “Want to watch a movie later?” Liam knew Zayn liked that idea, when he gave him a rather shy smile. He also realized it made Zayn nervous, when he touched his hair again like he always did.

Liam just wanted to rake his finger through Zayn’s soft hair again.

They went back together, side by side, not saying anything. In front of the door, Zayn stopped abruptly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before he stepped in, which confused Liam even more. He followed Zayn nevertheless.

"Wow, the whiny Mr. _Not-So-Perfect_ is back," Nick hissed upon seeing Zayn.One more thing and Liam would say something. One more. Liam wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say something but he wouldn’t care anymore if Nick didn’t keep his mouth shut from now on.But seriously, who the fuck did this Nick guy think he was, saying things like that to Zayn? Liam would punch him in the face someday, he knew it.

__

"Okay so now that we've been doing this for an hour straight, I think it's time to change the positions and setting a bit. Matt, Jordan, you two did a great job. Thanks for making the background a bit hotter and a bit less empty. You're free to go!" Lee said, waving them goodbye. Liam smiled and stuck his thumb out in the air, because Lee was right, they’d done a great job.

"Does that mean it's now only Liam and I shooting for the cover?" Zayn wanted to know curiously.Liam smiled because Lee really had a thing for Zayn. He hadn’t even noticed before, wow.

"No, darling, you’ll be shooting with Harry and Nick first.” Lee announced and Zayn’s eyes widened. “Liam, Louis told me you’d help me out here. Let’s find the right position for an amazing photo!” Louis had what? Of course, Liam had said he’d get his shit together soon but not _now_?!

“Zayn, sweetie, think you should stand in the middle, though, most definitely. I want you to be at the center of attention with that stunning _Balmain_ outfit!”

Zayn glanced at Liam, looking absolutely horrified. Liam had no idea what it was about, but he figured that he maybe didn’t want Liam to watch? Maybe he didn’t like the idea of having Harry and Nick touch him? Geez. Liam didn’t know what to do!

“Liam, would you help me. Come here.” Lee asked politely, but it seemed as though Liam didn't really have much of a choice. Standing next to the photographer, he encouragingly nodded at Zayn, who didn’t show any emotion at all anymore. Straight up pokerface.

"Why do you want Zayn to stand in the middle?" Harry asked, completely nonchalant and Lee just rolled his eyes not answering at all. Liam, however, had to bite his tongue. How could it not be obvious that Lee wanted Zayn in the middle because he was most definitely the best looking in the room? It wasn't because of the super expensive tight fitting black _Balmain_ suit or the brown leather boots he was wearing. Lee simply thought Zayn was hot.

Of course, Harry looked good and kind of flawless and Nick wasn't ugly at all, but Zayn was on a whole new level of good-looking, charming and...shit. Liam should focus on the shooting and on helping Lee.

He knew they needed some photos of the three of them but he’d forgotten why. He hadn’t even remembered until two minutes ago. Who even listened to people talk during boring interviews, seriously. 

“Because Zayn and Liam are the faces of this campaign, silly. Zayn’s gonna be in the spotlight. End of story. Now Zayn, would you pose between them?” Harry, I want you to look at Zayn. Maybe give that lip a bit of a bite. Look interested in him, but don’t make it look like wanting to undress him with your eyes.” Lee instructed, loudly. Undress Zayn. Most definitely not. Liam would not allow that to happen.

“I want you to place one hand on his shoulder, but just barely touch him, yeah?” Liam added, trying to make it as easy for Zayn as possible. “I said _barely_ and I mean it.”

Lee smiled at Liam, appreciating what he’d just said. He was actually doing this, amazing. “It has to look totally innocent this time. Act as if you're admiring his beautiful face. Can you do that?" Lee instructed and Liam didn't know why, but he wanted to see the photographer's pink hair burn. Nobody was admiring Zayn but him. And fucking Niall.

Harry moved closer to Zayn and smiled at him. Surprisingly, Zayn just nodded and went along with it. Liam couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of Zayn. Zayn instinctively tried to fit into the pose and Harry started to laugh.

"You smell really good, Zayn." Harry announced, causing Liam to tense up. Of course, he did. And Harry should back off. This day had to end already. Please. Why was Harry smelling Zayn in the first place!? Did he have permission to do that?! Nobody was allowed to…uh…objectify him! Yeah! Good explanation, that!

"You better not smell him, honey." Nick interjected, Liam noticed how Zayn flinched just because of his voice. "I think he's already a bit sweaty. Can’t possibly smell good." Sweaty? Zayn was most definitely not sweating! What the heck was Nick even on to think something like that? Liam hated him more with every second.

"Right. Anyway. Nick, I want you to stand on the other side. Put your arm around Zayn and look at Liam. Let’s give it the illusion of you staring into space.” Lee continued, not even caring about what had just been said. “Zayn, wrap that pretty arm of yours around Nick’s waist.” Zayn’s poker face faded more and more and Liam wanted to call Nick out. Why did he have to be such a huge pain in the ass? What had Zayn even done to make Nick treat him like that? He didn’t deserve this.

It was obvious that Nick was causing Zayn a lot of discomfort for some reason. Zayn hesitated for a mere second, but again did as told. He more then obviously bit the inside of his cheek as Lee started to take photos, telling them to naturally change positions or their facial expressions just a bit.

20 minutes later they quickly changed outfits and Liam couldn’t wait to finally stand next to Zayn again. The other two could fuck off, especially that Nick dickhead.

When Zayn returned, Liam’s jaw dropped. He didn’t stare and if he did it wasn’t his fault! Zayn was wearing something completely different now, something so casual, Liam thought he looked like a random teenager strolling though the streets. Liam liked that look, a lot. Zayn was wearing a simple white shirt, a black blazer and ripped light blue jeans. Liam was staring. Why was he lying to himself? Zayn looked stunning, fuck. He'd never in his entire life found a grown man cute but Zayn. Was that even possible? Liam usually would describe someone like Zayn as hot, but strangely Zayn wasn’t _only_ hot.

"Zayn, you've got some nasty red spots all over your face. Doesn't look very pretty." Nick scoffed, and Liam was so close to opening his mouth, but he managed to keep himself under control, because Lee was standing right next to him. He couldn’t mess this up. Louis would kill him.

He still wanted to kick Nick in the shin for making such comments, seriously. Poor Zayn.

"Maybe you should ask Becca to do your make-up again, eh?” Nick continued making Zayn look down at the floor. He just nodded but didn’t say anything. He seemed to be only five years old and very small as he tip-toed back to the dressing room.

"Harry, babe? You look fabulous. Absolutely flawless." Nick complimented. Harry just smiled as always. Liam was pretty sure that Nick had brainwashed him, because the Harry he knew would never accept being treated like an object. Why couldn't Liam just get his shit together and...oh, fuck it. He needed to mind his own business, really.

“Zayn, where are you? We're waiting. Hurry up.” Nick yelled and Liam honestly did not understand Nick at all. He made no freaking sense! One minute he was telling Zayn to leave, and the next, he was grumbling because he wasn’t there. Dickhead.

Seconds later Zayn came back. He looked stonily.

"Can we get over with this, now that we're all ready?” Zayn asked and quickly added “I really love this outfit, Lee. Great choice!” He smiled but Liam knew that he was faking it. His eyes looked _so_ sad. Liam winked at Zayn to cheer him up but he unfortunately didn't notice.

"Why would you like this, Zayn? I think you've gained some weight and should I be honest? That’s not even the problem. It'd look much better on someone with Harry’s body. Just look at you. Ugh.” Nick insulted Zayn once again, while giving him a nasty once over.

Zayn teared up and even though he tried to hide it, Liam noticed straightaway. That was too much. He’d had enough.

"You know what Nick? You can just shut the hell up. Who do you even think you are? You're not nearly as successful as him, and who even gave you the right to judge someone else's appearance when you don't look even half as good? Oh, right, no one! This shooting is over. We won't take any more photos, at least, not with you around!” Liam snapped, scowling at Nick.

“I’m sure there are more than enough photos that can be used, even if we don't get pictures in these outfits. I think your ugly mug is ruining the photos anyway. I just think we’re keeping you in them so that everyone can see how much better Zayn looks in comparison to your shitface.” Liam continued but he wasn’t done.

“You're a pathetic little joke and I have no idea what your problem is, but you've sure as hell got one! I’ll politely ask you to leave this building now and if you don’t I promise that it’s getting ugly. I am not even kidding.” Liam ranted, clenching his fists.

"I’ll throw you out myself if you don't get the hell out of here. Now! Leave Zayn the fuck alone, you jealous asshole!" Liam bellowed into Nick's face, gripping him tightly by the collar to make his point.

Nick just laughed. "Oh, Zayn here just can't accept the fact that he's not as pretty as you all make him out to be. Even his family hates him. I mean, that's pretty telling about how much he sucks, if you ask me."

Before he could say anything else, Liam's fist flew right into his face, making a satisfying crunching sound as it connected with Nick's nose. With that, Liam gently reached for Zayn’s hand and dragged him out of the studio.


	7. Disney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: 
> 
> -discussion of eating-disordered behavior

"Come on, Zayn! Let's get out of here. I don't want you anywhere near that prick! I can't believe he treats you like that. What’s wrong with him!? Karma is a fucking bitch, I promise. One more minute and I would’ve punched him again. How can one person be so-“ Liam got into a fuss until Zayn suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to Liam with a shocked look on his face.

"Why did you defend me?" Zayn asked specifically, some last tears still running down his cheeks. By instinct Liam gently wiped them away with his thumb. His finger lingered on Zayn’s face for a little longer, while he was looking into Zayn’s blank eyes. Zayn took a step back. Shit."Why would you…why?” he repeated, knitting his brows.

"Because I'm _someone who cares about you_ , Zayn. That knob Nick has no right to attack you like this for no reason. You don’t deserve this. Nobody does, but you _especially_ don’t.” Liam answered, disgruntled.

He was fuming with so much anger that he actually considered walking back to finish what he’d started. Maybe someone needed to keep Nick in his place. Liam knew a lot of terrible people but he’d never met someone that cruel. Nick didn’t know what respect meant and Liam wanted nothing else but to teach him. He wanted to see him burn.

Liam didn’t know why but he felt the need to watch out for Zayn. Something about him made Liam want to protect him from everybody and everything that could possibly hurt him. Liam couldn't exactly figure out what about Zayn made him feel that way but deep down he knew that it was the right thing to do. Liam just wanted to make him feel safe at all costs. Yeah, he’d never felt that way before but he liked it, loved it even, he just prayed Zayn didn’t hate it.

A while ago Liam would have thought Zayn deserved to burn in hell (maybe a bit too dramatic) but right now he wanted nothing else but to see him carefree and happy.

He just felt the need to make Zayn happy, for fuck's sake!

"You didn't have to, Liam" Zayn muttered shyly. As ever so often he didn’t dare to look up, just focused on the floor, his feet insecurely pointing inwards. Liam couldn’t accept that. It just didn’t seem right! Zayn was supposed to smile. He needed to come up with an idea.

Fuck the job, fuck that shooting, just fuck all of it. It was all about Zayn now. Zayn, who seemed to love surprises, Zayn who…

“I just got an idea. Let’s forget about this fuckhead. He’s not even worth thinking about, isn’t he? Let’s do something fun. I want to see that beautiful smile of yours again and I'm gonna make it happen. It's not that late and I think I have the perfect surprise for you. I will not accept a no. Let's drive to the hotel first, change into something we feel comfortable in, and then…Well, you'll see! Just trust me, okay? I know you'll like it, Zayn!" Liam announced happily. To his surprise, Zayn nodded.

"Okay Liam, where are we going, seriously?" Zayn, who now wore super tight black skinny jeans (that left literally nothing to the imagination), asked for the fifth time in a row. Liam refused to give anything away because he wanted to see Zayn’s eyes light up. He just knew they would! They just had to. There was simply no way they couldn't, not with where Liam was taking them.

When they were almost there, he counted down from five until the sign came into view. He watched as Zayn’s eyes widened and got brighter as he read the sign before them. He bit his lip and smiled.

"Oh my god, really? I've never been to _Disneyland_ before, Liam. Oh my god, there are so many people! Oh god, what…how…”. Liam was a fortune teller. Zayn was grinning from ear to ear when he looked out the car’s window. “We probably have to wait for hours to get inside. Just look at how many people are waiting there! It’s ridiculous!"

Yeah, sure. As if Liam would let him wait. They passed by all of the cars, just driving through another separate gate and Zayn’s jaw dropped, whereas Liam just giggled. “Liam, you can't just do that!”

“I already did!” Liam replied when the colorful barrier in front of their car just opened magically. "It's Disneyland, Z. Time for some magic, eh? Maybe I'm a wizard!"

Liam laughed and Zayn’s eyes widened even more, watching the huge park appear right in front of him. Seeing that Zayn had definitely calmed down a bit, reassured Liam that this had been the best idea he’d ever had. He was a genius, okay? A genius who not only wanted to make _puppy face_ sitting next to him happy, but maybe impress him a little bit as well. He liked him a bit too much for his own good but whatever. "Well then let's park the car and get going!”

It only took them five minutes to park the expensive _BMW._ The car had barely stopped moving when Zayn already jumped out of it. He seemed to have completely forgotten about Nick or had at least stopped worrying about the situation for now, which was great.

Liam just hoped his excited facial expression wasn’t faked. He didn’t think so, though.

It definitely wouldn’t have been like that at all if they’d simply returned to the hotel to watch a movie or do anything else.

He knew for sure because when they’d changed outfits, Zayn had locked himself in the bathroom for about 15 minutes until Liam could somehow convince him to come out. Zayn had been crying in there but Liam hadn’t commented on it. Instead, he’d given Zayn all the time he needed. Sure he’d have to give him a little push but in the end, everything had worked out. Now they were here.

When Liam opened the car's door he could already hear the loud, cheerful voices of people everywhere. He could hear children singing _Disney_ songs and teens laughing happily. Zayn impatiently shifted from one foot to another, ready to explore.

Nobody would be left cold visiting _Disneyland_ , okay? Nobody! Not even a sad puppy-eyed model. Liam approached Zayn, linked arms with him and grinned. His mission had been clear from the very beginning: He'd make this day Zayn’s, and Zayn's only.

"I know where we'll be going first, Zaynie. A great afternoon at _Disneyland_ needs to be planned! So first thing first! We need to get you the perfect outfit!” Liam announced, cheerfully. Zayn apparently wanted to protest but Liam decided to ignore it. He just told him about all the things they were going to do. Before Zayn even got the chance to chicken out, Liam guided him right into one of the _Disney Village Stores_ , the _Disney Fashion Store_ to be exact. "I'm not accepting any no's, remember?" Zayn gaped at him again but Liam just rolled his eyes. "I'm being serious. I'll buy you a _Disney_ themed outfit and put you in it whether you like it or not, you puppy. I suggest you pick out something yourself unless you want me to dress you as _Donald Duck_!" Zayn got the giggles and Liam had to contain his huge smile. Zayn was the sweetest human being on earth.

Liam didn’t know what to look at first, seeing all of these colorful t-shirts right in front of his eyes. Funny designs and cuts and a whole aisle full of ridiculous accessories were waiting there to transform everyone into a proper _Disney_ fan. This was just what they needed, wasn’t it? He knew he could buy normal shirts with _Disney_ characters printed on them, but the full costumes were the real deal. Who didn’t want to be Goofy or Mickey?! Liam felt the magic of _Disney_ and to be quite honest, he also felt like a ten-year-old boy, but who even cared?

He didn’t know what to buy for Zayn, but he didn’t even have to search for something when to his own surprise he noticed that Zayn was already looking for something himself. He giggled when he found a blue shirt with _Olaf_ the snowman printed on it and Liam did the same when he held it in front of his body.

"I think that's about 200 sizes too small for me, Li! What am I going to do now? Dress up my hand?” Zayn joked around and Liam loved seeing that Zayn’s eyes were shining. "Maybe I should look for something else."

Liam nodded and then spotted a pink _Minnie Mouse_ one. Liam knew Zayn would probably call him out on that but the imagination of Zayn wearing it was just too tempting. He’d probably look so adorable in it.

Suddenly, Zayn stopped walking and sighed. "Liam, I think it’s a bad idea, dressing up I mean.” What happened now? What? Hadn’t he just been excited!? Liam must have misheard him. "I will look like an idiot wearing something like this. It'd be fun, but I just...I don't think…” Yeah, no. Definitely no. He wouldn’t let Zayn go there again. Over his dead body.

“I’m suddenly deaf and you, my friend, suffer from Alzheimer disease. I already told you that I won't accept any no's today, love." Liam replied, turning to Zayn, who seemed to be deep in thoughts. Liam took a step forward and gently put his finger underneath Zayn’s chin to lift it up. He looked into his eyes. ”Don’t always look on the floor, love. Someone like you should only walk around with your chin up and your head held high, got me? And I really appreciate looking into your beautiful eyes cause I might have a thing for them. Don't you dare comment on it!" Liam prayed he didn’t blush but when Zayn gave him a weak half smile he knew he probably did. “Better. I’ll make you smile until it hurts, I swear.” Zayn’s smile grew a bit bigger. "See, it's already working. Told you that I'm a powerful wizard!" 

There was this weird moment between them for a few seconds, with Liam’s finger still touching Zayn’s chin and their eyes locked. The earth seemed to stand still but someone behind them eventually cleared their throat and made them snap out of it.

"I don't want to interrupt you two lovebirds, but do you need any help?" a blonde young woman, dressed up as _Rapunzel_ asked them, grinning widely. She gave Zayn a quick once over, obviously thinking he looked hot (which he did), so Liam wrapped his arm around Zayn’s waist. Definitely not, dear _Rapunzel_. Definitely _not_. He would not…fuck he had touched Zayn again. He removed his arm as quickly as he had placed it there. Lovebirds? Ridiculous. Goddamn _Rapunzel_.

"I don't think so. I've been here so many times, I think I know where to find everything.” Liam lied because he’d only ever been here twice (today excluded). Liam just didn’t like her. Zayn arched his eyebrows in surprise but Liam could only focus on stupid _Rapunzel_ eyeing Zayn. He wanted to get rid of her. Why did she stare at him? This was _their_ day. Couldn’t she back off?

The woman smiled at them once again and abruptly left them be. _Sad!_ "I got an idea." Liam said, eyeing that pink shirt again. He just knew Zayn would love it and it most definitely wasn't because he thought Zayn would look good in pink. Definitely not.

“Tell me?" Zayn replied, now more confused than ever. "Will you force me to dress up as _Alladin, Prince Charming or something like that_?" Liam almost considered changing his plans, because hell, Zayn would make the little girls and boys faint dressed up as _Alladin._ Maybe Liam would faint a little and…Yeah, no. His idea was so much better! _Minnie Mouse_ shirt, right. That was it. Liam bit his lip and reached for the pink shirt. Zayn tapped his forehead at him. “No way!”

"Oh definitely. You'll look fabulous as _Minnie_! ” Liam replied, grinning from ear to ear as he held it up in front of Zayn’s chest, seeing how it might look on him. "Put it on. You can't say no either way!" Zayn grumbled, took the shirt and pulled it over his head. Liam had to make an effort not to let his mouth drop open. He'd worship _this_ for the rest of his life, fucking hell.

"Okay. I look like a-" Zayn wanted to protest, but Liam reached for a _Donald Duck_ plushie and threw it right into his face. Zayn squeezed his eyes shut and chuckled.

"You look really good, love. I like it. It's cute and so are you." Liam said, not even realizing what he had just confessed. Zayn licked his lip and Liam almost lost it. He was staring at Zayn’s perfectly formed lips for far too long, but how was he supposed not to? The most beautiful man he’d ever laid eyes on was standing right in front of him wearing a fucking _Disney_ shirt. Liam didn’t care anymore. So what if he’d just admitted that he thought Zayn was cute as a button. "Really good. Can I buy it for you?" Zayn blushed, pressed his lips together and smiled. Liam was literally _melting_.

"Only if I can choose a shirt for you too! No isn’t an option, remember? Too bad. My turn!” Zayn replied cheekily, choosing a dark blue _Mickey Mouse_ one, apparently not thinking about the fact that he had just suggested _that_. Zayn grinned broadly.

“Maybe I like that." Liam confessed, laughing. “Fine, we'll buy both of them!" Zayn clapped his hands like a child. How was it even possible for someone to be so adorable? "But we definitely aren't done with shopping!”

___

"No way in hell, Liam. I won't eat that!" Zayn complained, crossing his arms like a pouty child, but Liam didn't care at all. He'd make Zayn at least _try_ all of his favorite things to eat at _Disneyland_.

"You will be eating a hell of a lot today, whether you like it or not. And what have you even eaten today anyway? I didn't see you grab anything.” Liam asked Zayn, pursing his lips, waiting for an answer. Zayn looked at the sign of _The Lucky Nugget Saloon_ and scrunched up his nose. "Tell me?”

"Um I've had...fine. Nothing yet. I only had some _bulletproof coffee_ this morning. I’m not even hungry though.” Zayn informed him and Liam's jaw dropped, not believing his ears. Zayn had to be kidding. _Bulletproof coffee_? Seriously? Of course, he didn't get hungry given the fact that this was the drink’s whole purpose. Who on earth would have thought Zayn drank coffee with butter and coconut oil in it? Disgusting, really. It definitely was time to change that, holy shit. Liam’s stomach growled and he had to roll his eyes.

“Well, princess that's just too bad, because you're here with me and you're following _my_ rules today. _Fish &Chips_ it is! It's delicious, okay? Just trust me!" Liam replied, while Zayn just suspiciously eyed the food.

Liam noticed immediately that something was wrong, but he just couldn’t think of what he had done wrong. He had only bought some _Fish &Chips_ for them, right? Maybe Zayn didn’t like fish? Shit, he should've asked, shouldn’t he? "Damn. I didn't ask you if you even like fish. I'm sorry! I'm such a dork! Do you want something else? I can go get something else if you-“

"No, it's not...I like fish..." Zayn mumbled quietly, eyeing the food curiously. "I don't...I just don't usually eat such things?" What was he talking about? Such things? How could you not like deep fried potatoes and fish? Deep-fried food for president, really! Liam had even had deep fried chocolate once. Had tasted awful, but that was beside the point.

"Then dig in!” Liam said, laughing as he took a piece of fish and threw it into his own mouth. He waited for Zayn to do the same, except he didn't. Liam swallowed whereas Zayn was still just _staring_ at the food. Liam was confused. “Zayn, what's wrong? Why don't you just eat it if you like fish? I swear, this tastes amazing!"

Zayn nodded and smiled, only this time Liam noticed promptly that Zayn was faking it.

He wordlessly turned around and sat down on the little wall behind them. Liam did the same, wondering what was going through Zayn’s mind. What had Liam said to probably mess this up? Had he done something wrong? He eyed Zayn, deciding not to ask.

"I don't wanna get fat," Zayn whispered scarcely audible, making Liam’s head snap up so fast he almost broke his neck. "I never eat such things. Like...ever." He never ate delicious food?

Maybe he had to ask after all. Zayn apparently wanted to talk about it. ”What do you mean? Didn't you tell me last night that you wanted to eat unhealthy shit? I don't understand? And what the hell, love? You don't have to watch your figure. You have a great body, fucking perfect, for god's sake. I'd murder for a body like yours!”

"No, I don't. It's...no. And I don't know. Unhealthy shit? Maybe I would've eaten a bit of bread?" Zayn mumbled just as quiet as before. Liam had to shake his head. Bread? Unhealthy? What the fuck?

"Bread. Zayn, that's...I know a lot of people who avoid eating bread, but once in a while, everyone eats unhealthy stuff. I mean what is life if you can't enjoy good food? I don’t even know how to live without chocolate, nuggets, burgers or some simple things such as hot chocolate? Or marshmallows, god, I love marshmallows!” Liam continued.

"I stopped eating all of that stuff a long time ago. Haven't had candy in years." Zayn told him. Liam couldn’t help but stare at him, completely dumbfounded. "I...I don't know if I should do this, Liam. I feel so stupid talking about it, but as a model, I just...you know?”

“As a model, what? This is _your_ day and if you _want_ to eat all of this shit today, you're perfectly entitled to it. What if we just call it a cheat day? That’s a thing at the moment, isn’t it? Many celebs are doing it, right? And I’d really suggest that you taste this. You'll miss out on it, Zaynie. Open your mouth, come on!" Liam replied grinning. He would never force Zayn, but seeing that Zayn obviously wanted to eat changed everything. Maybe he just needed a little push. Liam was well aware of the fact that this could go very wrong but he just grabbed a piece of fish and literally shoved it into Zayn’s mouth. _Please don’t get mad. Please don’t freak out. Please let this be okay._

Zayn’s face changed completely the moment he started to chew. By the look on his face, not wanting to eat unhealthy food had just gone straight out of the window. Thank god.

Liam knew that he'd totally ruin Zayn’s healthy way of living from now on and that he’d be the worst influence ever but maybe that was just what his friend needed. Who knew?

Zayn suddenly moaned and Liam jumped, not expecting it at all. He looked at Zayn just to be sure that he hadn't been hearing things but then he just did it _again_. He fucking moaned with eyes closed, savoring the food. Liam watched Zayn eating with a growing smile.

"Oh my fucking god." Zayn moaned once again, opening his eyes slowly.

Liam did totally _not_ think about Zayn moaning while doing _other things_. He did not! They were friends and friends did not imagine those kind of things. "Shit, you were right. This is so good. I don't even know what to say!" Zayn added before he hastily reached for more.

He continued happily eating until the last piece was finally gone.

Liam had been so busy watching Zayn enjoying something as simple as this, that he had totally forgotten to eat himself. He’d just focused on every single cute noise Zayn had made, every single joyful facial expression and no matter how hard he’d tried to stop himself for doing so he’d simply gushed over him.

Liam didn't really know why he wanted to touch his nose or why he wanted to push that loose strand of hair behind Zayn’s cute little ear again, but he just did, yeah? He just couldn't find a single thing about Zayn that he didn't like. Zayn was just imperfectly perfect from head to toe. "- you finished?”

"What?" Liam asked, snapping out of his deep thoughts. He stared at Zayn, who was lightheartedly sitting there waiting for a response. Too bad Liam hadn't listened at all, being too focused on the lovely creature sitting next to him. Liam looked down, trying to figure out what Zayn was pointing at. "I asked you if you have finished?" Zayn repeated himself and even though Liam definitely hadn’t he wasn't hungry anymore at all, so he nodded.

Zayn winked and the stupid ass butterflies in Liam’s stomach almost made him lose it. He had no clue what happened to him, but Zayn did something to his body that he had never experienced before. He even flinched when Zayn’s fingers brushed his hand as he took the still half-filled blue box out of his hands to throw it away. What was happening to him? Why did he feel so...so...fuck, he couldn't describe the warm feeling inside of him at all!

"What next, Li?" _Li_. Yeah, Liam would definitely pass out soon.

"Let's buy some _candy_ , shall we?" Liam suggested because he usually always had some sort of dessert afterward. He was the worst but he just wanted Zayn to try everything possible. He already knew the perfect place to go to! Liam would take him to _Cookie Kitchen_ first and then buy him all of the goodies he could get at _Boardwalk Candy Palace!_

He really wanted to spoil the shit out of Zayn today and the longer he thought about it, the more he realized he didn’t want this to be like that for only one day. He had started to spoil Zayn a bit earlier, but that was only for Liam to know. "Follow me!"

Zayn cracked a smile and after a short walk they arrived at _Cookie Kitchen_. Liam bought Zayn a pink _Minnie Mouse_ cupcake (oh yes, _Minnie Mouse_ again) with a glittery white topping, three delicious macaroons (pink, brown and green), and two cake pops ( _Donald Duck_ and _Olaf_ ).

Zayn shook his head when they left the store. Liam put everything down on the table where Zayn had been waiting for him and smiled broadly. "That's way too much, Li! Nobody can eat all of this! Besides, it's way too pretty to eat!" Liam knew Zayn didn’t mean it. “Look, how cute _Donald Duck_ is! How is someone even supposed to eat that masterpiece? I bet it took them hours to make it." Liam rolled his eyes affectionately, literally shoving the cake-pop into Zayn face.

“Eat." he said and laughed, making Zayn’s eyes sparkle. Zayn was such a child at heart and Liam loved it. There _was_ more to him than met the eye. Liam had been right. ”No counting of calories or anything like that for today. If you want, we can eat all of your healthy stuff tomorrow, but today you'll eat whatever you want to and enjoy life, okay? And I can see that you, in fact, want to taste this."

Zayn stuck out his tongue at Liam before he bit into the cake pop. Liam was helplessly attracted to Zayn and totally charmed by him fooling around. ”Do you like it?"

"Tastes amazing. I mean, cake is just... I've always loved cake, until I'd stopped eating it, but yeah. It's delicious, Li! I...umm...Thank you for all of this, really." Zayn sighed happily. "I never thought this day would turn out to-“

"You _do_ realize we haven't done anything apart from eating, right? There are roller coasters and arcades and _a lot_ of other things to explore! So don't thank me yet, okay? Just have some fun," Liam said, leaning his head forward to bite into the cake pop that Zayn was holding out for him.

After they’d plucked up the courage to explore the mysterious land of _Adventure Isle_ and walking through _Alice's Curious Labyrinth_ (even if it originally was meant for the little ones), they had went to _Art Of Disney Animation_.

Zayn had gotten happier and happier the more they’d done. The _Buzz Lightyear Blast_ had been fun. Maneuvering space cruisers through shadowy Gamma Quadrants to fire lasers to help Buzz defeat his enemies had been _everything_. Never in his life had Liam laughed that hard.

They’d taken several more breaks, eating everything that looked delicious when eventually Zayn had decided that it was about time to try out _Crush' Coaster, Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Peril_ and _Lès Mysteres du Nautilus_.

Both of them wanted to do so much more, but it had gotten late and rather dark by the time they had left _Mad Hatter's Teacups._

They only had time for one more thing before _Disneyland_ would close its doors for the day, which was kind of sad. Liam was looking forward to it nevertheless because they had gotten _so_ much closer over the day. Zayn had even let Liam touch his shoulders or arms from time to time, without even flinching once, which was amazing. Most of the time Liam hadn’t even noticed that he’d been touching his friend, simply because everything felt just so natural. He had put his arm around Zayn’s shoulders by instinct or had gently pushed him forwards when Zayn had hesitated trying out some things. There was just one thing left Liam wanted to do; _The Ferris Wheel_.

"Up for one last thing, Zayn?" Liam asked happily, his arm wrapped around Zayn’s waist. How it had gotten there? No clue. Point proven!

Fortunately, Zayn didn't seem bothered at all, at least, he didn't move away from him, which was a good sign, right? Zayn nodded and, as always, Liam guided him towards the attraction. The illuminated _Ferris Wheel_ made Zayn look even more beautiful, when the colors reflected in his eyes.

When Zayn hesitated, Liam gave him a little push once again. They just went right through, not even paying attention to the queue. Liam had wondered all day long why Zayn had never asked how it was possible for them to just go through and not wait like everybody else. He’d been glad the question never came up though. Answering it would have probably caused some new problems or confusion. Maybe Zayn had just been too excited to notice. 

The passenger cars only seated two people, which Liam was glad about it. He had definitely stuck to his resolution not to share Zayn with anybody else today. If he was being completely honest, he probably had to admit that he was selfish, not wanting to share this lovely ball of sunshine.

He honestly had never thought making Zayn that happy would work out that well, but he knew that he could erase any sadness left with a breathtakinly beautiful view.

They sat down next to each other and an employee closed the car's door. Zayn kept quiet until the _Ferris Wheel_ moved, then looked down and enjoyed the great view. "Wow, Liam look!" he suddenly said, pointing at the _Disney Castle_. "It's so beautiful! I wish we could've seen it too! Maybe next time?"

Next time? Liam was definitely up for a _next time_. He'd go anywhere with Zayn, really, just so he could see him bite his lip and smile like the fucking sun.

Zayn was squeaking every time he caught sight of a place they had gone to today and Liam just couldn’t stop looking at him anymore. When Zayn turned back to Liam his eyes were shining. Liam was mesmerized.

Zayn shifted a bit closer and suddenly their knees were touching. Liam’s heart was racing, which got even worse when Zayn, completely unexpectedly, leaned his head against Liam’s right shoulder, sighing happily. He looked up at Liam, giving him a teary eyed smile and just this moment, Liam realized.

For the first time in Liam’s life, he was falling in love with someone.

___

After tossing and turning in bed for hours, Liam gave up on sleep around 4am. He should’ve been fast asleep considering the fact that he was sharing a bed with Zayn, who looked nothing but innocent and beautiful while sleeping, but Zayn was one of the reasons for Liam’s sleepless night.

He just had figured out that he was falling for Zayn and it scared him. He'd never felt this for anybody else in his entire life and he simply didn't know how to deal with these kind of feelings. They just were there and there was nothing he could do about it. He basically had no fucking clue what to do.

So, as a result of that, he had been laying in bed for hours, creepily watching the sleeping beauty next to him. Zayn had been a right pain in the ass when they’d first met, but now? Now he found it _hot_ when Zayn…Liam needed help!

He had been thinking about Zayn for far too long, but the only thing that seemed to possibly help him was talking to his friend Louis. Louis would understand, or at least be able to help him understand what the hell was going on with him right now, right?

He slowly got up, making sure not to wake up the angel laying next to him and left the bedroom, in the middle of the fucking night. When Zayn suddenly mumbled something in his sleep, Liam decided to call Louis on the balcony. His friend would probably kill him but he’d told Liam that he could always talk to him. And he really needed to talk right now, no matter what.

They were talking until Liam finally managed to calm down. Louis had assured him that it was totally normal to act like an idiot around someone you liked and he’d told Liam to just wait. Neither of them had thought about Niall being Zayn’s _boyfriend_ while they had been talking.

Liam still didn't hink about him in the morning, when he hopped in the shower, deciding that he would order room service for him and Zayn as soon as he was done. He wanted to wake up Zayn with a wonderful breakfast already waiting for him. So what if he hadn’t slept that night? In Liam’s opinion, sleep was overrated anyway.

"Thank you again for yesterday, Liam," Zayn mumbled 20 minutes later, before lifting up his cup of tea to take a sip. Green tea with a bit of lemon but no sugar. Of course no sugar. Liam still didn’t know how he’d convinced Zayn that it'd be important to have breakfast but he was fucking proud of it. The fact that Zayn had agreed on eating _some_ bread made Liam even happier. It should've been normal, really, but since Zayn had mentioned yesterday that he actually never ate things like that,  _this_ was quite a big deal. "It was the best day in my life, really. I wish we could do something like that again.”

Again? Had Zayn just said he wanted to do something with Liam again? Liam’s inner alarm went off. He needed to come up with a plan _asap_. He wanted his boy happy. This boy. Not his. This. Definitely this.

"You free today? Ah, of course, you are. No responsibilities. No work. No photoshoots. And we still have two or three days off. I've got plans for us, Zaynie." Liam announced, despite the fact that he didn't have a single idea in mind whatsoever.

Maybe he just had issues connecting his brain to his mouth whenever Zayn was around. And of course, Zayn just happened to be wearing a sheer black _Versace_ shirt and tight pants, possibly tighter than yesterday’s to fuck with his brain even more. In easier terms, Liam didn’t think before he spoke anymore.

Not only had it been torture to not being allowed to snuggle up against him while lying in bed, but it had even gotten worse when Zayn had decided to take a quick shower after waking up, which nearly killed him. Who even looked good with damp hair?! Who!?

But this wasn’t even the worst! Zayn hadn't even thought about putting clothes on, coming out of the bathroom with a tiny _pink_ (oh yes, fucking pink) towel wrapped around his hips.

Liam had a feeling that if he ever saw that again, he might actually pass out. It was a miracle that he hadn't this time!!! The only thing that had saved his ass was reminding himself that Zayn was _taken_ by none other than Niall! Fucking Niall.

Liam still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Niall hadn't even tried to spend some more time with Zayn before leaving. He hadn't even called after their (absolutely shitty) shooting. He hadn't even texted Zayn goodnight! Liam only knew this because it had been him who’d been spending time with Zayn! And Zayn definitely hadn’t received any calls or text messages. Hell, he hadn’t even attempted to check his phone! Zayn deserved so much better. Liam would never…Niall was his boyfriend and it didn’t matter what Liam would or wouldn’t do. Fucking Niall.

"We're going to the zoo!" Liam announced spontaneously, fondly smiling at Zayn as he came up with an idea on the spot. His voice sounded soft and he cursed himself inwardly. He was being too obvious. He needed to get rid of these feelings as soon as humanly possible! He needed to distance himself a bit from Zayn, really. Why had he asked him out again then!? Liam felt something for Zayn that shouldn't even be there, since he was **taken**. Wait! Yesterday hadn't been a date. Not at all. No dates. No, no, no. Nope. There was no date, there was no 'again', no. Not at all.

___

"I can't believe we're really going to the zoo! I haven't been to a zoo since... actually, I've never been to a zoo before" Zayn confessed, his voice trailing off. Liam's jaw dropped once again. No surprise here! Never? That couldn't be possible. Liam must have been stuck in some kind of parallel universe thinking too much about Zayn again. "I've always wanted to go, though. I mean my sisters and I...I mean...Oh my god, Liam do they have penguins?" He had seemed to be pretty down at the thought of his sisters, but the moment he’d mentioned penguins he looked like that excited little kid again.

"Never? Like never ever?" Liam asked, furrowing his brow in disbelief. "How come you've never been to a zoo, Zayn? You're shitting me, aren't you? Then you're a zoo-virgin, baby!" 

He had not just called Zayn _baby_ , had ne? Fucking hell, he had it bad for him. If Zayn really hadn't been to a zoo before, Liam needed to make this special. He wanted to show him all of the animals and make him become that happy little bean again!

“Just one second!” Liam quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, sending a quick text.

 

**WhatsApp**

**Chats**

-Louis-

  * No questions, just please do me a favor! - Liam
  * What now? Unlike you, I have to work! Already! - Louis
  * We’re at the zoo! - Liam
  * Zoo. - Louis
  * Yes, shush. Zayn wants to meet some penguins. - Liam
  * So what? - Louis
  * You know what. Don’t ask! - Liam
  * I’m not even in France anymore! - Louis
  * DO IT. - Liam
  * Liam in love is worse than normal Liam. Fine! - Louis
  * Good! Thanks! Love you. - Liam



 

Having done that, he smiled to himself. He'd totally make it an eventful and memorable day! Go big or go home!

"No, I'm being honest, Li. Penguins, yes or no? You wanna know a secret? Of course, you want to. I _love_ penguins, Li! I've never seen a real penguin, but they are so fucking adorable, oh god.” Zayn rambled while Liam just couldn’t tear his eyes away from his lips. Zayn had the softest lips ever. _Taken! Taken! Taken!_ Zayn was taken! Fucking Niall.

"Wanna see the penguins first then, Zayn?" Liam suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. If Louis hadn’t made that call immediately Liam would murder him. Zayn looked on the verge of jumping up and down for joy. Liam chuckled because excited Zayn was the cutest Zayn.

Zayn bit his lip apparently deep in thought, and then without a word, slid his hand into Liam’s. That was it. Over and out. Liam was dead.

His heart was jumping out of his chest, butterflies were erupting in his stomach and for a mere second, he even thought he must be hearing angels sing or shit like that because he was totally overwhelmed. Their fingers had somehow entwined by instinct and Liam prayed his hands weren’t sweaty.

He looked down at their hands, convincing himself that this was real. It was. He took a deep breath, trying to relax but the only thing he could do was smile.He was grinning from ear to ear when he decided that he should probably get going before Zayn would realize that he was having a minor heart attack right now. This was the first time Zayn had done something like this.

They were heading towards where Liam thought the penguins would be but since he had never been to this freaking zoo either he didn’t know where they were. He couldn’t concentrate on that stupid map either because Zayn was still holding his hand! Zayn who didn’t even like people touching him. Zayn had taken Liam’s hand, not the other way round. Liam was freaking out. Where were these penguins for goodness’ sake?!

Penguins. Penguins. Sign. Left side. Penguins. Turn left. Penguins. For fuck's sake. Penguins. Oh god, he didn't find them.

"Li, why are you breathing so weirdly? Are you alright? Stop walking, please, are you okay?” Zayn asked, worrying about Liam. He was too close. Way too close. There was simply no way Liam would survive this! He was too fucking close. Liam couldn't breathe. Pun of the year? Zayn was breathtaking in the literal sense of the word. "Liam, you're scaring me."

He scared him? What? No, no, no! Earth to Liam! Mayday! Mayday! Emergency. All Liam could think of was their entwined hands, so he did the only thing that still seemed to work. He lightly squeezed Zayn’s hand.

But of course, Zayn didn't get the hint, literally staring through Liam as though he wasn't even there. What the fuck was he looking at? "Oh my god." Liam managed to pull himself together, following Zayn’s gaze. He wanted to hold Zayn’s soft hands for the rest of his life.

Fuck, how could they be so soft?!

Suddenly Zayn’s hand was gone. Zayn was gone. What!?

Liam stood in the middle of the path that was leading from one compound to another. What the fuck? “Liam, look at the penguins! Oh my god, come over here! Hurry up, they are so adorable!" This was supposed to be a joke, wasn't it? Was this even real life? Had Zayn just found them? Now?!

Liam was literally freaking out because of holding hands but Zayn was more interested in watching penguins? Okay, where the fuck was the hidden camera? Liam wanted to fight. "Liam!" That was his name.

Liam approached Zayn. Would he take his hand again? Would Liam survive this? Who even was he kidding!? He was already dead, and if Zayn so much as touched him again, he would crumble into dust. “Li! Li, they’re so chubby and they're waddling around and I want to tell them how cute they are. Oh god, I want a penguin. The left one! I bet it's a girl. Can I give her a name? Can I call her _Mimi_?” What on earth!?

"Yes you can, babe." Liam said because he was a fool for Zayn. He cleared his throat, trying to make himself sound normal, as his voice had gone all soft. Stupid voice. ”Excuse me real quick, Zayn?”

He just nodded, clearly not paying any attention to anything but the penguins anymore. Liam shook his head with a laugh. He checked his phone. Text message. Great.

 

**WhatsApp**

**Chats**

-Louis-

  * Just knock on the door. You’re welcome, fucker. - Louis



 

Liam turned the corner, looking for a person that was supposed to be there. He didn't find anyone, so he knocked on the door, just as Louis had told him to do.

"Oui! Un moment s'il vouz plaît!" a deep voice shouted, sounding flustered. Liam waited, realizing that his limited knowledge of the French language would be a problem, but he didn't have much of a choice. He had completely forgotten that they were still in France. This was Zayn’s fault! For sure!

The door flew open. "Me voici!" Well, right. Okay, he got the message. Something like "Please wait" and "Here I am.” His French wouldn’t help him out. English would have to do.

"Um hello! My assistant must have called you a couple of minutes ago? Payne? Liam Payne?" The man nodded happily, giving him a thumbs up. So this was settled. Good. Time to surprise his sunshine!

The gray-haired man, who had to be around 50 years old and Liam went back to Zayn, who was still watching the penguins, all caught up in their every move. Such a child. The man seemed to be waiting for Liam to speak up or something, so Liam carefully tapped Zayn’s shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t scare him.

Zayn didn't even flinch, turning around instantly and beaming at Liam, who couldn't stop his heart from nearly jumping out of his chest yet again. Could Zayn stop being so fucking perfect? God! "Do you like the penguins, Zayn?”

"Of course! They're even better than in movies. One of them even dove under water a minute ago. It was hilarious to watch! You should've seen it! I called her Dory!" Liam fondly rolled his eyes.

"Would you like to touch a penguin?" Liam asked, already knowing the answer to his question. Of course, he would want to! He'd probably go nuts. The man waiting behind Liam just waited for them with a weird smile playing around his lips. Liam couldn't care less as he watched Zayn's face morphe into a mixture of confusion and pure excitement.

"Touch what? What do you mean?" Zayn asked, quickly adding "Are you for real now? How? What? LIAM!”

Liam just giggled, subtly pointing at the man behind him. Zayn gaped at the both of them, his cheeks turning red. If Liam had thought Zayn couldn't get any sweeter, he had been dead wrong. Did Zayn taste like sugar? What a fucking weird thought. Penguins. Yes.

“Well, I have a surprise for you then, I suppose." Liam announced as the man fiddled around with some keys he had been holding. "Come with me. Let's go meet some penguins." Zayn wasn't able to answer. He looked at Liam, trying to form words, but he simply wasn't capable of doing so. Zyn smiled down at the floor and the usual loose strand of hair fell into his face. Liam mentally slapped his hand that was already reaching out.

They wordlessly went inside and Liam checked for the man’s reaction. He nodded. The gray haired men slowly approached some of the penguins, Liam and Zayn in tow.

"You need to be careful. They are very cheeky!" The man answered with a thick French accent. "Let them get used to you. They need to approach you. Usually, they're not very shy. You can carefully try to touch them, but stop if they don't like it, okay?" Zayn nodded enthusiastically. He knelt down next to the man, beaming at the penguins. He squeaked when two of them waddled towards him.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. This is really happening." Zayn mumbled to himself, completely lost in his own little bubble. Liam had to press his lips together very hard to keep from smiling, but he couldn't help his laughter when one of them bumped into Zayn’s thigh. "Oh my god, is he hurt? She? He? I don't know! Oh my god, is the little baby okay?!" Zayn was looking around in panic, but the man just laughed, telling him everything was alright.

"There's no way you could ever hurt them, Zayn. You're too gentle for that." Liam said, looking down at Zayn, who now for the first time in his life touched a penguin's head. To all of their surprise, he seemed to be naturally good with the animals, since the penguin more than obviously decided that he really liked being touched, and promptly moved closer to Zayn, pressing himself against his leg.

Fuck...was it bad that Liam wanted to be the penguin? The man next to him giggled quietly, and Zayn was so engrossed in the animal, Liam decided that he had time to thank the man real quick.

"L'amour, eh?" he whispered, and Liam's eyes widened. Fuck, was he _that_ obvious? But he wasn't even in love with Zayn! He just had a _crush_ on him, okay? A huge fucking crush, but a crush all the same! That was different. Shit, he really needed to work on not being so obvious that even complete strangers could tell.

"Li, do you wanna stroke the penguin's head too? It feels so strange, but in a good way. Please?” Zayn said, looking up. Could Liam ever say no to him? Never. He quickly had a filthy little thought about the sight in front of him but immediately tried to shake it off as he crouched down next to Zayn. "Careful, okay? Don't hurt Theo.”

"Theo? Really?" Liam asked, laughing. "Did you give all of them names already? How do you even distinguish between them?! They all look the same!" Zayn gasped. He apparently could not believe Liam had just said that. Shit, he really shouldn't have said it, should he? Zayn was sensitive! He needed to think before speaking up! Why didn’t it work anymore!? It had always worked perfectly well!

"You did not just say that! How very dare you, _Leeyum_! They can hear you! Oh, god. How would you feel if someone told you, you looked like everboy else? Take it back! Poor Theo, he heard you!" Zayn complained, playfully nudging Liam even if he was being serious. Kind of? Was he? ”Liam!”

"I'm sorry, little penguin. I take it back." Liam apologized, trying to sound as serious as possible. Did he just say sorry to a penguin? He was so fucking gone. "Zayn, would you like to...um...I know you like the penguins, but would you like to see other animals too?" _Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes._

"Please!" Zayn cheered and quickly said goodbye to the penguins before he got up. He took Liam’s hand again, making the man wiggle his eyebrows at Liam. Thank you very much, it wasn't like Liam was dying all over again anyway. He absolutely needed this…NOT

"What next, Li?" Li, right. Zayn had called him Li so much today he should've gotten used to it already, but every time he did it, Liam still freaked out.

"Lions, maybe?" Liam suggested and only about ten minutes later they arrived there.

__

"For me? Please? Liam, you look so cute. Please! Please!" Zayn had begged for almost twenty minutes now and Liam seriously wanted to vanish into thin air.

There was no way he could walk around like this, hello? Zayn had fucking convinced him to walk around with make up on. Well, he was a _lion_ now but it was just _so_ embarrassing since he much rather looked like a kitten, seriously.

He’d only agreed on this because Zayn wasn’t confident enough to walk around with a butterfly painted on his face. He had wanted to be supportive! _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ He still didn't know how Zayn had even found out about this booth for children but whatever! Why was he so attracted to him? Why!?

"You look cute." Zayn repated himself, smiling at Liam broadly. "Thank you for doing this." He winked. ”You’re the bestest.”

"Zayn, that word doesn't even exist!" Liam complained and Zayn just playfully shoved him.

"It most definitely does," Zayn protested, sticking out his tongue.

"No, it doesn't." Liam said, laughing.. "I want ice cream, Z. And before you protest, I'm buying you some as well. I think you look like the strawberry kind of guy. Say yes! I’m sure I’m right. I know I'm right, princess!”

“Princess, seriously?" Zayn asked shyly. Huh? What was he talking...oh...oh shit, Liam had just called him that again...what the fuck was wrong with him? This had been a _Disneyland_ kind of thing. Fuck.

"That s-slipped, sorry." Liam stuttered, feeling his cheeks heat up. Zayn just nodded. Shit. Did he just mess it up? He didn't want to mess up, he wanted to make Zayn happy! His stupid fucking mouth! No, his damn brain. Both! Oh god, he wanted to slap his own face!

"I like it. And um, yeah, probably strawberry? And you? What do you like? Which flavor? Chocolate, maybe? I can imagine you liking chocolate.” Zayn mumbled, looking straight into Liam’s eyes. So he hadn't ruined it? Hell, yes.

"You do? Well, you better, because I won't take it back.” Liam announced, trying to cover up his temporary insecurity. “Stracciatella. I like that. But chocolate is great too.” Zayn smirked at him. Too sexy, help! Liam wanted to run away.

In a comfortable silence (if that was even a thing), they walked over to the little ice cream parlor. Liam was still surprised that Zayn hadn’t complained once but he definitely was happy about it.

He handed Zayn his ice-cream before heading towards the reptile and amphibian house.

Inside, Liam noticed that Zayn was very tense, but he didn't even have to ask what was bothering him, because he already knew. Spiders. Snakes. Alligator. Frogs. Not his cup of tea. Zayn came closer and closer, so close he was nearly pressed against Liam. The selfish prick Liam was, he _enjoyed_ it. He really, really wanted Zayn to take his hand again. Selfish, really. Liam couldn't help it, okay?

“Liam, I don't like them.” Zayn admitted after a while, so Liam simply wrapped his arm around Zayn's waist. "Li please? Can we leave this creepy place? I don't want them to bite, sting or even eat me. Oh my god. Can they kill me?!" Liam giggled, rolling his eyes. "That's not funny you jerk!" It was funny. And cute. Maybe both.

"No, they can't. Let's go outside, love. Come on.” Liam replied, looking at Zayn, who seemed to be relieved. "I'll protect you though. I'm your personal superhero now! Wizard yesterday, superhero today. I'm so cool, aren't I? Don't you dare deny it or I'll cry. I swear!” Zayn burst out laughing, the sound echoing around the building as they left.

They then just went for a walk, watching several animals like monkeys, elephants, horses, zebras and flamingos just doing their thing. They were talking about how weird giraffes looked, discussing why Zayn thought kangaroos were the weirdest animals to ever exist, and why they both found birds kind of annoying, no matter how beautiful they were.

When a cat crossed their path, obviously complaining about the visitor's lack of attention, of course, Zayn was the first person to crouch down next to the ball of fur to pet it. Liam sat down on the bench across from them, watching as Zayn excitedly played with the stray cat. He didn't even think about it twice or gave a fuck about the possibility that the cat could be sick or something like that. Altogether, Zayn just wanted to give that cute animal as much attention as the others. He was too good to be true.

Sometimes Zayn’s hand absentmindedly went through his own hair before he turned to the cat again, giggling happily while looking over at Liam from time to time. He had even winked at him once.

"You know what Liam? I miss _my_ cat! I got one waiting for me at home. She's so cute and I miss sitting on the couch, wrapped in a cozy blanket with _Potato_ starfishing all over me." Zayn told him, and Liam just continued to smile while staying mute. He just listened. ”She's only two years old, but I think she's a lazy piece of..uh...she's quite lazy you know? She sleeps all day and only ever gets up when she's hungry. Oh boy, she's probably the most unusual cat ever. She doesn't even play with her toys! She can't bite or scratch properly, and she forgets what she was about to do all the time. She's so stupid, yet so adorable. I love her.”

"I can imagine. Cats are special. You can't own them, they own you! You're literally their servant, even if you get a lot of love back." Liam answered, laughing. “I like dogs as well though.” When the cat left, he sat down next to Liam. "I adopted a penguin, well I guess that _you_ did.” Liam didn’t know when to tell him so he just went with his gut right now. Maybe it was too much, but he didn't care.

"What? I don't understand?" Zayn said, with a confused look on his face. "What do you mean, you or I adopted one? Who did you…did I...did we...adopt? I'm so confused."

"It's more like being a godfather kind of thing? You pay to make sure the animal of your choice got everything it needs and in return, you can name it and be the _godfather_ or _godmother_. You literally spoil them, yeah? And I thought that since you liked the penguins so much you'd like to be a godfather for _Theo_ the penguin? So I-“

Liam couldn't finish his sentence, because Zayn slowly leaned in.


	8. Clubbing

And then something happened that Liam wouldn’t have expected in a million years. Just like in one of those romantic movies everything happened in slow motion. He had approximately two seconds to understand what was happening.

They were sitting on an old wooden bench. Next to each other. Their knees were touching. Zayn was coming closer and closer.

Zayn, who Liam kind of used to hate was about to kiss him? Zayn who turned out to be one of the sweetest human beings Liam had ever met? Zayn, who made Liam nervous? Zayn who could go from being a right pain in the ass to an angel? Zayn whose beauty Liam sometimes couldn’t deal with? Zayn whose every move turned Liam into a nervous wreck? Zayn? Zayn. Zayn!

Liam couldn’t even explain what he felt for him, couldn’t put it into words. He just knew he had a crush on him, right?

And now he’d feel Zayn’s lips touching his own. Fuck. Liam closed his eyes, ready for Zayn to kiss him but nothing happened. He waited for a few seconds until he opened his eyes again.

Zayn was right there, looking into his eyes, their noses almost touching. Liam could feel Zayn’s warm breath on his lips and he thought he’d pass out any second. He could do this, he wanted to do this and he…

They both pulled back at the same time. Everything Liam had imagined, everything he’d expected to happen shattered into a million pieces. He didn’t know why Zayn had changed his mind, but he knew for sure why he had.

He wasn’t supposed to kiss Zayn in the first place. Zayn was taken. Liam had no right to kiss a man, who was in a relationship with someone else. Liam had no right to do this.

Liam didn’t know if Zayn had realized the same thing the exact same moment, but he was well aware of the fact that Zayn seemed to be shocked. He was white as a sheet when he scootched over to create some space between them.

For a couple of minutes, neither Liam nor Zayn dared to speak up. They just sat there in silence, trying to process what had just happened. Liam felt sick to his stomach and even though he didn’t want to acknowledge it to himself, he had to hold back his tears. He really had wanted to kiss Zayn. A kiss was everything he wished for at the moment and knowing that he couldn’t do it, wasn’t allowed to do it hurt as hell. But for some reason, he also felt kind of rejected and unloved, which was even worse. The worst thing was feeling like a complete fool though. Why hadn’t he stopped himself? Why was he falling in love with someone who he could never have in the first place? He’d known about Zayn’s relationship. Why had he ignored it? Why?!

Liam just wanted to run away, ditch Zayn and hide somewhere. Why couldn’t he turn back time to when he still hated Zayn? Everything would be so much easier, fuck!

He dared to look at Zayn, who nervously fiddled around with his fingers. He looked so sad, Liam wanted nothing but to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But was it?

Zayn teared up just when Liam considered leaving, thinking about his own feelings. How was he supposed to ditch him now? How? He couldn’t stand seeing Zayn so sad. He had to do something, hadn’t he? Zayn was supposed to be happy.

“Come on, Z, let's go." Liam mumbled, trying to get Zayn out of this situation. Himself too, but nobody had to know.

It was hard, fucking hard to do this, to pull himself together for the sake of Zayn’s happiness but that’s what he wanted in the first place, right? He wanted Zayn to be happy no matter what. He was on the verge of tears and even though he really just wanted to be egoistic, something deep down told him that thinking about Zayn’s well being was more important than his own.

He jumped to his feet and by instinct reached for Zayn’s hand, but Zayn didn’t take it. He just got up and pressed his lips together, not even looking at Liam.

Liam tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest.

“Liam, I have to call Niall first, okay?” Zayn whispered, and without even waiting for an answer, he pulled out his phone and walked away. Niall. Right. The boyfriend. Zayn probably felt the need to tell Niall how much he loved him after having realized that he had almost kissed someone else. Amazing.

Liam wanted to die.

* * *

"Niall. Niall where are you? Are you at the hotel? Where are you? I need to meet you! I really have to talk to you. I'm freaking out. I can't breathe. Niall where the heck are you? Please pick me up!” Zayn literally screamed into his phone, not even giving Niall a chance to say hello.

"Zaynie, calm down. Take a deep breath for me, okay?" Niall answered calmly and Zayn really tried. He didn’t want to panic but how on earth was he supposed to calm down. _Breathe, breathe, breathe._

“Zayn, I already left. I’m in London now. I told you. Did you forget or only realize it now?” Niall continued but Zayn suddenly felt like throwing up. Niall had already left? What? No, no, no! Zayn needed to talk to his friend more than ever before! Face to face! _Now._ London? Why was Niall there while he was still in Paris? Zayn was going to pass out, he knew it. He couldn’t do this. He needed Niall.

“Zayn, are you okay? Answer me!” Niall yelled, sounding worried sick.

"Yeah, fuck. No. I mean no, I'm not! I am not okay!” Zayn stuttered, trying his best not to let his anxiety take over his body. He had almost kissed Liam. He had _wanted_ to kiss Liam. So bad. His whole fucking body had longed for that stupid kiss. Still did. Shit. ”I wanted to kiss Liam!”

"You what?!" Niall shrieked in response, making Zayn’s ears ring with the volume of his voice. "Oh my god, I knew it! The way you looked at him and all that. Tell me everything, you little fucker.”

"Are you being serious right now, Horan? I'm having a heart attack cause I wanted to kiss Liam, and you’re reacting like this?! Kiss as in press our lips together. Kiss as in I might like him or something like that. Sure, he's hot as fuck and funny and cute and shit, but I _can't_ like him, Niall. I simply can't like him. I don't _want_ to like him. Niall, you have to help me! I need to do something to get rid of these feelings. I don't know what's going on with me, for fuck's sake!” Zayn whined, being sure Niall was currently rolling his eyes.

"Zayn, you're such a drama qu-“ Niall wanted to say but Zayn cut him off, continuing to panic on the inside.

"Niall, I don't want to like anyone ever again, and you _know_ why! The last time I liked some, or let's say, I _thought_ I did it...it...I can't let that happen ever again. I am fucking scared, Niall.” Zayn tried to explain himself. “Liam is cute and he tries his best to make me happy by doing the most ridiculous things but…Niall, he’s spending way too much money! I don’t even know why he has that much money! Isn’t he just some random model!? Oh, fuck it! Who even cares!” Zayn needed to breathe. Why didn’t he know how to breathe anymore?! “Niall, what if I let it happen and then… I can’t do this again! I could never go through all of this again. I don’t want to…Niall, I still _feel_ it. All of it! My stomach hurts so fucking bad right now I want to scream. My ribs, my head, everything. I don’t want to _like_ Liam!” By now Zayn was shaking. He bit his lip so hard he could taste blood.

"Can you sit down?" Niall asked quietly. "I want you to sit down and tell me everything about Liam, okay? Everything that has happened so far. Don't leave out the details and be honest with me. I'll listen to you no matter how long it takes. We'll find a solution to your problem, yeah? Everything will be alright. You'll be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. I won't. Not ever again.”

Zayn didn’t say anything just walked further away until he spotted another bench. He plopped down, took a deep breath and then told his friend everything.

He told him about his impressions of Liam, about them getting drunk, about the jobs, about what had happened on the last day of shooting, about _Disneyland_ , and about the zoo. He told him how he had taken Liam's hand to check if he actually could handle it and he told him how Liam always touched him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Zayn mentioned that he had noticed that it was getting easier and easier for him to get touched by Liam. It was freaking him out, but he could even tell Niall when he’d first realized he _liked_ Liam. He also told him about his fears and shed some tears, having to remember what had happened the last time he had liked someone. Niall listened the whole time, not interrupting Zayn for once.

When Zayn was done, he wiped his tears away, hoping nobody had seen him like this.

“Zayn, you know I’d usually never suggest this but maybe you should go out, have a drink and think about-“ Niall suggested, and Zayn nodded, not caring that Niall couldn't see him.

Zayn knew that Niall definitely hadn’t wanted to suggest to get drunk but Zayn didn’t care. Fuck everything and everyone. He’d go to a bar or club, get drunk and dance his ass off to forget.

He didn't even let Niall finish his sentence, just hung up. This was settled. He’d get drunk tonight. He’d dance. He’d forget. No more Liam. Okay, maybe he’d have to see him again once or twice at meetings but then, he'd simply avoid him for the rest of his life. He could do that. Fuck everything.

Zayn got up and went back to Liam, who apparently hadn’t even moved. He was still sitting on the bench, staring into space. Liam smiled when he noticed that Zayn was coming closer and for a brief second Zayn thought that maybe the situation wasn’t even _that_ bad. Maybe Zayn hadn’t fucked up. Maybe they could be _friends_? Maybe Zayn could…

_No. Fuck that!_

"I feel like dancing. Maybe we should drive back to the hotel, get ready and go clubbing later? What do you think?" Zayn suggested, trying to fake a smile when he plopped down next to Liam. What the fuck was he doing? Had he just asked Liam to come with him!?“Niall said he booked me a flight back home for tomorrow? He wanted to know if Louis should book one for you too?”

"Yeah, sounds like a great idea." Liam mumbled, grinning at Zayn. They both knew that all of this was fake. It didn’t matter how much Liam faked being happy, the smile didn’t reach his eyes and it bothered Zayn. Had he ruined this?! Should he have kissed him!?

* * *

"I have to say that you look absolutely amazing, Zayn. Nobody else could wear this, really. I'd look ridiculous in this!" Liam praised, giving Zayn a shameless once over. So what if everything sucked right now? He could ignore all of this mess for one more evening, ok? He could pretend nothing had happened, right? He checked Zayn out. Fuck it. Zayn was still hot, no matter what. If he couldn’t have him, he could at least look at him. 

Liam liked that Zayn was confidently stylish. He just knew what suited him and Liam was stunned by it.

His outfit for tonight was rather simple, but as always he looked absolutely stunning. Black ripped skinny jeans, a white see-through shirt by _Marc Jacobs_ and black boots by _Yves Saint Laurent?_ Fuck yes. Several rings and a watch on his wrist? Damn good.

He looked so good that Liam was pretty close to drooling like a fucking dog. Embarrassing.

"Thank you, Liam. You don't look bad yourself.” Zayn replied to Liam’s surprise. It knocked on the door when Liam wanted to reply. "I'll go get it. Don't look at me like that. I'm fully dressed, and you can't even decide what pants to wear. I'll be right back."

With that, Zayn left, leaving Liam standing in front of the closet, smirking to himself. Zayn had literally just told him that he didn’t look that bad even though he wasn’t dressed yet. Liam hadn’t even noticed he was standing in front of Zayn, half naked. Oops?

Maybe he shouldn’t wear that simple white _Gucci_ shirt then, maybe he should just wear something Zayn would like? What a stupid thought. Liam put on the _Gucci_ shirt, Louis had bought him a while ago. He still wanted to call his friend out for it, since he could’ve gotten ten other simple and cheaper shirts instead but whatever.

He was going to a club with Zayn and he needed to look good next to him, after all. It wasn’t possible anyway since Zayn was perfect but he could at least wear stupid expensive brands as well. Fucking _Gucci_ shirt.

He never thought he’d get over the _almost-kiss-incident_ but now he didn’t feel that bad anymore. Zayn was still talking to him and now they were even going out. Maybe they could at least be friends? Maybe he still got a chance and-

Maybe he should just get drunk tonight and fuck a random dude in the bathroom. Distraction sounded good. He would just twist someone around his little finger as always. He just had to dance, circle his hips and that was it. The easiest way to get into someone’s pants.

Liam wasn’t keen on having another one night stand but maybe he just needed some dick to get over Zayn. Fucking Zayn. So what if he just went back to fucking random men. Who needed feelings in the first place? Sex was fine. Sex was great. Casual Sex. No more Zayn. 

Liam was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Zayn coming back. But suddenly there he was, standing next to him with another bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Oh, flowers again?" Liam asked, grinning broadly. Zayn blushed and then nodded. Hot pink roses and carnations, orange Asiatic lilies and Peruvian lilies, yellow sunflowers, lavender stock, purple monte casino and green Athos poms accented with assorted greenery. Liam knew.

"And let me guess. Someone added a card again? Someone has it bad for you, Zayn. Want me to put them in the water while you're reading it?” Liam mumbled.

"Um...yeah?" Zayn replied, pulling the card out of the beautiful, nice smelling bouquet of flowers. He slowly opened it, eyes scanning the text. Then he giggled and blushed even more. He looked like a tomato and Liam couldn’t move. He just stood there, watching how Zayn read the card again and again, smiling happily. “Li, you wanna know what it says?" Liam nodded while Zayn bit his lip, grinning broadly in excitement. "It says _I like you a lottle. It's like a little, except a lot_. And it’s from _someone who cares_.“

"That's cute. Someone _really_ seems to like you." Liam answered, swallowing thickly before placing the flowers in a blue glass vase. The flowers looked really good, but they were nothing in comparison to Zayn, who was beaming with joy at the moment. Liam wanted to kiss him so bad, but he couldn't. "You ready? Let's get going then. It's 11:00 pm already!” Fucking flowers.

Liam would've never thought Zayn would want to go to _'Les Hommes',_ considering the fact that it was an exclusive gay club. Since Zayn was still closeted, it had taken Liam completely by surprise when Zayn himself had suggested going there. Liam had never been there, only heard of it but Zayn seemed to be excited. Liam hadn’t asked why. Maybe Zayn would feel safe there. Maybe he liked the club and had been there before. Liam had no idea but he didn’t complain. Going to a gay club meant that he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to do. And he could definitely suck some dick tonight. What a perfect opportunity, really.

Upstairs, the rather small club offered some tables and comfortable white couches to occupy those who were only looking for a chat or to share a cigarette in the glassed-in smoking room, whereas downstairs, an intimate cellar welcomed those looking to hit the dance floor with like-minded gentlemen. Sweaty bodies were pressed against each other, men grinding their asses against other men's crotches. All in all, Liam was sure it'd get hot in there real fast.

Two bars served rather pricey colorful drinks with funny names such as _Pillowtalk_ , _sHe_ , and _Strip That Down_ , while a blonde, rather good-looking DJ spun a fun mix of pop tracks and house music. Liam was sure he'd even take requests if men asked politely.

The clientele was pretty much mixed but notably young and apparently very friendly. Those looking to get up close and personal with some hot dudes apparently didn't have to do much, which was a plus for Liam today.

"Wanna drink something?" Zayn asked, nudging Liam's upper arm, smiling. "I'd guess you’d like the drink called _Bedroom Floor_! It's super sweet, but with a little bit of a bitter and determined aftertaste? Oh, and the decoration is so funny. Fruits, marshmallows, and gummy bears on a stick! You should definitely taste it, Liam." Zayn shifted from one foot to another, apparently waiting for an answer. He was literally pressed against Liam, considering the club was full of people, which meant there was barely space but Liam really didn't want a goddamn _Bedroom Floor_ for shit.

He wanted Zayn. Fuck, he fucking wanted Zayn, and being pressed up against him was not helping at all. 

"No, not really, Zayn. I want to dance, to be honest." Liam announced, wiggling his eyebrows and spinning around once to make his intentions clear. “I'll buy us drinks later."

Liam bit his lip and headed out to the dance floor, joining the other dancing men. For a quick moment, Liam thought all of this was a bad idea, but before he knew he was already standing in the middle of the dance floor, moving his hips to the music.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment and inhaled deeply, smelling the sweat and mixed colognes in the room. He would dance like his life depended on it and forget about having stupid feelings for Zayn. He would just do what he always did, move his hips while eyeing the guys surrounding him. And then he’d do whatever would be necessary to twist the chosen stranger around his little finger. Liam knew he was hot and he knew he could have sex whenever he wanted. He’d find someone to fuck tonight. Screw you, Zayn!

It didn't take him more than five minutes of scanning the room before he noticed a rather tall, black-haired, and quite acceptable looking guy dancing suggestively nearby. Liam confidently licked his lips and approached him, stopping right in front of the other man's face. If his hair had been long enough, it would've probably been the perfect moment to flip it. He quickly gave the man's body a once over, noticing great abs underneath the sheer gray shirt. He didn’t like that shirt. Too suggestive, but Liam didn’t give a fuck. That’s what he needed! Someone like that. Liam shamelessly checked out his crotch. Apparently enough down there to please Liam, so he just went for it, like he always did.

He looked into the guy's eyes, not even asking about his name (cause he didn’t give a fuck, seriously), and then leaned in closer, speaking right into his ear. "I think you'd look hot all sprawled out underneath me. I’d also suck your dick if that’s what you prefer. Interested?”

Liam didn’t fuck around today, didn’t fucking care about manners or anything like that. He wasn't interested in conversations, wasn't up for beating around the bush. If that guy didn't want him, he'd simply search for another one. Maybe he wasn't even picky today. He wanted to suck some dick. These men would be stupid to say no to him because if there was anything in the world Liam was sure about, it was that he gave a fucking good blow job. He'd had a lot of hard-ons in his mouth and he was well aware of the fact that he knew perfectly well how to make someone come hard, how to make someone scream or beg for more. Liam knew he could suck dick. End of story.

_Fucking Zayn._

The already sweaty stranger nodded and bit his lip in anticipation. He took a step forward, starting to grind against Liam’s smaller body but Liam turned around quickly so he could grind his ass against the man's crotch instead. If he had an ass, he would fucking use it for his own advantages. He'd be stupid if he didn't. He moved his body as suggestively as possible, rubbing his ass against the man's crotch until the man suddenly leaned down, quickly licking Liam's neck. Liam moaned, not because he felt like it, but because he could.

He wasn’t into this anymore at all, but he, even more, wasn’t into feeling like shit because of Zayn. He’d do this.

The club was packed. Sweaty, hot and barely dressed bodies were pressing against each other, young attractive men were dancing as if there was no tomorrow, couples were making out right on the huge dance floor and Liam felt like having entered a different world. Colorful lasers, some old school disco balls hanging down from the ceiling and videos of dancing male strippers on the screens in the back changed the mood of the club. Everything was just great. The DJ was an exception, too. He was really talented, choosing the perfect music to add up to an already existing outstanding sexual tension on the dance floor.

And all of a sudden Liam felt brave, braver than ever before. He noticed another guy who was wearing a thin blue shirt and white jeans, staring at them with a half-open mouth and he didn’t know why but he wanted to prove it to himself that he still _got it_. There were still men out there who _wanted_ him even though nobody knew _he_ actually only wanted Zayn. And then he did the rather unthinkable, focused on that other guy dancing across from him and beckoned him over. _Guy One_ didn't seem to mind when  _Guy Two_ approached them. 

_Just like back then. Be a hoe again. Do it._

He demonstratively checked both of them out, winked at _Guy One_ and licked his lips while looking at _Guy Two._ He could dance in between two guys, couldn’t he? Why the fuck not?! He cheekily moved in between them and did what he could do best. _Hoe-Liam-Mode: On_.

He didn't want to acknowledge it to himself that he wasn't taking it well not being able to have what he actually wanted. Fucking Zayn messed up everything. 

He moved his hips, grinding against the black haired guy while the other one leaned in. Kissing? Yeah, no. Definitely not. He let that guy nibble on his earlobe instead. 

He couldn’t remember what he’d told _Guy One_ but Liam didn’t even care anymore. The only thing he wouldn’t do was letting someone fuck him. He’d only…Nah. Maybe he wouldn’t do anything at all tonight. Maybe he just needed them to massage his own fucked up ego.

Maybe Louis had always been right. Maybe Liam wanted nothing but a relationship instead of fucking around. Maybe…No. Definitely not.

The three men danced and it sure as hell must have looked like some kind of porn intro, but Liam honestly didn't give a flying fuck anymore. At least, not until, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Zayn approaching them, looking rather pissed. His facial expression looked a bit scary in comparison to his usual puppy face.

Zayn pushed past random staring men with an uninterested look on his face, not even glancing at Liam whatsoever. And when Zayn grabbed the hem of his own shirt, tugging it over his head just to then toss it on the floor, Liam’s eyes almost fell out. Zayn’s tattoos were completely on display along with his abs. Still not looking at Liam, Zayn started to dance with his back to the three men, putting all of his efforts into moving his body way too suggestively, looking like a fucking stripper.

Within seconds several men were literally drooling over him, but Zayn didn't even seem to care because he just continued dancing, only glancing over his shoulder, checking if Liam was watching, from time to time.

Liam gaped at him for a brief moment before he tried to remind himself what he was currently doing. He wanted to seduce these guys. Right. He would just grind against…Nobody was there anymore.

The guys he’d been dancing with had ditched him for none other than Zayn! Liam’s jaw dropped.

Had this just happened?! What the fuck had Zayn done to make them lose interest in Liam?! This never happened before!

He had turned the tables within the blink of an eye. Instead of Liam, Zayn was now dancing in between those strangers. And he didn’t seem to mind that both of them couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

What the fuck had just happened, and who the fuck was this boy looking so goddamn self-confident and sexy? 100%, not the Zayn he knew. He had literally fucked up his chances of sex. Asshole!

Liam didn’t know what to do, but he wanted to know why Zayn had made an effort to literally steal his guys. He continued to dance all by himself. What else was he supposed to do, really?! He didn't know what Zayn’s intention was but he couldn’t think about it for a long time because all he could do was stare at what was happening right in front of his eyes. Zayn was dancing with two guys, looking like sex on legs, while only looking at Liam. What the heck!?

And then Liam lost it. One of the guys shamelessly pressed himself against Zayn and tried to kiss him. Zayn turned away but when the man tried it again Liam got angry. He’d had enough.

He went over there, forcefully grabbed the arm of the intrusive stranger and pushed him away. He turned to the other one and just glared at him.

"Thank you for hitting on _my_ man. I know he's hot, but you can fuck off now. Both of you!" Liam placed his hands on Zayn’s hips from behind and started to dance. Nobody would touch Zayn except for him. What did they even think?! Did Liam look like that kind of dude who was into sharing? Most definitely not. Zayn was _his_ boy.

Zayn shamelessly pressed his ass against Liam’s hardening crotch, grinding against him like his life depended on it. Liam didn’t know what the fuck was happening but he decided to spin Zayn around nevertheless. His heart was racing like crazy, when Zayn suddenly faced him, their noses almost touching. Again. Fuck. Something like this had never happened before but the sexual tension between them got almost unbearable. Without even thinking about it twice Liam just wrapped his arms around Zayn’s neck and got lost in the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen while dancing.

Seconds later Zayn leaned in once again and before Liam could even understand it, Zayn’s lips already touched Liam’s. It was just a brush, really, but all of a sudden Liam felt like he was exploding as Zayn’s tongue licked over his bottom lip. Zayn nearly knocked all wind from Liam’s lungs. He hardly had a moment to react when Zayn suddenly pressed his tongue to the seam of his lips. His lashes fluttered shit and his heart was racing.

Zayn kissed him, not innocently but more like a tease. Hot, fiery, passionate and very demanding. They were stuck in their own little bubble, completely blinded out to what was going on around them.

Zayn tilted his head for a better angle and Liam allowed himself to shut out everything else and just sink into this one kiss. Zayn took over control and Liam returned only as much as Zayn apparently wanted.

Liam captured Zayn’s bottom lip carefully in between his teeth and grinned. Suddenly Zayn’s hand grabbed Liam’s ass and they passionately kissed again. Holy fucking shit. They moved against each other, not even stopping as they licked into each others' mouths like teenagers.

Even though this wasn’t what Liam had imagined their first kiss to be like _at all_ he loved it. So what if their first kiss wasn’t a romantic one. There would be plenty of romantic moments to come, right? Liam couldn’t think anymore. Zayn kissed like he talked: Soft but with determination and purpose. And he tasted like strawberries and mint, which Liam didn’t bring into question because this was just so hot.

The only problem he had, was that he was fucking hard inside of his pants. Who would’ve thought Zayn was capable of _this?!_

Liam moved his hands into Zayn’s hair and kissed him once again before he pulled back, needing to breathe. Their eyes locked and then it hit Liam like a train. Zayn had kissed him, although he was taken. Zayn was in a relationship with Niall. Fucking hell, what had he just done?

"Zayn, fuck, you are in a rela-“ Liam yelled, but Zayn cut him off, pressing their lips against each other. Liam wanted to protest, really did, but he couldn’t help but kiss Zayn back. He wanted him so bad. So, so bad. Zayn was everything Liam had ever wished for.

Zayn pulled back and happily grinned at Liam. Liam wanted to cry and smile at the same time because what on earth was _this_?! What were they doing?! What have-

”Niall isn't my boyfriend, Liam. He never was and he’ll never be. I lied." Zayn confessed, making Liam’s jaw drop.


	9. Spongebob Squarepants

On the way back to the _Four Seasons Hotel_ Zayn and Liam snuggled up against each other in the backseat of an old rusty black cab, while the driver was quietly humming a beautiful melody Liam had never heard before.

Liam still couldn’t figure out why Zayn had lied about being in a relationship but he honestly didn’t care that much. The only thing that mattered was knowing that Zayn was single and (apparently) ready to mingle. No fucking boyfriend. No Niall. Bye Niall! Ha! 

Liam could barely deal with how cute Zayn currently was, leaning his head on his shoulder, pecking his lips over and over again or holding his hand as if it was the most natural thing in the entire world. The feelings they had for each other seemed to be mutual and Liam couldn’t believe how lucky he was. When he looked at Zayn, he almost stopped breathing because he was so beautiful, when they touched each other his heart started racing and when they kissed the world stopped. He couldn’t get Zayn off his mind no matter what. 

For so long he’d longed for feelings like that and he couldn’t believe he’d genuinely thought that there wasn’t a person out there who he’d ever be _that_ interested in.

No matter how scary this was if this was how falling in love felt like Liam wanted these feelings to never stop.

And when a while later they stumbled into their shared suite, constantly kissing and touching each other, Liam knew that Zayn was exactly what he needed and wanted. Zayn almost tripped over his own feet while walking through the door but Liam reacted quickly, grabbed Zayn by the waist and prevented him from falling, making Zayn giggle.

“You were right. You are a superhero, _my_ superhero.” Zayn muttered, making both of them laugh, even though the word _my_ was literally echoing in the room.

It had taken them far too long to get to the sofa, really, but it didn’t matter. Liam made himself comfortable and within seconds Zayn was literally glued to him again. Zayn reminded Liam of a little koala while clinging to him. For at least 20 minutes they just enjoyed cuddling, not saying anything. Being with each other was enough and Liam didn’t know what to do because his emotions were all over the place. He never wanted any of this to end. He never wanted to stop holding Zayn, never wanted to stop looking at him and he never wanted to stop kissing him. He was so fucking lovestruck, he silently thanked every little twist of fate that eventually made this happen. He even wanted to thank Niall for _not_ being Zayn’s boyfriend, which was weird.

"Zayn?" Liam whispered, smiling to himself before he leaned down and gently pecked his lips again. “You are so beautiful. So so beautiful.” He just had to tell him again. He _had_ to. Zayn deserved to know, needed to know just how amazing he was. “Inside and out.”

Zayn’s cheeks turned red but he didn't reply,simply stared into Liam’s eyes, glancing at his lips from time to time which Liam eventually took as an invitation to kiss him again. They kissed until Zayn fell asleep with his head on Liam’s chest. And while Liam happily smiled to himself, he pulled the fluffy white blanked over them to make sure Zayn would feel protected and warm.

And just this moment Liam silently promised Zayn that from now on he would take care of him, love him and protect him from everything and everybody no matter what.

When Liam’s alarm went off he groaned. Ugh, he really didn’t want to get up and the heavy weight on top of him didn’t make it easier at all. What?! Liam switched on the lamp and quickly opened his eyes ready to defend himself if necessary but when he came to his senses, realizing that it was only Zayn, he sighed.

“Good morning to me.” he whispered and grinned, kissing Zayn’s tousled hair. He’d seen him in the morning before but he’d never paid attention to how adorable sleepy Zayn actually looked like. Ruffled hair, slightly swollen lips, long eyelashes… Zayn was lovely and so handsome Liam couldn’t believe he was even real.

Liam had never been so glad in his entire life not to have gotten drunk at a club because it didn’t take him long to remember everything that had happened yesterday. He wasn’t hung over thank fuck, all of this hadn’t been a dream. He’d really kissed Zayn. They’d kissed each other! Not just once! 

Butterflies erupted in Liam’s stomach and he had to bite his lip to keep himself from smiling too hard, suddenly feeling unbelievably happy. Zayn liked him back. God, Liam didn’t deserve this.

Zayn moved slightly and barely noticeable batted his eyelashes. Shit. The alarm hadn’t gone off for fun! They needed to catch their flight back home very soon. He needed to wake up Zayn even though he didn’t want to. “Zaynie?” Liam whispered, his fingers running through Zayn’s hair. "Baby, you have to wake up." Fuck, had he just called him baby? He prayed Zayn hadn't heard. God, he needed to chill, seriously. "Sweetheart?" The alarm went off again. “You need to wake up, love." Yeah, he had officially lost his mind. Baby, sweetheart and love? He needed to talk to Louis and make him slap some sense into Liam again. Why couldn’t he pull himself together? Did he have to be totally obvious and embarrassing!? When did it even get _that_ bad?!

His friend Louis would laugh at him for behaving like this! He’d always told Liam that one day he’d be so whipped by someone he’d make a fool out of himself every two seconds. Liam had always told Louis to fuck off and that he’d never in a million years be a lovestruck fool and here he was doing exactly that! Fuck. Zayn and Liam weren’t even officially dating yet and he already did such things. How bad would it get in the future!? Liam would probably be even worse than Louis had predicted! Maybe Liam should reconsider telling Louis about this for the sake of his own dignity. He would not embarrass himself in front of his best friend! He would not. He would not. Yeah, he totally would. Of course, he would.

Zayn blinked and slowly opened his tired eyes before he yawned like a kitten and pressed his face right into Liam’s chest mumbling incoherent things. Liam totally didn’t think _kitten_ was the perfect word to describe Zayn in the morning, thank you very much. He also didn’t know what was worse, Zayn pressing himself against Liam like mentioned koala again or Zayn looking like the mentioned kitten. He’d die every goddamn morning for fuck’s sake!

He didn't even try to contain himself, just ran his fingers through Zayn’s hair again. He loved his hair, god. How could one person be that blessed?! Liam would develop a fucking hair kink because of Zayn’s mane! He’d always had a thing for hair but Zayn took it to another level with his shiny, thick and just…Maybe he should go see a therapist. It was hair for goodness’ sake!

"Sunshine, you know I'd love to stay here with you cuddling all day long, but the taxi will be here very soon. Come on, get up, yeah? I'm sure you can sleep on the plane, hm?” Liam mumbled, carefully massaging Zayn’s scalp.

All of a sudden Zayn’s head snapped up and before Liam could even understand what was going on, Zayn jumped to his feet, took a step back and stared at Liam with wide and uncertain looking eyes.

"What the fuck? What? Why...what...what the fuck...how? What's happening? Liam, what the hell? When did I fall asleep on the couch? Why was I lying on top of you? What the... why did you touch me? What the actual fuck is going on? I... I need to use the bathroom, shit." Zayn rambled, literally blurting those words out before he ran towards the bathroom.

Liam couldn’t even comprehend what had just happened, just heard the door click shut and then stared into space. _Okay?!_ Liam knew that this obviously wasn’t easy for Zayn and that he generally had problems with getting touched and all that but he hadn’t expected him to freak out right after waking up, especially not after last night. Maybe Liam had secretly hoped that he could somewhat lift that curse but thinking about it now it was ridiculous.  Okay, maybe _curse_ was the wrong word for it, but he couldn't think of a better comparison at the moment, considering the fact that he simply couldn't place what was going on! Of course, Zayn needed time. Shit. 

He got up and did the only thing that currently seemed to make sense. He knocked on the door to check on Zayn. Maybe he could help him. “Zayn, are you okay? Do you want to talk?” Zayn didn’t answer. “Zayn, please.” Nothing. Liam didn’t know what to do, so he slowly opened the door and peeked at Zayn inside of the room. Zayn sat on the toilet, face buried in his hands. "Hey... what's wrong?" Liam approached him and immediately knelt down in front of him to be at eye level. Zayn shook his head. “Okay, take a breath, yeah? You can tell me, okay?” Liam barely touched Zayn’s knee, trying to comfort him. He hadn’t thought about it, just did it by instinct, but exactly that little gesture caused Zayn to flinch and snap at Liam.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Liam. I don’t know why you think you can touch me. I didn’t allow you to do that and I’ve even told you a thousand times that I can’t stand it. Keep your fucking distance. Please.” Zayn yelled, sounding ice cold even though he teared up while staring straight into Liam’s eyes. Liam froze, whereas Zayn just wordlessly got up and left him there.

Liam coudn’t understand. What had just happened? Why did Zayn attack him like this? What had he done now? Hadn’t Zayn kissed him first yesterday? Hadn’t he initiated everything else in the first place? Had Liam gone too far!? Why hadn’t Zayn complained then? Shit, had he already messed this up before it had even really begun? Liam didn’t want to lose Zayn! He didn’t. Wait, was there even something to begin with!?

Liam forced himself to get up just to follow Zayn into the living room, catching sight of him carelessly throwing his things into his _Louis Vuitton_ bags. Zayn noticed but only glared at Liam. He looked so angry that Liam wanted to vanish into thin air. Why did he all of a sudden feel guilty!? What had he done!?

"Do you regret it?" he mumbled, scarcely audible. "Do you?" He just had to ask. He’d be heartbroken if Zayn said yes but he had to know. How would he deal with a yes? Only a few hours ago he had acknowledged to himself that he was falling in love with Zayn and now this!? God, he even liked feeling like that for the first time ever. He didn’t want to get hurt. There was no way he’d had misinterpreted the whole situation, right?! He had been scared of these feelings but had accepted them. The tingling sensation in his stomach, the edgy feeling inside his chest, the racing heart, the heat spreading all over his body when Zayn touched him, his jittery limbs, all of it. He didn't want it to change. Zayn couldn't regret it. Please no. Why did this have to happen to him?

Zayn swallowed hard and pressed his lips together before he asked “Regret what? I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re confusing me.” No idea, what? Confusing? What? What the fuck? Zayn was joking around, wasn’t he? This was supposed to be a prank!

"Oh god, you got me there! Fuck, for a moment I thought you were being serious. You're such an ass.” Liam replied, giggling. He approached Zayn to enfold him in his arms to laugh about it, but Zayn rougly pushed him away. He took a few steps back and pursed his lips, almost looking disgusted. "Zayn, that's enough, okay? I got it. You wanted to prank me and I believed you. You won! Stop it now. It kind of hurts.” Zayn scrunched his nose and tapped his forehead at Liam, followed by shaking his head.

"You can't be all there! What the fuck?" Zayn answered with a harsh tone. "Now hurry up and stop being so ridiculous. As far as I know, we have to be at the airport in, like, an hour. What are you even waiting for?” Okay. He’d had enough. Two could play this dumb game. Liam really didn’t get that kind of humor but if Zayn thought this would be funny, then Liam would win this stupid ass challenge. What a huge but unfortunately adorable child Zayn was, really.

An hour later, Liam didn't find that game funny anymore at all. In fact, he was sick and tired of it already. "I hate planes. I just hate them.” Liam grumbled silently, mostly to himself as he nervously fiddled around with his fingers. He hated flying. Ugh. "Why can't you just fucking drive to all places? Stupid fucking planes."

Zayn didn't even react. Fucking great. What a dumb game. Liam had hoped Zayn would at least stop with this shit on the plane but _no_. Even though he knew Liam was afraid of flying. Asshole. "I need a drink.”

"No, you don't. Will make it worse." Zayn all of a sudden mumbled, sounding different before he cleared his throat. ”You behave like a baby, _Leroy_." Oh, now they played this game again? Amazing. Dickhead. "You got to fly back at some point if you don't want to stay in Paris for the rest of your life. I know flying isn't your thing but can you stop whining about it? Just shut up and distract yourself. It’s not even a long flight. Some people want to get some beauty sleep.” He couldn’t be serious. "You know, maybe you should sleep too. The circles underneath your eyes don't look very pretty." Liam didn't even know what to say anymore. This wasn’t funny anymore. Zayn hurt him. Zayn ignored Liam, leaned back and closed his eyes.

Okay good. He would still win this and _then_ kick his ass for being a little bitch. ”You little shit.” Zayn pretended to be a bitch? Then Liam would pretend to be an annoying piece of shit. He would totally win this ugly game and then kiss the shit out of Zayn the moment they landed at _Heathrow Airport_. “Zayn? Zayn? Zaynie? Zayn? Hi! Hey? Zayn?!” Liam poked him in the arm every time he mentioned his name. “Hey, Zayn? Hello? Zaynie?!” Liam smirked. Zayn would definitely give up within the next five seconds. “I have a question. Can I ask you something, Zayn?”

"No." Zayn said, furrowing his brow, looking annoyed. Liam pulled on the expensive _Lanvin_ shirt Zayn was wearing. "Stop this right now, Liam or I’ll go off. I hate when you tug at an expensive shirt like it’s worth nothing. Stop!” Aha! Good to know. Liam opened a button of Zayn’s shirt and smirked cheekily. “Liam, I swear to gof if you don’t stop this right now I’ll slap you.” Of course, he would. Liam tried not to laugh. “Why are you so fucking annoying and why are you touching me _again_?! Sometimes I think you must be blind, deaf _and_ dumb because you don't seem to remember anything that I tell you!” Liam pulled his hand away and clenched his fists. This was too much.

"You know what, Zayn? Fuck off. Thank you for being a right jackass.” Liam whispered, looking out of the window. He didn't know why, but all of a sudden he felt really hurt and hated it. “This isn’t funny anymore.”

Instead of this fight or joke or whatever the hell this was, he should be holding Zayn's hand, kiss him gently from time to time, or droll over him while Zayn was paying attention to a flight attendant or something dumb like that, but no, Zayn apparently had different plans. Fucker.

Liam’s eyes teared up, turning his head away so that Zayn wouldn’t see. He wouldn’t speak to him anymore until they would have landed.

___

Liam knew Louis probably wanted to choke, stab, drown and hang him at the same time. Or throw him out of the window. Maybe all of it. Louis probably even wanted to burn him and flush his remains down the toilet but even though Liam knew he was annoying his friend to death, he strangely didn’t care for once. He couldn’t even hold anything against his best friend, because he knew he was a whiny bitch, he just couldn’t help it.

Liam knew damn well that he’d basically moved in with Louis without even asking, simply because he couldn’t stand to be alone at the moment. He’d been here for over three weeks now and Louis was sick and tired of not having the house to himself anymore. Liam knew, okay? He knew. He was well aware of the fact that Louis couldn’t hear Zayn, Zayn and Zayn anymore.

Liam had just made himself comfortable on Louis’ sofa, wrapped in a dark brown fake fur blanket that he had deadass asked Louis to bring over from his own house. He’d treated him like an assistant, not like a friend. Even though he was both but Liam still felt bad for it since he could just have done it himself. He didn’t function anymore. That was it. It also wasn’t his fault that he needed his blanket for his self-pity party.

Liam had ignored whatever Louis had talked about within that period of time. He’d literally had been talking to a wall because, truth to be told, Liam hadn’t even tried to pay attention to Louis’ well-intentioned advices. What the hell did his friend know after all, seriously? There was no way Louis could possibly know what Liam was currently going through.

The same thing applied to Niall, who Louis had called several times via Skype to let off steam and complain about Liam’s behavior. Louis hadn’t exactly been slick, since Liam had heard everything but whatever. Neither of them had the slightest idea how _true_ lovesickness felt like.

And then, when Niall for whatever reason hadn’t had the time to skype with Louis anymore, Louis had almost lost it, even calling Liam names. Liam knew he’d been a pain in the ass within the last weeks. Louis had even told him that he wanted to sleep in his own garden just so that he wouldn’t have to hear Liam’s moaning and groaning anymore. Shouldn’t that have been enough to pull himself together again?

Whatsoever. Louis had just left the room and Liam knew that he needed to talk to someone else. He even heard that infamous Skype ringing sound coming from Louis' bedroom. His friend was probably calling Niall to bitch about him again. Liam really didn’t give a flying fuck about anything anymore but since he was bored today he decided to listen to their conversation anyway. Did it matter what they talked about? Certainly not. Would Liam still overhear? Most definitely. Louis hadn’t closed the door. It was his own fault people could hear, wasn’t it? 

 _"Niall, thank god you picked up!"_ Louis said, sighing. _"You got a minute to talk? I know you don't want to hear about Liam anymore, but I'm about to either kill him or myself and I'm being 100% serious this time.”_

Liam didn’t mind if Louis would do it already. He felt like shit anyway.

 _“Uh…hey Louis!”_ Niall hesitated _. Well let me guess, he’s still crying like a baby, feels sorry for himself, and only eats unhealthy shit all day long?"_ Niall answered, laughing. Liam heard a rather familiar voice in the background but since it wasn’t Zayn’s, Liam didn’t care at all.

 _"Yeah, the shithead lives on my couch, empties the fridge, and orders junk food every day and all day, Niall. He's been drinking so much alcohol these last few days that I'm not even sure how he's still alive! Did you fucking know that you can drink shots out of marshmallows? Those goddamn-"_ he stopped speaking abruptly. Ah. He’d heard the other voice too. _"Is that Harry?!”_

 _“What?"_ Niall shrieked, and then apparently tried to cover up his all too obvious reaction. It definitely was him. Why was Niall acting all weird? _"How does that work? I want to try marshmallow-shots as well. I'll come over tomorrow and get wasted with Liam, fuck yes."_ The real question here was why he didn't just confirm it was Harry? Liam and Louis had heard it. Fucking Niall.  _"Well, or I'll come over later and we can go clubbing and leave Liam alone so that he can drown in his tears.”_

 _"Niall, don't avoid the question. That was definitely Harry’s voice. I’d always recognize it!”_ Louis went into it. What a smartass. Liam heard that Harry suddenly got the giggles. Liam hated happy people. _“Tell him I said hello!”_ Harry had probably heard that?! Louis wasn’t dumb, was he? Why that sentence? _"The offer still holds if you want. Think about the old times!”_

 _“Seriously? And do-_ ” Niall wanted to say but got interrupted by a bunch of strange noises. Suddenly Niall and Harry were arguing over something, Liam couldn’t hear. Weirdos.

 _“Hey, Louis! You good? When do you want to meet up?_ ” Harry suddenly said. So Harry had apparently wanted to talk to Louis instead of Niall. It’s not like they both could talk to Louis at the same time! Weirdos.

 _"Hey Harry, I don't know. When are you free?"_ Louis wanted to know. His friend sounded nervous. _"We could meet up at 11 pm? Have you heard about that new club just around the corner of Liam’s place? Heard it's a cool place, good food and drinks and stuff!”_

 _"Yeah, sure. We don't have any plans anyway, just wanted to hang out at Niall's and play some FIFA or something. Don't know, actually. So yeah. I'm looking forward to it. Feels like the old days all over again.”_ Harry answered. Right. He’d went to college with them as well. Harry laughed and then said the unthinkable.

_"Bring Liam. I just got an idea. I know you don't want to see his annoying face right now cause he's being a right brat, but just trust me, okay?”_

Never in a million years. No. He wasn’t in the mood for that shit.

 _"No way in fucking hell. I need some time off, otherwise, I'll commit. I'm not joking, babe.”_ Louis said, sounding annoyed. Amazing! Exactly what Liam wanted to hear. “ _You have no clue how it’s really like! It's worse than back then! Ten times worse, actually.”_ Louis added. Back then what? When did Liam ever feel that way? Louis was talking some shit.

 _“Oh god do you even remember that guy Aiden? Do you remember how Liam thought, and I repeat myself, he just thought he liked Aiden a little bit? Liam thought his life was over when he found out that guy didn’t like him at all. And it was just like what, a week of them hanging out? Can you fucking imagine how bad it is with him and Zayn? And he really does have feelings for Zayn! Like real feelings. He's so in love with him, It’s not even funny anymore”_ Louis explained and Liam teared up again. Did he have to? Did he?

 _“Wait, do you even know about him and Zayn? Probably not. How would you? Damn, sorry I'm rambling, but I can't do this anymore. I want to strangle him right now!"_ Louis said, groaning. So Liam annoyed him? He’d show his friend how annoying he could be. _"Did you hear that? He's calling me again! I swear if he's asking me for a favor again, or worse reminding me I'm his assistant besides being his best friend, just to get what he wants, I'll jump out the window!”_

Yes he’d called him and he’d do it again if Louis didn’t show up in 3…2…1

 _“Louis, just take a deep breath for me?"_ Harry said quietly. _"Take a deep breath and listen, okay? No, I don't know about him and Zayn. Let’s say not very much, since Niall isn't really the type to spill the beans and stuff, but I'm sure you're right, okay? Just relax for now, ignore how annoying he is, give him want he wants one last time, and then just drag him outside your house later. I'll find a solution to help him to get his shit together again, but you really need to calm down. I’d prefer if you don’t go nuts. Hey, it's been ages since we last hung out, hasn't it?”_

Very funny. Liam would definitely not leave this house. He’d rather die.

 _"Okay."_ Louis simply said. _"Okay."_ He had already said that. Why on earth did he sound nervous? _”I mean, yeah, it's been a while. Hey, you can bring Nick if you want.”_ Of course, someone had to mention that fucking asshole. Of course.

 _“Nope. Just us tonight. And uh...we can talk about Nick later, maybe?”_ Harry suggested. He sounded weird. _"So see you later, Louis?”_

 _"Can't wait. Dress nicely!"_ Louis teased. Liam knew that Harry always looked good. Such a perfectionist, seriously. How had Harry become a model, but Louis and Niall personal assistants? Like? Liam didn’t get it. Why did he even think about it? He didn’t care. He hated human beings. He liked stones. Stones were okay.

Before Liam even got the chance to yell, Louis appeared out of nowhere right in front of him. “What? What do you need now?”

“Nothing actually. I just can’t believe you mentioned _him_ when you know damn well that I can hear you. I feel even worse now. You promised not to say his name out loud, traitor!” Liam complained, pouting.

“I’m sorry but you’re honestly too much at the moment. I just lost it, okay?” Louis defended himself. He didn’t sound like himself. Sure he was annoyed but why did he still sound nervous?!

“Whatever. Why don’t you sit down and tell me what bothers you? Don’t even tell me you’re okay. Something is off and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have to do with me.” Liam replied, crossing his arms.

“It’s nothing. Just do whatever you do and leave me alone.” Louis groaned, rolling his eyes.

“I’m still your best friend and even though you think I’m a whiny bitch at the moment, I still won’t ignore it if you feel bad. Now tell me.” Liam said, waiting for an answer.

“I couldn’t even tell you if I wanted to.” Louis mumbled, sounding insecure. “You’d laugh at me and I’m most definitely not in the mood for that.”

“Did you get someone pregnant?” Liam concluded because this was the only thing he’d probably laugh about since Louis always lectured him about how important it was to use condoms.

“Are you stupid? You know damn well I’m obsessed with using condoms just to be sure!” Louis shrieked, tapping his forehead at his friend.

“I didn’t think that was the case anyway but that’s literally the only thing I’d laugh about.” Liam explained, still waiting. “Louis, you can tell me, I’m being serious. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“Maybe you were right.” Louis immediately replied but Liam didn’t quite understand.

“What are you even talking about?” Liam wanted to know. Why couldn’t he just tell him? They always talked about everything no matter what.

“Maybe I’m not _that_ straight after all.” Louis whispered and Liam’s jaw dropped. Had he just? He had. “Oh, fuck off. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I’m coming out to you. Maybe I am but I’m not even sure!”

“Yes, you did! I’m so proud of you!” Liam said, hugging Louis immediately. “Then who is it? I need to know! Do I know him? We can finally talk about dicks!”

“Won’t happen!” Louis responded, laughing. “I’d never in a million years do that.”

Liam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you totally will. I need a name.” 

“So you think it’s not weird that I just told you that I might be bisexual or something like that? I don’t even know.” Louis broached the subject again.

Liam really didn’t want to say it but since Louis was his best friend he knew, that he could. “I really don’t want to sound like an inconsiderate asshole because you’ve only figured out now, but I always had the feeling you’d one day tell me that? I was prepared. Just don’t think I don’t take you serious! I am! I’ll 100% be a supportive best friend. You can stay in the closet for as long as you want to. I’ll help you or whatever. I’ll also be there if you want to come out. I just-“

“Harry.” Louis dropped the bombshell. “Niall and you have been right, okay? It’s fucking Harry. Just took me 500 years to finally acknowledge it to myself. I wanted to murder that guy Nick. How dare he touch-“

“Oh my fucking god I knew it. Oh my god!” Liam shrieked, gaping at his friend. “I’ll so go out with you guys tonight and you can’t change my mind about that!”

“Liam, if you mention anything, you’ll regret it!” Louis threatened his friend.

“I’d never do that, but just knowing that you’re having a crush is the best thing ever since we all know Harry has been in love with you since like forever.” Liam said.

“But he’s in a relationship now. Can you believe it took me all these years to figure it out? He had to be in a relationship for me to realize?!” Louis mumbled to himself.

“Louis, listen to me. Harry would ditch everyone for you. You just have to be courageous and tell him, bro. I’m 100% sure he still got feelings for you. You _know_ that even back in college he wanted to date you. He told me!” Liam explained, trying to cheer up his friend. “I’ll help you if you want me to. Just let me know. God, I’m so proud of you. And I’m so happy for you! For you two. I can’t wait for you to finally be an actual couple. I always wanted you two to date! Just wait for Niall’s reaction!”

___

A few hours later, they were waiting in front of the new club Louis had been talking about. Even though Liam had agreed to go, he regretted it. Not only because he actually wanted to hide, but also because Louis had decided to annoy the shit out of Liam as payback. He was wearing an outfit Liam just wanted to burn in hell. He had chosen all of his expensive clothes just to fuck with Liam and the worst thing was, that Louis looked fucking hot! Ripped denim blue _Yves Saint Laurent_   jeans, a plain white _Philipp Plein_ shirt, a _DSQUARED2_ biker jacket, and black _Giuseppe Zanotti Design_ combat boots!? Harry would definitely drool over him for god’s sake. _Fucking brands._

Judging by Louis’ smirks, he knew the plan of making Liam boil inside was working just fine. Actually, he had already tried to make Liam explode and yell at him at home when talking about how amazing all of these brands were. _Fucking brands._

Contrary to Liam, Louis liked expensive clothes. He had that in common with Harry. It wasn't like he thought he'd be better than other people by wearing _Gucci_   instead of _Review_ or something like that, he just liked the thought of being able to afford all of it with his own well earned money. And even though Liam loved that Louis was proud of himself he just wanted to scream. _Fucking brands._

Louis was the only person who knew why Liam actually hated expensive brands, but he was also the only person who managed to make Liam wear things he’d rather burn than pull on. So maybe Liam was working on not hating all brands anymore. Maybe he really only hated one specific brand but nobody had to know.

So while Louis looked really good, Liam hadn't even _tried_ to dress properly tonight. This not even surprised his friend but Liam himself, because he usually cared about his looks. Maybe Zayn had changed everything. Maybe he would never be himself again.

“Do you regret it already, Liam? Do you feel good wearing this?” Louis said just this moment, pointing at his outfit. “We both know you’re a little vain, always caring about your outfit and hair.” Liam shook his head. He wanted his friend to fuck off. “Don’t you lie to me. You don’t even wear _Adidas_ and _Nike_ at the same time!”

“Because that’s not okay.” Liam agreed and fuck!

“Ha! See! You’re obsessed with fashion. Why can’t you just admit it. You’d never admit it but you’ve told me that you’ve been into fashion since like forever!” Louis replied. Why had Liam even told him? Why?

“And today you just put on a _boring_ skinny jeans and one of my old hoodies. Have you even looked in the mirror before we left?” Louis continued. Liam flipped him off. Why would he ever care about his outfit again?

“You don’t dress niceley for _him_. You even did that before you even knew him!” Louis complained and Liam did the same thing again, only this time used both hands.

“Hey, Lou!" Harry shouted, approaching them quickly, immediately wrapping his arms tightly around Louis’ waist. Finally! Louis would leave Liam alone and focus on Harry, whom he just way too obviously checked out.

Harry was wearing a black pair of _Alexander McQueen_ jeans (used look), a heavily patterned shirt by _Gucci,_  and brown leather boots of _Alexander McQueen_ 's new collection. He looked good and Liam could totally understand that Louis couldn’t stop staring. It was just a bit too obvious maybe.

“Louis.” Liam whispered, hoping he would get it. Louis’ eyes widened immediately. Good.

Harry turned to Liam, eyeing him with a suspicious look on his face before he clicked his tongue in a deprecating way. "What exactly is _this_ , Payne? You look horrible. There's no way they'll let you in like that. What if people see us and take photos? You little fuck, you know the two of us are not exactly unknown? Just because you got that weird kind of restraining order when it comes to paps doesn't mean you won't be in a picture of me, and there's no way I'm hanging out with you looking like-" he scanned his body "Like that."

He knew he looked like shit. Harry didn’t have to tell him, so he rolled his eyes.

“It’s your lucky day since I brought you an appropriate outfit. Strip that down and put it on. What the fuck is this ugly ass hoodie even? 2001 is over. Throw that thing away or wear it at home. That's not even your style, holy shit. You look terrible. My poor eyes. Take this off! I don't even care that we're standing in the middle of the street.” Harry continued making Liam reconsider his decision. Why did Harry have to be right. He really looked like trash and there would definitely be the chance of him appearing in random photos. Fuck.

Liam wordlessly grabbed the bag in Harry’s hand. Liam couldn’t figure out why Harry had even thought about this but maybe he was glad. Only a tiny little bit, but still. Harry was a really sweet person. He took off his hoodie and shirt, not even caring that people were staring at him. “Okay.” He reached for the piece of fabric in the bag and smiled. “Seriously?” Harry nodded as Liam changed into a low cut dark red shirt. “I can’t believe you want me to wear this.” Harry laughed it off. Liam was glad he didn’t say anything because nobody had to know he’d left that shirt at Harry’s place back then when… He didn’t want to think about it anymore. Why had they even had sex in the first place. Jesus.

"You're welcome. Now let's work on your hair. Looks like a bird's nest! Don't you wash it or what? Liam, what the fuck is this?" Harry complained, tousling his hair. He pulled out a can of hairspray and fixed what he could fix. “Much better.” He didn’t know why he suddenly felt a little bit better.

Harry turned to Louis now. “Hey, Louis? I know this ugly hoodie was yours. I can’t believe you still have it. Just throw it away already. It’s from college!!! I’ll buy you a new one, just get rid of it. I can’t see that thing anymore. Didn’t think I’d ever say this but even you look horrible when you’re wearing it. I never want to see this ugly ass piece of clothing ever again. It gives me nausea!”

Liam burst out laughing. "Well he's right, you know? It is the most hideous piece of clothing in your closet, Louis." Harry high fived Liam. Louis just smiled. Maybe Harry could actually help Liam not feeling that horrible anymore. He’d definitely not get over Zayn anytime soon but having fun for once really didn’t sound that bad anymore.

"Nialler!" Louis cheered as Niall came rushing over to them, panting like a madman. "What happened to you? Forgot to do a workout, did we? Decided to do it right before clubbing? You're ridiculous and you're sweaty. You won't exactly pull a chick like that."

Niall quickly recovered his breath before he announced that he didn't even want to leave with a girl today since he was properly committed to someone already. Liam would definitely ask him later. He needed to know more even though him and Niall hadn’t even known each other for that long. "Let's have some fun! Liam, I'll make you so drunk you won't even remember your name, not to mention a certain person." Liam groaned. Did Niall have to?

Three beers, a blue cocktail, and several colorful shots later, they all were not only tipsy but properly drunk. The only one who seemed to still act like a normal human being was Niall. Irishmen, seriously.

"Well Harry, how's Nick doin' eh?" Louis who was sitting next to Liam, arm loosely wrapped around his soulders, suddenly asked. Liam didn’t want to hear about that person at all. He just didn’t have a choice, did he? "How long have ya been together even?"

Liam made a gagging noise, turning red with anger. Only thinking about how Nick had treated Zayn made his blood boil. He still wanted to punch him in the face again.

"We're not datin' anymore, Lou. He's an asshole. That's what he is." Harry said, nuzzling his nose in Niall's neck, which caused Liam to furrow his brow and Louis to gape at them. "Nick's rather rude, ya know? Noticed when he treated, sorry Liam for mentioning the name, but deal with it, Zayn, like shit. Made me rethink my choices. He wasn't even a good fuck. Selfish prick, that one." Niall's hand went to pat Harry’s knee in comfort, but while Liam expected Niall to remove his hand, he did not, instead left it there comfortably. “Doesn’t matter though.”

"I'd say sorry, but you don't exactly seem to be sad about it, so screw Nick." Liam said, and Louis nodded furiously, still not being very talkative. "Let's toast Nick! To just another asshole! Cheers!" They all lifted a shot glass and drank it.

Liam knew he was drunk but seeing Niall whispering into Harry's ear _like that_ , giggling suspiciously definitely wasn’t normal. He wasn’t _that_ drunk. He was 100% reassured when Niall even run his hand through Harry’s curls. What kind of parallel universe was this? Nobody was ever allowed to touch Harry’s hair.

Harry grinned at Louis and winked cheekily. Liam thought he was going nuts. What was going on? “I’m confused.” Niall pecked Harry’s cheek, not even listening and Liam almost fell of his chair. If he already felt like _that_ , how did Louis deal with this kind of situation!?

Louis was getting even more drunk. So he’d seen whatever this was beween Niall and Harry, too. Four shots later, Harry was in Niall's lap, giggling. Liam wanted to vomit.

"Okay, what exactly is going on with you two?" Liam wanted to know, still not quite capable of processing anything that was happening before him. Zayn had told him that Niall was straight but Louis had told him just the same. Liam’s head was spinning. He didn't know what confused him more right now, Niall obviously having a thing going on with Harry, or seeing Louis sitting next to him looking more than devastated.

"I mean, since when?" Louis mumbled, sounding downcast.

“I'm so confused." Nobody answered and Liam slowly but steadily got a bit angry. There was no way in hell he’d let his best friend go through this _Fucking Niall!_ scenario as well. 

“Look I don't mind, but I'd like to know? I mean you can't exactly deny that you two... oh god, I am so confused.” Louis continued and no matter how drunk Liam was, he felt sorry for his friend. He wasn’t sure if he was right, but it looked like Louis was holding back tears.

Liam knew his friend so well, he knew Louis was probably thinking about how he’d met Harry and everything else. College, both got lost on the first day, bumped into each other, friends, best friends, best friends for life, shared a dorm, kicked out Niall, dramatic one sided love story, graduation, Louis signing with Liam, Harry signing with _Balmain_ , one sided dramtic love story part two, Harry leaving _Balmain_ because of Louis, no more contact, seeing each other in Paris again for the first time, seeing Harry dating someone for the first time ever, jealousy, crush, yadda yadda.

"Are you two dating now or not? Is that why you broke up with Nick, Harry?” Louis asked, silently confirming what Liam had just thought. Louis was getting angry, Liam saw it. Niall didn’t say anything, just smirked making Louis clench his right fist. Liam didn’t know what to do and certainly froze when Niall pecked Harry’s lips without a warning.

Louis would snap in 3…2…1!

"Oi, you Irish fucker! I love you but keep your fucking disgusting leprechaun hands off _my_ man! Back off or I'll pu-" Louis interrupted himself, his eyes widen open. His jaw dropped when he realized what he’d just said.

Niall rolled his eyes, got up, and winked at Harry. “Told you this would work.” He turned to Louis. “Took you fucking long enough. I swear, I couldn't handle you two pining over each other anymore! If I ever have to peck some dude's lips ever again, I'll barf. Now go talk, kiss or finally fuck before I lose my mind. Why do I always have to pretend to be a fake boyfriend!?”

Liam couldn’t help but get the giggles.

“You’re not better. You and Zayn annoy me just as much. You four can't do shit alone. I always have to do the work, damn it! Why do I love my friends that much? Why do I love immature fucks?” Niall ranted, glaring at Liam. “Liam, you’re next. Get the fuck up and follow me outside. If you say no I’ll punch you in the face.”

Niall ditched them but right when Liam wanted to follow him, he saw Louis and Harry’s very unromantic first kiss. Liam would leave them alone, even though he knew Louis didn’t know how to deal with suddenly being into men (as well). Harry would help him. They’d be the cutest couple. Had taken them long enough anyway.

He tried his best not to think about his and Zayn’s first kiss. 

God, how he missed Zayn, how he missed his beautiful eyes, his wonderful hair, his scent, his lips and especially his voice. He hadn’t seen him ever since they’d landed at _Heathrow Airport_. Zayn had treated him like shit, then had ignored him and eventually had rushed out of the building like a maniac, leaving Liam heartbroken. 

He had not once tried to reach out to him since that day. He had in fact made it pretty clear that he did not reciprocate Liams feelings, that he didn't want him in his life and that he apparently hated him.

The more days that passed, the more Liam had wanted to jump off a bridge. And that’s why Louis had invited him over to stay for a few days which eventually had turned into a few weeks. Liam had literally moved in with him and made a mess out of Louis’ house, which he really hated himself for.

But since he had been in that total careless mood he had kind of shut off everything. He felt egoistic and sorry for Louis, but he couldn't help it. Deep down he knew that Louis had been right all along, telling him he should eventually start eating healthier again, stop drinking so much alcohol, and finally call Zayn to ask what the fuck his problem was, but he couldn’t.

Outside Niall crossed his arms. ”Look, I can't watch this anymore. I know we're not really friends or anything like that, but trust me if I tell you we'll be best friends, the _bestest_ , and that's not even a word, so I'm not shitting you. As you might have figured out by now, Zayn and I are definitely _not_ fucking, in a relationship, or anything else apart from being best friends, so there's no need to hate me." 

Liam grumbled and Niall rolled his eyes. "I'll repeat his name over and over again you know? Louis has told me everything and I'm not blind, deaf, or dumb. You're head over heels in love with him, Liam, and let me tell you one thing, Zayn is at least as annoying as you are at the moment. He might not behave like you, but I want to slap his face on a daily basis as well for being a dumbass.”

"Don't talk about him like that. He's an angel." Liam instinctively defended Zayn, and yes, Liam really thought Zayn was an innocent beautiful angel that needed a lot of love and protection. But what Liam didn't get was Niall telling him all of this stuff. He was drunk for fuck's sake and his brain clearly couldn't work with all of that information. 

What did Niall mean, Zayn was annoying? His Zayn could never be annoying. Liam quickly considered shoving Niall or kicking his shin, but he probably was too drunk to even take aim. God, he was _so_ drunk and _so_ in love with Zayn. He wanted Zayn so bad. "I want Zayn.”

"No shit, Sherlock. Can't believe that. So what the hell are you exactly waiting for? He won't fall into your lap or appear out of nowhere, you know. Look, you should really talk to him. I don't know what happened between you two since Zayn isn't talking at all anymore, but I'm sick and tired of getting angry phone calls from Louis on the one side and getting ignored 24/7 on the other side by Zayn. Just get your shit together, you grown-ass man, and talk to him." Niall ranted, his arms flying around in exasperation.

Liam wanted to protest, but he knew _Liam_ was right about everything...hold on...not Liam, Niall. His own name was Liam. Shit, he probably shouldn't have had those last two shots. Fuck, he probably should have called _La Fleur_. Fuck, he probably shouldn't have danced with those dudes. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Okay. Got it." Liam said, patting Niall's shoulder. "Thanks, pal. You know, we should probably go out for dinner. Not as a date. God no. I don't want to fuck you. No date, Niall! No romance stuff, okay? Like you know? Just as friends. Like you and I and burgers or something like that. What about Nandos? Nandos as friends! No fucking!” Someone, please stop him.

"Liam, I know you only want Zayn, so shut it. But dinner sounds good. You pay. And be warned, I'll order everything. All of this shit has made me hungry, thanks! I'm going back inside now. You take a deep breath and when you're ready to come back inside, we'll pick up the other two lovebirds and leave this hellhole." Niall announced, and in his drunken state, it took Liam way too long to find the right words to answer, so Niall just left him standing there.

And that's when Liam got a glorious idea. The best, actually. He pulled out his phone and dialed in a number. He'd call Zayn right now! 

"Hello, is this Zayn?" Liam slurred into the phone when someone picked up. What a stupid question, actually, but he was drunk so he didn't give a fuck.

"No this is _Spongebob Squarepants_ and you're currently speaking to a sponge living in a pineapple under the sea. What the fuck, Liam, it's 3:30 AM. Why are you calling me at this time of night?” Zayn answered, sounding sleepy and rather annoyed.

Well, for Liam, it sounded like _Zayn_. And everything about Zayn was great, the greatest, so he decided he should keep on talking.

"Ya know, I miss you." Liam mumbled into the phone, hearing Zayn gasp for air. He tried to interrupt him, but Liam just kept on rambling. "You know, I thought you're were a right pain in the ass. Ha ha, pain in the ass. What a pun. You know, cause we're like into men and my name is...oh, whatever.  Anyway, I fucking wanted to slap your face every day, Zaynie. I hated your too big ego and that great jawline and that stupid penis shaped nose of yours and all of you. At least until you, being the asshole that you are, had to show your real face, being all kitten-like and nice and cute and innocent. And then I started to send you flowers cause you looked sad and someone needed to cheer you up, care about you, and damn you smiled like the freaking sun and fuck. And that asshole, Nick, I still want to murder him. He's not allowed to talk to my beautiful sunflower like that. You know, you remind me of a beautiful delicate flower, Zayn. Like...you're just perfect, flawless, the best thing ever and I fucking hate that I can't hate you anymore. I love how you giggle when you get excited, how you nervously push that loose strand of hair out of your face all the time, the way you critically eye your clothes and always want to look perfect, even if you actually don't have to try cause everything about you from head to toe is amazing just the way it is. You're amazing just the way you are! And I like everything about you and I want to buy you thousands of penguins and your own _Disneyland_ and a freaking _Ferris Whee_ l just to watch your eyes sparkle again. Like, I just want to turn back time and stay there with you forever. It was so great and I miss you and fuck it, since I'm already talking, I gotta confess straight away. I have feelings for you and I want you. I want you to be my…I _like_ you. I wa-“

Zayn simply hung up.


	10. Time

Zayn couldn’t breathe because an invisible hand was clasping over his mouth, while at the same time his head was spinning like a carousel. Tears were streaming down his face as he sank down onto the floor in the middle of his living room, not having the strength to stand anymore.

Zayn’s cat crawled into his lap and started purring immediately apparently sensing that something was wrong, but not even the calming feeling of it helped him right now. Why did Liam have to be such an amazing person? Why did he have to say all of these things to him, and why the hell was Zayn such a fuck up? He simply didn't deserve Liam. He didn’t.

He’d just hung up on him. Who the hell did something like that? Zayn! Zayn did! He had just wanted him to stop talking. He couldn’t tell him such things. Everything Liam said, did and was scared the shit out of Zayn.

He liked Liam _so_ much but hearing that he felt the same made everything about it _real_. Real and absolutely frightening. He was shaking and on the verge of a full-blown panic attack, couldn’t even manage to call Niall, because his damn hands were shivering like crazy. How was he supposed to deal with all of this? His emotions, the fear, the memories?

“I got this.” Zayn whispered to himself. “I can do this, _Batman_.” His cat didn’t move. Of course, she didn’t even flinch. She never listened to her name. Who even called their female cat Batman, seriously. Why was he like that?! “Batman, why can’t you call Niall for me?” No reaction. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

Zayn took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down but it wasn’t easy, because he just couldn’t stop crying. Not even patting his cat helped him much, he needed a friend.

Half an hour later he’d finally managed to call Niall, who was now sitting on the floor next to him, not sure what to do to help Zayn. He was glad Niall never forced him to talk but right now he simply didn’t know how to start. His chest pain was killing him.

“Zayn, you know you need to talk, right? I never ask you to talk, but I’d love to make you right now.” Niall suddenly said. His friend was the best. He’d gotten the hint. “Right now you aren't saying anything and I can't help you and it makes me feel like the worst friend ever. What happened? Can I do anything for you? Please, just give me a tiny little hint so that I can at least guess what's wrong." Niall begged, looking sad. "You know we'll find a solution, don't you? Do I have to punch someone in the face? Do you need a vacation? Do you want to-“

"I want Liam” Zayn whispered, his voice very timid as he sniffed. “Just Liam."

“And it scares the hell out of you that you feel that way, right? You're scared because you fear that Liam could just be like your ex-boyfriend, right? Zayn, that won't happen. Nobody will be as bad as Nick and I'm sure Liam is a good guy. I don't know him very well yet, but that’s what my gut says. The fact that you’re having feelings for someone, that you kind of trust someone and that you want someone after all of this shit is a fucking miracle, my friend.” Niall answered. “Last night, we were clubbing together, you know? With Harry and Louis.” Zayn gaped at him in disbelief. “Liam is a mess too. He misses you so much, Zayn.”

“He said that.” Zayn mumbled.

“He wants you just as much as you want him but he doesn’t know what’s going on Zayn. The poor guy has no idea what’s happening or why you behave the way you do. How is he supposed to know? He thinks you hate him, Zayn. He doesn’t know how to deal with what has happened between you and the horrible rejection afterward.” Niall explained, calmly.

"We kissed, Niall. We...we kissed a lot...and...and fell asleep on the couch. I just...he didn't...like...I am such an asshole. I'm the worst. I just...I'm sure I hurt him so bad, but I couldn't stop myself. I didn't...I can't have those feelings for someone! Liam is so wonderful, and he doesn't deserve such a mess like me. He's so wonderful, Niall. He's so sweet and nice and...fuck, I miss him so much." Zayn sobbed. “I was _so_ happy. He made me laugh and made me feel kind of special, you know? Like I was more than just…He didn’t make me feel like an object. That's never happened before, like, ever. I don't know what... how does he do it? It scares me so much, fuck. Niall, I _like_ him. I really do, but I don't know how to deal with it! How am I supposed to...I can't, I really can’t."

* * *

Liam had left the club the moment Zayn had hung up on him for no reason. He hadn’t told Niall, Harry or Louis, had just run. He’d wanted nothing but to get away from everyone and everything. 

Even though Liam had been drunk, he’d realized that Zayn didn’t want him. Running away from his own thoughts and especially from his own feelings had sounded like a brilliant idea. So he’d done that without even thinking about it twice. He’d felt rejected before but not like that. It’d felt like being stabbed in the chest. Over and over again.

About twenty minutes later he’d stopped at a park, had plopped down on a bench and then had screamed. He’d just wanted to let it all out. Crying in the rain had been too much of a cliché in the end though, so Liam had decided to get even more drunk.

 He’d ended up at a really old bar drinking shot after shot.

This was the last thing Liam remembered when he woke up. He had no idea how he’d gotten home. Home as in his house, as in his fucking huge mansion, which seemed way too cold and empty today.

He didn't even think about eating something for breakfast, or was it lunch time already? He had no idea. He didn't give a fuck. He was fucking heartbroken and he couldn't deal with it. He just wanted to stop thinking, but his brain was a muddle of Zayn this, Zayn that, Zayn everything. What was he doing right now? Was he thinking about Liam? Was he out there having fun and laughing while Liam was in this much pain? Was he busy? Was he asleep? Was he maybe hanging out with Niall? He couldn't stop thinking about him even though he wanted to! Fucking Zayn.

And to be honest, the fear of the pain he was experiencing right now had always been the reason for him to avoid love at all costs even if, and he could only acknowledge it to himself now, was the one thing he had ever wished for in life. Love. True love. He was such a fucking idiot, and he should've known that he’d never _get the one_. His grandparents had been lucky. Their story was Liam’s favorite. They’d met at the age of 16, fell in love, married two years later yadda yadda. Why couldn’t Liam have his own _Disney_ moment?

Liam’s headache was horrible but he ignored it, sat down on his huge black sofa, pulled a cozy white cashmere blanket over himself, wrapped it around his body and then ended up starting out of the window, thinking about his life.

He didn’t want to pity himself but he did it anyway. He had every right to feel like shit, especially because he felt so fucking alone. Every hope, every last piece of it, Zayn had taken it away. Love wasn’t a real thing. It wasn’t. Happy ends didn’t exist.

Everything was shit. Everyone thought Liam was a happy person, someone who didn’t have problems, someone who was a lucky guy, someone who was all carefree because of having money, someone who had everything they could wish for and so on.

But that wasn’t true. He didn’t really have a family, didn’t have a partner, didn’t have many friends and he definitely didn’t know what to do with his life anymore.

And what if he was boring as fuck? What if he, in reality, only wanted to be loved, to have kids, a stupid house and a dog, living the ultimate stupid dream? What if he only wanted a boring life like his grandparents!? Was it really that bad? He _was_ someone who secretly had been looking for _the one_ ever since. Nobody had to know, right?

And it was his own father’s fault that he had to deal with _stuff_ now. His death had changed everything. Instead of being boring, instead of just doing what he wanted to do, Liam’s stupid life was now predetermined. He was supposed to meet obligations, was supposed to be a proper adult and supposed to do this and that. But he didn’t want all of this. The only person who was taking care of business was Louis, even though he had nothing to do with it. Louis was doing Liam’s job, wasn’t even asking for more money or anything. He called it a friendly turn.

And Liam knew it was about time to take over, but he was scared. Why couldn’t it have been Louis? Louis was clever, knew how to deal with people and knew what to do, while Liam was hiding behind his stupid model facade, trying to act all oblivious.

Instead of accepting his heritage, he fucked way too many random dudes, got drunk and modeled for random brands. He either ate too much or not enough. He questioned everything every day and was that poor little soul who just longed for a person who'd love him unconditionally, who’d help him get his shit together and who’d just be there for him all the time.

What if, for a short matter of time, Liam had thought Zayn could be the one for him? What if he had allowed himself to dream for once? He’d genuinely thought that he could do what he was supposed to do with Zayn by his side. So fucking dumb.

He wanted to turn back time right now so badly, fuck. Time. Fucking time was a good fucking keyword when it came to Zayn.

Liam had always been able to buy whatever he wanted. But when it came to time, he had to realize very early in his life that time was the only thing that he couldn’t buy. It was free, but priceless at the same time and he hated it. Time had always confused him. He couldn’t own it but he could spend it. It had taken him ages to realize how to spend his time wisely. He’d wasted it seriously, but turning back time wasn’t possible.

Time was special and he knew that the greatest gift he could, therefore, give someone was his time, because when he gave his time, he was indirectly giving a part of his life that he would never get back, right? Time was the only thing that had nothing to do with his goddamn money which made it really valuable. He always tried to give as much time as possible to the people that mattered to him.

And he and Zayn had given each other time, hadn't they? Liam should probably be grateful that he'd gotten the chance to spend some of his time with someone as wonderful as Zayn, but right now he was really struggling with the fact that mentioned time was all he would ever get. He wouldn't spend any more time with the only person he had ever developed true feelings for. The one he could've fallen in love with, the one he maybe even had fallen for a bit too much already.

Time had a wonderful and horrible way of showing Liam what really mattered, but apparently only ever when it was already too late.

He had first noticed this when his childhood best friend had left him. Then when his mom and sisters had moved away, then when his father had passed and only yesterday, once again, when Zayn had simply and carelessly hung up.

Time was an asshole and a blessing at the same time.

No matter what he wished for, he especially wished that he could only turn back time when it came to Zayn.

If that was possible he could meet _puppy face_ for the first time all over again. He could be all nervous around him again, he could blush crimson, he could fall in love with him all over again and he could kiss him for the first time again. He’d be able to appreciate the little things all over again, such as that untamable loose strand of hair or Zayn scrunching up his nose when he laughed. He could tell him that he was perfect, that he’d never have to think about his weight ever again because Liam thought Zayn’s tummy was the cutest. He’d tell Zayn that he’d protect him no matter what and that he, if necessary, would punch Nick in the face again.

He could be a fucking sap, thinking about their wedding or even about having children. He could do so many things all over again or try to change things, all while being stronger with Zayn by his side.

But he couldn't turn back time.

He wanted Zayn, he needed Zayn but he was utterly and completely fucked because he wasn't wanted, so the only thing that mattered anymore was that he had to face the truth. It was about damn time. Liam had to realize what was going on. There was something else that he had to take care of, even though Zayn wouldn’t ever be what Liam had wished for. He needed to tell himself that every new beginning came from another beginning's end. One door closed and another opened. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to handle everything like a pro immediately, but Louis would help him. He would. 

He never got the chance to think about it any further, though, because someone knocked on the door, and the idiot that Liam was, he immediately answered. Who could it be anyway? The maid? The mailman?

It was Harry.

He threw himself into Liam’s arms, grinning like a Cheshire cat, which was surprising. Liam had considered Harry a friend, but they never really hung out anymore.

Sure, they had talked on the phone or texted, but their friendship had come a bit to an end, or something similar. Liam had missed him, but he had also accepted his friend's decision, knowing that Harry had needed distance from Louis. And from him. They'd had sex once, after all.

“Liam! Can I come in? Do you have time for me? Please tell me you do! We gotta chat!" Harry asked, bouncing up and down, all jittery. Liam beckoned for him to enter, swallowing hard. He wasn't in the mood for happy people at the moment, but how would Harry know?

It wasn't his fault that Liam was such a mess right now. He could think about certain things later after Harry would’ve left. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. He could give his time to someone he really liked. He could give a part of his life, couldn't he? Time was... he should stop and listen to Harry before going nuts.

They sat down on the couch, Harry making himself comfortable while Liam pulled his bent legs to his chest to have something to hold on. He felt like a fucking freak, really. Something to hold on? How old was he? Five? He could just buy himself a stupid teddy bear. Would be just as embarrassing.

Harry looked ridiculously happy, and for a minute or so, it made Liam feel a bit better himself, knowing that his friend seemed to enjoy life for whatever reason. Good. He deserved it. Harry was a wonderful person and Liam had actually really missed him. He’d just ignored it. As always.

"I gotta tell you something, Liam! And you probably won't believe me, but I swear I'm not shitting you!" Harry blurted. He was so fucking joyful, Liam almost got jealous. He needed to say something, otherwise, Harry would notice something was off, fuck. He needed to do that something _real_ quick.

"Okay, who did you have sex with?" Liam asked, grinning. He faked it, but Harry didn’t have to know. This would do. It was so him. A casual cheeky comment here, a sarcastic remark there.

"Not yet! God, is sex the only thing you can think about, Payne?" Harry asked, rolling his eyes,grinning even more. He knew this fucking facial expression. This shit was about love and crap like that. Had he looked as ridiculous as Harry when being around Zayn, admiring what he was like? Had his eyes sparkled like Harry’s? ”Earth to Liam? Liam?”

"Sorry, thought about the last good fuck I've had. I think I'm sexually frustrated." Liam stated, wanting to throw up because of his own words. He hated being like that. Why the fuck had sex and stuff on that subject always been his default? Why had he never noticed that this wasn't it? Oh yeah. There had never been a Zayn before. "Anyway. What's up, H? You look like one of those lovestruck _Disney_ characters. You back together with the prick Nick? Oh god, it even rhymes!”

Of course, Liam knew what Harry wanted to talk about, but he still hoped he was wrong. He was happy for Louis and Harry but still.

"No, I'd never. Prick Nick? Seriously, Liam? How old are you? Ten? But yeah that's true. He's an asshole but it's obviously not about him. Hell no. You can't imagine what Nick's like in a relationship! If what we had is even worth calling it that." Harry rolled his eyes dramatically which made Liam become genuinely curious. He raised an eyebrow and Harry seemed to get it straight away, betraying secrets. "You know we only _dated_ for what? 12 weeks or so? I can't even tell you, cause I don't care. I basically needed a bit of distraction once again, having seen photos of Louis and all that, so I just thought why not? He was a bit of an asshole and the exact opposite of Louis so, you know...You know me. I'm a bit dumb when it comes to that whole topic. However, we didn't even go on proper dates or anything like that. Nick didn't seem to put an effort into the idea of dating me at all. He wasn't the PDA type of guy or the most caring one. The whole thing was more like a fucked up friends with benefits kinda thing. Nick is a selfish asshole who only cares about getting off himself. Wow, I don't know if you want to know the details but he doesn't give a flying fuck about his partner. He's rather rough too! I don't know. I needed that for a while, but I knew I’d had enough when I noticed how much of an asshole he really was, treating Zayn like shit and all that. I ended things real quick after that, to be honest.”

Liam cringed. Zayn. Yeah, he remembered how bad Nick had been, and it made him clench his fists instantly. Such an unbelievable obnoxious person. He should've punched his fucking face at least twice. Nobody was allowed to treat his angel... Zayn... yeah... Zayn like that. Liam gulped down the tears, looking at the floor.

"I can imagine. Nick's always been something else. I never really liked him, but I accepted his ass for professional reasons, you know? I'm glad you got rid of him. You mentioned it yesterday but I was a bit drunk, actually. So that's the reason you're extraordinarily lucky? Mate, your smile is disgusting, really. Just get on with it." Liam said, playfully nudging Harry’s upper arm.

"No! Oh, my god, Liam don't you know me at all? Hello?” Harry wanted to know, but Liam only furrowed his brow. He _knew_ but Harry wanted to tell him again so bad. He could play the clueless one, couldn’t he? “It’s Louis, Liam. _Louis_!!!”

"Oh god, not this again." Liam groaned. Could they get over with this already?

"He gave it a try, Liam. He fucking finally gave me a chance! He even asked me out on a date yesterday, Liam. He kissed me. _Louis fucking Tomlinson kissed me_. I'm so fucking gone for him, I could scream it to the world. We've been talking about it and we-" Harry rambled excitedly, but Liam couldn't pull himself together anymore.

He sighed and before he could even realize what was happening or try to put a stop to it, he was sobbing into his hands. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist, needing someone to hold on to. His tears streamed down his cheeks as he buried his head in Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry took a deep breath, apparently not expecting this at all, but Liam couldn't stop, even though Harry had just told him that his dream had finally come true. Harry had found the one. Louis had found the one. And him? What about him? He had no one. Zayn hated him.

They also had each other now. Louis wouldn’t have time for him anymore. Liam would be completely alone from now on. He couldn't do this. He couldn't lose Louis as well.

"Fuck, Liam. Look at me! Liam, breathe. What the hell is going on? Babe, what the hell?" Harry squeezed Liam tightly, stroking his hair and attempting to calm him down. "Everything's alright, Liam. What's happening? You'll be alright. Hey, hey, Liam. Please breathe for me. I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't notice. I'm so fucking dumb. I should've noticed you weren't okay. Please, take a fucking breath. You’re hyperventilating. Do you need a bag...like...what can I do?" Liam shook his head, just wanting to let it all out. He was so done with everything right now. He should be happy for Louis and for Harry. He'd always hoped they'd date one day, because Liam had loved the idea of them being together, but now? Not now. No.

Ten minutes later Liam was hugging a pillow. ”S-sorry." Liam stuttered, looking down at the floor. A bit of cuddling and some steaming hot tea had always helped. “F-fuck."

"No need to apologize. I can wait, okay? It's no big deal, right? But you need someone to talk to. Urgently, Liam. And I'm here willing to listen to every single thing you have to say. I’ll just stay if you want me to, hm? Come here." Harry whispered, pulling Liam into his arms. “I know we’re not hanging out that often anymore and I’m sorry for that.” Liam hugged his friend tightly. Should he tell Harry about Zayn? Should he really do this? “I had to be alone for a while. Please forgive me. I was a shitty friend.” Liam nodded. He liked Harry a lot. Of course, he’d forgive him. “But what’s wrong?”

"Nothing, Harry. It's just stupid. I mean, I don’t know how to explain. You’re probably the only person who’d understand but I just don’t know what to say.” Liam mumbled, biting his lip.

“Just try explaining?” Harry suggested. “And if doesn’t feel right, we can still talk about something else.”

"Will you really listen to me, even if it's ridiculous? Fuck, I don't...will you? Please?” Liam asked and Harry nodded immediately. ”It's just...I'm so happy that you and Louis finally got your shit together, you know? It was about damn time. I've always known it would happen someday. You two are so cute, really. You literally belong together and I hope it all works out perfectly fine. I'll probably even annoy the shit out of you, asking you how Louis takes sucking dick and all that, but...but it's just...I don't know if you...you don't know. How the fuck am I supposed to tell you?”

"Please don't tell me you fell in love with Louis while I was gone," Harry said out of the blue and Liam’s jaw dropped in complete shock.

"Are you fucking insane? No, of course not. He's all yours, Harry." Liam retorted, smacking his own forehead.

"Oh shit, I forgot, shit. I should've known considering the fact...this is about Zayn! This is about Zayn Malik isn't it?" Harry eventually murmured. Of course. Who else could Liam be talking about?

"I think I...I think I love him, Harry. I never...you know me! I don't do love, but with him it's different. I just...he doesn't want me back and it hurts so much and I can't take it. How did you do this? How? I can't even breathe. I can't fucking eat, I can't sleep, I can't drink. I just miss him so much which-“ Liam stuttered, feeling the pain rising in his chest. "But it's not only that, Harry. I have _nothing._ I...absolutely nothing and I don't want to...I can't... I want to give up.”

"You're talking shit, Liam. Stop it, seriously, you're scaring the shit out of me. What do you mean, you've got nothing? Are you stupid? Even if you think everything you have is nothing at the moment, you still have Louis and me, you idiot. And you won't get rid of us! We won't just fuck off. Okay, I know I've been a shit friend recently but I'm sorry. You know why I was like that. But sometimes you're such a fucking dick, seriously. You should just call your mom. Louis has told you so many times, but you're so goddamn stubborn and your pride...God. We'll figure something out okay? But there's no damn giving up because of this! Do you hear me? Maybe you need changes, but there's always something worth living for. What would you want Louis to tell your sisters? Would you want him to casually tell Ruth that her brother didn't care anymore and just decided to throw away his life? Stop it. Zayn is a whole different thing, but we gotta talk about this first. No giving up, alright? Never! Life is beautiful and you only live once. You don't receive the gift of life to just throw it away. God, you're something else!Let me repeat myself, you have no reason to give up on life. Not for a job, not for family, and not for a man! Never, Liam! Do you understand me?” Harry ranted.

"Yeah." Liam whispered, feeling guilty and so bad he wanted to just disappear. “Yes."

"Good. Now, what is this whole Zayn thing about? You tell me everything from the beginning to what the fuck is going on right now. I want all the details, okay? You can be as dramatic and as sappy as you want. You've been there for me when I had my breakdowns because of Louis, and now it's my turn. I know how you feel like better than anyone else. I know that you feel like dying on the inside but you won't die. I promise, Liam. Just tell me, alright?" 

Liam wiped away his tears, nodded and then told him _everything_. 

About an hour later, Liam was done. He was weeping bitterly, his heart was racing, his chest tightening so much he could barely breathe anymore, and his head was spinning but he felt a little bit better.

He could think about nothing but Zayn at this point anymore. He wanted to see him so bad, wanted to smell his scent, wanted to hear him talk, wanted to touch him, wanted to hug him and wanted to kiss him.

So when he absentmindedly pressed his lips against Harry's, he really didn't mean it, being all caught up in his thoughts about Zayn. And maybe he didn’t get it straight away that he was kissing Harry instead of Zayn.

What he definitely heard though, was the shattering sound against the floor of something. “This is a fucking joke right now, is it? Liam, what the fuck?” Louis yelled, having just entered the room.


	11. Boss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> \- mention of alcohol (abuse)  
> \- mention of suicidal thoughts

“Louis, It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” Harry shrieked desperately, with a deadly pale face. He pleadingly looked at Louis, who was standing in front of them, mouth agape. “I was just talking to Liam because he-“

"Just keep your mouth shut, Harry. I don't want to hear a word. Liam, what the fuck? You're my _best friend_! I trusted you!" Louis said, his voice calm but ice cold while staring at Liam. 

Liam needed to fix this. He never meant to kiss his best friend’s new boyfriend. What had he done!?

“First of all, I’m sorry. Second, you’re stupid. I know you two are a thing now. I saw you kissing with my own eyes. Harry even told me again earlier. Congratulations, you two finally got your shit together. It was about damn time.” Liam replied, trying to sound as casual as possible. “And no, you can’t say something. Let me talk first.” Louis gaped at him.

“Come on, Louis. Haven’t you been listening to me these past few weeks at all? I think by now you’re well aware of the fact that I want nobody but _Zayn_ , who by the way doesn’t want me at all. So sorry that I was crying my eyes out on Harry’s shoulder, who coincidentally knows exactly how rejection feels like. Yes, Harry is hot and amazing but he’s not Zayn. Not at all. So what if I was stuck in my own little world and completely forgot that it was Harry that was comforting me and not Zayn.” Louis wanted to speak up but Liam just glared at him. “I kissed him, yes, but it did not only take your new boyfriend by surprise but also me.” Louis wanted to protest, but Liam once again shut him up.

“Harry, my friend, you have some nice lips but I never want to kiss you ever again, unless you magically become a certain puppy-faced perfection of a human being.” Liam added.

“But-“ Louis wanted to say but Liam cut him off. “Louis, you’re something else. You’re my best friend and I’d never do this to you. I’d never. Now sit the fuck down and calm down, because I already feel like shit and I really don’t want to fight with my best friend. I’m genuinely sorry but I didn’t mean to kiss Curly. At all.”

“We had sex once.” Harry all of a sudden blurted and Liam wanted to kill him. Why now? Why?

“You just fucked?!” Louis yelled and Liam wanted to cry.

“No, it’s been ages.” Liam answered when Louis wanted to get up. “Long story short before you freak out, okay?” Louis shook his head. “I told you to sit down and I’m telling you again. Sit down!”

“You didn’t want me back so I cried my eyes out in front of Liam and we ended up fucking. Just wanted to tell you before we’re doing this relationship thing.” Harry explained and Liam nodded. “But this will never happen again. Liam, I like you but you’re most definitely not for me in bed. This was the worst decision of my life.”

“Agreed.” Liam said, and laughed. “Was the worst sex ever, bro.”

“Yeah.” Harry said and Louis’ jaw dropped. “What? We like different things and I only thought about you anyway, _Lewis_.”

“It’s Louis.” Louis corrected him. “And I never want to hear about that story ever again. I’m disgusted.”

“Do you forgive me?” Harry wanted to know, pouting.

“I forgive you but I now have to fuck Zayn, so that-“ Louis wanted to joke.

“If you only think about touching my man, I’m gonna rip your balls off.” Liam warned him because right now he didn’t give a fuck if Zayn was his boyfriend or not. If Louis would ever touch Zayn, Liam would definitely go to jail.

“That was a joke.” Louis mumbled. “But a really bad one. I’m sorry.”

“So?” Liam said.

“Of course I forgive you but I never want to see something like this ever again. Promise?” Louis replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Promise, my brother.” Liam said before they high fived. “I’m really sorry.”

"Yeah well...um...we're together, me and Harry." Louis said once again and Liam grunted. They all burst out laughing. “Oh fuck, you already know.”

“Obviously.” Liam answered, while Harry gently took Louis’ hand. Liam had to get used to this even though he already laughed seeing his friends being happy.

"Yeah, whatever. I’m actually here because we have to talk about business real quick. I know you’re not in the mood but yeah. I figured you'd be here since you disappeared yesterday, and I thought you might have found someone to...okay, never mind. Business, sorry. I got a call and I've got good news, actually. The photoshoot was a success. They decided to not only put the photos in one magazine but in three, which is fantastic! You and... him are also on three covers now. So you got an invitation to a runway show which you have to attend as a guest!” Louis explained and Liam silently prayed he wouldn’t say it. “Zayn’s coming too.” Fuck. “I’m proud of you. You did a great job. Now you only have to get it together when it comes to-“

“To me actually being the boss.” Liam said because he knew it was about time. Harry gaped at him and Liam knew that he could tell his friend first. “When you worked for _Balmain_ , I actually was your boss, Harry. You just never knew.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Harry shrieked, blushing. “I didn’t know, what?!”

“You know that Liam’s dad passed away a few years ago, don’t you?” Louis helped his friend. “Liam has always been into fashion, Harry. He’s always been interested in being a model. His mom was a model, you know? Back in the days and all that. That’s how his parents met.”

“I don’t get it. I’m so confused.” Harry stuttered and Liam tried his best to finally acknowledge all of this to himself.

“My dad took over my grandfathers business early. He made the right decisions, met the right people and stuff like that, which ultimately led to a huge success. His fashion brand became well known within years and he quickly made a mint of money. I think my mom hated how my dad changed and all that. I still think that’s why she left.” Liam explained. “Anyway. What I want to say is, that when my dad unexpectedly passed away I got told that I’d…I’d…I mean.”

“His dad’s last will made Liam the new boss. He owns the company.” Louis helped again.

“I just didn’t want all of that, didn’t want to accept it.” Liam continued. “But Louis, who knows everything about business literally managed to do my job, while being my assistant.”

“I’d do the same thing over again for you, Liam.” Louis mumbled and Liam smiled weakly.

“I made sure nobody would treat me like their boss, made everyone call me by my first name only and acted like I was just some random model.” Liam took a deep breath. “I hated that I kind of didn’t have a say anymore when it came to my own life. Immature, I know.” Harry nodded. “My dad’s business partners and friends just always treated me like shit. I started hating people who worked for expensive brands or were only connected to some, you know? I know that’s stupid but I couldn’t help it.”

“Makes sense, though. When you only meet idiots, you start hating those people.” Harry replied, patting Liam’s shoulder.

“And then Louis convinced me to model for my own brand. It’s stupid but I think it was clever. I noticed how nice the people surrounding me actually are, that I should do what I’m supposed to do and yeah. Sometimes I even treated the people working for me like their boss without even intending to do so, you know? And I know this might sound stupid, but it kind of has to do with Zayn? I could ask for breaks whenever could stop mid-photo shoot, could tell people to reconsider things and all that? I know this is dumb.”

“No, it’s not. I prayed that someday you’d want to be the boss for whatever reason. And it’s amazing that it happened. You surprised me when you didn’t just nod anymore but actually spoke up.” Louis answered, grinning. “And I’m sure you’ll be a great boss in the future.”

“I’m not sure if I can be as good as you were.” Liam admitted, licking his lips. “I don’t even know how you managed to do all of this at the same time.”

“You’ll learn. I’ll be there.” Louis reassured Liam. “I’ll help you whenever you need me.”

“I can’t believe I’m the boss.” Liam mumbled to himself. “Means I can do whatever I want.”

“Not quite much but you can do a lot. I’m keeping an eye on you. You won’t annoy the people, Payne.” Louis warned him and they laughed.

“Thank you, Liam.” Harry suddenly said.

“For what?” Liam wanted to know, scratching his head in confusion.

“For letting me go.” Harry replied, smiling sadly. “You made it possible for me to leave back then, even though my contracts-“

“That was me.” Louis whispered and Liam nodded. “I ripped that contract into pieces because I knew you were suffering because of me. Liam just allowed me to do so.”

“What?” Harry asked, eyes wide open. “Wow.”

“Woooow! Louis, since I’m the boss now I can say no to that runway show, right?” Liam interrupted, hoping they wouldn’t talk about back then again. “I can. I’m not going.”

“Yeah, sure. You’re definitely going, my friend. I’m still _your boss_ until you know what to do. And I’m telling you that you have to attend!” Louis said, pursing his lips. “I don’t accept any kind of protest.”

"Fantastic. Can't wait," Liam answered sarcastically. "You know, I could easily drop out...I've never canceled anything, maybe I should use that to my advantage. Maybe I should, for once, just say no, because I can. I think I'll do that.” Louis rolled his eyes. ”I'm really not in the mood.”

Liam noticed, that Harry wanted to interrupt but he didn’t do it, instead let Liam continue. ”Zayn will be there too. Yeah, I’ll definitely stay here. Have fun, though.”

“Yeah, now that you had your five minutes in the spotlight, you drama queen, can we go buy outfits for you two. Harry, your assistant called in sick, so I took over. Hope that’s okay. Get your asses up, put on coats and then follow me.” Louis announced nonchalantly, taking a 180 degree turn back to his professional manner, the one that Liam was used to. "It's your job, no matter how bad you feel, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you won't pull your _I'm special_ card tonight."

Liam couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. He opened his mouth to protest but Louis cut him off before he could even get started. "Get up. Get up! What are you waiting for? Liam, you can't seriously want to show Zayn that you're a weak baby by avoiding him? That's _so_ not you. Where's my stubborn best friend? Stop hiding and show him what he's missing out on instead! Your whiny phase is over now because I say so. And you need the distraction, too! You can pretend to not like fashion, but we both know you do. Fashion sometimes gives you orgasms, so if not for me and not for yourself, then do it for the clothes! Get up!”

"Alright, alright. I fucking _hate_ you, though, I hope you know that." Liam whispered, and Harry giggled. "You two. You're the worst!" Louis just grinned at him and gave Harry a high five before he pecked his new boyfriend’s lips.

"See that's what I mean! The absolute worst. Best friends and lovers? My life is over. But maybe you’re right, Louis. I could at least pretend that I don’t care anymore. It's just hard, okay? I don't know how I'll react seeing him again, Lou." Liam said on their way out.

"Well, then there's going to be an expert by your side, Liam. I know how to deal with these kinds of situations. I’m a pro, believe me. Louis let me down so many times, I-" Harry started to explain, but Louis didn’t let him. He grabbed Harry’s arm, spun him around, and kissed him passionately. Liam definitely had to get used to _this._

"Oh god, stop that. I get it, you're an item now and disgustingly cute in your honeymoon phase, but as your friend, Louis, I'm gonna be honest...that's so _gross_.” Liam complained, laughing. “Oh, and Louis, your lines are blurring more and more. Didn't you want to keep business and private life separate? Since when do we tell the boss to stop whining and since when do we kiss the client?" Liam cackled. "Oh man, I can't believe I'm actually laughing right now. An hour ago, I thought about ending all of this mess that I call a life-“

"What? You were thinking about _what_?!" Louis shrieked, letting go of his boyfriend. ”You're kidding, aren't you? Liam, why would you...Oh my god I'm sorry, I'm so inconsiderate. I didn't...I thought…I was _so_ rude. Of course, you can stay here, but I thought... shit. Please tell me you didn't seriously consider... _Liaaaam_!" Louis pulled Liam into his arms and Liam, not having much of a choice in the matter, went with it. "Sorry...fuck, I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay. Harry already gave me a lecture, and he predicted that you'd punch me, but I'm glad that didn't happen. Anyway, I’m okay, I guess. Maybe I should really try to do _something_? Distraction and all that? I can't be an emotional mess forever, can I? Let's get going. Can we avoid this topic, since it was a stupid idea, and just go buy nice outfits for tonight? Please?" Liam mumbled into Louis' neck, who was still hugging him tightly. 

Maybe Liam had been stupid, but who could blame him for being a little love sick?

___

"Louis, I changed my mind. I can't do this. I seriously can’t. Please, just let me go home, please." Liam begged, nervously scratching his head. "Just the image of Zayn sitting in there, quite possibly right next to me, is causing me extreme emotional pain! My fucking chest hurts okay, I really can't do this. Please just bring me home.” Liam’s heart was racing. He was sure he’d freak out any second.

"You know I’m usually not like that. I'm a tough guy, I swear, but Zayn does things to me that I can't even put into words! Harry, please say something. You two can't seriously make me go in there and watch this show with _him_ when I'm barely making it through the door. I’m begging you." Liam wanted to run away. He was close to hyperventilating at the mere thought of just seeing Zayn. How was he supposed to maybe talk to him? There was no way he'd make it out alive! He wasn't exaggerating. He couldn't do it!

"Liam, calm down, yeah? We've been arguing about this all afternoon. You look stunning, and you promised me you'd at least try to go inside! What's the worst thing that could happen, hm? Nothing.And if something would surprisingly go awry, we’ll be there!" Louis answered, patting his friend’s shoulder, trying to comfort him. Liam was restless, shifting from foot to another while fiddling with his fingers. “Listen, you look like a  _Daddy_ in this dark blue sparkly _Yves Saint Laurent_ suit. Your hair looks hot as fuck and you're kind of intimidating in the nicest way possible. Nobody will talk to you if you don't like it. Besides you have a name that ev-“

“Don’t do that! You know I hate it. Fuck. Just let me get used to it, okay? My name is Payne, not _Payne-Owner-Of-Balmain_. You’re still the boss until I know what to do, right? End of story" Liam interrupted, making Louis visibly cringe.

"Sorry, bro. I just wanted to say that you don't have to fear people that you think will annoy you. And with that, you'll be able to focus on Zayn and focus on trying to make everything seem normal. You know, since...I mean..." Louis rambled, looking at his boyfriend for help.

"Since you feel the way you feel, knowing that it's unfortunately not reciprocated." Right. He wasn't wanted. Zayn was in there and Liam had to at least…fuck. "Okay, listen. You’ll never hear this ever again, but I'm afraid, okay? I actually feel sick. I hate this situation so much. I don't know what to do.” Liam nearly shouted, his eyes wide open. "I don't think I can d-“

"Hello, Liam, dear! Long time, no see. How are you doing? I saw your photo yesterday. You did a brilliant job, love. I'd love to chat for a bit later, if you don't mind," a small woman with a pageboy bob haircut and dark sunglasses said, touching his upper arm gently. "See you at the after show party, yes?" Before Liam could answer, she'd already disappeared again, making her way to the door while eyeing some models on her way, looking them up and down disapprovingly.

Harry gaped at Liam, and eventually spoke up, grinning like an idiot. "Liam, you never fucking told me you know _Anna Wintour_ in person. What the fuck? Did I really just witness that? Fuck, the devil really wears _Prada_! Have you seen her shoes? Oh my god, she completely ignored us as if we weren't even there. Wow, this woman is just like I've imagined her to be! Wow." 

Of course, he knew her. Liam decided to just roll his eyes at Harry for fangirling over her. Such a fashion victim, seriously. "Now you _have_ to go inside, Liam. You know that, right? You simply don't mess with her. Like, ever.” Louis announced.

"Yes, you smartass, I know that. Thank you _so_ much. Now I feel so much better going inside, knowing that not only Zayn will be there, but her too! I don't know what I want to do first, set myself on fire or jump off a bridge. Probably both." Liam replied in a snarky tone, heading towards the entrance. It was now or never. Now that he had to go inside, he could just get over with it, right? He'd be able to face _him_.

He made it inside, but once they were seated, he realized that he most definitely couldn't do this. He was sitting next to Harry _only_ (the assistants weren't allowed to sit in the front row) and directly across from Zayn, the runway in between them being the only thing that was separating them, shit.

To cap it all, none other than _Anna Wintour,_ who he’d just talked to was sitting next to Zayn, casually chatting with him as if they'd been friends for years.

Liam was glued to the spot, not able to look away. He was literally staring like a creep, knowing that sooner or later, Zayn would have to look up and see him. Liam would die. Zayn looked _so_ good that Liam wanted to jump to his feet and just flee. Zayn was so close, yet so far away.

Zayn was wearing the hottest suit Liam had ever seen even though it was pink. Who on earth could wear a pale pink suit with a floral pattern printed on it? Like? This thing looked like some pattern _IKEA_ would sell. And Liam only knew what stuff in _IKEA_ looked like because _IKEA_ was the funniest place to go to, to play hide an seek. He was a child at heart, okay? He was allowed to be childish from time to time. Fucking _IKEA_.

However, Zayn had decided on a black shirt too and had skipped a traditional tie in favor of a black floral bolo tie that matched the flower pattern on his suit. And seriously, Liam just wanted to die already, because Zayn looked _so fucking good._ His hair? New color. New style. Liam’s final cause of death. He hadn't even seen Zayn’s face yet, not to mention his lips! 

Just this moment, Zayn turned his head and his eyes met Liam’s, who suddenly couldn’t move anymore. He wasn’t able to tear his eyes away from Zayn’s and Harry, who was supposed to help him out wasn’t helpful at all because he was busy chatting happily with _Kate Moss_ , sitting next to him. Great.

Liam tried so hard to look away, but he couldn't. There was no way in hell he could move a single limb. But that was it? The moment he'd faced Zayn again for the first time in weeks? No big explosion, no fainting, not even talking, just nothing? Just him sitting there glued to the spot like the heaviest stone in the world, looking at Zayn’s mesmerizing flawless face? Okay then.

But when Zayn nervously started to play with that stupid infamous loose strand of hair, still not looking away, Liam felt like being struck by lightning. The unbelievable throbbing pain overwhelmed him within seconds and before he could think any further, he tasted blood.

What was happening? The numb feeling inside of him was back and he really had no clue what was going on around him at this point anymore. He just saw _ZaynZaynZayn_ not looking away for a second. Zayn.

"Liam? Liam?!" Harry said, nudging his upper arm. "Liam, look at me. What have you done? Why's your lip bleeding like that?!" Harry fumbled around his pocket, searching for a tissue, but Liam just shrugged it off, not even paying attention to his friend.

Zayn was sitting _there_ across from him and Liam couldn't... he just...he wanted to... he needed to…"Liam!" Liam didn’t care about Harry right now, because he actually had thought it couldn't get any worse than seeing Zayn in person, but it had taken at least five minutes for him to notice what was happening right in front of his eyes. To notice _this_!

He couldn't believe his eyes and nothing made sense anymore but fuck, he was hurting so bad just from seeing Zayn, that he didn’t even think straight.

Zayn was not only sitting there looking like everything Liam had ever wished for, not only being the kindest and cutest person to walk around, but he was holding hands with _Gigi Hadid_ who sat next to him. And she was _beautiful._

"Liam, don't do that. Don't look at him. Don't do this to yourself." So Harry had noticed it too. Great. Fantastic. Why didn't Liam just fucking go with his idea of just ending his miserable life? She smiled at him before she pecked Zayn’s lips. Some cameras flashed. Harry grabbed Liam’s arm, but Liam didn't move at all. He just gaped at them, desperately wishing he was just dreaming, but he knew for a fact that he _wasn’t._

Suddenly the lights went off and quiet music started to play. The show started. Models gracefully walked down the runway, showing off clothes from several famous designers, but Liam didn't even pay attention to any of it. Model after model posed and when the first male models entered, Liam would've usually paid attention like nobody else, eyeing their nice asses or well-toned bodies, but he couldn't. Not even when the cover of him and Zayn appeared on several huge screens everywhere and when the audience surprisingly erupted in applause. He didn’t move or even blink.

He was frozen, numb, mute... everything at the same time while not being able to look anywhere else but at Zayn, even though he could barely make out his face in the dark. That fucking lighting situation was killing him.

"And we hope you'll all join us at our exclusive after show party, which is starting in 15 minutes!" someone with a rather annoying high pitched voice announced, but Liam dismissed the details completely, trying to get it together when the lights came back on a while later. The show was over. Liam hadn't caught any of it. Wow. He was free to go home now. He had made it. He had seen Zayn. He had been stabbed right in the heart once again. It was hurting even worse and Zayn didn't seem to give a flying fuck about him. Liam just wanted to leave. He wanted to, no, needed to, disappear. Forever. He automatically got up, automatically made his legs move towards the exit, automatically looked for Harry, automatically this and that until someone touched his shoulder to stop him from moving.

"Liam." the soft voice said, and another one interrupted quickly, telling Liam they'd wait somewhere else for him. Huh? Liam’s body only worked because of a weird automatism he couldn't control, while his actual self had somehow managed to hide deep inside. Did that even make sense? Liam didn't know. Didn't care. He made an attempt to continue walking, but the person didn't let go of him. Alright. Small talk. Smiles. Something like that. Liam would manage that. " _Liam_? Are you okay? Liam?" He knew this name. It was _his_ name. He said yes and forced out a smile. "Are you alright?" He nodded. _"Liam_? It's me." Uh huh, okay. A random person. Liam nodded again. "It's me...Zayn? Liam, can you even hear me?”

Zayn. It was _Zayn_. Liam came to his senses within seconds, turning to him so quickly that he almost fell over. It was **Zayn** …shit.

"Can we...like, talk?" Zayn asked quietly, looking at Liam with a hopeful expression on his face. "In private, I mean?" Zayn wanted to talk to Liam in private. He wanted to talk to him as if nothing had happened. Like Liam hadn't just seen what he _had_ seen. What the hell?

"No! You know what, go fuck off. You have no idea how much I ha-“ No, he didn't hate him. "How much I don't care that you want to talk. Fuck you, Zayn! I'm going to get drunk now and I suggest you don't cross my path or I promise you, you'll regret it in every way possible. Get out of my way, Malik!" Liam yelled angrily, blood rushing through his head, with the coldest voice he'd ever heard himself speak in. He usually didn’t even raise his voice but he all of a sudden was so done with feeling bad because of someone who didn't seem to care one bit about him. _So done_! Wow. Screw you, Zayn Malik! He pushed past the speechless man, heading straight for the bar. 

__

Liam had finally managed, after what had felt like hours, to get rid of _Anna Wintour_. Usually, he respected her for obvious reasons and he tried to keep in contact with her because of several useful connections to _The Vogue_ but he had actually only done that because Louis had told him to do so. Louis always knew what to do, whereas he couldn’t even continue discussing the no no's of next season’s collections. He couldn’t even focus on her. Fucking Zayn.

That was pretty uncommon for him because he loved fashion, but whatever. None of those big headed fashion idiots he was acquainted with knew about his actual fashion preferences anyway. They'd even mailed him when he'd first modeled for _Adidas,_ asking what devil had possessed him to do so, or what they'd paid him. It had been completely ridiculous. Why did he want to be a boss again? Why!?

Unfortunately, before he got the chance to get a drink some well-known models such as _Bella Hadid, Karli Kloss_ and _Hailey Baldwin_ crossed paths with him and started to talk his ear off about his fabulous photo shoot. They even mentioned Zayn. They not only kept him off his actual plan to just get drunk but they annoyed the shit out of him. Amazing.

The worst one was _Kendall Jenner_ though, who'd naturally thrown her arms around him, talking about _Balmain_ and how much she loved the idea of Liam and Zayn’s photoshoot because of LGBTQ+ reasons and blah blah blah.

Liam put her on his imaginary _List of Annoying People,_ right underneath singer _Taylor Swift_ and the newspaper called _The Mirror_. 

When he finally made his way over to the bar, he almost changed his mind. He really should stop getting drunk all of the time. Alcohol didn’t even solve his problems, right? Just made the pain go away for a while. Oh, fuck it. Who was he kidding! Alcohol was the best solution.

Zayn had just pushed him to that breaking point and he didn't know what else to do. Before he was able to reconsider his decision, he simply ordered some glasses of expensive Whiskey, followed by random shots, and gulped them down.

He'd been tipsy for about half an hour when he finally spotted Zayn, standing in the corner of the room in front of a nicely decorated illuminated bar table, surrounded by hot guys, some designers, and that model he’d been kissing.

It was at that moment that he decided to get smashed. Louis and Harry had disappeared already anyway and Liam couldn’t even blame them. He’d told them to get a room instead of making out right in front of him. Of course, they’d fucked off. He’d told them that he was going to be okay. His own fault, really.

"One mooore funny pink cocktail pretty pleeeease!" Liam slurred, ordering another strong pink cocktail with a cherry in it. Or was it an olive? Hell, Liam had no idea, but it was a fun drink and maybe he should order another one just to have it? Right? Right! "Ah nooooo make it two COCK-tails. Why is it even called _cock_ tail ? Reminds me of dick!" Liam laughed his ass off for no reason, almost tripping over his own feet. "Oopsie. I should sit down, eh? On the baaaar? My ass is glorious. It deserves to sit on top of this shiny black surface, riiiight? Oh, yeaaah it does!"

The bartender rolled his eyes, handing over the cocktail, which Liam drank in one go. "Pal, I think you've had enough." The blonde guy said, but Liam just shrugged it off, making grabby hands for another cocktail. "I'm being serious. No more drinks for you, pal!”

"You're such a spoilsport. Just wanna forget Zaaaayn and his stupid beautiful face and his eyes and his legs and his perfect everything!" Liam screamed way too loud, randomly grabbing a half-empty glass of something which belonged to the girl standing right next to him. "Thanks love! Probably tastes like shit, but will dooo. Will do!" The girl scrunched her nose and rushed away. "Ya know, pal, it's all Z’s fault, really. His cupcake face and his amazing hair which I wanna strangle myself with...all his fault!" Liam had to sit down, his head suddenly spinning like mad. "He's everything I've eeeeever wished fooor but here comes the plot twist. Zayn Malik. Oh boy, even his name sounds great and yeah. Lost my train of thouuughts. Zaynie’s my boy but at the saaame time he's not. So traaagic. Can I have another drink? Doesn't matter what. Something strong, yeah friend? Ooooh, I feel a bit dizzy, but I'll just blame it on Zayn and his hair. Can I live in his hair? I wanna live there. I love-“

"Li, you've had enough. Come on. Link arms with me, yeah? I've got you." a soft calming voice said. Liam hiccuped and just leaned back against the stranger's body. He smelled so good...like vanilla and something else he couldn't quite figure out! Smelled so good. "Let's get you home, Li." Liam turned around, his vision blurry from the alcohol, scanning the person's familiar face, but he was just so drunk his mind didn't quite get it. An arm wrapped around his waist and he just sank into the person's embrace, letting them guide him outside.

__

Liam didn't have the worst headache, in history but he totally did. Liam didn't feel like throwing up any second, but he totally did. Liam didn't want to open his eyes, but he totally did. Liam didn't have a cat, but he totally...what the fuck...he didn't have a cat at all. He blinked several times, trying to make the illusion of a cat with beautiful green eyes that was curled up on his chest go away, but it wouldn't. There indeed was an innocent fluffy ball of fur on top of him, and Liam didn't dare move. He definitely didn't have a freaking cat, so whose pet was it? Liam let his eyes slowly scan his surroundings and no, he didn't own such a small but nevertheless beautifully decorated bedroom either. And small was the understatement of the century, given the fact that Liam’s walk-in closet was bigger than this tiny space.

The bed he was in was a white king-sized bed. He was wrapped in a brownish grey satin duvet, pulled up to his chin with white shimmering sheets and loads of creamy colored pillows. On the left and right side of the bed, he could see two artful looking nightstands made of stainless steel with a single drawer each to match the bed's simple headboard. On the one on his side, he noticed a pinkish and white bouquet of roses, lilies, carnations, spray carnations, chrysanthemums, eucalyptus and foliage, which smelled sweet and instantly made Liam feel a bit better.

Next to it there was a tiny white designer lamp and two leather covered brown books. He also noticed a glass of water but decided to inspect the rest of the room first but he didn’t want to annoy the cat. He’d just look. He had no idea why he didn’t just get up, but disturbing the creature was not something he wanted to do.

The left side of the room consisted of four large paneled windows, which were currently hidden behind silky white curtains that looked so soft, Liam wanted to touch them. He could make out outlines of an apparently great view behind it and guessed there was also a balcony. The wall across from him was painted in the same brownish grey color as the duvet, which, okay. The person definitely had a taste in interior design. Some little details here and there such as a dark brown carpet in contrast to the white bamboo floor rounded out the whole style. The room felt very warm and homey, which Liam had to admit he wasn't used to. He liked his own house a lot, but something was missing. Anyway.

Next to the door across from the bed he could make out some old looking framed photos. He moved a bit forward trying to recognize faces. Suddenly the cat jumped onto the floor, making some displeased sounds. Oops. Liam giggled and then yawned, reaching for the glass of water. He noticed some Advil and a note next to it. He took it without thinking about it twice since his head was killing him. Thank God for the considerate person who knew how bad a hangover felt like. The real question, however, had to be where he was.

Did he pull a guy yesterday? Fuck, did he have sex? Liam quickly lifted the duvet, but when he noticed he wasn't naked and still had his boxers on, he exhaled, feeling relieved beyond measure. God, how he hated the awkward morning after. The note wasn't very helpful either. It only said _Should help! xo_

“We'll see. Let's hope so, though.” Liam mumbled to himself, deciding to get up. He stretched himself, took a deep breath, and then opened the door. He carefully stepped outside and was met by a rather narrow hallway with a small subtle patterned rug in the middle of it, making it look modern and stylish in combination with the half high beige painted walls. He could also see a small decorative sideboard on the left side with yet another bouquet of flowers on top of it and some other small decorative objects. 

A matching white mirror hanging on the wall over it made Liam ask himself which freaking interior designer lived in this house. He felt at home almost immediately and still had no clue where he even was. That was a bit creepy to be quite honest, wasn’t it? He’d definitely come back if it turned out he liked the person who lived here, just because this place somehow had what was missing in his own house. Whatever.

There was a door on the left side with a white vintage door plate saying _Salle de bain_ on it (Liam knew this had to be the bathroom then) and another one across from him. White wooden, half creamy carpeted stairs lead down to the main level on his right side. Before he could walk towards the stairs though, the cat scared the living hell out of him by suddenly running out of the bedroom like a headless chicken.

"Holy fuck! Are you crazy?" Liam shrieked, eyes wide open. Then he laughed.

Okay. Okay, he needed to find out where the hell he was. "Hello? Anyone home?" No answer. "I'm awake and I have no clue where I am. Hello?" Liam walked downstairs and gasped.The living room was just as beautiful as the rest of the house. It wasn't big, but very light-flooded, given a lot of large windows. Same curtains as in the bedroom. Nice.

But the first thing Liam really noticed, yet again, besides the perfect matching colors and the nice furniture, were all kinds of flowers in every corner of the room. Sunflowers next to the sofa and white roses on the dark wooden dining table that separated the open kitchen area from the living room. Some simple potted plants here and there and some dried flowers made everything even homier.

He was stunned but nevertheless confused at the same time, because nobody seemed to be at home, which was just strange. Maybe he should call Louis to pick him up? Where was his iPhone though? He was only wearing boxers. Fuck.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Liam plopped down on the sofa, reached for the fluffy blanket next to him and pulled it over himself. He felt a bit weird, being half naked in a stranger’s house, but when _Mister Cat_ (or was it _Misses Cat_?) joined him yet again, jumping onto the couch, curling up in his lap, it made the situation a bit less tense.

"What now, my dear friend? I can't just go outside like this? Do you know where my iPhone is? Or my clothes, to start with?" The cat stayed mute. Of course. "Why can't you speak, buddy? It'd be so much easier. Who lives here with you, hm? Can you-“

Liam got interrupted when the front door opened without any warning. A guy wearing a _Minions_ hoodie pulled low over his face and some grey sweatpants entered the room. He had headphones in and a shopping bag in his hand.

He didn't seem to have noticed Liam sitting there yet, because he just walked over to the kitchen area, placing the stuff he'd just bought on the counter while humming.He unwrapped some croissants and buns and put them in a small basket, turned on the coffee machine, put some new flowers in a vase, and then suddenly pulled the hoodie off of his head...no no no…

"Zayn?!" Liam shrieked, gasping for air. Zayn turned around immediately. His eyes widened but within seconds a small smile appeared, playing on his lips.

"Good morning, Li. Did you sleep well? How's the headache doing? Did the Advil help?" Zayn casually asked, while approaching Liam before he sat down next to him. "Tea or coffee?”

"Wh-what? What?!" Liam stuttered, looking, no staring, at Zayn. "Is this _your_ house?" Of course, this was Zayn’s house. What a dumb question. "Wait, no. Why am I here? What am I doing here?  Wait, that's _your_ cat? Wait, why am I nearly naked? Wait, you're wearing sweatpants? What the fuck? Am I still asleep? Why am I talking to you? What the fucking fuck? Wha-"

"Calm down, Li, and take a breath. I'll explain everything, okay? You got super drunk yesterday and let's just say you were a bit out of control, and since nobody was around or seemed to care, I decided to drive you home. You couldn't tell me your address though, so yeah, I didn't know where to take you. I then asked you if you wanted to sleep at mine instead? You nodded, so I figured it was okay. Anyway, you were more dead than alive so I just carried you upstairs and um...I...you know... _Iundressedyoucauseitdidnotseem_ -" Zayn rambled, his face turning bright red. ” _tobethatcomfortabletosleepinthoseclothes_...and...and then I tucked you in? And I woke up very early so I just wanted to buy some breakfast and I thought-“

"Hold on!" Liam interrupted, shaking his head. "I'm not asleep? I'm actually at your place?" Zayn nodded and Liam’s mouth fell open. "But this is a _tiny_ house, Zayn! I thought you lived in a huge mansion and...and...what the fuck? I'm at _your_ place?! No, wait! I'm fucking mad at you! Why am I even listening? Where are my clothes? And my iPhone! I wanna leave. You asshole, you fucking broke my heart and you're well aware of it. How very dare you bring me here, I just h-“

Zayn carefully put his hand on Liam’s mouth to shut him up, before he looked him deep in the eyes. "Liam, I'm sorry." Liam shook his head in protest, but Zayn didn't even think about letting him go when he tried to get up, just removed his hand. He grabbed Liam’s' arm and pulled him back down. "Please. Can we _please_ talk?”

"Are you crazy? No! Are you fucking stupid? Why would I ever talk to you again? Give me one good reason why I should do that after you've literally _killed_ me. Zayn, you have no idea how much I've been suf-" Liam ranted, glaring at Zayn.

"I have feelings for you too." Zayn whispered, his eyes glued to the floor, and Liam's jaw dropped. “I really _like_ you, if you know what I mean.”


	12. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> \- description of emotional abuse  
> \- graphic descriptions/discussion of abuse/sexual abuse/rape  
> \- discussion of eating-disordered behavior  
> \- depictions of the mental state of someone suffering abuse  
> \- depiction or discussion of violence

Liam really didn’t know what to say. He just sat there completely caught off guard because he definitely hadn’t expected Zayn to say _that_. But he had. For a moment Liam thought he must have misheard but seeing how antsy Zayn was confirmed that this wasn’t just another dream. This was real. How was Liam supposed to react though? What exactly did Zayn expect him to say or do now?

Shouldn’t Liam be over the moon? Why was he angry instead? He was so fucking angry.

How did he dare to say that _only_ to talk to Liam? Why now?! What kind of a mess... what the fuck?! Liam hadn't suffered like crazy for Zayn to just come out with the feelings being mutual! He had cried himself to sleep day by day, hadn't properly eaten, had realized how much he really hated parts of his life, had annoyed the shit out of Louis until he had been sure his best friend would throw him out and to cap it all, he'd even thought about his life not being worth living!

Zayn could fuck off! Besides, hadn't he kissed that stupid model? How would he explain that?! Zayn could not just palm him off by claiming he had feelings too all of a sudden. Definitely not. Liam wanted to punch him in his stupid beautiful face.

No, he didn’t. He felt bad for only thinking about punching him. Maybe he would shove him instead? Oh damn. He wouldn’t even do that. He’d just make a scene in front of him. Ha!

Maybe he wouldn’t even do that. Jesus Christ. Why did he like him _that_ much. Why?!

Liam wanted to scream in exasperation. Right when he had thought he could learn how to deal with not being with Zayn, the fucker tells him _that_? No! Not with Liam. Just no! This was about his pride now and he did not just...fucking no.

"You should have thought about it before, you know?" Liam announced, trying to sound as pissed as possible. Nobody had to know that he had to try his best not to just pull Zayn into his arms. Fucking Zayn.

For what Zayn had done to him, he deserved this!!!

“Liam, I was confused, terrified and scared okay? I'm sorry, but I mean it, I really do!" Zayn tried to explain himself, but Liam was not having any it. For some reason that sentence made Liam lose it and he exploded even though he really didn’t want to.

" _I'm sorry_ ," Liam mimicked in a high pitched voice. " _I was confused. Blah blah._ What's the next putoff?" Liam just glared at him and suddenly Zayn looked extremely insecure. Why did that idiot have to look so fucking small and vulnerable while actually looking like a heavily tattooed good looking badass for fuck's sake?!

Most of Liam was screaming for him to cuddle Zayn and wipe the look of insecurity and sadness off his face, but he couldn't. He needed to get his protective instinct under control, especially since he was mad right now. There was no way he would make Zayn feel better right now when _he_ felt like shit. He really wasn’t done expressing his feelings. 

Jesus, why did Zayn have to be _that_ adorable?! This shit should be illegal.

"Look, what do you expect me to do, jumping for joy? Pull you into my arms and cuddle you like crazy? Squeak happily? Do you have the slightest idea what you've done? Do you know what I've been through since Paris? You treated me like fucking shit and, being the idiot that I clearly am, I still told you about my feelings even though I was drunk. Like...fuck you Zayn. I was and still am hurting more than you can even imagine. You can't just throw this in my face as if it was nothing!” Liam yelled, trying not to feel too bad for ranting. Zayn just nodded, looking guilty.

"I wasn't able to stay at my own house by myself. I spent my time at Louis’, terrified of being alone. I felt rejected like never before, and it got so bad that I genuinely thought even Louis didn't want me as his friend anymore." Liam continued while staring at Zayn, who was fiddling with his fingers, not looking at Liam at all.

Liam wanted to stop, but he had to get this off his chest to make it clear how pissed off and hurt he actually was.

"I ate all of Louis’ shit if I even wanted to eat in the first place, which wasn't the case most of the time. I'm the worst eater on the planet when I feel bad and I have no idea why I'm telling you this right now, but I am. You made it ten times worse, though! I lost weight because I refused to eat for days and gained it back other days when I couldn't _stop_ eating. Sometimes I convinced myself that you weren’t attracted to me, so I even threw up, hating my body. Not even Louis knows I did that.” Liam had tears in his eyes, but he tried to keep his gaze on Zayn nevertheless.

He should see it.

"I either slept the whole day not wanting to wake up or not at all,” Liam mumbled wrapping himself into the blanket tighter. "I felt like a zombie, but I couldn't control any of it." Zayn bit his lip, exhaling slowly, almost seeming scared. Liam felt a twinge in his heart at that sight and wanted nothing more than to just caress Zayn's cheek and tell him everything was okay, but he couldn’t. Nothing was okay.

"Zayn, I still don’t understand what happened. In the beginning I couldn’t stand you, I gotta be honest here. But then you turned out to be simply amazing. You were excited and happy most of the time, made heart eyes at me and even kissed me. And then you just pushed me away? Out of nowhere? For some reason, you decided to break contact without even giving me an explanation! You didn't give me anything and I still don't know what I did wrong. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to make you happy, be happy with you.” Liam explained, almost screaming at this point.

Zayn kept quiet, but when he pulled a pillow into his arms, hugging it like a little teddy bear Liam almost softened. He liked this guy so much it was scary. He wanted to just...no, he had to stay strong. He needed to get all of this out because Zayn needed to know.

"I felt so rejected, Zayn. I've never felt like that ever before. I never thought about… Yeah, fuck it. I never considered being in love with someone, not until you came into my life so unexpectedly. I've never had a proper relationship. Only some flings here and there, countless one-night stands. I let guys suck me off in the bathrooms, sucked them off in offices, fucked some against walls or in their beds, all of it, just hoping that one day I'd feel some sort of connection. I don't want to lie, really. Here’s me telling you everything. I wanted nothing but finding love, so bad that I treated people like shit. This probably won’t even make sense, but to me it did.” Liam said, trying not to be embarrassed. “And to make it even more confusing, I’m actually scared of feelings, always have been! And then I realized that I definitely didn't hate you, instead was falling in love with you. I suddenly realized that being a little hoe wasn’t what I wanted. I only wanted you anymore. _Only you_! But then...then you ripped my heart out, Zayn. You could've stabbed me and it would've been less painful." Liam wiped away his tears. "But you know what's worse?”

"No" Zayn whispered, pulling the pillow even closer to him, still not looking at Liam at all.

"When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I saw you kissing that model right in front of my eyes. So how do you explain that? How? Cause if that hadn't happened, I'd probably have given you another chance. That was the last straw.” Liam mumbled, wanting to forget. “And yes, Zayn, the feelings are still there. Everything I told you is still there. The attraction, the butterflies in my stomach… everything. But I don’t want this. I wanted…I just…when I want someone, I want everything…only them. I really hoped this was mutual, you know? If you really had feelings for me, you'd never be able to do something like that. I'd never been able to kiss someone else because I feel so much for you. But you kissed that model. Don't you dare tell that me you have feelings for me. You don’t.” Liam said, his heart beating like crazy. “And I'll get up now, walk through this door and then out of your life, okay? Simply because that's better for me, and probably for the both of us."

Liam was done. He was sad but felt relieved at the same time. But just when he wanted to get up, Zayn unexpectedly doubled up with laughter. Laughing was such contrast to what he had expected that couldn’t move, his eyes focused on Zayn.

Zayn looked up for the first time. Why was he laughing? It wasn't funny! Was Zayn mocking him now? Was it really that funny that Liam had feelings for him? Did Liam really just embarrass himself?

"You're _so_ dramatic, Li!” Zayn announced, giggling. Liam’s jaw dropped in complete confusion. "You know I’m not into women at all, don't you? I'm so fucking gay I literally puke rainbows! But you seem to have forgotten a tiny little detail; I’m still in the closet! Of course, my team tries to make me look straight. She just took it a little too far, I guess. I didn't know about that plan and wouldn’t have done it with you sitting right across from me for sure. What matter though is, that I’m 100% not interested in her."

Liam’ eyes widened, and he blushed, realizing that he had indeed forgotten about Zayn still being closeted. Shit. "Liam, I...I only want to kiss you.”

"Then do it." Liam challenged, looking straight into Zayn’s beautiful eyes. ”Kiss me."

Zayn gently touched Liam’s arm and shyly looked down at his lips. Liam couldn’t wait so he kissed Zayn before Zayn even got the chance to do it. Their lips reunited and it was the best feeling in the world.

Liam closed his eyes and felt the familiar warmth spreading through his entire body. He could feel the butterflies erupt in his stomach all over again, despite thinking they'd all died while being apart from Zayn. Liam had missed his soft lips.

They suddenly were both smiling into the kiss and Liam knew that this kiss was a promise. A promise for much more to come.

__

"Li? I think we should talk." Zayn said, scarcely audible, shifting his body closer to Liam’s. “I think you finally deserve an explanation. I’m just not sure how to tell you, how to explain and all that.”

"You don't have to, Zayn. I mean it'd be nice to know why you broke contact, but if you don't feel comfortable telling me right now, it's okay. I know you'll tell me one day, won't you?" Liam answered before drinking the rest of his tea.

They’d kissed for a while until Zayn had insisted on having breakfast, which had surprised Liam because he knew that Zayn had problems with eating since Paris. He hadn’t eaten much, but enough, which was good.

"No, it's not just about that. I mean...I've never really spoken about it, but I think Niall's right. I should tell you because I...I really want..." Zayn interrupted himself, biting down on his lip, looking a little bit scared.

"What do you want, love?" Liam asked, the pet name slipping out. "You can tell me everything or nothing, that is all up to you. If you don't have anything planned, then we have plenty of time. I won't leave until you want me to leave, yeah?”

"I want _you_...I just...I want to be with you." Zayn whispered, "And that's why I should tell you.” Liam nodded, even though he was still a bit confused. "Can I...like-" Liam just pulled Zayn closer, knowing Zayn wasn't good at asking to be touched or touching someone else. Zayn immediately snuggled up against him, wrapping an arm around Liam’s middle. "Thank you.”

"You can always touch me, cuddle with me or kiss me, Z. You don't ever have to ask, okay? Just do it. It'll be fine." Liam reassured him, giving Zayn a small but sincere smile. "What do you want to talk about?”

"Nick." Zayn simply said, making Liam cringe immediately. Fucking Nick and his fucking behavior. He couldn't stand his guts. Liam had no idea why Zayn wanted to talk about him right now, but he wouldn’t ask. He’d just let Zayn talk. He’d listen. "He was my boyfriend.”

_His what?_

"What the fuck, what? That asshole is your ex? What the hell? He treats you like shit and I still want to punch his ugly fucking face. He deserves it!" Liam ranted immediately, but when Zayn didn't continue, he looked at him, giving him a small squeeze, trying to comfort him. "I'm sorry. Keep going, Z. We can talk about this as much as you need to.”

"He wasn't really nice to me, I guess." Zayn whispered. "He did some things to me which explains my weird behavior nowadays." Liam wanted to hug Zayn, trying to soothe him, but Zayn immediately flinched. Liam suddenly had a vague premonition that Nick had done much worse than just yelling at him for no goddamn reason. 

“Zayn, what...what did he do to you? What happened?" Liam asked carefully, feeling panic and anger rising. What had Nick done to his boy? How could someone hurt such a precious person? Zayn, who was like a delicate flower, a super cute and innocent little puppy? Who'd want to harm someone like him?

And then, without a warning, Liam remembered what Harry had told him about Nick.

_He was a bit of an asshole...didn't even go on proper dates or anything like that...didn't seem to put effort in the idea of dating at all...wasn't the PDA type of guy, or the most caring one...more like a fucked up friends with benefits kinda thing..._

Liam gulped back a sob. Liam didn’t want Zayn to notice that he had a lump in his throat already. He just carefully took his hand instead. He kissed Zayn’s hair and just waited for him to be ready to talk about whatever the fuck Nick had done to him.

"I don't know where to start?" Zayn whispered, more than visibly tensed. "I don't even know what to tell you? If it's that bad. If it's worth telling. If it’s-"

“Zayn, I'd listen to you, even if you told me about your fear of pillows that make you unable to...to...visit a furniture shop or something! You can tell me anything and I promise you I won't let it go any further. I'll keep my mouth shut. And if you only want to tell me the tiniest little thing without any details today, then go for it. I'll take anything but also everything. I don't know what happened between you two, but you can trust me, okay? I don't know Nick that well, but I know that I'm not like him at all. Not one bit. And I know it's hard to trust someone you don't really know just yet, but it's just -" Liam rambled, but Zayn interrupted him with a short and gentle peck on the lips.

Needless to say, Liam almost lost it once again. _ZaynZaynZayn._

"I should start with how we’ve met, I guess. Well, some people would call me one of those lucky guys that get discovered in the streets. I remember that day so well. It was actually quite funny, to be honest. My friend Johnny and I were bored so we decided to go shopping since I needed a new pair of jeans anyway. So we were basically walking along the street trying to find some skinny jeans for me. I had just started wearing them and I guess my motto back then was T _he tighter the better_. It still is but, it's much easier to find the right pair of jeans now that I know where to get them and now that I don't really have to worry about how much money I'm spending." Zayn said, smiling a little to himself.

"However, I had finally found some and when we left the shop, I kind of stumbled over my own feet and basically attacked a poor woman who had been walking by. Clumsy me literally fell into her arms and believe me she was yelling things at me that I don't even want to repeat. But then she looked up at me and, I swear it was like I was in a movie? She gave me a once over, judging me. I felt _so_ bad! I apologized at least ten times, but then she just gave me an intimidating look that told me to shut up, which I did without protest. Johnny had been laughing his ass off, but when she wordlessly handed me a business card, telling me who she was, his jaw literally dropped and so did mine. I mean what are the chances of crossing _her_ path, not to mention falling into _her_ arms?! She’s the editor-in-chief of _Vogue_ since 1988!” Zayn explained, giggling.

" _Anna Wintour_? You're shitting me!" Liam replied, mouth agape.

"Yeah! Long story short, I still have no idea what she saw in me, but it only took about eight weeks until I was modeling for _Yves Saint Laurent_ , _Gucci_ and some other brands. All because she had called some people and suggested me for their campaigns. “And within a few more months, _everyone_ knew me. It all happened so fast that it was way too overwhelming, to be quite honest.” Zayn continued. Liam just smiled, because Zayn deserved being a model. He was gorgeous. 

“The thing is that no matter how exciting it was, I felt totally lost! I had met several people, sure, but I really needed someone to rely on. Niall wasn’t my personal assistant from the beginning, you know? I had nobody until I met Nick at a runway show. I thought hey, why not make friends with him? We actually had some things in common and back then I thought he was really funny with all of his mocking and stupid jokes. He also charmed the shit out of me, telling me that I looked great and such things, which was not something I was used to hearing, especially from attractive guys.” Zayn explained and Liam wondered what those two could possibly have in common.

“We went to the hairdresser together, we bought similar outfits, we did everything. We really had fun, I don't want to lie. We hung out nearly every day, having a laugh here and there and he even introduced me to some people who later on helped me a lot. I mean, he was an experienced model, whereas I was a newbie, so he literally managed to twist me around his little finger within weeks. I didn't know any better." Zayn took a deep breath.

"You know, it's fascinating for a boy who never really acknowledged to himself that he was gay, to meet a proud and openly gay man. I hadn't told Nick anything, but I guess he had just figured it out, probably within the first week or so. I found myself developing feelings for him rather quickly. I’m still not sure if I really was _in love_ with him, but back then he was the only gay guy I had contact with and who I knew, so it stood to reason.” Zayn continued and Liam wanted to throw up.

“I obviously told him a bit later.” Zayn mumbled while Liam couldn’t help but run his hand through Zayn’s now pinkish hair. He felt uncomfortable imagining Zayn being into Nick, not to mention them being together. He just couldn't see how Nick had been nice to Zayn at all.

"And it just kind of happened. We got together a bit after that." Zayn added quietly, pursing his lips. Liam cringed. Judging the look on Zayn’s face right now, Liam already knew that what Zayn was about to tell him would be _bad_. "Liam, I'm not sure if I should keep going. I don't want to bore you or something.”

"You never do, Zaynie, but if you want to stop you can." Liam answered, keeping his voice as even as he could. "I kind of assume he's done bad things, to be honest. The way he treated you at the photoshoot tells me enough. And just so that you know, I hate him already.”

"So do I," Zayn agreed. "Is it okay if we just sit next to each other for a while? I...I don't think I can deal with being touched while telling you this. It's not you, I promise. You're actually the first person since Nick that I've ever wanted to be touched by. You're...different, and I like you, you know? But for now...is it okay?" Zayn asked quietly and Liam nodded with a concerned look on his face.

He didn't like where this was going, and Zayn hadn't even properly talked about his and Nick's relationship yet. Fucking Nick. "I've never told anyone any of this before. Not even Niall knows much. This is so strange and difficult." Zayn looked down at his hands. "He...he emotionally abused me. I know that that is the right term for it. I did some research. Must sound stupid but it’s a thing?”

Liam would kill Nick.

“I googled it, you know? Reading that emotional abuse was a thing helped me. Happens to other people too, you know? I ignored that it happened to me but reading about other people’s stories was helpful I guess."

Liam already wanted to flip shit. He clenched his jaw, keeping his thoughts to himself.

"I don't know if I'm able to explain it without making it sound chaotic, but I'll try. I want you to know so that you can maybe understand why I sometimes react how I react.” Zayn mumbled.

"Okay." Liam whispered, looking at the other man. He just wanted to hug Zayn, never let him go ever again, and make the memories go away without even knowing about them yet.

"He used to humiliate me in different ways all the time or put me down. Nick made fun of me in front of other people, his friends, our friends. He even shared personal information with them or secrets. He accused and blamed me for things that I knew I hadn't done. He always pointed out my flaws and mistakes. He still does whenever our paths cross. I mean, you've obviously noticed that yourself, haven't you? What he said to me was rather harmless though, even if it still gets to me, which I hate. Nick called me names, gave me unpleasant labels, and sometimes made cutting remarks under his breath, all of which made me feel like crap, like an insecure little boy." Zayn said, trying to keep his voice steady and calm, but the way his body stiffened showed Liam how hard it was to talk about it. 

Not only five minutes into the conversation, Liam wanted to jump to his feet, drive over to Nick’s (he knew where the fucker lived) and punch him in the face. Liam couldn't understand why Nick had done that to Zayn. Why would you do such things to such an amazing person? Liam had to pull himself together. He gulped down his arising anger. For Zayn, who, right now, took a deep breath to keep going.

"He literally made me feel bad about myself. He regularly demeaned me, disregarded my opinion, ideas and suggestions. He always corrected and chastised my behavior, no matter what. He just belittled and trivialized me, my accomplishments, or my hopes and dreams. He managed to make me feel like he was right all the time, whereas everything I said or did was wrong all day, every day. His unhappiness, problems, or life difficulties were my fault, no matter if it made sense or not. He just played the victim and tried to deflect blame on me rather than taking personal responsibility.” Zayn continued while Liam tried is best to keep calm.

“When he had failed to get a job, for example, it was my fault because, according to him, I hadn't let him sleep." Zayn mumbled, biting his lip. "I sometimes think he didn't see me as an individual at all, but more as an extension of himself, if that makes any sense. Just someone there to reassure him of the fact that he was perfect and flawless.”

"I hate him. You're literally the most wonderful person to walk around. He had no fucking right to do that. I want to.... fuck, sorry. Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. Sorry please...please continue." Liam cut Zayn off but regretted it within seconds. Zayn gave him a weak smile and Liam wanted to cry. How did Nick dare made his boy feel like that?

"It's hard to explain what he exactly did, but he became someone who was sarcastic all the time or more like teasing if that makes sense? He laughed at himself but didn't allow me or others to laugh at him. He was intolerant of any seeming lack of respect, even if I wasn't disrespectful at all. I remember his disapproving or contemptuous looks, his judging, distant and hateful body language...all of it.” Zayn added, blinking several times.

Liam was about to explode. Not allowed laugh about him? Liam would laugh in his ugly face to all eternity and make his life a living hell.

Zayn wiped away a single tear that had managed to escape and swallowed hard while trying to be strong. "But whenever I even so much as hinted that I didn't like that kind of behavior, he shut me down at once. He really didn't care about my feelings, or maybe he just didn't see them, I don't even know. There was no such thing as empathy or compassion in our relationship. He never really apologized, but when he did, his idea of an apology was just to made dumb excuses for his behavior, you know?" Tears were streaming down Zayn’s cheeks as he finished that sentence.

"Do you want to take a break from talking, love?" Liam wanted to know, using a quiet and empathetic voice but Zayn just shook his head quickly, furiously wiping away the tears. “Zayn, there is no shame in needing to cry. It's okay. Don't hide your tears.”

"I don't want you to think I'm ugly. I'm so ugly when I'm crying." Zayn mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

"No, babe. You could never be ugly. You're gorgeous inside and out, and a few tears will never be able to change that." Liam objected. "Am I allowed to...?" Liam gently touched Zayn’s wrists, silently asking for permission to remove Zayn’s hands to look into his face.

Zayn didn't say anything in protest, so Liam waited. He didn't want to do anything Zayn wouldn't want to happen, and only when Zayn whispered _Yes,_ Liam gently pushed Zayn’s hands away.

He took them instead and lightly squeezed them in a reassuring way. "You are beautiful, love. To me, you're perfect, okay?” Liam said, looking into his eyes. Zayn didn't comment it, instead continued, apparently wanting to get over with the conversation already.

“He mostly blamed everything on me and after a while I started to believe in everything he said. Everything. He simply repeatedly crossed my boundaries and ignored my requests, Liam. Sometimes it even became scary when he decided to somehow neglect, abandon or...or even punish me for stupid things." Zayn stuttered.

Punish him? This immediately raised red flags.

”And during all of this, he was being emotionally distant and rather unavailable at the same time. He resorted to pouting or withdrawing to get my attention or get what he wanted, which mostly confused the hell out of me, but worked at the same time. And...and he was a bit too much in control as well, I guess. I constantly felt like I needed his permission to make decisions or go out somewhere. He indirectly even controlled what or how I spent my money and-" Zayn cut himself off, looking directly into Liam’s eyes.

"I'm listening, Zayn" Liam reassured him because he just had the feeling that Zayn had interrupted himself for a reason.

"I don't want to be touched because of...I haven't mentioned everything yet but I'm not sure if it would be too much for you. I care about you, Liam. I don’t want it to be too much and I'm...I know it could be too much if I continue now." Zayn stuttered, making Liam become scared shitless immediately. 

What else could've happened between them? Wasn't it already bad? The fucking worst? He didn't want to imagine how Zayn had felt like during that time, but seeing Zayn like _this,_ seeming so fucking small and insecure just sitting there like a picture of misery…

"Don't worry, sunshine. This is about you. About you only. And as I've said before, you can tell me anything but also everything. You don't have to tell me more, but if you want to, if you trust me enough and think you need to do it, then do it." Liam said, leaning over to kiss Zayn's forehead, not even thinking about it twice. It just came naturally and Zayn not flinching made him feel kind of happy.

Whatever Nick had done, Liam would fix it. He’d do anything for Zayn. He'd make him feel precious, would help him become more self-confident, would show him how beautiful he was and so on.

"Zayn? You know what? I'm so proud of you right now. It might sound weird or not make sense to you, but I am. Look what you've just told me. You said you never told anyone before, yet you gathered the strength to do it now. Thank you for trusting me, thank you. I promise you I'll never treat you like that. I can't understand what possessed him to do so, can't process how cruel it was because I'm actually shocked, but just know that no matter what _this_ between us turns out to be, I'll never be like Nick. Never. I promise." Liam added and smiled.

"He...Nick... he also abused me in other ways.” Zayn whispered, closing his eyes. Liam stiffened, desperately hoping Zayn wouldn't go _there_.

Some of Harry’s words rushed through his head again.

_"More like a fucked up friends with benefits kinda thing...a selfish asshole who only cares about getting off himself...doesn't give a flying fuck about his partner...rather rough too.”_

Liam sat up straight suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. He knew Zayn had told him that he didn’t want to be touched during this conversation but Liam knew the current look on Zayn’s face. He _knew_ , so he just pulled Zayn into his lap, wrapped his arms around him and kissed his shoulder, while closing his eyes. Liam didn’t want Zayn to say it out loud.

Zayn buried his face in the crook of Liam’s neck, wrapped his arms around Liam as well, and sobbed into his shoulder. They wordlessly sat there like that for a while, Liam trying to just _be there_ for his boy. He knew it probably wouldn't help much but this was the only thing he could do.

Before he could think about it any further, the words were already out "He...he s-sexually abused me." Zayn whispered into his ear with the weakest voice Liam had ever heard someone use. Liam burst out crying a few seconds later, just holding Zayn as tight as possible, trying to show him that he wasn’t going anywhere. “He…he raped me.”


	13. Kid Gloves

"Come on, love. Let's go for a walk.” Liam suggested, still holding Zayn in his arms. "Let's go outside and take a breather." Zayn shifted in his arms and nodded rather hesitantly. "You don't have to talk, love. It's okay if you want to stay silent. I don't want you to feel the need to continue or anything." Liam slowly stroked Zayn’s hair. "Look at me?” Zayn immediately did, instinctively wanting to hide his face again though, eyes puffy from crying. “Remember that you don’t have to hide your face?” He nodded. “I mean look at me. I probably look like shit. I know that my nose is probably red, that I got shadows underneath my eyes from crying with you, my hair probably is fucked up and I’m still half naked only wrapped in a blanket. But so what? We’re at your place. You’re at home. Nobody can see us, right? We can look like cavemen today. Who cares when you’re at home? Home is the place you can be _ugly_ at without anyone judging you.”

Zayn gave him a weak smile. "But would you mind if I just put on some clothes? I mean, if you want me to go outside only wearing boxer shorts, I’m game, but it’s fucking cold outside. Your decision.” Liam continued, making Zayn giggle this time. Liam’s heart sped up. “Clothes or no clothes, that’s the question now!” Zayn shrugged but then nodded in in the direction of the hallway.

Liam genuinely asked himself how he could’ve been _that_ blind when walking downstairs earlier. Zayn had put his clothes neatly folded on a chair. Right next to the stairs. "You did not wash them, did you?" Zayn blushed. "Who even are you? When did you get up, babe? You didn't have to do that for me!" Zayn rolled his eyes, still not speaking. "Okay, so you close your eyes now and I'll put on my clothes. No, wait! You've already seen me half naked! Whoa!"

Liam tried to brighten the mood a bit even if, given the current situation, it seemed impossible. "Zaynie, I have to get up to get dressed." Zayn hid his eyes behind his hands but moved over to give Liam the opportunity to stand up, which he did immediately. 

He was about to reach for his clothes but just when he wanted put them on he stopped, furrowing his brow. Stupid fancy clothes from the previous evening. Nah! "Hey Z? Do you by any chance fancy the idea of us in sweatpants? Like, for the rest of the day?" Liam bit his lip in anticipation.

"Sounds good, but my ass is smaller than yours. Not sure if they fit!” Zayn said, quietly smiling to himself. He got up and approached Liam. "They're upstairs.”

"Hey! First of all, that’s a lie and second, are you really gonna make me go upstairs? Jesus, I'm a lazy piece of shit and those are _stairs_ , Zayn. Actual stairs! Loads of them!" Liam took Zayn’s hand and Zayn pursed his lips. "Well, what are you waiting for? Sweatpants-party, duh!" Zayn made happy noises and Liam was glad he could at least cheer him up a little bit. He’d make a fool out of himself all day long just so that Zayn would by any chance feel a little bit better.

They went upstairs, put on some sweatpants and shirts before Zayn plopped down on the bed, face down. Liam silently sat down next to him, well aware of the fact that Zayn had burst into tears again, even though he was trying to not show it.

"Hey, love? Hey. I'm here. You're not alone, okay? We don't have to go outside. Let's stay here, hm?" Zayn didn't react, didn't move, didn't do anything. “Do you want to get something else off your chest, Zayn?" He shook his head quickly. "It was just too much, wasn't it?" He nodded. "Do you want to maybe just sleep or watch a movie or something? I told you we can do anything, and that includes doing _nothing_." Liam whispered, caressing Zayn’s upper arm carefully. "Do you...do you want to be alone and-“

"No. Please don't go. I just...please don't." Zayn immediately cut Liam off. "I'm a mess, I know. I'm sorry, but please don't go.” Zayn sounded so broken Liam wanted nothing more than to fucking rip Nick's head off his body.

"No need to apologize for anything. You haven't done anything wrong. What's going through your mind right now? You're thinking so hard, baby." Liam asked carefully. He didn’t care that he called Zayn l _ove, babe_ or _baby_ anymore. Whatever felt right, _was_ right! End of story. Zayn didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Maybe it comforted him even.

"I just don't want you to like...treat me differently now. I know shit happened but I'd feel even worse if you decided to treat me with kid gloves? I don't know if that makes much sense, but to me it does. I'm scared you'll just...I don't know...Nick's done bad things, but I told you I want to finally start being normal. You're being super cute and supportive right now but I'm actually only thinking about kissing the shit out of you to distract myself, rather than a watching movie or anything like that, Li. I know that Nick's influenced my life in the worst way possible, but you kind of made me want to get over it. I just wish something like karma existed or...or something. And I'm also sorry about your friend Harry, Liam. I'm a bit scared that Nick is treating him like me. Look, I don't really like Harry if I'm being honest. He's way too perfect for his own good. You and he had…you know… which makes me jealous beyond anything, and um...Nick compared me to him which is totally-" Zayn explained, not looking at Liam.

Liam interrupted him by just letting his instincts take over as he just pulled Zayn closer and passionately pressed their lips together. He caressed his cheek with his thumb while gently kissing Zayn. Liam licked over his bottom lip, not believing that Zayn actually thought like that. He cared about _Harry_ while all of this had happened to _him_.

Zayn was such a great person and Liam never wanted to let him go ever again. When they separated Liam pecked Zayn’s lips once again before speaking up. "Everything you want to do, we'll do, okay? If you want us to ignore all of this, for now, we will. But before that, I gotta tell you something. You don't have to worry about Harry anymore. He's been in love with Louis for ages now and he actually just _used_ Nick as a distraction. He dumped him already. One reason for Harry to dump the asshole was how he treated you among other things, you know? You really don’t have to like Harry, but he's actually really nice and a good friend of mine.”

“I noticed.” Zayn mumbled, waiting for Liam to continue.

“Louis and Harry are dating now and I’m sure they’ll even get married one day. There’s literally no way they’d ever split up again, I swear. Don’t worry about me and Harry, yeah? We all know he’s attractive and all that, and yes, I can’t deny that we had that one-night stand, but he’s absolutely nothing in comparison to _you_. Apart from that, Louis would kick my ass if I ever only approached Harry again. So please don't think about that. And if you want, I'll properly introduce you to him or we could all just hang out some day. Just know that you don't have to worry about his well-being or anything like that.” Zayn gaped at him.

“You’d get along pretty well, but that's another story.” Liam took a deep breath, looking right at Zayn, whose face was only inches away from his, their foreheads gently touching. ”So, Z, since you want to be normal and all that, would you go on an official date with me? Just so that you know, the only answer I accept is a _yes._ ” 

"Of course, Liam. Let's talk about Harry and the others some other time though. Okay? Just want to spend time with you.” Zayn said softly before they kissed.

__

"Liam, what the fuck? Have you heard about Nick already?" Harry asked Liam, sitting in Louis’ lap while the three of them were hanging out at Liam’s house. "He's totally fucked. I can't believe it. Is it bad that I'm laughing? How can you be _that_ dumb?" Louis rolled his eyes and went back to admiring Harry. Of course Liam's friend didn't care. He had no idea.

Liam rolled his eyes too. “Louis, you're disgusting! You making heart eyes at Harry like that is gross and I'll never get used to it. Did you do the do already? I swear, I need to know who tops! Like, I do have an idea bu-“

"Shut up, Payne. I swear to god I'll never ever tell you about our sex life!" Louis interrupted and Harry burst out laughing before he stabbed his boyfriend's back. They'd finally put an official label on their relationship. Finally!

"Of course it's me, what a dumb question, Liam." Harry announced and Louis blushed crimson, playfully punching Harry’s upper arm. "What? You're a control freak and giving up control isn't that bad once in a while, Lou. Besides, I'm sure Liam assumed that anyway. We have great sex, so nothing to be ashamed of! I could tell Lia-“

"What the fucking fuck? No details, please! And no? I thought you'd be the one to take it up the ass, Jesus Christ. I didn't...okay I don't want...no. Ugh." Liam stuttered, looking anywhere but at them. "At least you two finally fuck. Louis, bro, how's sex with a man in comparison to girls?”

"First of all, I won't comment on it. I refuse to. Second, Harry is lying.” Louis said, pouting. It's been ages since they've gotten along like that, hanging out without any tension between Harry and Louis. Well, there was tension now as well, but the sexual kind. "We're kind of sharing. That's all the information you'll ever get."

"You're boring, Tommo." Liam mocked him, laughing. "Such a boring little-“

"Says the one not telling us a single detail about Zayn Malik. The only boring person in this room is you. You didn't even tell us how your date went! You haven't told us if you're together now, haven't introduced us properly, nothing!" Louis countered, and Harry nodded before lacing their fingers together. Ewwwww.

It'd been a week since Liam and Zayn had had their first official date. Liam had decided to not make a big deal out of it since he'd noticed that Zayn especially approved of the little things in life. They'd hung out all week (even if they could only meet up for an hour some days due to their jobs) mostly talking about all kind of things. They'd gotten closer, but they'd both decided to take everything else slow. For now. So while their original plan had been to go to a fancy restaurant, they had ended up cooking together at Zayn’s place. The evening had ended with them cuddling on Zayn’s couch watching _Batman_ and talking about the future.

Liam had always made sure to let Zayn talk, to let Zayn decide, and to let Zayn make the first move, no matter what. He had wanted to make Zayn feel more comfortable and when Zayn had thanked him for it, Liam had kissed him. They'd innocently kissed for at least one hour straight and eventually had fallen asleep wrapped in each other's arms. It was a nice date. Nothing big, but really really nice. And Liam was so far gone for Zayn he already wanted to tell everyone but figured it was best to wait until they were officially dating before spilling the beans.

Liam wanted to ask Zayn to be his boyfriend very soon though. Like, as of today. Getting up the nerve, however, was another matter entirely.

"Yes, that's correct, and it won't change. I keep him to myself till...uh...I...umm, wait a minute, I don't need to explain myself to you dorks!" Liam exclaimed, smiling broadly. "Okay, let's say I really really like him and I think he really really likes me too, but we want to take it slow and yeah. I don't want to overwhelm him since he's rather sensitive? I know he can act like a proper jerk, but that's only to protect himself and I'm sure you'll love him as much as I do the moment we meet up!”

"Love him as much as you do? Geez! Liam, you're head over heels in love with Zayn! Have you told him yet?" Harry asked, grinning.

"Yes I am. Now shut up!" Liam admitted, making Harry strangely look at Louis. "And no, I haven't told him! What the heck, I haven't even asked him to be my boyfriend yet, which I wanted to do today!" Liam replied. Louis exhaled, grabbed his wallet and gave Harry some money. "Did you two..? You did not bet on me! I can't believe! You are the absolute worst friends to walk around! I hate that I love you!" Harry laughed and Louis stuck out his tongue. ”The worst!" Liam threw a pillow at them. "Look at you! You're almost making out on my couch! Disgusting!”

"You're just jealous because you want to make out on your couch with Zayn but you're too timid to make a move!" Harry said, sassily. "Why don't you just invite him over, huh? Has he ever been to your place? I bet his place is fancy and he just rolls his eyes at your mansion.

"Harry, keep your mouth shut. You know nothing about him. Actually, his house is rather small and lovely. His interior design makes me want to sell my house and move in with him straight away, okay? He's not big-headed and all that. It's just a fucking facade because of fucking Nick. He's wonderful and likes the little things in life. He appreciates a single flower more than a bouquet, prefers ordinary ice cream dates over fancy restaurants, and the moment he's around animals, he's 12 years old again and talks to them. He's nothing like you think he is. He's not. So no, I don't want to invite him over yet. What if he thinks I'm actually the big headed idiot? I'm obviously not, you even know why, but he could end up thinking like that and I don't want that!" Liam panicked. He hadn’t thought about it and he didn’t want to. There was no way he could tell Zayn who actually was. No.

"Alright calm down, Boo. You're so protective, holy shit. And you have to tell him eventually where all of your money comes from, whether you like it or not. If he’s that amazing, he won't mind, I'm sure. Just tell him soon. Lying isn't cool. I actually wonder why he never asked. Didn't you say you used all of your stupid _"That's my name, I can do whatever I want advantages"_ back in Paris? Bet you even do it now. You're such a showoff if you want to impress someone. He must be pretty oblivious to some things or pretty much in love with you. Or both!" His friend said. Harry nodded in agreement before he suddenly shrieked.

"Hold on! Hoooold on! Nick? What do you mean because of Nick? Wait, wait, wait. Liam, you did not!” Harry all of a sudden shouted. "Liam, what the fuck have you done?”

"What are you on about? He deserved it, that prick." Liam simply announced, making Louis’ jaw drop.

"His career is over, Liam. He'll never be able to work in the fashion business ever again. It's a right scandal! Yes, he's obviously an asshole. I mean, Harry has told me some things and I've met him a couple of times, but _this_? Liam, what's gotten into you?" Louis asked in shock.

"Oh nothing, it's more like Nick's gotten into _someone_ against their will. He deserves worse, that asshole." Liam yelled angrily while tearing up. The moment he realized what he'd just said his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. “Fuck!"

Louis clenched his fists while Harry didn’t move at all anymore. "Liam what did he... Liam, what has he done? I’m gonna kill him! Fuck. Harry, what did he do to _you_? What the fuck. Nick's a dead man!”

"Liam, did you just say he...he...I know he's a dickhead but he's never...not against my will and...oh my... what? Liam!” Harry mumbled, staring at Liam, looking scared shitless. Liam was fucked. He was utterly and completely fucked. He had promised Zay that he wouldn't tell anyone, yet he'd just casually spilled the tea. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut for once? What now? Say it happened to him? Tell his friends that and make them keep it a secret? Shit.

"Liam, why didn't you call the police? You need to tell them. He can't just walk around like...and...you know." Harry got up, sat down next to Liam and pulled him into his arms.

"Stop that. He didn't lay his fingers on me. It was Zayn, okay? And now I'll never be Z’s boyfriend because I already fucked up by telling you. I am the worst person to walk around!" Liam exclaimed, hitting his own forehead. “Nick is the worst person to exist on this planet. You've no idea what he's done to Zayn in the past. I won't tell you but, you've already assumed the right things, okay? He deserves to burn in hell and worse. I'd prefer killing him if I'm being honest.”

"Fuck." Louis whispered while his boyfriend kept quiet. "Fuck that's...that's...I don't have words for it. I'm so sorry for Zayn. Oh my god. Liam, don't worry. We know _nothing_. I promise you, we won't talk about it, hint at it, or anything. I'd never do that to you. Or him. And you're my, no, _our_ best friend. I mean maybe you need to tell someone eventually. You can't deal with it on your own. Just know that we won't let it go any further. Listen, I understand it now. Nick really doesn't deserve better. He better not make a fuss about anything or approach any of us.”

"He's ruined, Louis. He shouldn't have recorded himself with that 17-year-old boy while having sex. He’s 27 for god’s sake. He’s a piece of shit. Even worse than I thought.” Liam explained, scrunching up his nose. “Only took me a fews hour to find out. Some calls and emails here and there, you know? You can't imagine what else I know now.” Liam cleared his throat. “He’s disgusting. A minor _and_ rape?” Harry shook his head in shock. “Too bad that information it's all over the internet now. Also, every single person who has a say in our business got an anonymous mail. Oops? And he should maybe have paid his taxed too. Nobody will find out who that boy was or that Zayn was the victim. I made sure of it. Nobody will ever hurt Zayn again as long as I'm around." Liam announced quietly. "Nick is ruined for good.”

“Police knows?” Louis wanted to know and Liam nodded. “They will, believe me. I didn’t do _aaaanything_. I just anonymously told someone Nick wasn’t a good guy and maybe attached a video and a document. What’s happening now is none of my business. Finally it pays off being who I am.”

“Ice cold business man Liam is kind of hot, bro.” Harry said, laughing. 

___

Liam stood in front of Zayn’s house but he couldn’t move. He had really tried to relax, to calm himself down but he was just way too nervous to even bring himself to knock on the damn door. He really wanted to ask Zayn to be his boyfriend but he’d never done something like that before and he didn’t know if Zayn would even say yes. They’d agreed on taking it slow so taking it slow maybe also included not putting a label on their relationship. Liam wasn’t sure what to do. What if he messed up? What if Zayn said no? Fuck, what if-

The door opened. "Liam, how long did you want to stay here? Because I've been watching you for at least ten minutes now, talking to yourself. You know I can see you through the window, right? Is everything okay? You can come in, you know?" Zayn said, chuckling but Liam actually just wanted to vanish into thin air. He'd already embarrassed himself. Already! He totally messed up before he’d even said something!

Zayn beckoned him to follow inside, but somehow Liam still couldn’t move. Fantastic. “Liam, come on! What’s gotten into you today? You’re such a dork.” Zayn laughed, reached for Liam’s hand and just pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. Liam was an idiot. A huge one. He got rid of his coat at shoes nevertheless. Living room. Would he just ask Zayn here? Shouldn’t he do something romantic?

"I am fucking nervous." Liam mumbled, blushing as he sat down on the couch next to the person he was head over heels in love with. He took Zayn’s hand. "Okay, I just uh...wanted to ask you something and I don't know how, so I'm probably gonna make a fool out of myself, but Zayn…I mean…Fuck.” Liam rambled. God, this was way too awkward.

"Yes, I'd love to be your boyfriend. You're so cute when you’re flustered around me. Of course, I want to be, Li!" Zayn announced really casually. He’d just...had he just...what the fuck?

"Heeey now you made it easy for me. How's that fair? I deserve to suffer a little bit!” Liam complained, giggling. “And now you even make that pouty face that tells me I’m supposed to kiss you. Let me think about that real quick.” They both laughed before Liam pecked Zayn’s lips gently. “I actually wanted to take you out. Another date and all that. I might have made reservations?”

"But I can't. You know...because of the closet? I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you tonight, I guess. And paps are all over me since our shooting. I literally got papped while grocery shopping. Like who am I? I just don't get it? “ Zayn told him. Because he was amazing? Because he was successful? Because he was handsome as hell? Because he was super famous? _Why?_ Seriously? God, Liam loved him. He was so fucking humble.

"Would you want to go, though?" Liam wanted to know. He fiddled with his fingers. _Please say yes, please say yes._

"Of course I'd love to, Li! But it's not that easy. I can't." Zayn replied, looking sad all of a sudden.

"If you want to you can. If you want to go out with me, just do it. What's the worst thing that could happen? They could take photos of us. They could spread rumors. Zayn, do you _want_ to go?" Liam asked carefully, hoping the answer would be yes.

"Yeah. Sure. But I don't know what's...I want to come out, actually. Like...because of you? I'd like to hold your hand in the streets and not care about rumors and all that. I haven’t thought about it that much yet but why not? What’s the big deal anyway? I’m a model, not a singer with mostly female fans. Poor guys in that business.” Zayn rambled.

He wanted that too. Wanted everything with Zayn. He'd even thought about Zayn being his future husband because he was crazy. Already!

"Well then let's go. Maybe you’ll accidentally go on a date with me, accidentally hold my hand and maybe I can accidentally kiss you. Let’s just cause a stir in the worst case.” Liam suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Am I accidentally your boyfriend too?" Zayn wanted to know cheekily, but Liam just rolled his eyes.

“No, that was planned.” Liam replied, taking his hand. “Let’s go, boyfriend.” Liam would totally not show Zayn that he was currently freaking out on the inside. He had a boyfriend now. Not just _a_ boyfriend. **The** boyfriend. Zayn! Zayn fucking soon to be Payne. Zayn Payne. Yeah…maybe not. Maybe he should be a Malik? Decisions, decisions. Liam was going nuts, shit. Maybe he should tell him that he loved him first. Not now. Soon. Very soon. Fuck. Just the words _I'm in love with you_ or like _I love you_ , right? He was in love with Zayn Malik. Oh god.

___

”I can't believe we actually get to eat _Mousse au Chocolat_ this time. Last time we ended up using salt instead of sugar, Liam. I swear I'll never forget that. It was the funniest first date-fail ever!" Zayn exclaimed, licking his lips. "It tastes amazing. The whole dinner's amazing, you’re amazing, babe.”

"Nothing in comparison to you, so shush. I'm glad you like it." Liam put his hand on top of Zayn's, looking him deep in the eyes "Have I told you that you look absolutely stunning tonight, Z?" Zayn ignored him. "Hey don't you dare ignore me. I've only said it like ten times! You can't just leave me for some dessert!”

"You're something else, Liam. But what an idea! Maybe I should ask the dessert out on a date! Or alternatively, we could pay, leave and maybe _make out_ a bit in the car." Who was Liam to deny _that_? Had Zayn just seriously suggested that!? Casually!? Just like that in the middle of a sentence!?

"I already paid, babe. So we actually can just get up, hurry outside, and do whatever you want," Liam announced, grinning smugly. Of course, he'd already paid. He wanted to spoil Zayn as much as possible.

"You're unbelievable, but thank you. You didn't have to. Let's go." Zayn winked, yes he actually winked at Liam.

Liam got up quickly, walked around the table and before Zayn could protest he took his hand. “You planned that, haven’t you? You only want me for my hand. Shame on you!”

"Yeah, your hand is what drives me crazy. You got me there. Too bad!" Liam giggled, heading outside. The waiter, Oli, who Liam had known for a while now, smiled at them before waving goodbye. Zayn and Liam hurried outside, but before Liam knew what was happening, lights flashed at them and paparazzi asked Zayn all kind of questions. Where the fuck did they even come from?!

"Zayn, are you and Liam on a date?" one of them screamed way too loud. "Zayn, are you gay?" another black haired guy wanted to know. Liam was about to flip shit. "Zayn, what do you have to say about Nick?" Liam froze.

"I don't know if I remember correctly, gentlemen, but as far as I'm aware, you're not allowed to pap me unless I say so. I paid for it, so I'd make way. Now. Doesn't matter if you want to pap Zayn, as long as he's near me, you can't take any pictures. Would you mind leaving? Thanks." Liam stated with an ice cold business voice. Zayn grabbed Liam’s arm by instinct, hiding behind him and Liam protectively squeezed his hand tighter. Did they have to mention _Nick_?! Poor Zayn. Liam needed to get him out of this situation _right now._

"Oh, fuck this shit." Liam heard Zayn say before he all of a sudden grabbed Liam by the collar and smashed their lips together, catching Liam completely off-guard. When they separated, Zayn flipped the paps off. "Too bad you couldn't take a photo, eh? Who'll believe you guys now? Tragic that you're not allowed to take photos of my _boyfriend_. Would you excuse us now? We were just about to leave and make out in the car. Oh damn, you can't take photos of us in there too. What a shame. Bye!" Liam’s jaw dropped. This had not only been super cheeky but hot as fuck and Liam needed to get his hands on Zayn _now_. He needed to. _Needed._

They couldn't make out in the car though because paps had decided to nevertheless literally stalk them until they had decided to drive to Zayn’s place instead. When they'd arrived, they'd rushed inside while kissing heatedly like never before.

Surprisingly, Zayn’s hands were all over Liam, even touching his ass. In the heat of the moment, Liam completely forgot about what Zayn had been through while his hands slowly slid under Zayn’s shirt. It made the Zayn flinch immediately, taking a step back.."I'm sorry. I just...sorry" Liam mumbled against Zayn’s lips. Fortunately, Zayn just smiled at Liam, kissing his cheek before they walked upstairs to the bedroom, hand in hand. "We won't do anything you don't want to do. No pressure. Not anything. We can just go to sleep or cuddle. I can also leave. Whatever you want, okay? You're the only one here who has the say. You say what you want, what you don't want, and when you want something to happen. I'm content with just being around you, you know? I don't need anything else than just... seeing you happy, babe." Liam reassured Zayn, sitting down on the bed. "Damn, I hate socks.”

"Take them off then?" Zayn suggested, apparently not knowing how else to respond. He gave Liam the biggest smile though, and that was enough. He pulled Zayn in his lap and kissed him passionately. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? Why?!

"Was that okay? You tell me when you don't like something like that, yeah?" Zayn nodded, pushing him back onto the mattress. “Z, what are you-“ Zayn leaned over him, hesitantly pressing his lips onto Liam’s before licking over his lower lip. Liam kissed him back without even having to think about it twice.

Zayn got the giggles and collapsed on top of Liam. "Oompf. Already tired? I was promised a make-out session!”

"I...shit...fuck sorry? Of course." Zayn stuttered, sounding super guilty all of a sudden. He automatically moved to kiss Liam again, but Liam turned is face away quickly. Zayn was shocked.

“Zayn, stop, stop, stop. I was _kidding_. Oh my god, I'm sorry. I was just kidding. No making out if you don't feel comfortable with it. It was a stupid joke. Shit, sorry. Please don’t... hey, look at me!" Liam panicked. Had he just put Zayn under pressure or asked him to do something he didn't want to do? Because of a stupid joke?! Shit, he didn't want to be like Nick. He needed to back off Zayn. He needed to put distance between them.

"Liam, calm down. Li! Everything's fine! I'm okay!" Zayn said. ”Remember what I told you? No handling with kid gloves, yeah? I promise I'll tell you if something doesn’t feel right. I promise. This was just…I automatically reacted like that. No idea. I'm sure it'll take quite some time to get rid of this behavior. I hate it, but... but will you help me? Look, I really want you to touch me. I mean, I've even suggested it, right? All of _this_ was my idea. You're really sweet and you do pay attention a lot. I notice it, really. I never feel pressured, not one bit. You worry way too much. A normal life, remember? You're my boyfriend. I'm your boyfriend. Boyfriends kiss. Boyfriends touch and do other stuff." Zayn said, kissing Liam’s nose, before he put his head on Liam’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

”Want to know something funny?" Liam nodded, so Zayn continued. "Remember when you walked in on me back in France? I swear, I wanted to die. I felt so embarrassed but...but even back then, I was already thinking about _you_ while... you know? I don't know if you believe me, but I'm telling the truth. I never want to...you know, do these kinds of things...but I'm only human and I get horny." Both of them burst out laughing. “ I was watching porn, and god, porn is so over the top, I don't even get the point of it most of the time, but my mind always drifted back to you. So what I'm trying to say is that, yes, I'd love to  _do things_ with you. I'll need some time for this and that, but I really do want that. If you do too, of course. I just have to tell you something else first?"

Liam cringed. What else? No, please. He closed his eyes waiting for the next bad information. “Liam, don't be afraid! I've told you the worst things already, haven't I? I think what I'm telling you now is a bit more personal, maybe a rather awkward confession even.” Zayn said, turning red.

"You don't ever have to be embarrassed talking about such things.” Liam replied. "I won't judge you, laugh at you, or anything like that. You can openly speak about sex. I mean...I hope you know what I mean. _Stuff_.”

"Yeah, I do." Zayn said and took a deep breath. "It's really awkward, damn." Zayn buried his face in Liam’s chest, mumbling some incoherent sentences. Liam cleared his throat to make Zayn notice he couldn't understand a word. "I know have to repeat myself, but I don't want you to laugh!"

Liam rolled his eyes, kissing Zayn’s hair. “Spill the beans, babe. Listen, when I was 20 I came in my pants just because of a _YouTube_ video of David Beckham. I was watching it while Louis was in the same room. What can be more embarrassing than that?" Zayn burst out laughing. "See?"

"No, you didn't! Oh my god!" Zayn cracked up. "Thank you, you know. For making it easier. You always know what to say or how to react. Thank you.”

"No need to thank me. Like, ever. You know I'm...I...like you a lot and I just want you to be happy all the time." Liam announced, looking at Zayn, who nodded when Liam silently asked for permission to kiss him again. Their lips met and Liam knew he was the luckiest person in the world. Zayn was just everything Liam had ever wanted.

"I don't know how to enjoy _it_ " Zayn quickly mumbled. "I don't know how to enjoy myself. That's so fucking awkward. I don’t…I can’t…I’ve…it never really felt good, if you know what I mean. I only jerk off because...because I have to sometimes? I mean at some points, it feels _okay,_ but...you know what I mean? And I feel like an idiot for saying this.”

"What you're telling me is that you were told you're only there for pleasing someone else, but not feeling good yourself?" Liam guessed, quietly "Did he tell you, you didn't deserve it or something like that?" Zayn blushed, hid his face and slowly nodded. Maybe Liam should do more than just ruining Nick’s career. "I'd love to punch his ugly mug all over again." Zayn wanted to say something but apparently decided against it. ”Do you trust me?”

"Yes." Zayn replied, quick like a shot and Liam literally gaped at him because…wow.

"You'll tell me when it gets to be too much right? You'll always do that no matter what, okay? Even if I touch your elbow and you somehow don't like it, Z." Liam asked again. "It doesn't matter what we do, I just want you to have the say in everything because, contrary to what that asshole wanted you to believe, you _do_ deserve feeling good. And we can discover that together. What you like, I mean. If you want that. But we-“

Zayn finished Liam's sentence. "We don't have to do anything especially when I'm not ready for it. I understand. Thank you. Will you touch me now? Because, contrary to _your_ beliefs, I’d prefer your hands on me instead of talking. Wouldn't be too bad to see where the boundaries are as well. No kid gloves, love. Please. I trust you. Really." 


	14. New Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hint:
> 
> The smut might be similar to the "The King Of Queens" one because it was originally written for this fic. Changed it a bit though.

“Are you sure, Zayn?” Liam asked, smiling happily. He loved that Zayn trusted him that much but he also just didn’t want to fuck up. Liam blushed crimson when Zayn touched his stomach. Why was he blushing? It didn’t even make sense. He’d had sex before. Loads of sex. Minutes ago he’d wanted nothing but Zayn’s hands on him and his hands on Zayn but now? He wasn’t sure what to do because he really really wanted to do the right thing. All of the time!

"I mean, only if you want to. I figured...I mean, if you want that too? Like...Yeah? Now? I mean, we can stop as you said but...I'd...do you want to? Touch me, I mean." Zayn stuttered, by now red as fire. Zayn seemed to be a nervous mess, yet way too confident and curious for Liam to understand what exactly his boy wanted to do. Liam suddenly felt like having sex for the first time ever and he hadn’t been that nervous when he’d actually had his first time, okay?! Zayn smiled and kissed Liam’s nose. Why was he so cute? “I trust you with whatever, you know?” Liam wanted to cry. Even though Zayn had been through the worst he still managed to trust someone, to trust Liam and Liam just…He knew. This was the right moment. Now.

He thought he'd tell him on a cheesy date, watching the sunset, leaning against his shoulder or something like that, but…

“Hey, Zayn?” Liam mumbled, looking him deep in the eyes. God, how he loved his eyes. And he saw it in his eyes, in these eyes. Everything he’d ever wished for. He saw what he'd seen as a child when watching his grandparents around each other. He saw his lovely dork of a boyfriend, his future fiancé and husband, his children's _Dadda_ , but most importantly he saw his home. His grandparents had always had a saying _Home is where the heart is_ and after all this time, he finally understood what it meant. "Zayn, I've never said this to anyone ever before. I never thought I'd ever say this actually, but...but I've always wanted to." Liam took a deep breath. "I love you. I'm in love with you.”

Zayn’s jaw dropped, and his eyes widened as they filled with tears. He climbed on top of Liam, straddling his lap, and before Liam could even move or do anything at all, he felt Zayn’s lips on his own. He felt Zayn’s hands cupping his cheeks, putting every possible tiny emotion, every bit of love and passion, into this one kiss.

When Zayn pulled back, Liam wanted to speak up, but Zayn cut him off. "I love you, too. I'm so fucking in love with you, I can't even put it into words. I've never...I love you.” The butterflies in Liam’s stomach literally exploded in a frenzy of nervous and happy fluttering. Liam was completely overwhelmed. He wanted to scream it to the world that he loved Zayn and that he even loved him back. Damn, he felt like the luckiest guy in the world, and even though it had only been a rather short time of them knowing each other, he already knew that this was it. Liam just knew. Zayn was the person he'd grow old with.

___

"I just want you to be comfortable, baby. You big oaf, it's just a shower!" Liam protested laughing as he shoved Zayn into the bathroom. "Showers are relaxing, and I don't want you to think about anything. Just be comfortable with me seeing you! Undressing in front of me is probably the best way to go about that. I mean, I've already kind of seen you, but that doesn't count. It's so much different this time, especially if you're going to be doing things of any kind with me, right? A shower it is.”

Zayn gaped at him and Liam grimaced to make him laugh. "On one condition!" Zayn countered with a laugh before eyeing him suspiciously. Was he trying to act dominant and cocky? Liam found it almost cute. Almost. "You undress me and we take a shower _together_.”

Liam bit his lip, grinning. Of course, he'd planned on them showering together, and hell, who was he to decline the offer to undress this man? He'd wanted to get Zayn naked from the very beginning, really. Nobody could blame him.

"Cheeky." Liam grinned, gently pushing Zayn inside of the room before closing the door behind them. Liam scanned Zayn's body slowly. "Babe, you're so sexy and you don't even realize." Zayn shook his head, taking one step closer so that their noses were almost touching. "Yeah, you are. Your hair, your face, your arms, your stomach, your butt” Liam grinned. “Everything about you, really.” Zayn pecked Liam’s lips. “Your mouth.” He made Zayn laugh out loud. “Your laugh.”

“Oh stop it, Liam!” Zayn protested, grinning broadly. “You’re the worst. You’re already undressing me with your eyes. Don’t think I don’t see that.”

“Guilty.” Liam confessed, winking. He touched Zayn’s white shirt, slowly testing the waters by sliding his hand under it. “That okay?” Zayn nodded, pressing his lips against Liam rather roughly this time. “Somebody is in a hurry.” Zayn rolled his eyes and put his hands on Liam’s butt. “You have no shame.”

“You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you?” Zayn replied cheekily. “And I want you to stop worrying about me and just get me out of these clothes. It’s just clothes. I won’t freak out.”

“Jesus Christ.” Liam mumbled to himself, not expecting Zayn to say such things. He pulled Zayn’s shirt over his head within seconds. “Like that?” Zayn nodded. “You just want to see _me_ naked already. Admit it.” Liam gently caressed Zayn’s tummy with his thumb. Zayn squirmed, unable to hide that he was nervous nevertheless.When he let his hands wander higher, he felt Zayn's abs and fuck, Liam was so fucking gay. Zayn made a cute little noise. And so fucking in love. “You’re killing me with those long eyelashes of yours. Who even allowed you to have these beautiful eyes. It’s a crime.”

“It’s a crime that you don’t do anything instead of staring at me.” Zayn replied, laughing. Before Liam could even react, Zayn had shamelessly opened the buttons of Liam’s shirt. “What?”

“You’re so…I’m confused.” Liam confessed. “Maybe you’re right and I’m thinking too much.” Liam got rid of his shirt.

“Yes, you are. Can I kiss your abs?” Zayn wanted to know and Liam almost fainted. Who was that and what had he done to his Zayn? “Please?”

“Do whatever you want to do. You don’t have to ask.” Liam reassured him. Zayn dropped to his knees right in front of Liam and Liam almost lost it when Zayn licked his belly button. Fucking hell. What was going on? Why was he so self-confident!? Almost too self-confident. Liam had expected everything but _this._ Zayn kissed his abs. Something was off. Liam felt it even though he couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Zayn, stop.” Liam said and Zayn backed off immediately. “Are you doing this because you want to do this, because it’s hot and because it’s fun or because you think you _should_ do this? I’m sorry that I’m interrupting and that I’m asking stupid questions but I really just want you to do things you want to do.” Zayn scrunched up his nose.

“You’re the sweetest person ever. I love you because you always care about me, but Liam I’m not a virgin, okay? Even though shit happened I still know what to do? I know what I _want_ to do? I’m not gonna lie, I’ll probably have a hard time doing _some_ things but all of what I’m doing right now is what I want to do.” Zayn told him, suddenly pulling down Liam’s pants. “Like that for example.” Liam gaped at him. Zayn got up, innocently kissed Liam’s lips and smiled. “Loosen up.”

“O-okay.” Liam stuttered, scratching his head. “Zayn, my head is spinning.” He laughed.

“Probably because you thought it’d take an hour to undress me.” Zayn replied, getting rid of his own pants.

Liam was determined to make all the bad memories go away, or at least replace all of them with good ones. He’d thought this through and Zayn was just doing _this_! Okay, okay. New plan.

He'd make Zayn the happiest, he'd make him feel good, he'd kiss him breathless, he'd make him come once, twice, or even five times in a row, he'd bring him breakfast to bed, kiss him good night, propose to him, marry him, adopt babies with him, grow old with him…

And now his boxer shorts were gone. “Fucking hell, do you want to kill me?” Liam shrieked seeing Zayn standing right in front of him, completely naked. Zayn laughed, pushing down Liam’s boxer shorts next. “Zayn!”

“That’s the name you’ll be moaning later.” Zayn said and Liam’s jaw dropped. So Zayn wasn’t scared of this part. Noted. “You’re staring.”

“Of course, I’m staring. You can’t just undress the both of us and expect me not to stare, Zayn.” Liam squeaked. He never behaved that way. He never…Maybe today? Maybe _that_ was a good idea. Maybe he should just let Zayn…Most definitely, fuck.

"You're big." What? Liam snapped out of his thoughts. Zayn was staring too. Fuck. ”And thick...uh...sorry for staring?" Liam burst out laughing. "Hey! It's not funny! I've literally never seen... I've only seen one other... fuck, I'm making a fool out of myself, aren't I?”

"You're the absolute sweetest person to walk around.” Liam said. "And you can stare at my dick as long as you want to." Zayn hid his blushing face in the crook of Liam’s neck. "You can also touch me and do whatever you want with it! If that's not a good offer, I don't know what is." They both laughed but Zayn suddenly tensed up. “An offer, not an order, love.”

“Right.” Zayn mumbled, making Liam realize that Zayn had been right. Some things wouldn’t be easy. At all “You done, though? You could take a photo. Lasts longer.”

“I’ll never not check you out, just so that you know.” Liam stated, winking at his boyfriend. “We’re both naked. How do you feel?”

“Like making you beg for it?” Zayn said without a warning. Liam was sure he was making this up. There was no way Zayn had just said that. “Fuck, sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Liam wanted to know. Zayn had just said that. Holy moly. Shower. They wanted to take a shower. Together. Naked. Who on earth had this stupid idea, for god's sake!

"Earth to Liam. Did my dick switch off your brain and body functions?” Zayn continued.

"Yes it did, okay? Now get that cute little ass of yours inside the shower or I'll carry you in myself." Liam commanded, making Zayn chuckle. Zayn wanted Liam to beg for _it_? Why hadn’t he expected that? What was Zayn thinking? Liam needed to know about Zayn’s fantasies right fucking now.

They got in the shower and Liam wanted to die. "Your ass...your everything. I'm dead." Zayn guffawed but turned around at the same time to take Liam’s hand, pulling him flush against his chest. Why was Liam the nervous one here? Why!? Liam turned on the water.

"Oh my god, Liam. Do something or I'm gonna freeze my ass off before I even get to do anything with you. Fuck! Fuck, turn on the warm water!” Zayn yelled, but there was definitely some laughter mixed in with the yelling. Zayn pressed Liam against the wall, trying to avoid the cold death called water. He pressed himself against Liam. “Hi"

“I’m passing out.” Liam whispered. "Do I _know_ you?” Zayn rolled his eyes. They just kept staring at each other for several minutes until Liam cleared his throat awkwardly. "Water's warm, I guess.”

"Why don't you kiss me? You're like miles away. It's at least two steps now! Come closer." Zayn whined.

"Can I wash your hair?" Liam asked, fondly looking at his boyfriend. "Want you to relax, want to massage your scalp and make you feel good." Zayn cracked a smile. “I just love your hair so much. Maybe I need help”.

“You’re sweet.” Zayn responded and Liam kissed his temple. “But…” Suddenly Zayn’s hand was on Liam’s left buttcheek. “We’re not taking a shower, we’re-“

“Good. I got it. You drive me insane.” Liam whimpered. Screw that shower. Fuck it.

“Don’t look at me like that. Yes, Z. You can touch whatever you want to touch. I'm 100% okay with it and I won't change my mind, I promise." Liam said.

"Can we...I don't want to...in the shower. Please?” Zayn mumbled. He went from being cheeky as fuck to being an insecure mess. Liam had no idea what to do anymore. “Liam, don’t look at me like _that_! I feel good! Stop worrying. I just don't like to...I don't know. Can we go back to the bedroom, maybe?" Zayn suggested, making Liam nod. “But just so that you know, we’ll fuck in here one day.”

“Zayn!” Liam shrieked, getting out of the shower. “You’re doing this on purpose, I swear.”

Back in the bedroom, neither of them hesitated. They walked backwards, kissing heatedly until the back of Liam’s knees collided with the frame of the bed and he fell. Liam definitely hadn’t expected this, but he surprisingly didn’t have a problem with Zayn making the decisions. Zayn leaned over him, pressed their lips together and within seconds they were making out like nothing else mattered anymore.

Until Liam felt something hard pressing against his thigh. He got the giggles. “So you’re _that_ excited.”

"Sorry. I just...fuck. Sorry." Zayn stuttered and Liam raised an eyebrow. Why on earth would Zayn apologize for getting hard? They were making out, about to have sex or at least some sort of sexual something. It was only natural.

"Sorry to ask, it might sound stupid, but why would you apologize for that?! It shows me that I turn you on, and holy hell it's hot knowing you're hard against my thigh, Jesus. You never have to apologize to me for something like that.” Liam explained. “It’s just a boner.” Fucking Nick. What was wrong with that guy?! Zayn chewed on his bottom lip.

“So I’m not sorry?” he wanted to know. Liam nodded.

”What do you want to do, baby? What’s going through your mind?” Liam asked and Zayn shrugged, biting his lip. "You know I won't give you instructions or anything like that today, right? You have the say, remember? So if you want me to touch you or if you want to touch me, just say so or simply do it, love."

"I'm not sure. I don't know what to do or what I want.” Zayn mumbled trying to hide his face in shame, but Liam grabbed his wrist, stopping Zayn before he even got the chance to.

Liam knew Zayn had to stop overthinking. ”Don't hide. It's okay. What are you thinking about, hm? Want my hands on you or do you want to explore my body, babe? Whatever you want. We can also stop and only cuddle. Really, it's your choice. Whatever you're comfortable with." Liam took a deep breath. “Just be yourself, okay? You didn’t think about anything in the bathroom, just did what you wanted to do. You can do the exact same thing in the bedroom, you know? It only matters to me that you feel good and safe. You make me the happiest person just by existing. Doing something or not doesn't matter as long as I'm with you, because I love you.” Zayn smiled.

"I love you too and I trust you. Do you trust me too?" Zayn asked shyly, and Liam didn't even have to think about it twice before he nodded. "So will you believe me when I say I'll tell you to stop when it feels wrong or gets too much?" Liam repeated his previous action. "Then touch me. I know you'll be doing the right things."

Liam flipped them over. He nibbled on Zayn’s ear and made his boy shiver. He'd make all of this about Zayn and for Zayn. He wanted to make him feel good, wanted him to experience what it can feel like, wanted him to know how it should be, needed him to explore his own sexual desires and basically everything he didn't get to know because of Nick's selfishness. Liam would make Zayn come so hard he'd cry out in pleasure. He knew what to do. He wanted Zayn to enjoy himself and not to feel pressured into making Liam come.

He started kissing Zayn’s neck, nibbled on the skin a left a hickey simply because he wanted to make him squirm and shiver underneath him. He planned on turning Zayn on with the smallest things, not to overwhelm him by going too fast.

“Stop.” Zayn interrupted, almost making Liam fall off the bed. “I don’t…I think-“

“Okay.” Liam whispered, pulling Zayn into his arms. “Don’t feel bad.”

“No, you oaf. I don’t want to stop with all of this. I just don’t…I mean.” Zayn stuttered, making Liam furrow his brow. “Felt better knowing I was in control.”

“Then be in control, honey.” Liam said, smiling happily. “I’d like that.”

“Really?” Zayn asked, gaping at him. “But I thought…I always thought you…I mean-“

“No thinking.” Liam replied, kissing Zayn’s cheek. “You do whatever you want to do.”

Liam gasped for air when Zayn suddenly pushed him onto the mattress licking over his collarbones before reaching his nipples and attaching himself to the left one. He carefully let his tongue twirl around it or gingerly squeezing both of with his thumb and forefinger. “Like that?”

Liam almost choked. “Y-yeah.” Zayn let his finger trail over Liam’s defined abs, causing Liam’s muscles to flinch. Holy fuck. He’d voluntarily and forever be a submissive bottom when Zayn was like _that_ in bed.

”You're working out a lot, right? Your body is so hot, Liam.” Zayn whispered, kissing Liam’s stomach. “I want…Can I?” Liam nodded even though he had no idea what Zayn wanted to do. He’d probably let Zayn do whatever the fuck he had in mind. He was driving him crazy. Zayn touched Liam. Down there. “Can I really?” _Yes?!_ Zayn could! He needed to talk. Why did Zayn make this about him? Why…what the fuck?!

"Feel free to explore my b-body, but don't mind me when I sound like a fucking animal moaning out your name. It'll happen, for sure.” Liam said making both of them burst out laughing. Good. Zayn wrapped his hand around Liam’s dick.

"Holy fuck, now that's not what I expected, shit.” Liam muttered, making Zayn wiggle his eyebrows seductively. The little shit. Zayn licked over the sensitive tip of Liam’s dick and swallowed him down without so much of a warning. Liam’s hips uncontrollably bucked up and he let out a guttural moan. “Holy fucking hell, Zayn.” Zayn continued, ignoring Liam completely. “A-are you a pornstar or what?” 

Was he doing that just casually? How did that go with… "Who are you?" Zayn started to move his head up an down in skillful movements. Fuck, fuck, fuck. ”Oh my god, you _are_ a fucking porn star...fuck....ahh...Where's my shy…my god.” Zayn pulled back and grinned innocently. “Zayn Malik, what was that!?” Liam was breathing heavily. “Do you want to kill me?”

"Just because I had some bad experiences and someone didn't make me feel good about what I was doing doesn't mean I don't know how to do it. And just to make it clear, before you start to overthink or panic, I _like_ this. I love you. Love making you lose it, Liam.” Zayn announced. Liam’s head was spinning. Zayn _liked_ giving blowjobs. Okay. How on earth was he supposed to deal with _this_ Zayn? He'd suspected Zayn would be all shy, insecure, and reserved, but that only seemed to be the case when he was getting touched. Interesting.

Liam didn't want to use this knowledge to his advantage, given Zayn’s past, but he'd totally do that if Zayn would surprisingly be into...He was an asshole. What was he even doing? He wanted to make Zayn come for god's sake, he didn't want to be receiving attention. He wasn't Nick.

"Yeah...kinda figured that out...You're a filthy little shit, but as I've said before I want you to experience what it's like, not me. So if you're still up for it I'd..." Liam wanted to say but Zayn cut him off and caught him completely off-guard with his statement.

"Can we make love? Want to feel you but I'm afraid to be quite honest. So I just...I don't even...I have no...I...sorry." Zayn stuttered, his eyes wide open. Zayn would probably surprise him for the rest of his life. That, Liam, was sure about. Jesus Christ.

"Did Nick open you up beforehand? Like properly?" Liam felt disgusting for just mentioning his name when he was being intimate with Zayn, but he needed to know. Liam furrowed his brow, watching Zayn's reaction. "Hold on. Do you even want to bottom? Did you ever top? Do you even know what you prefer?" Zayn looked down at the floor, by now sitting next to Liam on the bed. "Wow, he hasn't and you haven't. I'm not even surprised you're a bit scared. Got lube, sweetheart?" Zayn leaned over, opened his bedside table and handed Liam a pink bottle of lube. Of course, it had to be pink. "You're such a princess, Zayn. You're my princess.”

"What are you...what now?” Zayn asked curiously eyeing his boyfriend nervously.

"Well, you're gonna open me up, if you want to. You don’t always have to that but maybe in the beginning. Just so that you get a feeling for things.” Liam casually announced. Zayn didn’t have to know that Liam wouldn’t bottom for anybody else. Never in a million years. "Just to see what it's like, how it works and to get a feeling for it? If you want that. I can open _you_ up as well. Your decision as always, my love.”

Zayn’s eyes widened and he seemed to be thinking hard."Okay." he said scarcely audible. "But I've never done that. He didn't like to bottom and I wasn't allowed to do that. Ever. Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you…"

Liam gave him a smile "Positive, baby. Do you want to see me or do you want me to lay down on my tummy?" Zayn shrugged. "Well, it's easier if I was on my t-"

Zayn interrupted with a rather self conscious voice "Can I see you? I'd like to see you.”

"Sure." Liam reassured him. "But I want you to kiss me first." They giggled as Zayn pushed Liam back, leaning over him to kiss him, putting all the passion and love into it he could find. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, babe. Inside and out. And now you better push those long fingers inside of me. You have no idea how much I'm obsessed with your hands and your goddamn rings. I might sound creepy but I've had wet dreams because of them, okay? You'll do great, I just know it. You know what to do?”

"Umm, sure." Zayn answered, pursing his lips while reaching for the lube. He opened it without hesitation and sat down in between Liam’s now bent legs. “I should focus your ass instead of you abs. Who even allowed you to look like that? When I was younger I used to stare at photos of random abs. Yours are better though.” Liam couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s true. I’m sorry. "You sure about this?”

“Yes, Zaynie.” Liam repeated himself, before Zayn just did it. He effortlessly managed to open him up within minutes. One finger. Two eventually. “Fucking hell.”

"I'm trying to concentrate and you’re moving and babbling!" Zayn urged but Liam knew he was kidding. "I...I don't know about this. I feels so weird opening you up like this. I don't think this is right. Am I doing this right?"

"You surprise and confuse me at the same time but I love it. And you’re doing a great job. Feels great.” Liam said, trying to remain calm, but his stomach was buzzing with nerves. Why was he even nervous in the first place? Zayn kissed Liam’s inner thigh and Liam wanted to die. Again. Zayn would be the cause of his death. “Uh… condom?”

“Obviously.” Zayn said, rolling his eyes. He put on the condom. Liam would replace the bad memories. This was his chance. He only had this one. The first impression was important. “Are you still sure?”

“Just fuck me already.” Liam said, because he couldn’t help it.

“Jesus, you’re impatient.” Zayn answered, grinning.He placed himself against Liam’s entrance and before Liam even realized, Zayn was fucking into him. A few minutes later, when Liam couldn’t help but moan Zayn’s name, he noticed that Zayn wasn’t making noises at all. He had tears in his eyes. Shit

“Babe, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Liam needed to pull himself togehter even though it wasn’t easy _right now_ , feeling _so_ good. He didn't want to make Zayn cry, for god's sake. Had he just ruined it? Why did he have to be such an asshole? Maybe they should've waited. "Angel, talk to me. Please say something!”

“Liam I don’t want to be an asshole but just shut up and kiss me” Zayn replied, making Liam gape at him. “I’m being serious. This feels fucking _good_.”

“Thank fuck. I thought you were scared!” Liam yelled, pulling Zayn down to kiss him breathless, which turned into making out properly.

Zayn seemed to be 100% sure, so Liam trusted him when he continued fucking into him, until he finally let go and moaned as well. This was the hottest sound Liam had ever heard. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Zayn pushed in harder and harder until his mouth fell open. Moans ripped out of his throat loudly and unrestrictedly. Liam knew he could listen to Zayn making these sounds for the rest of his life. He felt his muscles clench and unclench, his orgasm building up in his lower stomach.

By now he was touching himself, making Zayn gape at him. "I love it, Liam. Fuck I'm so close."

“Are you enjoying yourself?" Liam asked, even though already knew. ”You know what it's like now?” Zayn nodded and passionately kissed his boyfriend.

When they’d both come they snuggled up against each other, kissing and smiling like crazy. "Thank you, Liam. I loved every single second of it.” Zayn whispered and Liam realized that they'd managed to start replacing bad memories with great new ones. This was only the beginning, but together they'd manage to fix everything Nick had done to Zayn.

“I love you so much.” Liam whispered, using the softest voice he'd ever used. "You're my princess.”

"What is it with the princess thingy?” Zayn wanted to know and laughed, more than obviouly trying not to fall asleep.

Liam was just about to answer when he noticed that his boy had already fallen asleep, head against his chest with a smile playing around his lips.


	15. Definitely Maybe

Three months later, Niall was sick and tired of being surrounded by two couples who couldn’t stop kissing right in front of him all the time. Everyone knew by now because he’d at least told them five times in a row within the last twenty minutes.

“Niall, what about _Tinder_?” Zayn said, wiggling his eyebrows. “You need a girlfriend as soon as possible. You’re so annoying.”

“The only one who’s annoying is you, my dear friend. You can’t stop touching Liam! Don’t think I haven’t noticed where your hand is!” Niall replied, pointing at Liam’s crotch area. “We’re at a café, sitting outside and people are surrounding us, yet you still don't care!!!”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Liam defended himself, giggling.

“Me neither.” Zayn agreed, waving. “My hands! See!”

“Sure.” Niall grumbled, eating a piece of cake.

“Niall is jealous.” Louis mumbled, kissing Harry’s cheek gently. “Or he simply needs to get laid. _Tinder_ sounds like a good idea, Zayn.”

“Yeah, let’s make a profile!” Harry agreed, reaching for Niall’s phone. “Let’s do that now!”

“Over my dead body!” Niall shrieked, taking the phone out of his friend's hand. “Never in a million years. What’s wrong with you guys!?”

“Maybe he prefers _Grindr_.” Louis suddenly stated. “I saw you checking out the waiter’s ass.”

“Of course I did. I’m into dicks now.” Niall answered, flipping him off. “I’m not in the mood for a relationship because you guys make me want to throw up 24/7.”

“You’re actually very happy for all of us. Just admit it already.” Zayn went into it, winking at his best friend. “Especially for me. You told me last night when you were drunk.”

“Shut up, will you?” Niall urged, crossing his arms. “I’m definitely not. You two are gross.”

“I beg to differ, we’re the cutest.” Liam answered, demonstratively taking Zayn’s hand.

“Most definitely not, because we’re a couple as well.” Louis interrupted, pointing at Harry and back to himself. “You’re nothing in comparison to us.”

“In your dreams.” Liam said, tapping his forehead at his best friend when they suddenly got disturbed. Zayn didn’t move anymore. Liam turned around and couldn’t believe his eyes. “What the fuck are _you_ doing here. Fuck off or I’ll punch you in the face.”

“Do I look like I care about you trying to sound angry?” Nick snarled and gave him a disgusted look. “I want to talk to Zayn, not to you. Zayn, get up.”

“And why should I do that?” Zayn asked quietly, but still. Liam was so proud of him, he wanted to attack him with kisses. _Yes, tell him_. “What makes you think I’d get up just because you tell me to do so? I’m enjoying lunch with my friends.”

“And with his boyfriend.” Harry added, glaring at Nick.

Nick burst out laughing, sounding like the devil himself. “You two disgraces are dating now? That’s tragic but funny at the same time.” He gave Zayn a once over. “You look tired.”

“Probably from fucking all night long.” Zayn suddenly said, taking Liam’s hand. “Because contrary to you my boyfriend here has stamina.” Liam gaped at Zayn. Had he just…No he hadn’t. Liam got the giggles.

“Ah, you’re not dating Styles. You’re dating that one over here.” Nick corrected himself, rolling his eyes at Liam.

“Yeah and that one knows how to treat Zayn right.” Liam said, wanting to jump to his feet and right into Nick’s face. “Now fuck off.”

“Zayn, stop fooling around and get up now before I make you.” Nick tried it again. 

“Nick, I swear to god, if you don’t shut up now I’ll make you.” Niall warned him, got up and approached him. “Leave him alone.”

“Don’t worry, Niall. I’m not scared anymore.” Zayn announced making all of their jaws drop. “Nick, what do you want to talk about. Tell me in front of them. I got no secrets. What do you want?"

“That’s so cute when you’re trying to be self-confident. I see that you’re not though.” Nick tried to intimidate Zayn again. Liam got up as well. “Babe, sit down.”

“Most definitely not.” Liam hissed, looking daggers at Nick. “One more sentence. One more.”

“One more sentence. One more.” Nick mocked Liam and that was it. Liam grabbed him by the collar.

“I should’ve done more than just sending anonymous emails. Should’ve done more than just ruining your career. My dear Nick, you have no idea what I’m capable of. It’s just luck that you’re not in jail yet.” Liam ranted. “I’m going to call the police later and then I’m giving them the boy’s number. You know exactly who I’m talking about. He was only 14 years old. 14, Nick. You're disgusting. I’ve talked to him. He told me that if you only once threatened Zayn again he’d tell the police everything about you. And there’s also the 17-year-old, remember?. I’m just saying. I wanted to give you another chance, thought you'd fuck off, because contrary to you I’m not a monster, but I’ve had enough. I want you to rot in jail.” Nick gaped at him. Zayn gaped at him. Everybody did.

“It was _you_?” Zayn asked, mouth still agape. “You did that?”

“I did that.” Liam answered, nervously looking at Zayn. He prayed Zayn wouldn’t hate him now.

“Good to know. So then it’s _three_ people testifying against you now.” Zayn added, smiling at Liam. “I’m telling the police as well.”

“What?!” Liam shrieked, letting go off Nick. “Seriously?”

“When you’re by my side I’m not scared anymore.” Zayn confessed, weakly smiling at his boyfriend. “You make me feel strong.”

“What has he done to you, Zayn?!” Niall suddenly wanted to know. Right. He was the only one who still didn’t know. Poor guy. Liam knew that Zayn probably would’t tell him but-

“Nick is an abusive piece of shit and a rapist.” Zayn said, even though he didn’t sound very strong right now. “He ruined my life but I’m not letting him do that anymore. Liam showed me how it’s like to be loved, what support means and how I deserve to be treated.”

Niall wordlessly left. Louis followed him. 

“I didn’t do anything. You can’t prove it.” Nick lied and Zayn spat right into his face, giving him a disgusted look. “What the fuck?”

“Run.” Zayn threatened him. “See you in court, asshole.”

“W-what?” Nick stuttered, not believing his eyes or ears. “What the hell?”

“Did you hear him? Move, you piece of shit.” Liam yelled at Nick, who immediately jumped to his feet and run away.

Liam pulled Zayn into his arms, hugging him tightly. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so fucking proud, oh my god. I can’t believe this just happened. I’m so proud.” Zayn burst into tears and Liam just held him not caring about people staring at them.

“All of this is none of your business.” Harry suddenly yelled at the people surrounding them. “Just don’t stare. That’s not okay.” Everyone suddenly looked away, some turned red and others whispered secretly. “Let’s leave this place.”

__

“You don’t think my house is too big? Too much and all that? You don’t think I’m…you know.” Liam mumbled, staring at Zayn. “I always thought you’d hate me for all of this.” Liam pointed to some things such as his huge TV.

“Just because I’m not into living like this, doesn’t mean I don’t accept it. You thought I lived in a huge mansion. I remember. It was funny.” Zayn replied, smiling. “I just feel more comfortable when-“

“I love your house. It’s small, homey and it’s perfect and my place sucks but I never realized until I basically moved in with you two weeks ago.” Liam suddenly confessed. “I thought luxury was _the shit_ but it’s not. It’s all about making your place feel as homey as possible.”

“Then move in with me?” Zayn suddenly suggested, making Louis, who was currently entering the room drop his glass.

“He can’t just move in with you! I wanted to ask Harry to move in with me first. Fuck off, Zayn!” Louis yelled, laughing.

“You want me to move in with you, Lou?!” Harry shrieked, eyes wide open. “It’s a yes from me!”

“Can somebody please kill me?” Niall whispered, taking a deep breath. “What is this? A competition!?”

“You need to get laid!” Louis repeated himself, making Niall sigh.

“And you guys need to get your shit together. Liam is moving in with Zayn. Harry is moving in with Louis. I’m moving to the asylum” Niall whined.

“You’re so dramatic.” Zayn said, sitting down next to Niall. “Do you need to talk about it? I noticed that you don’t feel very well.”

“Zayn, you just could’ve told me, you know?” Niall whispered, looking really devastated. “I could’ve punched him in the face. I didn’t notice. You never told me what he’s done to you. I always hated him but…but I didn’t know. You lied to me. I should’ve fucking known. I called the ambulance when you allegedly fell down the stairs. It was him. I want to fucking murder him. I’m just… I’m really happy for you and Liam… I just can’t…. I didn’t notice. I’m the worst best friend ever.”

“Niall, you’re the best friend and you’re right. I lied to you. There was no way you could’ve noticed, okay?” Zayn answered, enfolding his best friend into his arms. “Took me ages to open up to Liam and I only did that because I fell in love with him. It’s not your fault.”

“I love Liam for making you want to start all over again but-“ Niall wanted to say when Harry interrupted him.

Harry spoke up. “Niall, Zayn decided not to tell you for a reason just as Liam decided not to tell anybody that he owns….fuck.”

“That he owns what?” Zayn suddenly wanted to know. “Liam, what did you decide not to mention? Don’t think I’m stupid. I noticed you’re hiding something but I want to know _now_.”

“I own that brand. I’m the boss.” Liam confessed, not believing that he did that. “ _Balmain_ is my brand.”

“Your fucking what?” Zayn almost choked and got up. “But that makes no sense and…what?”

“He’s spoiling you like crazy because he got way too much money for his own good, Zayn. The only thing Liam didn’t have was the courage to take over his dad’s business. That’s why I did it until he would get his shit together. You actually made him realize that he had to pull himself together and to finally acknowledge to himself that he wasn’t just some random model.” Louis helped his friend. “Why do you think people constantly did what he wanted them to do? He’s nice, sure, but he’s simply their boss.”

“Holy fucking shit.” Zayn whispered, not being able to move.

“Are you mad?” Liam wanted to know, being scared shitless all of a sudden. He really didn’t want to lose Zayn. Fucking brand. Fucking lie.

“Are you wearing suits from now on?” Zayn promptly asked, which made no sense at all. “Don’t look at me like that. Just give me an answer.”

“I don’t know? Probably?” Liam just stuttered when Zayn approached him.

“And I’m working for _you_ now?” Zayn wanted to know, stopping right in front of Liam’s face. “Are you my boss now?”

“Uh…you signed that contract after our successful LGBT+ campaign so I guess you are?” Liam mumbled, feeling Zayn’s breath against his mouth. “W-why?”

“Do you have an office?” Zayn contined and Harry immediately seemed to get it because he giggled. What the fuck was happening?

“Yes? I can show you?” Liam said, trying not to look scared. What was Zayn doing?

“Is it bad if I’d ask my boss to fuck me in his office like a little slut?” Zayn suddenly blurted, making everyone burst out laughing. Everyone but Liam. “Of course I’m not angry. You could’ve just told me, you oaf. I love you.”

“Did you just…oh my god.” Liam mumbled to himself. “You’re not angry?”

“No, honey. I’ll support you, I’ll help you and I’ll be there for you. Sometimes I’ll distract you and sometimes I’ll just…let my boss fuck me, I guess.” Zayn said, winking. "Maybe I think that's hot. Just maybe."

“I swear to god if you two don’t lock that door, I’ll commit!” Niall suddenly shrieked. “I hate my life. I agree. A _Tinder_ profile is okay! I’ll do it. Just don’t tell me more about this!”

Harry stuck out his thumb. “Amazing. We’ll take care of your profile later.”

“Whatever.” Niall grumbled. “Hey, Zayn?”

 Zayn kissed Liam passionately and only halfway paid attention to Niall. “Huh?”

“We’ll be there for you.” Niall reassured his best friend. “All of us will support you when you’re doing this. And that horrible person will go to jail, I just know it.”

“Thank you.” Zayn mumbled, smiling broadly. “Can’t believe I’m having good friends now  _and_ a boyfriend.”

“Can’t believe it either.” Liam answered happily. “Zayn?”

“Yeah, love?” Zayn said, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck.

“Definitely maybe.” Liam said knowing that it didn’t make any sense at all. “I definitely maybe hated you, definitely maybe started liking you, definitely maybe fell in love with you and now definitely maybe want to-“

“You won’t do that right here and right now!” Zayn interrupted Liam! “If you’re gonna propose here I’m asking for a divorce before you even get the chance to marry me. It's too early. You're so in love with me your brain doesn't work anymore.”

“I definitely maybe wanted to do that.” Liam confessed and they all burst out laughing.

"And I definitely maybe want you not to ask me just yet. I love you too, though." Zayn replied kissing Liam passionately. "I know what I want now, thanks to you."


End file.
